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Nothing can compete with Charlie. Joe’s known that for a while now. He’s tried, God knows he’s tried, but no matter the kinds of girls he’d try dating, girls with British accents, girls with short hair, girls with an amazing sense of humor, none of them kept Joe’s attention. Cause in the end, none of them was Charlie.
“Come on, can’t you show us around. It’s Friday night!” Finn's whiny voice infects Joe’s ears. However, Joe continues to strum his guitar, sitting in a chair in his living room while Finn is standing in front of him. Gaten and Charlie are off sitting on a couch, Gaten showing Charlie something on his phone.
Joe rolls his eyes at Finn’s continuous complaining. He knew inviting these three was gonna derail him from making music, but when Charlie called him up and asked if he, Finn, and Gaten could chill at his house, Joe couldn’t refuse; he could never refuse seeing Charlie.
Filming for the final season of Stranger Things was taking place in Atlanta next week, and for some reason, everyone wanted to come to New York before then. Finn and Gaten showed up earlier in the week and have been bugging Joe ever since, but Charlie only got to New York yesterday.
“Finn, I’m sorry, I’m just in a bit of a rut right now. I have an idea for a song, and it’s hard to put it to song right now.” Joe explains to the lanky man standing next to him.
“What kind of song is it?” Charlie asks, taking his attention away from Gaten’s phone to engage with Joe.
Joe scratches his head. “I don’t know what the lyrics are gonna be, but I’m going for like an 80s soft rock kinda vibe. But for some reason, I can’t think of what actually to write about.” Joe throws his hands up, frustrated by his lack of inspiration.
“You know what might help you?” Finn remarks with a rhetorical question. Joe sighs, knowing what Finn’s about to say next.
“Going out, come on man, it’ll be fun! Back me up here, guys.” Finn gestures to the two men sitting on the couch. Gaten shrugs, not really caring what they do. Joe goes to shut Finn down again before Charlie speaks up.
“I actually think that could be a good idea. Besides, it will be fun.” Charlie’s bright voice stops Joe from outright denying the offer. Charlie had a power over Joe. He just couldn’t say no to Charlie and see his friend get dejected.
“Joe sighs, “Alright, but where would even go? I don’t really feel like going to a park or something.” Joe gets up and starts putting his guitar into its case. Finn is beaming and celebrating to himself next to him, which makes Joe let out a chuckle.
“Why not Blue & Gold? I don’t think they’ve ever been there, and it was fun when you brought me there.” Charlie suggests after thinking about it for a couple of seconds. Joe scrunches his face as he turns to Charlie.
“You wanna take kids to a dive bar?” Joe asks with confusion.
“Joe, we’re not kids! Remember? 21.” Gaten speaks up, reminding Joe about them being adults.
Joe cringes at that. He sometimes forgets that the 12 and 13-year-olds he used to work with are now full-grown adults. It makes him feel old even if he’s only in his early 30s. Joe shakes his head to get those thoughts out of his head as he turns around. “Yeah, sorry. Yeah, that’s good with me. Let’s go now, it shouldn’t be so busy.
Finn and Gaten nod and start running to Joe’s truck. Joe smiles at the two younger men and stands next to Charlie as Charlie stands up. “They may be adults, but it still feels like we’re babysitting them.”
Charlie chuckles and gently shoves Joe’s shoulder. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t want anyone to help me look after the kids,” Charlie responds before heading out the door. Joe stares at Charlie as Charlie leaves. Even once Charlie is gone, Joe continues staring at the space he once occupied. After a minute, Joe exhales and leaves as well.
— — — —
The four have been at the bar for about half an hour, and Finn and Gaten have already had multiple drinks and are clearly drunk. They were at the end of the bar, where the billiards table was, playing a game of pool to the best of their abilities. Joe watches and laughs at the two stumbling around. He feels a nudge on his back. Joe turns around and sees Charlie holding two beers he got for them.
“Aye, thank you, dude. I really appreciate you paying.” Joe says, grabbing his bottles and taking a sip.
“It’s my pleasure you did drive us here after all,” Charlie remarks as he sits down next to Joe. “They seem to be enjoying themselves.” Charlie points his head at Finn and Gaten.
“Yeah, guess the big men can’t hold their alcohol too well.” Joe jokes. Charlie and Joe chuckle a little at that. Once it’s over and they start drinking in silence, Joe continually looks over at Charlie, who has a lovely smile on his face that makes Joe melt.
Joe could look at Charlie all day. The way Charlie smiles, the way he laughs. It’s all so mesmerizing to Joe. He would give anything to be closer to him, but he knows that isn’t possible.
“So how’s Natalia doing?” Joe says in the most cheerful voice he can muster, given the topic. Joe loves Natalia. He holds no resentment for her, but thinking about their relationship always leaves him a little bitter.
“She’s doing great! We went on a really nice date 2 days ago, before I got here. She’s hanging with Maya right now.” Charlie responds, waving around the beer in his hands. Joe nods his head and goes back to drinking his beer.
“Remember when you first took me here? How you got all drunk?” Charlie asks.
Joe remembers that day perfectly well. It was a weekend, and they finished filming the fourth season, and Charlie and Natalia were visiting Joe at his place. Joe invited Charlie to the bar, and they had a good time. Played pool, drank a ton, and Joe got so drunk he was very…handsy.
It was nothing inappropriate, luckily, but from what Charlie told him afterwards, he would put his arm around Charlie, bring him in for hugs, and ruffle his hair. Joe was so wasted that Charlie had to drive Joe’s truck while Joe was lying in the back. When Joe heard what happened, he got so embarrassed and made countless apologies to Charlie.
Charlie didn’t mind, however. In fact, he said the physical touch wasn’t unwelcome, that they were good enough friends to do stuff like that.
Good friends
Those two words are the bane of Joe’s existence. He wanted more, so much more. But Joe didn’t want to ruin what they had. He has been friends with Charlie for almost a decade now, and he can’t ruin that for feelings he knows Charlie doesn’t reciprocate.
But what Joe would give to be able to hold Charlie close. To hug Charlie and have his arms around Charlie’s waist.
“Joe?”
What he would give to kiss him as they did in 2017, only this time, real and not for some dumb skit. How he’d love to press kisses all over Charlie’s neck, to leave marks so everyone else could see-
“Joe!”
Joe whips his head around to Charlie. The British man looks at him, concerned. Joe realizes he was daydreaming for far too long. Joe then realizes that Charlie has a hand on his arm. “Y-yeah, Charlie?”
“Are you okay? You were spacing out.” Charlie responds, leaning closer to Joe as if he were inspecting Joe for some problem.
“S-sorry, I guess maybe the alcohol got me.” Joe tries to play it off, pushing the beer he had away.
“I can drive us back if you need to?” Charlie offers, still holding Joe’s arm. Joe continually glances at Charlie’s hold. He slowly puts his hand from his other arm on top of Charlie’s hand.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry, man.” Joe gives his best reassuring smile as he pats Charlie’s hand. Charlie looks at Joe for a couple more seconds before letting go of his arm and backing up.
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure,” Charlie says as he takes a sip from his beer. Charlie looks back over at Joe and gives a small smirk. “You've been working out?” Charlie lightly smacks Joe’s arm.
“What are you talking about?” Joe pretends not to know what Charlie is insinuating.
“You know what I mean. I felt how big and firm that was. My hand couldn’t even wrap around it all the way.” Charlie explains in a playful voice.
Joe snorts at the praise, “Thanks, I try.” In the back of his mind, he’s imagining how he could probably lift Charlie off the ground and how much he’d love to carry Charlie around.
“You know, Joe,” Charlie’s words cut through Joe’s thoughts. “I’ve been thinking of how long it’s been, and I just wanted to say how amazing it’s been going on this journey with you.”
“Yeah, I agree, Charlie. We’ve been through a lot, and I couldn’t imagine this journey with anyone else.” Joe responds.
“You’re my best friend, Joe, and I really just want to say I appreciate you,” Charlie says with a big smile on his face. Charlie doesn’t understand that those words have the opposite effect on Joe.
Friend. Always just a friend.
“Yeah, you’re my best friend too,” Joe responds, trying his best to hold his composure. Charlie keeps going on about how great friends they are. He talks about how Joe met Charlie’s family, about all the time they spent together on and off set, but Joe can barely hear that as he attempts to fight back the tears that want to form in his eyes.
If Joe knew how hard it was gonna be to just be friends with Charlie, he wished he could forget him. It would hurt less than this hole in his heart that yearns for something he knows he can’t get. This constant pain of Charlie being so close to him but never close enough for what Joe needs.
“Charlie,” Joe says in a hushed voice, but Charlie still hears him and cocks his head, wondering what Joe is going to say. “I think it’s time to go back home.”
Charlie’s shocked that Joe would want to go so early. They’ve only been here about an hour. Usually, Joe would be at a bar for hours. “Are you sure? I mean, is everything alright?”
“Yes, can we just go?” Joe says harshly as he gets up and walks to Finn and Gaten. “We’re leaving, guys.” He tells them
“Whaaat? Come on, we just got here, Joe!” Finn responds as he has an arm around Gaten, who nods in agreement with Finn.
Joe gives a stern look that jolts Finn and Gaten, “It’s time to go meet me outside in 5.” He declares as the two younger men nod their heads. Joe sighs and hurriedly walks out of the bar before Charlie can get a word in.
— — — —
Joe parks in the hotel's parking lot where Finn and Gaten stay. “We’re here,” he declares as he turns his head to the backseat where Finn and Gaten are sitting. “And I’m sorry about being so strict earlier. I just really want to get some sleep so I can work on my album.”
It’s a bullshit answer. Charlie sees through it easily, but Finn and Gaten buy it and accept the apology. Joe and Charlie help the two drunken men to their room. Sitting them down on their beds.
Once Finn and Gaten settle down, Charlie turns to Joe. “I think they’ll be okay, but can you watch them. I want to drive to your house to pick up my car.” Joe nods and hands Charlie his keys. Charlie thanks him but gives him a look before leaving.
Joe exhales once Charlie leaves. He can’t believe he lost his cool like that. It was just getting to be too much for Joe. Charlie continually brings up how close of friends they are, yet being so close to him. It hurts, and he knows Charlie doesn’t mean to hurt him, but it hurts all the same.
Joe waits in the room, composing himself until Charlie comes back and takes Joe back to his house. The car ride is essentially silent besides some small talk that’s only made to stop things from getting too awkward.
Once they get to Joe’s house, Joe starts getting out of the car, but Charlie stops him by grabbing his hand.
“Joe, can we talk about what that was?” Charlie has the same concerned expression he had earlier.
“I already told you why,” Joe says nonchalantly.
“I know that’s not the reason, Joe.” Charlie retorts.
Joe sighs and looks Charlie in the eyes, “I’m fine, I just think everything is a little overwhelming. The album, filming starting soon, it’s just not a good time man.”
Charlie’s face scrunches; he isn’t fully content with the answer, but it’s clear Joe doesn’t want to talk about this. “Okay, I hope you feel better. Do you want me to come inside?”
Yes. “No,” Joe says. Joe can’t let Charlie into his house right now cause God knows Joe will try everything in his power to keep Charlie at his home. He just needs Charlie to go. “I have to sleep. Goodnight, Charlie.”
Charlie, let’s go of Joe’s hand and waves bye, alongside a small “Goodnight, Joe.”
Once Joe is inside the safety of his own house, he lets it out. He cries into a pillow, screams into it, and lets all the emotions he’s been suppressing out into the open.
It hurts so much. Being around Charlie, not being able to be with him, the fact that no matter who he tries to be with, they can’t fulfill the Charlie-shaped hole in his heart. Why is his life like this? Why is he being tortured by having the love of his life right beside him, but already taken by someone else?
After crying for 10 minutes, he lifts his head and sees his guitar case. He gets up and lazily walks over to the case. Opening it and retrieving the guitar, he sits down in his chair.
Joe thinks to himself, “Well, maybe this pain can be good for something at least.” He takes a deep breath and-
“Oh, God, I wish I could delete ya
'Cause nothing can compete with ya.”
He finally knows the inspiration for this song.