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SOLO PLAYER WITNESSING IKEA FIGHT

Summary:

"I FUCKING HATE YOU OH MY GODD."

"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO MANE."

OR

manepear and eggchan having an arguement in an ikea whilst others pass by and decide whether theyre
A} toxic
B} Mentally ill
or
C} ALL OF THE ABOVE

Notes:

eggpear anon here!! ^Q^ my main tumblr is manechan

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Seriously. Why the hell was Parrotx2 working at an IKEA on a Friday night. This is horrible. What the hell man. And then Wifies went over to Parrot. Fun.

"Parrot. Two people are arguing in the kitchen set."

"Bro what are they arguing."

"Something about the other person doing something and not admitti-" Parrotx2 was out of there and ran straight to the kitchen. Listen, he needed some form of joy in this horrible 9 to 5.

 

Wemmbu and Flamefrags looked from one another, and back to the scene in front of them. 

"Do we know these people?" Wemmbu glanced at Flamefrags, and she immediately shook her head.

"Bro. I don't fucking know these two. Oh is that Parrot." Parrotx2 came rushing to the scene of the free movie, holding popcorn. If you just ignore his work uniform, he was there to watch some peak drama.

"Yes. I'm watching bro."

"Aren't you like supposed to stop fight-"

"WEMMBU LET ME FREE."

"BRO IM JUST SAYING??

 

"I FUCKING HATE YOU OH MY GOD. WHY AM I EVEN DATING YOU." Mane walked up and down the aisle, and Eggchan just sat with its head in its hand.

"WHAT DID I DOO!!!!" 

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID." Actually, Eggchan didn't know. All it did was possibly accidentally step on Mane's tail and now they were behaving like it just stabbed them with a knife. Mutiple times. Actually, that seems like a good idea. The lack of an answer made Mane somehow even more angrier.

"MANE DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. i'm thinking."

"THINKING ABOUT WHAT."

"Um. How much are divorce papers." Parrot was stuffing his face with popcorn, Wemmbu was regretting everything, Wifies... just stole from Parrot's popcorn and Flame facepalmed. He is never bringing his brother back to IKEA. They were probably perma banned. Thank god.

"EXCUSE ME?? WHY ARE WE GETTING A DIVORCE." Mane crossed his arms.

"Hypothetically."

"WE ARE NOT DIVORCING. WHO THE HELL WILL TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS??"

"WE DONT EVEN HAVE KIDS??"

"Not yet?"

"?"

"?"

"Do not hit me with this bullshit I WORE PROTECTION??"

"Bad news."

"wait...THEYRE NOT MINE?? WOW. WHAT THE HELLL MANE." 

Flame started praying. What the fuck did the conversation turn into. 

"I NEVER SAID THEY AINT YOURS??"

"ARE THEY MINE OR NOT." Egg stood up, and teared up.

"I-I-I... DONT FUCKING KNOW?? IT WAS A DRUNKEN MISTAKE??"

"Who was it...Jus admit it.."

"I forgot."

"??BRO" Egg paced across the kitchen, leaning on the stove. "Let me get this straight."

"You're not straight though."

"Ok. Anyways. First, you started an argument over me accidentally stepping on your tail."

"It was torture."

"AND NOW I FIND OUT YOURE CHEATING??"

"is it cheating if i dont remember. Think about it..."

"??? YES IT FUCKING IS?"

"Shhhh.." Mane placed a finger on Egg's mouth, and grinned. "That didn't happen."

"??Are you gaslighting me"

"Nno..?" Mane pondered.

"..."

"...."

"Does this mean im forgiven."

"No." Awh man.

"Pleasee....what can i do...!!"

"Literally nothing you're a criminal"

"WHAT DID I DO NOW"

"I dunno. What did do eggman."

"Wemmbu please give me the divorce papers."

"WEMMBU DO NOT. IM KICKING YOU OFF THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM IF YOU DO."

"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO. WHY AM I BEING DRAGGED IN THIS. DO NOT KICK ME OFF."

"Then don't give egg the divorce papers." Wemmbu glanced at Eggchan, and shook his head.

"I'm sorry egg.. it's a lost cause.."

"Say that again..?"

"Lost cause...??"

"Dude, wrong universe." Mane coughed.

"What dat mean."

"Don't worry sweet egg."

"?? Sure."

"Anyways. I'm bored. Do you want to go to a food place." Eggchan pondered....Hey wait a minute weren't they just fighting??

"Am I paying."

"Nah. Flame can pay."

"1. I'm not paying. 2. I dont know who you are. 3. Never talk to me again."

"FUCK YOU TOO? UGLY ASS BROTHER"

"WE HAVE THE SAME GENES??"

"CLEARLY ONE OF US CAME OUT BETTERLOOKING."

"Why am I catching shade. I'm an innocent man. Is this because I'm black. Mane. Is this because I'm black."

"WE ARE THE SAME COLOUR OH MY DAYS."

"Um actually if you angle a reflection at precisely 90 degrees, Bro. You can tell that i'm slightly darker by a centimetre."

"? Is this because I have vitiligo. Woww. Wow Flame. You're evil."

"????????" Egg was just thankful it was not getting jumped this time. 

"So like, are we getting food."

"Yep! I'm hungry." Mane yawned, and dragged Eggchan out. Oh okay. It was right where it wanted to be actually.

"...? So like who's paying for their therapy."

"Flame will." Wemmbu chuckled."

"KILL YOURSELF."

Notes:

links because im cute
discord ~ angelicchiffons
ao3 ~ BOYYY U ON IT AJHAHAHAAA
tmblr ~ https://www.tumblr.com/blog/manechan