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It’s technically Jon’s idea, though Jon claims he washed his hands of the whole affair and was not even a little to blame for Brendon’s idea. Maybe a little, he admits afterwards to Spencer, but not even really then.
Jon and Brendon are drinking together (although, really, Jon is drinking and Brendon is pining) when Brendon begins to sigh dramatically. “Jon Walker,” he says, buying his head in Jon’s arm, “Jon Walker, I hope you never have to be a man in love.”
Jon frowns. “I am a man in love. Cassie.”
“Oh yeah! Sorry, forgot about her. I hope you never have to be a man with a broken heart.”
“Thanks,” Jon says, before shrugging Brendon off of him. “Anyway, what are you talking about? Ryan?”
Brendon glances over at Ryan. “Is it that obvious?”
Considering the fact that Brendon has been a) staring at Ryan pretty much since they woke up, b) talking about Ryan for the last hour, and c) groping Ryan on and off stage every chance he gets, yeah, Jon thinks it’s pretty fucking obvious.
“No, not even a little. I’m just super perceptive.”
Brendon sighs again, looking at Jon with the saddest face he can muster. “Ryan doesn’t even know I exist.”
“He does,” Jon reassures him. “We’re in the same band and we spend like, every second together. I’m sure he at least knows your name.”
“Not funny!” Brendon whines. “And that’s not what I meant. He doesn’t notice me like that.”
Considering the fact that Ryan is a) always staring back at Brendon and also sometimes staring at certain parts of Brendon, b) literally always talking Brendon even when it has nothing to do with anything (case in point: Jon showed Ryan some cute baby pictures of Cassie and Ryan told him that Brendon loved goldfish for some reason and he really wanted one for the bus but he and Spencer weren't sure if Brendon could handle the responsibility) and c) always letting Brendon grope him on and off stage, Jon thinks there is a pretty good chance that, yeah, Ryan does notice him like that.
But he also thinks that Ryan is a little difficult and very stubborn and he doesn’t want to see Brendon hurt ever. So instead, he pats Brendon gently on the back.
“What do you think I should do?” Brendon asks, looking at Jon with his big, trusting eyes.
“Maybe…you could think of a plan? Just, like, a way to deal with it.”
Brendon’s eyes light up and he stands up. “Jon Walker,” he proclaims a little too loudly, “you are a genius.”
“Why is Jon a genius?” Spencer asks. Jon wonders for a second if he’s drunk or Spencer has mastered the art of teleportation because Jon could have sworn he was across the room a second ago.
Brendon laughs, clapping Spencer on the shoulder. “Oh, Spencer, you wouldn’t understand. You’re not a man in love.” He skips off, while Spencer stares.
“What about Haley?” he says, though Brendon is long gone.
Jon gives Spencer the drink Brendon didn’t finish. “Don’t worry about it, buddy.”
Later that night in his bunk, Brendon takes a pen he stole from Ryan, a piece of paper he ripped out of Ryan’s notepad, and begins formulating a plan.
He needs an awesome title, he thinks. So he writes “Brendon Urie’s 100% Guaranteed-For-Success Foolproof Five Step Plan To Make Ryan Ross Fall Deeply, Irrevocably, & Unconditionally In Love With Him”. It’s a little long, maybe, but it’s very cool and oozes confidence and makes him feel like he possibly has a chance.
He spends the rest of the night reading articles about love and falling in love and having someone else fall in love with you. When he feels himself start to drift off (because, okay, most of these articles are really scientific and beyond boring) he decides that, yeah, maybe he deserves a break. So he plays Fall Out Boy Trial, which he had promised himself he would only play for a few minutes, but he ends up playing till he beats it and the next thing he knows, it’s five in the morning.
“Fuck me,” he mumbles and for some reason, he needs the plan tonight (or technically, today). He was so stupid for thinking Ryan could ever like him - he’s a stupid high school dropout with ADHD and Ryan’s a beautiful genius that is so out of his reach.
Brendon can’t stop the flood of insecurity and there’s no way he’ll be able to sleep now, so he gets out of his bunk and walks to Ryan’s, just to torture himself.
Ryan is curled up next to the wall, the way he does when Brendon lies in his bunk too. His hair is so messy and Brendon likes him so much and he can’t shake the thought that there is a Brendon-shaped space in Ryan’s bunk.
He decides that he can’t give up now. Maybe it’s all destined to blow up in his face but, fuck, Ryan is so perfect and Brendon is so fucked for him.
Four hours and five cans of Red Bull later, he is a man with a plan.
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Make yourself physically attractive to Ryan. Don’t just find out what’s hot too him - become what’s hot to him. Make yourself irresistible.(Note: Find out what he likes by bribing Spencer. If that doesn’t work, hire Gabe and William as private detectives).
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Engage with Ryan intellectually. Show him you are his equal (even though you are 10000% not). Fake it for as long as you can and hopefully when you stop, he’s too deep in to care. If not, start taking college classes online and maybe hire a personal tutor.
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Listen to him. Ask him about his problems and his day and other emotional stuff. This would be boring with almost anyone but Ryan, because Ryan is literally perfect and never boring.
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Secretly take him on a date. Practice your smooth moves and be a gentleman. Make him realize how great dating you (and, in the future, marrying you and spending his life with you forever and ever) would be.
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Hire Gabe & Bill as private detectives to find out if he likes you. If not,start over from step one. If he does, confess and live happily ever after.
Brendon feels invincible and relentlessly optimistic. Maybe it’s just the caffeine and sugar talking, but he thinks he has a pretty good chance with Ryan.