Chapter Text
I screw open the nail polish Lena gave to me, biting my tongue as I paint my nails a pretty purple. Using nail polish for the first time is a mesmerizing, surprisingly difficult experience. Euphoria courses through me as I leisurely paint, and I’m about to finish my left hand when—
“█████!”
“Fuck!” I curse, startling and accidentally painting a streak of purple down the back of my hand. I cover my mouth with my other hand, praying my mother didn’t hear me.
“What are you doing in there? You’re going to be late for school!” She presses further. I wish she wouldn’t.
“Nothing! Just had to use the bathroom quickly, I’ll be out in a minute!” I reply, turning on the tap as a distraction while I grab a paper towel to wipe off the… excess polish.
The polish on my nails is already too dry to rinse or wipe off, and I somehow forgot to ask Lena for some remover, so I just stuff my left hand in my pocket. That’s what all the cool boys do, right?
…
I take my hand out, splaying my fingers and looking at my nails again. I wish I didn’t have to care about what “boys”, cool or not, do.
I walk out of my room, heading downstairs. Lena told me to start packing my bag early so I can leave with minimal resistance, and despite how annoying her persistent badgering got, I’m grateful for it now. I shout goodbye to my mother, wherever she is, and I’m out the door.
After a short walk, I reach the bus stop alone, taking a nervous gulp. I always meet up with Lena before getting here, so I hazard a guess that she’s staying home today. But without her, how can I remove my nail polish? I wring my hands, trying to stay calm, until I hear a fondly familiar voice.
“Iris!”
I turn around, feeling the weight on my shoulders slip away as Lena comes into view.
Once she’s close enough, she quickly grabs my hand, faster than I can pull away.
“Oh, wow! Your nails look super pretty! Did you do them this morning?”
I look away, my voice softening. “Yeah… Thanks again. For the nail polish, I mean.”
“Don’t mention it,” Lena says, letting go of my hand. “That reminds me, actually. Want to come over after school? My parents aren’t home.”
…
What?
“W-what?” I stutter, feeling my face grow hot in record time. “I-I mean, I wouldn’t mind—”
She whacks me on the head, turning around to hide her own blush. “Not like that! It’s just so we can remove your nail polish!”
“That… does make more sense. I…”
To my relief, the bus arrives right on time to (partially) save me. We climb on without saying anything else, and we sit in our regular seats. Silence continues throughout the ride, though I can feel Lena’s eyes on me at times.
I try not to think too much about it as we get off the bus together. Or when we walk into school together. Or when we have our first class together.
…
I’m not going to be able to avoid this, am I?
“Lena,” I call in a hushed voice that’s still too deep despite my best efforts.
She spins around, still blushing, somehow. I’m about to tease her for it, but the heat in my cheeks tell me that I’m red in the face too.
“I’m sorry for… misinterpreting what you said,” I begin.
Lena shakes her head. “It’s fine. It happens a lot, really.”
I can’t help but sigh in relief. How often does talking it out actually work?
“So… do you still want to come over?” Lena asks. “Platonically,” she adds, as if I would misunderstand again.
“I’d follow you to hell and back if you just asked,” I respond coolly, only realizing the gravity of my words at the sound of Lena gasping. She looks shocked, but not unhappy, so it could have been worse.
Feeling conscious about my voice again, I stop talking entirely, which Lena quickly picks up on.
“Come on,” she says, dragging me by the arm, “I won’t let you be late to the next class.”
The rest of the day is gone in a blur. Lectures I didn’t listen to, assignments I copied my way through, and, surprisingly, only 12 uses of my deadname.
After every class, Lena would take me to a secluded corner and whisper my name in my ear for every time someone deadnamed me. I appreciate it, of course, but I can’t help but be embarrassed by the end. Who wouldn’t be?
As we’re about to get on the bus again, the ground quakes beneath me, sending me off balance. Lena nearly trips too, so I figure we just stepped on some loose rocks. Settling in my seat, I put on my headphones and close my eyes.
…
Please know that I stay to wait
Please know that I stay to see
Through all the changing seasons, sun and rain Right here I stand I am still here
Waiting for you…