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The two sat in a somber silence on top of the hill's edge, the light fading as the sun and all its colors set over the horizon. The whisky sat between them, almost a reassurance but nothing was ever really reliable like that. The quiet confessions hung between the two, repressed guilt enveloped Tholdrin, stoic and present Jason just waited. They had it okay. Never more than that, and that was okay.
Jason had his own things he mourned and hid behind his mask, the one that was grinning like a manic as he gunned down armies and cracked jokes and fought with Canada and Marsoc til bleeding before getting patched up by Doc. Jason just seemed to hide it better apparently, certainly better than Normie himself. Tholdrin had frozen and it had been his fault and if-
Jason nudged him, knocking him out of his thoughts. “Stop.” Jason gave him a knowing look.
“What? Are you a mind reader now?” Normie glared lightheartedly at him trying to hide his spiral.
“No.” Jason swiped the whiskey and took a long drink, the near empty bottle clinked on pebbles as he set in back between them. He flashed a sad smile. “I can see it on your face.” He said it in a teasing tone but Tholdrin could see past Jason’s words. They’ve spent too much time together, too many nights laughing with each other, too many nights staring at the stars together telling stories. Jason’s smile slipped away, the sunset reflecting off his glasses as he leaned back, his hands propping him up. “I-” Jason looked unsure for the first time since they met. “It never helps in the end.”
“Hm” Normie hummed, the guilt still swirling around his head threatening to lean over and wrap its arms around him and choke him.
“And I don’t think it ever leaves.” Jason whispered, Tholdrin barely hearing it.
They sat for a few minutes, the sky turning dark and violet, only the horizon an orange-red. Tholdrin was grateful for the momentary quiet because it was hard to describe Jason, he could list adjectives but Normie thought only a few would be accurate. A manic with a wicked laugh, a monster capable of mass destruction, a mortal terrifying enough to scare gods, a brash man with a bleeding heart. Gods above, Tholdrin didn’t think words could ever fully describe the man next to him.
He had never given an answer. He thinks he should have said something. Said how much he would give to never leave much less never forget Jason or Marsoc (an eccentric man that confused Tholdrin at every other turn) and Muffles (someone he had gotten off on the wrong foot with, but was an interesting person once you got to know them) or Doc (a man who worried and cared for all of them in his own ways) or Canada (seemingly a physic who knows when things are about to get interesting). Normie didn’t know how to tell them- what? How much he would miss them and their antics. Their ever present company of jokes and chaos. The unsaid reassurance of comradery and how they always had his back. All of it. Tholdrin doesn’t think he’d give it up for anything, after all they went through it had changed him, for better or worse he was willing to find out.
Jason gave a long exhale as he sat up adjusting slightly before gently punching Normie’s arm with a more genuine, not quite happy but not quite sad, smile. “Come on, or they’ll start wondering where we went.”
Normie gave him a look, a returned half smile with the lingering emotions still clinging to his face. “No they won’t.”
“Eh- Prob’ly not.” Jason snorted before pointing something out. “But it is getting dark and it’s not the best idea to be out and about in the fae forest.”
“Very true.” Normie agreed stretching before standing up. “Probably best we do get back then.”
Jason stretched too, his arms going above his head as he sat up and rolled his shoulders. Jason popped up like one of the torture devices he had called toys and shifted his weight a few times before putting on a smile that made him look like he was going to fight demons or gods for fun. The quiet, vulnerable Jason was gone in seconds but it wasn’t gone anymore, it was just sitting there below the surface visible but not really ready to be seen again yet. That was okay.
Jason wrapped his arm around Normie’s shoulder casually and started leading them back to the truck and the other four. “For what it’s worth.” Jason paused only a few steps in. “Whatever happened-” Jason made a vague gesture with his other hand, the first keeping him trapped in a side hug. “Before. I don’t think it was your fault.”
“I know.” Tholdrin took a breath and held it for a second, memories passing before his eyes then memories he never would have had if what happened didn’t happen. “Thanks.”
Jason nodded before continuing them back, the quiet shifting between them.
“Well Normie.” Jason gave a lopsided grin turned towards the normal wizard. “You ready for everything else?”
“...” Tholdrin smiled back, he decided he liked Jason’s nickname for him. “Yeah, I think I am.”
And they would be okay.