Chapter Text
“I’ve found someone perfect for you!”
“Again? it’s only like the one hundredth time.” she remarks
“Pleaseeeee.” I beg.
“No.”
“Pretty pleaseeeeee.”
“Still no.”
My sister looks annoyed, but she’ll give in eventually. She needs to put herself out there eventually. She just needs a little push.
"come on--"
"What if I'm already dating someone!"
my sister, the girl who spends 80% of her time at the hospital and the other 30% in bed dating someone?
"You are?"
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"uhhh, yesssssss" she says blushing, not meeting my eyes, and fidgeting with her hands. Clearly flustered. It’s cute that she’s struggling so hard to admit she’s dating someone, it reminds me of the times she got embarrassed by tiny little things as a kid.
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Holy shit. My sister’s dating someone! And, she didn't tell me.
"You are!"
How did I miss this? How many dates did I force her to go while she was already in a relationship? I thought I was a good sister.
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Oh well. This is a landmark occasion I can confront that… on my own… later.
Wrapping my sister into a hug I exclaim "My baby sister is growing up!"
"When did you meet? How did you meet? What are they like? Are they handsome, I bet they’re handsome. What's the most romantic thing they've done for you? How did you sne–"
"Enough!" she squeaks out overwhelmed.
"WWhyyy" I question "They're important to you, I should know them" I whine
"it's just privateyouknow" she mumbles.
"No I don't know, clearly."
"Bring them on our next double date, I want to meet the person who captured my baby sisters heart"
"I can't, it's just... I uhhhhh, I just can't, Fame and politics and stuff" she excuses
"Fine" I pout
Flipping open cape celebrity politics getting in the way of double dates. At least I have a place for just Dean and I.
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I have a place for just Dean and I. I don't really want to share it but if it's my sister it'll be fine. She wouldn't tell mom.
"If privacy is such a problem, then I have a place."
I grab a blank paper from my sister's drawer scribbling an address and message on it before shoving it in her oversized hoodie.
"You're meeting me there!" I grin.
She looks at me with betrayal as I flee to avoid inevitable snarky reprisal.
My name is Amy Dallon and I have two questions I must pose to the universe. Why do double dates exist when all they bring is suffering, and what is wrong with me.
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I’m not in a fucking relationship, I have never been in a relationship, and I’m not even sure how I would go about finding one. No girl would want to date some fucked up girlfailure who’ll probably never love them back because they’re too obsessed with their god damn sister. So, how in the world did I get the bright fucking idea to tell my sister that I’m already in a relationship?
Telling my sister that god damn lie is probably the worst idea I've ever had. Of course she would ask me to bring them to the next, and it's on Friday, two days from now.
I'm screwed. I can't bring a fictional partner on a double date. Maybe I should just own up now. It would be easier. I could easily just march up there and watch the anticipation drain from her face.I couldn’t, wouldn’t. It would be evil; like kicking a puppy, a hungry orphan puppy who doesn’t want to be kicked. She’d come to hate me, she’d ask me why I lied, and then my greatest shame would come out, I’d be abandoned.
Fake dating is my only real option, I'll be bringing fanfic tropes into reality, I guess.
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First problem, who will I bring on this fake date? The person should be tolerable. Probably a guy… I’d never actually date one if I had the choice, but living in the nazi capital of America makes coming out dangerous, and I don’t want it revealed for this bullshit if not absolutely necessary. It can’t be someone who knows my sister better than me because she’d know I'm lying. So it can’t be a Ward…
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I don’t have any friends that aren’t Wards.
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Fuck.
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I know I don’t do people, but I thought I knew more people than that! acquaintances then. my sister’s groupies, and my coworkers are immediately eliminated.
The youngest of my coworkers is twenty three, and yeah, no.
Vicky's groupies are…. well Vicky's. it’s in the name.
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Maybe that rich boy that was avoiding his father’s fundraiser… I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t try to flirt.
No, I don’t know how to contact him in time.
Who else is there?
One of the tamer fanboys from school?
I feel my face curl into a look of disgust. Even the tame ones aren’t tolerable. If I'm fake dating someone I don’t want them to worship the ground I stand on. Especially if they’re a guy. If someone’s going to worship me they should at least be a cute girl!
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Who else tolerable is there?
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I can’t think of any guys…
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Fuck, I'm really going to have to come out of the closet for this… It'll be okay probably Vicky promised it would be private.
Maybe I could fake date Parian… she’s a little older… but the age gap isn’t too big, and she’s a open lesbian.
Maybe…
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No.
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That clerk at the supermarket with Vicky-esque hair...
No, That would be weird, and I'm not asking someone who I’ve only met working to fake date me if I don’t have to.
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That leggy library girl with the curly hair and glasses who read two Jane Austen novels in a single sitting.
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She is perfect… well not actually perfect but I can’t think of anyone else I even vaguely know that I could tolerate pretending to date.
She may be kinda pathetic looking, but I know she won’t bother me since she barely even notices me when we read in the same general proximity, and she’s around my age, has absolutely no reason to know my sister, and is attractive enough that my sister won’t immediately insist that I could do better.
It’s a plan then. I’ll convince… whatshername…. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… whatever, I can figure it out later. I’ll somehow convince the Library Girl to fake date me, drag her to enough of my sister’s double dates that my sister stops bothering me about dates permanently and then never talk to Library Girl ever again.
A frizzy brown haired, mousey looking girl with thick eyebags, a speckling of freckles reminiscent of twinkling starlight, and the roundest eyes I have ever seen has been glaring at me ever since I came into the library. What the hell does she want?
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It's been twenty minutes. Is she going to approach me, or is her plan just to sit there?
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"Hello"
She startles.
"What did you need?" I ask
“Uh, Date me I will pay you.“ She flounders.
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wha—
“No!?“
The fuck is wrong with her? I’m just sitting here, and she wanted to come up and ask me that. I’m not someone who’d date someone for money. Is she one of Emma’s cronies? Is Emma trying to mock me by having some cute girl pretend to be interested and then pulling the rug out from under me? Even if I'm an upright frog, I have standar—
Calm down. Siphoning my emotions into my bugs I take a deep breath.
It was probably partially my fault, and she just made a mistake.
Do I look gay, or like an escort? I’m pretty sure I don’t. I wear hoodies, and sure I like lgbtq+ novels from time to time, I’m not especially feminine and maybe I’ve imagined kissing a girl's lips a couple... many times before, but that’s just because the female form is aesthetically pleasing. I like it just as much as everyone else does. Girls are much prettier than guys.
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Anyways… that doesn't even matter, sexuality has nothing to do with appearance or stray thoughts that sometimes enter my head. Maybe Emma made an ungrounded assumption and told this girl.
“Tell Emma I have standards.“ I say with contempt.
“Who the fuck is Emma?“ the girl says with unmasked offense.
“red haired girl who likes fucking with me.“
“Well, I don’t know your Emma.“
"Are you sure? " I ask.
"Yeah, pretty damn sure.“ she scoffs
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"Okay.“
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I think she was being genuine there. She made the mistake herself. If so, she's probably not one of Emma's sycophants, and rather just insane enough to mistake me for an escort.
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I shouldn’t be interacting with an insane girl who likely only comes to the library to read smut.
“I’m flattered but I have to be going now.“ I say awkwardly waddling. away.
“Wait!“ she calls out.
Against my better judgement, I crane my neck to look back at her.
"Please" she begs.
"Please just listen to me for a moment.“ she says, locking eyes with me.
"I know we barely know each other but you’re the only tolerable person I have even tangentially met who doesn’t know my sister and is actually my age.“
She pauses to formulate her next sentence.
“I told her I had a date so that she’d stop trying to set me up with random jackasses, so now i’m here“
"I—"
“I can‘t disappoint the most important person in my life“ she says resolutely.
She bares a pained smile.
"Please help me, I’m willing to do anything as long as you say yes“
She reminds me of myself. A friendless girl. A girl who the world is out to get.
“No need to debase yourself“
I wouldn’t contribute to that. I wouldn’t abandon someone in peril.
There are good people in this world, and I am one of them.
“I’ll do it,“ I state.
It's just a fake date, it won't be hard.
“and you’re not paying me anything.“
The tension in the mousey girl‘s grin loosens. She fumbles through her hoodie pocket to pull out a note.
“The date will be at 864 Sailorstreet, 16:30 this Friday “ she summarizes.
"Never heard of it"
“Neither have I”