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“The city’s really pretty,” Phainon whispered, walking right behind Mydei as they both settle down on their shared apartment’s balcony.
Mydei couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. “It’s pretty noisy outside, and there’s an uncountable amount of flashing lights around the neighboring houses. Just how is this pretty to you?”
It was true. The city below the two didn’t feel like sleeping tonight, which disrupted Mydei from his deep slumber.
Phainon on the other hand just got home from his job, all worn out with his tie loosely hanging off his collar as he walked inside their room.
“Aren’t you curious to know the things happening behind closed doors?”
He shook his head, reaching out to the ashtray on the table beside him to grab a cigarette stick from a half-empty box. “From how busy you are, I didn’t expect that you’d be interested in the outside world. You’re tired. Go to bed.”
Phainon ignored his words, planting his chin onto his shoulder.
He looked around the buildings in front of theirs before pointing at one of them, where there were pretty colored lights flashing from inside.
“What do you think they’re celebrating?” He asked, even if he already knew that Mydei wouldn’t answer. “A birthday? Someone’s promotion? Maybe it could even be someone trying their new led lights inside of their unit?”
“Now you’re just snooping around,” he laughed, clicking his tongue before palming his lighter inside of his pocket.
Mydei flicked on the lighter, igniting a small fire as he draws the tip of the stick close, just enough for it to glow into a striking orange color.
Phainon watched in awe. He had never tried smoking in all of his teenage years—probably because he was too focused to be his parents’ good child. Plus, the smoke that came from these said sticks smelled horrible! He couldn’t stand its acrid odor spreading around fresh air within seconds.
But Phainon wasn’t one to judge.
“Why do people smoke?”
He looked up at Mydei, who brought the cigarette to his lips and drew in. Phainon could feel his shoulders lifting as he inhaled it slowly, taking his sweet time.
Mydei’s shoulders sagged as he blew the smoke out of his lips, watching it dissipate into thin air within a few minutes. Phainon could smell the pungent odor from where his head was placed, but he was just too curious for his own good.
“To release stress, maybe,” he simply answered, twirling the stick. “It varies for everyone, really. It could just be for experience, just for fun, or because they simply like how it feels inside of their lungs.”
Phainon raised his eyebrow, eyeing his hand. “So what’s your reason?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Mydei joked. “And besides, you don’t even smoke. I know you. Why are you suddenly so interested in these?”
By now, Phainon should’ve told him that the scent bothered him, especially from where he’s positioned. His face should’ve had that uncomfortable expression smeared all over, his eyes begging him to drop it.
He should’ve pulled away.
“Maybe I just wanted to try smoking for once.”
That made Mydei pull away instead, his eyes slightly wide open. Phainon walked over to his right, leaning himself against the window pane.
“Come on,” he grinned at him. “Won’t you let me try one smoke?”
Mydei scoffed. “Absolutely not. Do you know how these things can harm you? And what is up with you— I know you despise smokers. You’ve made that very clear to me these past few years, so why are you getting the sudden need to smoke?”
Phainon wanted to answer that.
He knew the only thing close to getting a kiss from his hook-up buddy was by smoking the same cigarette he did. He never did that, though. Phainon had made it very clear that he would never touch a single stick.
But all he could say in that moment was…
“There’s a first in everything, right?”
Phainon deliberately snatched the cigarette from his palm, which startled Mydei. He immediately inhaled onto the stick in a rush, and before he knew it…
Cough! Cough! Cough!
“Ah, what the hell?!” He immediately choked up, the cigarette falling onto the floor.
At this point, Mydei was beyond baffled. It was so obvious to him that Phainon hated it, but he tried anyway. It was sweet of him though, he’ll give him that.
“You’re doing it all wrong.”
Phainon crossed his arms. “Then show me how to do it right.”
Maybe it was one of the effects that smoking did to Mydei, but the way Phainon said that statement definitely pushed him over the edge.
“You’re not letting it hit your lungs that long,” he whispered, his arm sneaking around his waist as he pulled him closer. Phainon couldn’t help but take a deep breath as his hands carefully wandered around the crook of his neck.
“That’s a common mistake for first-timers. They think you just take a short puff and call it a day.”
Was smoking meant to be intimate?
Especially for Phainon—since he knew they were anything but lovers. They were… whatever Mydei wanted them to be.
So why did it feel like both of them were…
Mydei held a new cigarette close to his lips. “Try breathing it in for longer,” he advised.
Phainon did what he was told, his eyes closing as he inhaled the smoke in his mouth. It burned in his throat, letting the heat sink inside of his body. Mydei didn’t utter a single word, but his half-lidded eyes just stared at him like it was the only thing he knew how to do.
When did he get so…
He bit on his lower lip before Phainon exhaled, the smoke spreading lightly into the cold breeze. His vision started to slightly blur, the lights from certain apartments sparkling in his eyes.
“So?”
Phainon looked up at Mydei, who still had his arm around his waist.
“How did it feel? Your first smoke?”
He shrugged, still holding onto the stick. “I get it now.”
“Get what, Phainon?”
Mydei raised an eyebrow, his eyes still fixed on his face. Phainon held the stick up, twirling it between his fingers as he drew it closer to his lips again. He inhaled it in—this time, however, he leaned in closer to his face.
Phainon’s thumb brushed on Mydei’s lower lip, which indirectly told the guy to open his mouth. It made Mydei forget how to properly breathe for a few seconds.
To let him in.
Before he could even react, Phainon exhaled the smoke near his mouth, just enough for it to drift right past his lips. That alone made Mydei freeze in position.
But really, none of them moved. Mydei just looked into his, trying to figure out what his deal was. Phainon on the other hand just kept staring at his lips as the faint trail of smoke lingered between their faces as it slowly dissolved.
“What are you doing?”
It wasn’t obvious just yet, but he was starting to get nervous. Although, he made no effort to pull away. Maybe he was just curious on what Phainon would do next.
He just tilted his head slightly, a small grin tugging at his lips.
“I’m just sharing.”
Mydei’s lips were so close to his—so what’s stopping him from this point?
Before he could even think about his judgement, Phainon leaned in and planted his lips onto Mydei’s. His lips tugged on his lower lip, letting him know that he was somewhat desperate.
Desperate for him to kiss him back, perhaps?
“Phainon.”
His rough voice broke Phainon’s motions, making him pull away.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Was it too soon?” Phainon replied manically, dropping another cigarette on the floor. “I’m sorry, I just thought it would be a good idea to kiss since we’ve never…”
But that was Phainon’s mistake, right?
They never kissed before, even with all of these years secretly meeting each other. That should be enough reason. Maybe Mydei just didn’t want to. Maybe he just wasn’t the type to kiss someone he has meaningless sex with.
It was meaningless.
Phainon forgot about the part that they were just… nothing. That they were just fuck buddies—but for some reason, Mydei being inside his unit while sharing a cigarette stick didn’t feel like they were nothing beyond it.
“I’m sorry—”
Mydei could hear his own heartbeat inside his ear. It was loud. Too loud for his own good.
Whatever happened right after just made sense.
He pulled him in, kissing him with a newfound sense of religious fervor—like he was worshipping his lips, practically begging for him to continue winding up their lips together.
With Mydei’s back now against the window pane, Phainon returned the kiss. His hands cupped his face tenderly, contrasting the amount of pressure his lips moved against his.
This felt far too intimate than intercourse.
Neither of them wanted to stop each other. Phainon’s hands tussled on his hair as he kept connecting his wet lips with his, losing all of the self-control inside of his body while Mydei held him close—even if there was no more space between their bodies.
“I guess I found myself a new vice,” Phainon teased as they both pulled away, hinting at the cigarette box right next to them.
“Absolutely not.”
༊*·˚
Phainon
When are you coming back home?
Mydei
Do you miss me that much?
Phainon
No, I just miss your cigarettes
Phainon
You know I do, Mydei.
Mydei
I’ll be back tomorrow morning, I promise
Mydei
I’m sorry we haven’t seen each other in
two weeks. I’ll make it up to you.
Mydei
What are you up to right now?
Phainon
Smoking.
Mydei
Didn’t I tell you to not smoke anymore?
Mydei
I should stop smoking around you.
Phainon
I only smoked today because I haven’t kissed
you in so long, Mydei
Phainon
I smoked your favorites because it’s the closest
to what your lips remind me of