Work Text:
It's been a long day.. of nothing. Truthfully, you didn't even know how you felt. The days blur together.
Bored, empty, numb. You feel so much, yet nothing at the same time. You stare at the ceiling, feeling out of place, yet there's nowhere else you'd want to be. In bed.. alone. Letting you delve into your own mind, slowly letting yourself get worse. Could it be considered Stockholm syndrome? Doing this to yourself.. not even wanting to get better anymore because you're just so deep in the pain that it became comfort. You're not sure exactly when it happened, but you feel trapped in it.
Though you have tried in the past. Therapy of different kinds, making yourself go out and talk to people, even playing around with different beliefs. Nothing has "fixed" you. You're just so tired. It feels like nothing could get you out of this.
Right now, you just want to stay. Rest. Rot. Waste away. You forget to maintain relationships around you. Or it feels like too much effort.
In your dissociated space, the front door opens. Your heart drops, realising it could only be your boyfriend. You thought of him a lot during these times, but you felt too ashamed of yourself to reach out. Why does he even stay? You feel like an inconvenience to everyone around you.
You feel like you can't be loved either. Not truly appreciated with how you are.
Your boyfriend calls out for you, but you feel.. scared? You don't respond, subtly dreading him seeing you like this. Again. He knocks on your door before entering. He's already kind of figured out what's going on. He knows the signs by now. He knew you wouldn't get out of bed to get the door.
Seeing you on your bed, a blanket around you as you stare blankly before your gaze drifts to him. He never fully gets used to the sight of you with such dull, tired eyes. He's had a long day too, but of work. You feel guilty, feeling like this when he does so much more than you.
He sits on the bed next to you with a sigh, looking down at the sheets before looking at you. He reaches out, slowly placing a hand on your upper arm, running his thumb over your skin through the blanket. His touch feels painfully tender. So gentle and caring, especially as he looks at you with such love in his tired eyes.
He shifts up on the bed to lean his back against the headboard, and his hand moves to your back, his other hand coming to hold your other hand. He gently pushes you up, not wanting to make you too uncomfortable with the movement, and he brings you to lean against his chest, sitting between his legs. He rests his head on top of yours, arms wrapping around you properly and he just stays like that. Nuzzling your hair, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head and his hand on your back rubs gently circles as he cradles you closely, so lovingly.
You never understand how he can love you like this.. its always overwhelming. Your chest aches at his tenderness and you stiffen before melting against him, your head against his chest and your eyes closing as they cloud with tears. Your fingers grip into his shirt, not wanting him to leave, despite not thinking you deserve this.
No words are said yet, just the comforting warmth of each other and shared tears as he starts to tear up too, turning his head to the side and holding you just a little tighter. You knew that a conversation would be had, but you'd worry about that later.
His heartbeat against your ear soothes you, and you start to feel content. Maybe alone isn't better.
This is where you want to be.