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Mafuyu is indeed the epitome of perfection.
A beauty with brains, an athletic archer, a respectful daughter—is there anything she isn’t perfect at?
Yet there’s something inside of her, crawling upward towards her throat. Sweat beaded down her forehead as the sin begged to be let out, like a verse she desperately tries to interpret but fails to.
“You’re an example—act like it.” Her mother whispers coldly to her left ear, Mafuyu’s body froze as the stern voice echoed through her head, her eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide opened.
“After everything I’ve sacrificed? I just want you to be normal, honey.” Sobs filled her right ear, Mafuyu’s knees fell to the ground. Her vision darkened as words continued echoing like a temptation that can’t be ignored.
“Mom.. Please..”
“I’ll be good..! I swear..!” Her hands rested on her head, the voices continued to ring around her louder and louder—trying to make her grasp the sin she’s foolishly letting devour her whole.
For a second, it felt like she was drowning in her emotions. She jolted back up, Mafuyu sat back up, her hands trembling as her breath snapped back into her chest as if it were stolen.
She could hear a voice wrapped in cotton as she slowly went back to her senses.
“Yuki..?” A warm voice emitted from the phone screen.
Yuki? Are you still there?” A brunette with caramel eyes talked into the mic. Astonishingly, she looked like a whisper from heaven. Transcending even the ethereal.
Mafuyu felt warmth envelop her chest, her cheeks dusting pink as the brunette continued talking.
“The meeting’s over. Are you even awake, Yuki!?” The brunette’s voice came down like a crashing wave, Mafuyu felt herself succumbing to the tide.
“sorry.. I fell asleep.” Mafuyu muttered under her breath.
“Guess we’re that boring, huh.” Ena whispered.
“my bad.. I was too tired today.” Mafuyu apologized, rubbing her eye as she yawned.
“you really gotta stop pushing yourself like that. next time just say if you’re sleepy.” The words came out soft— gentler than Ena meant them to.
A soft golden light spread through Mafuyu’s chest, thawing out something she desired to keep hidden.
“well… goodnight, yuki.” Ena says, trying to appear stern. “goodnight, ena.” Mafuyu replied, the call coming to an end. The soft beep of the disconnection lasted for just a second.
However, the disconnection was worlds apart from what Mafuyu was feeling, the comfort lingered in Mafuyu’s chest longer than it should.
She stiffened.
A thorn punctured her chest, blood seeping out like her vice and secrets.
Her fondness for the brunette only grew deeper however. The ache in her chest curdled into temptation, a quiet rebellion of the flesh.
Feelings like this are supposed to be kept quiet, yet why was her heart thumping like drums till it hurt? She clasped her hands together, lowering her head and shut her eyes closed. Gulping as fear streamed through her entire body.
But the purple haired girl wasn’t afraid of hell. She was afraid of something that clung to her since childhood.
Mom wouldn’t approve of this.
God wouldn’t forgive.
Ena will look at her with disgust in her eyes.
And the thought makes her sick to the core. She’s supposed to be virtuous after all. She’s supposed to be perfect.
They wouldn’t accept these impure thoughts of hers.
She should keep her mouth shut and obey just like everyone else.
Mafuyu bowed her head, eyes squeezed shut. If she stayed still long enough, maybe the feeling would pass. Maybe the warmth would fade.
“Forgive me, Lord. For I have been tempted by the devil.” She mumbled.
“Let this hunger only be fleeting. Please… let this unruly thought pass.”
Prayer should sit at the core instead of this blooming sin.
Because wanting like this—wanting her—felt like a sacrilege she didn’t have the courage to confess.
Morning light slipped through the curtains like a silent witness. Mafuyu rose before the ache could return, washing her face until the mirror showed nothing but discipline. If she stayed productive—if she stayed flawless—there would be no room for temptation.
Yet her phone emitted light like the sun, a ding and notification popping up.
“hey, yuki. can I see your draft for our new song? i need ideas for our cover art. thanks ♡”
She should discipline herself.
Mafuyu stared at it longer than she should have before typing a reply—short, polite, careful. Nothing that could be mistaken for warmth.
“here’s the link.” She sent.
“i’ve been wondering this for a while, but would you like to go to the mall with me? mizuki recently cancelled on me and i’ve been dying to look at the dresses on sale.” Ena replied.
Once again, Mafuyu’s heart sets on fire.
God, why is she like this?
her heart pulsed, melting as she thinks of a reply.
“i’ll be there. see you at two.” she replies coldly—although she was evanescing.
She’s just a friend, nothing more. But why won’t her chest stop?
Her heart jumped.
“Shit, I really am being tested.” Guilt crept through her veins like poison, coloring every thought. Her longing tasted like ashes in her mouth.
Two finally arrived, Mafuyu fidgeted with her hands as she patiently waited for Ena.
The purple haired girl took her phone out of her pocket, about to text Ena when she suddenly heard footsteps.
A hand crept to her shoulder.
“Mafuyu.” Ena smiles, her bangs framing her face a certain way. The brunette’s hair curled just like how she has the lyricst wrapped around her finger.
There it is again, that feeling.
If love was supposed to be comforting, how come Mafuyu’s heart is bleeding? Out of everyone she knows, did it really have to be Ena she attained feelings for? Why couldn’t it be a boy?
If Ena was a boy, she’d be the love of her life. If Ena was a boy, she wouldn’t be thrown in hell in the afterlife. If Ena was a boy, her feelings wouldn’t be impure.
“I just want you to be normal, Mafuyu.. How could you do this to me..!?” Mom’s voice echoed through her eardrums.
.
..
…
The day ends in a flash, yet non-virtous thoughts keep creeping up to Mafuyu’s mind.
But the worst part wasn’t the trespasses or impure thoughts–it was that, deep inside, Mafuyu didn’t want to be forgiven.
Mafuyu’s heart felt leaden, an encumbered weight in her chest as her transgressions began to seep out as she wrote down lyrics onto her notebook, sitting at the desk she crouched hours at for her perfect grades.
She can’t take it anymore.
The lyricst stood up in anger, her chair creaking, nearly falling even.
Mafuyu slid the chair to the center of the dim room, a rope tied to the ceiling moving back and forth as if it were a swing.
She grabbed her phone from the table, her vision blurry from tears as she started typing a message for Ena.
“I love you.” Mafuyu sent her a message before throwing the phone onto the bed.
Then, she climbed up on the chair. Putting the rope around her neck.
Even though she won’t be able to enter heaven, for she’s bound to burn in hell— at least she felt heaven in her arms—even for just a second.
She kicked the chair, creating a harsh sound as it dropped to the floor.
Her vision started darkening, blurring even. Her face turning blue as she coughed and choked.
Then she went limp.
Her phone dinged with a notification, emitting light she’ll never see for she’ll be consumed by the lake of fire.
“I love you too, Mafuyu.”