Work Text:
Hadjar got added to a group chat the day before the Australian GP.
Married (or not)
Kimi invited you to the group.
Members: AlexAlbono, 1andonorris, yuki-is-free, Carlo55ainz
Ohhhman: what’s up bro? Is this Charles’ wedding planning group?
AlexAlbono: Poor kid. You have no idea what you’re getting into.
1andonorris: Noooooooo, it’s…
Carlo55ainz: Wait, Lando. Let him figure it out. Look who’s in here.
Ohhhman: so……Is it for Alex’s wedding?
yuki-is-free: Hopeless. Isack, try looking at who’s not here.
Ohhhman: Yukiii, if you’re free now what am I gonna do 😭
Kimi: Yes, you’re getting there. You took Yuki’s place. So you are…?
Ohhhman: I am…… never be happy again.
1andonorris: Wrong. You’ll get a whole new kind of happiness!
Ohhhman: ???
Kimi: Look at me. Look at Alex and Lando. Who’s missing?
Ohhhman: I GOT IT. GEORGE!!!
AlexAlbono: Mhm. So you’re about to become the center of the paddock —
Ohhhman: Nonono. Me and George are both team lewis, but our heights are just…
1andonorris: Your mind is dangerous???!!!!
1andonorris: Does Max know???
1andonorris: Did we just recruit a new little traitor? George and Isack don’t even interact like that
AlexAlbono: They do, actually. Isack stood between me and George in the season group photo the other day.
Carlo55ainz: Babe relax. Maybe your best friend just really likes pastry.
Ohhhman: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!! I DON’T THINK LIKE THAT!!!
Kimi: btw who’s the old little traitor?
Carlo55ainz: Not important. You’re better off not knowing.
yuki-is-free: Doesn’t matter. Max will just kill you.
Ohhhman: Wait… so Max and George…?
Kimi: Not exactly what you’re imagining.
AlexAlbono: Let me reintroduce you. You are now —
the paddock’s superstar,
FIA’s favorite drama king&queen,
Netflix’ real-life Heated Rivalry,
fans’ divorced parents,
Red Bull vs Mercedes ship,
two maniacs who break up every five minutes, divorce today and remarry tomorrow —
you are the third kid of Rustappen this season
Ohhhman: OHHHHH-MAN!!! THIS IS CRAZY 🔥🔥🔥
Ohhhman: So Yuki’s the first kid, Kimi’s the second, I’m the third?
Ohhhman: I’m older than Kimi. I should be second.
Kimi: Nope. I’m first-born. First come, first served. You have a lot to learn from me.
Ohhhman: Learn what exactly? Learn to crash a Mercedes?
Kimi: 😡 wtf. Show me respect! I’m the eldest son of this family!
yuki-is-free: So who do you love more, Papa or Mama?
Kimi: Don’t try to turn me against my parents 🤏🤏🤏
Carlo55ainz: Back to topic. Let’s talk about what Isack has to do. @Kimi, you’re already pro. Alex will quiz you, then show to isack
Kimi: yes🫡
AlexAlbono: Morning in the paddock. Max looks super cheerful. George has sunglasses on, you can’t see his eyes. What do you do?
Kimi: I know. I stick to Max, chat with him, and keep him away from George.
AlexAlbono: Correct ✅
1andonorris: Wrong.
Ohhhman: Wait, Max is happy. Why keep them apart?
Carlo55ainz: When does Max ever realize he actually upset George?
He thought everything was fine after Qatar!!! Max’s face means NOTHING. Focus on George. If George isn’t smiling, you separate them. @1andonorris, honey, why did you say it's wrong?
1andonorris: You push them together, then tag us in the group so we can watch the drama live~
AlexAlbono: I just got engaged. My life shouldn’t be so painful 😖
AlexAlbono: Next question. George blocks Max. Max begs you to pass a message. What do you do?
Kimi: I’ve done this many times. I write down what Max says, check George’s mood, then decide whether to pass it.
AlexAlbono: Half correct ✅
Ohhhman: Why? Kimi did great.
yuki-is-free: Classic mistake. You forgot Max can’t say anything smart. His words might start another fight. You need one more step:
1. study the official 3363 textbook The Dutchman and The Brit
2. translate Max’s dumbass lines into something George will actually tolerate.
Don’t make it worse plz.
1andonorris: Exactly. Good job Yuki 👍Me and Alex know George best. Send Max’s lines here, we’ll help translate.
AlexAlbono: Mostly me. Lando’s just here for the drama.
AlexAlbono: Third question. Max annoyed George. George is upset and asks you to pass a message. What now?
Kimi: Easy. I translate George’s words perfectly, make sure every British sarcasm lands exactly.
AlexAlbono: COMPLETELY WRONG ❌❌❌
yuki-is-free: …That explains a lot.
Ohhhman: ??? Isn’t this the same as last one??
Carlo55ainz: OF COURSE NOT!
If George is willing to send a message, it’s not that serious yet.
Your job is to tell Max to get a gift and apologize properly!!!
Ohhhman: its too difficult…
AlexAlbono: Alright. You’ve learned the three most common scenarios.
Good luck for the new season. Even No.2 drivers have their moment.
yuki-is-free: god bless u
Carlo55ainz: god bless u
1andonorris: god bless u
Kimi: god bless u
——————————————————
Did Isack actually learn anything?
Alex and Carlos still had their doubts.
Can Isack count as a romantic Frenchman?
Please. Do Frenchmen even handle relationships well?
Ocon and Gasly stared at you in disappointment.
But Alex thought it’d be fine. Melbourne wouldn’t be that chaotic, right?
From his pre-race dinner with George, the Mercedes was finally reliable, fans were coming for photos and signatures, and George was in a great mood.
Carlos remained skeptical. Mercedes and Red Bull were clearly the top two. 2026 would be all-out war between Max and George.
No one survives that kind of pressure. Especially not two people who already fight so well. Qualifying could easily give FIA the drama they’ve been waiting for.
So what? You saying you don’t wanna watch?
Lando was unbothered. Married or divorced, we’re all getting entertainment either way.
Does it matter if we listen to their loving bickering or furious shouting?
IT MATTERS A LOT!
Alex and Carlos were done. For them, the difference was huge:
mindless fun vs being full-time strategists.
Totally different mental load. Only idiots wouldn’t notice.
——————————
Australian GP — Day 1
Hadjar was nervous. He re-read the group’s guide three times before leaving.
No practice, just real exam. Terrifying.
When he arrived at the Red Bull garage, Max was obviously in a fantastic mood.
This was Situation 1. Easy start. Now he just had to check George’s attitude.
Isack, you’re the best child. This is easier than handling Red Bull’s crazy car setup.
He followed Max toward the track, Far ahead, two men in all black. Isack, you’ve got this.
George’s long legs were impossible to miss. Isack briefly wondered how Max even tiptoed to kiss that face.
Right, Carlos said to watch George’s expression. Sunglasses, but his mouth looked relaxed, almost smiling. They should be allowed to interact.
Wait… why is Kimi greeting Max directly? Did I get it wrong…?
Isack stood between them, suddenly unsure. He paused to double-check George’s face —
then panicked. George was about to fist-bump Max.
What do I do??? This wasn’t in the guide!!!
Isack froze at the sight of their reconciliation,too stunned to move forward or back. He watched George’s fist hover in front of him then pull away.
Jesus, should I step back?
Before he could move, Max grabbed him by the neck and pushed him forward like a stray chick.
So embarrassing. Isack wanted to cry. Cameras were definitely filming his dumbfounded face from every angle.
Kimi tried not to laugh, then pulled him into a hug.
Fine!
As long as mama and papa are fall in love again,
my suffering doesn’t matter ^_^
————————————————
Married (or not)
yuki-is-free: [🔗@MercedesAMGF1: Russtappen crumbs😮💨 We'll take it🙏]
yuki-is-free: great job Isack👍
AlexAlbono: great job Isack👍👍
Carlo55ainz: great job Isack👍👍👍
1andonorris: great job Isack 👍👍👍👍
Kimi: great job Isack👍👍👍👍👍
Kimi: Welcome to our family now 💗
yuki-is-free: You’re the honeymoon baby, better than Kimi’s position
Carlo55ainz: You getting pushed was so funny
1andonorris: Adorable 😻
Ohhhman: Uh… thanks?
Ohhhman: I’ll keep working hard ✌️
AlexAlbono: Great. Let me enjoy my personal life🥰🥰