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That night began exactly the same as every other night since legacy day.
The lights would go out around ten thirty under the false pretence that both girls intended to fall asleep. Raven instead would lay awake staring at the ceiling, acutely aware of every small noise across the room. Apart from the tossing and turning of her roommate, the night was completely still, no external sound except the crickets in the dewy grass far beneath their tower bedroom.
Eventually Apple would give in to temptation and announce a minor discomfort in that silky tone she used when she was trying to get what she wanted and of course she always did. Tonight it was that she was cold (highly unlikely considering it was summer) but it ranged dramatically from nightmares to developing a sudden fear of the dark. Anything except admitting the truth.
Raven knew that if it were anyone else leading her on in this way she would have cut them off a long time ago. However, it wasn’t just anyone, it was Apple White. The girl who stole her heart and wouldn’t give it back. So she replied as she always did. “Well we can’t have that now can we.” and she held open the covers as an invitation for the other girl to hurry over.
Apple stalked over to the bed like a lion waiting to pounce on prey, the moonlight hitting her skin in a way that made it seem iridescent. She looked possessed. That’s what Raven had thought the first night. That Apple White had got tired of waiting for an evil queen to poison her and took matters into her own hands. I mean why else would the future queen choose to kiss someone so tainted by darkness.
Then it happened again; in bed the next night and beneath the staircase at lunchtime and behind the shelves in the back of the library. The secrecy of it all had drawn her in at first. Her heart leaped at the flash of blonde curls and the mischievous look in the other girl’s eyes and suddenly their faces were pressed together. The kisses were not the dainty, delicate kind one would expect from the next Snow White but instead filled with the hunger and desperation for purpose left in the wake of legacy day.
Raven knew this uncertainty wore Apple down. On the outside she was still the smiling princess that made people’s day with a simple compliment but Raven felt the brunt of her despair behind closed doors.
They began slow. Raven caressed Apple’s cheek as the blonde smiled coyly and reached over to kiss her on the lips. Apple’s arms wound around Raven’s neck and Raven’s hands settled on Apple’s waist as they pressed closer together. Time seemed to slow in these moments, a minute could have passed or thirty and neither girl would have really noticed either way.
When she reluctantly pulled away a little to catch her breath, Raven took in the sight in front of her. Apple with swollen lips and cheeks that burned the colour of her namesake. Apple sat on her lap, staring at her longingly.
“I wish we could stay like this forever.” Apple whispered softly. “I miss you already.”
Raven knew their time was up. This was her cue line in the little play they performed. They would return now to their own beds and wouldn’t hold each other like this again until Apple decided she needed another fix. Usually Raven would leave it alone and remain content with what she could get, after all, it was already more than what she was destined for.
Maybe it was sleep deprivation from many nights like these that caused her to stray from the script but once Apple had planted a final goodnight kiss on her cheek, Raven reached out and grabbed her arm to stop the blonde from going back to her own bed.
“ You’re hurting me.” She stated, wincing a little at the tremor in her voice.
“Wait hang on a second let me just-“ Apple broke off and started readjusting her position so she didn’t press too much on Raven’s leg as she moved to get up.
“Apple.” Raven spoke with more clarity now.
Startled, Apple looked up at Raven and ceased her earlier shuffling. The air pressed against them both with strength that neither of them had yet learnt to wield for themselves. Raven watched as Apple studied her expression and of course then noticed the wobbling of Apple’s bottom lip.
“Please don’t do this” she sighed softly. Her eyes were filled with tears that stood as a reminder of their age and inexperience. This was unmarked territory for the both of them.
“You can’t have it both ways Apple,” Raven said “I can’t wait forever.”
“Wait for what?” Apple questioned “ I’m yours aren’t I?”
She punctuated the final question with a small smile and reached across to take Raven’s hand. It was her usual way of smoothing things over but Raven had more to say and she would say it, even if it felt like her chest was about to explode.
“You are now but what about tomorrow? If I reached across to hold your hand like this in the middle of the cafeteria would you let me?” Raven was the desperate one now, a pleading look in her eyes.
“I am the next Snow White Raven, people expect certain things from me and I can’t just-“ Apple broke off, guilty tears running down her cheeks.
“Don’t you see, we can choose our own destinies now.”
“I liked my destiny, it was safe and good. I liked who I was when I thought I would be poisoned by you.” Apple paused for a moment to recenter herself and then began again more calmly.
“Destiny keeps people from getting hurt, it’s important to me and it should be important to you. It’s not too late to change your mind.”
“And then what exactly?” Raven began incredulously “Use dark magic to hurt my classmates, my friends, you? All in the name of destiny.”
“It doesn’t have to be like that. You just have to play your part, we all do.”
Raven didn’t know who she was trying to convince then, the so called ‘rebel’ in front of her or herself.
“Yeah and how’s that working out for you? Seen much of Daring recently?”
“Don’t” Apple choked.
“At least he doesn’t have to wait until it’s dark to touch you” Raven intended for the words to come out scathing and mean but they sounded as fragile as the chirping of the crickets that had faded to background noise now.
“Raven.” Apple whispered.
“I’m sorry Apple, really I am but I can’t do this anymore.”
Raven paused for a moment to let the words sink in but Apple was looking past her, her eyes clouded over like she wasn’t even there. Then something shifted and the mask fell back into place.
“Fine.” Apple muttered, her brows furrowed and her stare hardened. “I’ll just go then.” She slid off of Raven’s lap with as much grace as she could muster and started to walk towards the door.
“Apple wait, don’t leave because of me, just go to bed and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
Apple turned then and Raven’s shoulders sagged with relief. She’d never meant to drive her out of their shared room, only speak the truth for once.
“ You can’t have it both ways Raven.” Apple said emotionlessly. Then she was gone.