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Gaty was still in Two’s room. Not as often as she was when it first happened, but still in the hosts bedroom most of the day.
She hated it. Absolutely despised it, not the room. No, she adored it. It had an odd amount of comfort to it the longer you were in it. Like a small part of them was still there. Besides the rope that used to hold their body onto the ceiling fan. She hated how long she was in the room, isolating herself for.. what? 2.. 3 months now? She should’ve moved on by now, but she didn’t. Of course she didn’t.
She was closest to them out of every other contestant in their show. She knew them better than the B.F.B. hosts according to them anyway, she was one of the few people who understood and actually listened to them instead of just blocking them out as another game show host blocking the prize with challenges and eliminations. She hated people who treated hosts like that. They were easily so much more. They were real, actual, genuine people and not just some mindless being made for nothing but hosting. She never understood people who thought like that. She doubted that she ever would. Especially when it came to Two.
She wished, oh so desperately that they were still here. But they weren’t. She knew they weren’t, even if she clung onto the hope, and dreams that they’d magically come back and everything would go back to normal, but she knew they wouldn’t. Why would they? Especially if they saw how pathetic she was after their death, she wouldn’t want to come back either, especially if someone was just some zoned out, emotional statue that didn’t talk to anyone because of one passing
So she stayed in the bedroom, surrounded by the blame placed upon herself, the scars on her body from the same materials the host had used on themselves. A mimic. A mimic in pain, suffering, and emotions. She did it again and again and again because of guilt. Guilt that she wasn’t able to stop them, guilt that she was forced away from them for a year. Guilt from everything. Every action. Every conversation. Every shared laugh. Every little thing. Every little thing was covered in guilt. So she tried to stop it over and over again.
She got up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Once she shut the door, she looked into the mirror for a moment and sighed before walking toward the bathtub and turning it on. Tossing her clothes off to the side while waiting for the water to get warmer, she glanced around the room for a moment, guilt still lingering in her mind as she noticed something.
A razor blade, sitting on the toilet cover right next to a toilet paper roll.
She glanced down at her other scars, most of them were healed, some were still red, but getting there.
She stared at it for about 10 minutes before quickly grabbing it as she stepped into the bathtub, staring at it again.
Do it. Her mind screamed at her Nobody’s gonna know. They won’t care. It’s winter! Your long sleeves will hide it, keep it as a cover-up. You’ve done this before!
Her body was shaking as she stared at the razor blade longer, just before slowly taking it and scratching the blades against her leg, watching the blood flow into the clean, semi-pure hotel water.
She did it again, and again, and again. Staring at it with tears in her eyes and her body in the fetal position once she was done, just before lying further down into the water, letting her thoughts come and go as she slowly zoned out, too numb to care if she was drowning.
~
Gaty and Two were on the pink couch they were always on, whether it be mini therapy sessions or just feedback on the challenges, the two were like peas in a pod, rarely able to be separated
“…So then, Four just walks away with X as if I never existed! I don’t get how they could just forget about everything that happened so quickly!” Two gestured their hands up in frustration, the clink of their drink making the sound as their arms rose
Gaty always loved that about the host, how easily they could express stuff like that, how they could easily be cheered up, how distracted the two got when talking to each other during challenges, she missed it sometimes.. a lot actually
“Gaty?” They eventually spoke up, noticing how quiet she was
“Hm?” She looked up at them, realizing that she had zoned out
“You okay?”
“Uh.. Yeah, I’m fine” Gaty sighed, leaning against them
“Is something wrong?”
Gaty bit her lip “I don’t really wanna talk about it”
“That’s alright, but I’m here if you ever do”
Gaty smiled, leaning slightly closer to them “Thanks..”
“No problem” Two smiled back, lightly kissing her on the cheek
The two talked for a while, making Gaty realize how much she missed this, missed talking to Two, missed their episode-ly therapy sessions and talks, missed talking for so long that they’d end up sleeping on the couch together, Two would spawn in a blanket and pillows, an umbrella if it was raining, or just teleport the two into the hosts room if the weather was too messy to sleep out at night, but then they’d lean against each other, although slowly, falling asleep in each others arms, it was comforting, especially after a challenge that didn’t go well. She loved it either way, it was like a mini sleepover
Gaty. She could hear from afar, but decided to ignore it for the time being
Gaaaaatyyyyy. She heard again, still ignoring it, leaning closer to Two as she felt their hand make circles on her back, even for a dream, it felt comforting, like a childhood stuffed animal, a childhood toy dug up from storage, or a memory dug up from a photo album
Gaty? You okay? She heard again, still ignoring it, she just wanted to hold onto something for as long as she could.
Her ears started to ring after a few minutes alongside her heartbeat getting faster and louder, she couldn’t tell if it was the same voice from afar or from Two, tears flooded from her eyes as she clung onto the algebralien for comfort
“Gaty?” She could hear them question as they felt her clinging body “What’s wrong?”
Her grip got tighter “I don’t.. I don’t know” Her voice cracked and was covered in sniffling with every other word “I’m sorry..”
“Shhh.. it’s okay. I’m here” she heard as they hugged her “Don’t apologize, you did absolutely nothing wrong”
“Thanks Two..” She held onto them, her ears had stopped ringing by then, but tears still stung and clung onto her eyes, her body shaking from occasional sniffing
“No problem”
Gaty smiled and fell asleep after a few minutes, still clinging onto them like a lifeline she couldn’t live without, because she felt like she barely could, there was a reason why she stayed in their room 24/7, a reason why she wore their clothes, why she still dreamt about them months after their death, why she still ‘talked to them’ when in their room, why she held onto the beds comforter that wasn’t touched for months, why she cleaned the expired food and didn’t touch anything else. There was a reason for everything
~
She woke up, still in the bathtub, her breath quickened, her legs covered in scars from the razor blade and some of the water stained red
“Shit.” She mumbled to herself as she tried to get the water out of her ear, staring at the razor blade for a moment before grabbing it and running it through her leg again, slightly expecting an adrenaline rush, but her mind too mentally drained to process anything.
She took the final cut and set the blade down, grabbing a towel and wiping her body dry, a sharp pain going through her body as she scraped past the scars from before, occurring just before slapping a bandage on the newer cut as she walked towards a closet and grabbed whatever she first saw. A hoodie and sweatpants. Not that she minded it, some of the clothes still had Two’s scent on them, it was comforting in a sense, like Two was still there.
She sat down on the bed in the middle of the room, sighed, and lied down, moving the blanket so she could be under the covers, gripping onto a pillow tightly as she eventually fell asleep
~
Gaty and Two were on the same pink couch again, a patio umbrella covering the rain falling from the clouds as the two held onto each other and slept.
Gaty woke up first, like she always did, she sat up for a moment so she could try to fall back asleep, clinging onto Two and the blankets the host spawned in for the both of them, smiling to herself as she pressed a light kiss onto their cheek, satisfied with herself as she sat her body back down onto the algebraliens lap, gripping onto the arm around her body like a stuffed animal
“Mmmm…” She mumbled to herself, feeling Two’s arm wrapped around her body, it felt insanely warm, really comforting as well. She smiled to herself as she hugged onto them and fell back asleep again, she loved quiet moments like this, the rain hitting the umbrella being the only sound the two could hear other than each others breathing, all of this felt like a sense of comfort to her, and she didn’t want to let that go, even though she knew she’d have to at some point. She knew she would, so she just clung onto one of the few times she didn’t have a nightmare for as long as possible.
-It was seemingly the next morning, she was still clinging onto Two except she could feel them rub her back
“Gaty?” She could hear them ask, so she sat up and leaned her body against theirs “Hm?..”
“You okay?”
“Yeah..”
Two smiled, Gaty smiled back as she thought for a moment “Can I tell you something?..”
“Sure! What’s up?”
“I.. uhm” Gaty paused, letting go of a breath she didn’t remember holding this is going to turn into a nightmare. “I..” She paused again before sighing “I really like our friendship… I- I like you, I like the challenges you come up with, even if they’re last minute thoughts put together during the intro, I like the way you could talk about anything and everything for hours on end, I like absolutely everything you do. I really like-“ no.. that sounds too little “Two I- I love you.” She ran a hand through her hair, waiting for their response
“Gaty I..” Two began “I love you too but” They paused. Gaty knew where this was going “I’m not real.”
“What?..” Gaty questioned, trying to hold back her tears
“I’m not real.”
Gaty clung onto the algebralien as the world felt like it was crushing, a crack in the sky was forming and she could feel the distortion of Two’s body the longer she clung onto them, tears flooding her eyes as she tightened her grip while quietly yelling “Two. Don’t- PLEASE Don’t leave me again PLEASE, I can’t do this without you anymore, please just- just stay here. Don’t leave. Please!” Gaty begged as her grip tightened and more tears streamed down her face
Two rubbed Gaty’s back in a circular pattern “Shh.. it’s okay. I’m here now”
“But when I wake up-“
“Don’t worry about that now hun.. it’s okay I’m here” Two smiled and lightly hugged her, she hugged back.
~
That was the last thing Gaty heard before she woke up, completely covered in sweat as she clutched onto the blanket with tear stains on her cheeks, she just sat there, her breathing quick before she looked at the window. It was still night. She could easily fall back asleep and not jinx herself in a dream that forms into a nightmare! Right? Right???????
~
She fell back asleep, clinging onto a pillow as she did so
Two and Gaty were in the hotel. The challenge just ended and Gaty’s team was one of the winners which gave them a chance to talk without the worry of an elimination
“So..” she heard the algebralien ask as the two of them sat down on the floor of their room “What’d you think of the challenge?”
“I think it went really well, good job Two!” She smiled at them
“Thanks” Two smiled back
“No problem” Gaty leaned against them, still smiling as she could feel them grab her hand in a light hold
She adored it when they did subtle things like this, giving small kisses on the cheeks, holding her hand behind their backs while explaining a challenge, taking her out of challenges just so the two could talk (if she and her team didn’t mind), showering her with compliments, love, and affection any chance they had, leaving small hints for her team during challenges if they were struggling then again they did that for every team
The two talked for hours, until, like every time they did something like this, they fell asleep in each other’s arms
~
But it was all a loop. She’d fall asleep, dream about something that would never happen in any reality where one of the two dies, wake up in the middle of the night, then fall back asleep. It happened nearly every single day, so she clung onto this one. She clung onto the few times her mind didn’t betray her and give her a nightmare after something that was unlikely to even occur, happened in a dream