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Lazy would be one way to describe Kohane and An’s date. Not “lazy” in the, “I told you to do your work and you’re just sitting around watching YouTube!”, kind of way. Or the “I don’t want to take out the trash right now but you’ve yelled my name ten times so now I REALLY don’t want to!” kind of way. Or – well, you got the point.
An just didn’t have any other real word to describe what was happening. She was certain that Kohane would be able to come up with a million different synonyms in that genius brain of hers, but An only had “lazy”. That quiet, lounging around that they would do. Arriving at the other’s house just to watch each other individually, fitting into their places. Not a word needed to be spoken. Sometimes they would just watch each other living their own lives, yet together.
Her eyes drifted up to her girlfriend (her heart still skipped a bit at remembering she was, indeed, her girlfriend. Even if they had been dating for a year now) where she laid on An’s bed. An had taken station at the bottom of it, playing a particular game about colorful creatures and throwing balls at them. Kohane was sorting through their most recent photos from lives or practices to post to the Vivid BAD SQUAD instagram account.
Kohane’s eyes fluttered up from her computer screen to meet An’s. An’s grin widened and she shot a flirtatious wink at her. And, right on cue, that soft giggle erupted from Kohane. The laptop shifted off of her lap as she shifted over to wrap her arms around An’s neck. A soft kiss was planted on her forehead as Kohane began to play with An’s strands of hair.
It desperately needed redying…maybe An would drag Akito and Toya over to do their monthly touch ups. But that didn’t matter to Kohane – of course it didn’t. An felt her fingers comb through the different locks, letting it spread out onto the mattress above as she hummed softly.
An’s avatar in the game stood there silently – in quite the scenic spot too (An disliked the open-world aspects of the recent games, but she had to admit it was quite pretty) – as her eyes stayed locked on the face that was held above hers. From the corner of her eye, An saw the idle animation begin to play.
The melody Kohane had decided to hum today was one of their songs – well, their song more specifically. The one that drew the two together. It was cheesy, of course it was. An knew that with her whole heart but that didn’t mean she hated it. If anything, it made it better.
“An-chan?” Kohane’s eyes didn’t lift from her intense hair-untangling-session.
“Mm?”
“Have…you ever thought about kids?”
It took An’s entire force to not rip her head away from the bed. Instead, she just blinked a few times, her lips pressing together.
“Wh…what about them?” She laughed awkwardly.
“Sorry! Sorry, was that too sudden?” Kohane paused before unclipping the stars that littered the lower half of An’s hair. “...I just meant, um. Our future…and everything…”
“Ahh…Kohane, you gave me a real scare there!” An hummed, closing her eyes with another laugh.
“Well, it’s not like either of us could-” A wry smile spread across Kohane’s face.
“Right! Right!” An reached up to take one of Kohane’s hands. “But…the future, huh?”
“Mhm.” Kohane shifted down so An had a better grasp, letting her draw invisible lines over the cracks in her palms.
The two fell silent. An knew Kohane wouldn’t rush her. That wasn’t who she was, but a part of An wanted to tell her her answer truthfully. Honestly. An let her palm spread across Kohane’s until their hands were interlinked. Albeit in a bit of an odd, upside down way of holding hands. Small snaps continued as Kohane unclipped the last of the stars.
“I haven’t thought about it, to be honest,” An let out another soft laugh.
“That’s okay,” Kohane’s hand tightened around hers. It didn’t take looking at her face to know she meant it (Although, seeing her warm smile helped). “...Would you want kids? I know we’re still really young, I just…I’m sorry, you don’t have to-”
“No, it’s a really good question!” An tried to ignore the queasy feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or butterflies. An had been a bit…unsure of herself in the past couple of months. Surpassing RAD WEEKEND had been her dream since she was eleven…Of course, Vivid BAD SQUAD was aiming for the top of the world but…
What did that even look like?
The future became a distant haze that An could hardly see through. She would reach out to only feel chills run down her spine. That vibrant vision of RAD WEEKEND that kept her going was behind her now – below her.
She didn’t even have time to think about if she wanted to settle down.
Of course it would be with Kohane. It was always going to be with her, in the end. An had imagined countless days where they would be living domestically together…which wasn’t that far off from the present with how often they were on these sorts of “dates”. But…getting their own apartment? …kids?
Her heart did that strange, soft flutter again. An wondered if this was the heartpounding sensation that Kohane always described.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Kohane’s calming voice pulled An back into the present moment.
“I want to.” An squeezed Kohane’s hand. “I’m just…aghhh…” She exaggerated her frustration, faltering only by her own laugh. “It’s hard to see.”
“Mmm…mind if I paint a picture?” Kohane hummed. An glanced up and nodded, the shimmer in her eyes immediately returning. Even if Kohane were to graphically describe how Count Pearl sheds her skin, An would listen with every fibre in her body.
She twisted around, letting go of Kohane’s hand momentarily as she let her chin rest on her crossed arms. Their hands came back together as An leaned on the bed.
“I think…I’d want two kids.” Kohane began, her eyes drifting off into her imagination. “I wouldn’t mind about the genders, but I kind of want them to be like Rin and Len.”
“Pff, really?” An laughed softly – not out of malice. Her cheeks warmed slightly as Kohane continued.
“Mhm. It’d be fun. Maybe they’d be singing partners too, or competing to surpass RAD BLAST first.” An laughed at the thought. In all the nights An imagined following her dad’s footsteps, she never really considered her own kids would try to surpass her as well. “After conquering the world…I’d want to move back here.”
“Me too,” An murmured.
“Akito and Toya would visit constantly. They’d be their uncles.”
“Oh, absolutely.”
“On our date nights they’d babysit for us. We’d come home late at night and all four of them would be passed out on the couch.” An could imagine it. Neither Toya nor Akito were night owls. “We would sing all the time, as a family. Karaoke nights, when we’re washing the dishes, during bath time. And when the kids are asleep, we would sneak into our room and put on old vinyls and dance the night away.”
“You’ve really thought this through.” An shifted her head so her cheek rested against her arm. Kohane’s face flushed, but her expression didn’t falter.
“I think you’d be a good father.”
“Father?”
“Ah – well…I don’t know.”
“You’ve said this before, what does it mean?” An lifted her free hand to poke Kohane’s stomach. Kohane giggled, squeezing An’s hand tighter.
“You’d play basketball with them and crush them before remembering they’re only kids. So, you’d change your tactics and pretend to lose. At home, you’d pretend to be the big monster in their games, but they’d always somehow manage to make you a good guy in the end.” Kohane’s eyes fluttered back down to An’s. Her smile widened. “You’d be a good father.”
An felt her heart jump. Father. Dad. Definitely not a word An had ever considered for herself but…it felt a little right. She wondered, briefly, if the reason why she never thought about kids was because she would be forced into the “mother” role. She couldn’t imagine herself with a man, let alone having to be the soft housewife to the breadwinning husband. It sent shivers down her spine.
But this was different. They didn’t need to be a stereotypical couple in some TV show…Of course they didn’t. Because Kohane was Kohane and An was An. Maybe it was obvious they couldn’t be a straight couple considering they were both girls, but…maybe they’d both be the mom and dad. It didn’t have to be set in stone…
“Well, you’d be a good mother.” An murmured back, trying to let her own imagination run as wild as Kohane’s. She had never been as vivid of a dreamer as her. An was too set in the present. She closed her eyes, trying to conjure up a good idea. In her lack of creativity, their imaginary kids ended up just being the Kagamine twins. “I think they would love your singing, just like I do. And you’d sing lullabies all the time.” She hummed. “And you’d have a crazy big family photobook!”
“An-chan,” Kohane giggled.
“I’m serious!” Her eyes opened, grinning at her girlfriend. “It would have so many photos. Akito and Toya are definitely in it too.”
“Hmm…And the kids would put stickers all over my camera as a birthday gift.”
“Absolutely!” An smiled. “I’d be in on it, of course.”
“Of course,” Kohane agreed. “For your birthday, they would write their own original song for you. I’d help them set up all of the gear in the living room. Akito would have his own rap segment.”
An laughed. “I think I’d cry on the spot…I’m still not over the song you wrote for me.”
“It was terrible!” Kohane cried, her mouth smiling despite her embarrassment.
“It was amazing! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” An took Kohane’s free hand in her own, preventing her from covering her face.
“It was horrible…I didn’t even know what I was doing…”
“It was everything.”
The two fell silent again, just smiling at each other. An pushed herself up, her arms wrapping around Kohane. It didn’t take long for Kohane’s hands to slip around her waist. She pressed her forehead against hers, a soft kiss landing on her nose.
“An-chan…” Once again, her giggles filled every one of An’s senses.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The conversation ended there – both of them moving on to something else. An spoke about tomorrow’s plans and about whether Kohane was staying over or not. They snuggled up under An’s covers, their bodies a messy tangle of arms and legs as they tried to get as close together as they could.
But those quiet thoughts of the future still lingered in An’s mind. That haze drifted off, filled instead with a sight as clear as day. The vision was lazy, at least compared to Kohane’s imagination, but not in the millions of ways An would describe the word “lazy” before. It was quiet, with the hypothetical Not-Rin and Len singing at the top of their lungs while adult Kohane and An made dinner.
An was not ready to settle down and she was very certain that Kohane wasn’t either. They still had a whole world to conquer. But that future…that goal…An didn’t mind if that was the ending.