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They met the summer after tenth grade.
Under normal circumstances he would have never imagined himself interacting with Changbin; specifically, people like him. From what Seungmin knew the boy drank (not a lot, just on parties, though that wasn’t enough to compensate for the fact he was underage), had tried smoking, had tattooed himself two years prior which had left an ugly scar on his calf yet still went to get a professional tattoo on the other calf and - if all of that wasn’t enough - he went to a private ridiculously prestigious school Seungmin could not afford going to for a month.
He avoided those types of people - students who have found themselves doing things which made people addicted, dependent, substances that ruined lives and destroyed the body. Those people, usually, were also blatantly disrespectful and generally assholes - no appeal to befriend.
Somehow, though, Jisung happened to befriend him (which, with the boy’s anxiety of strangers, Seungmin could not comprehend) and another boy named Chan and the three hung out so often, Jisung offered his usual friend group (Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin) to meet the boys he often mentioned and had found a second home in (Jisung’s words). It was curiosity that had made Seungmin nod in agreement.
Two more boys from the private school joined them, Minho and Hyunjin, and the group of eight, which felt a little too big since no one really knew each other, still managed to spend the entire summer together. Mostly because he didn’t have anything else to do, and his mother was very accepting of him going out in general, Seungmin’d found himself almost each day under the scorching sun.
They got so close to the point where he exchanged numbers with all of them, some with more reluctance than others; he offered his number to Hyunjin and Chan, he took Minho’s in-passing because he thought it would be rude not to.. and Changbin offered his to Seungmin.
The only reason he didn’t decline was because he was, partly, terrified.
It didn’t help that Chan, Minho and Changbin were a year older (again, how did Jisung manage befriending Chan and Changbin?) and usually there was a partial fear when Seungmin talked to someone older than him; a feeling he had not quite shaken off since a little kid. But their first impressions made him think otherwise; Chan was a sweetheart, mix of a jock and a nerd, an admirable figure. His smile calmed his nerves the moment they met. Minho was quieter, conversations with him didn’t last for long but his words sure were of importance.
And Changbin.. was weird.
His cackles sounded mean but his laughter was high-pitched; his gaze was intimidating but the softness it could hold when pointed at Jisung or even Jeongin (he was a year below Seungmin, everyone looked at him with adoration) was a startling polar opposite; his features were sharp, menacing almost, but his smile was not at all and he always smiled with teeth, which wasn’t surprising, having the way he never shut his mouth. Felix was quite the talker himself but, Seungmin’s expertise concluded, he had found a match in the face of Changbin.
It also didn’t help that Changbin developed a fascination for Seungmin from the moment they introduced themselves. Maybe it was obvious he was mildly uncomfortable at first in the elder’s presence and the latter wanted to either change that or poke at the thin line of politeness until Seungmin snapped. Admittedly, it didn’t take long and the two found themselves (mostly) lightheartedly arguing.
“A big mouth for a nerd.”
“A small mouth for a hyung.”
That didn’t discourage the group from hanging out, not by one bit - it added flavor and created different dynamics which made seeing one another more interesting. They did many things; they played arcade games, went to the skatepark (of course Changbin could skate; he was partially surprised to learn Jisung and Felix could, as well), ate in every place in the area that didn’t permanently damage their wallets.
Long story short, Seungmin enjoyed his summer for the most part.
A blanket of comfort settled on their shoulders to the point where they hung out in smaller groups. Minho, Hyunjin and Felix all went to dance lessons, Felix at a different time compared to the two, bonding over their mutual passion quickly after; Chan and Felix were both gamers and shared a home-country; Hyunjin joined Seungmin’s usual friend group (since he was the same age) to ‘abandon the old guys’.
“The ‘old guys’ know where you live, Hyunjinnie.” Minho had threatened in a silky sweet tone.
Seungmin was mildly concerned but Hyunjin had simply laughed it off so it must be fine.
The separate hangouts slowly narrowed in number, from four to three to two..
Until Changbin asked him to hang out; no one else, just them. It was barely past the middle of August, soon school was going to start and Seungmin would usually be focusing on that; getting materials, revising over past lessons (beginning exams were around the corner). However.. his curiosity got the better of him once more and, in a rare moment of boldness, he had agreed (immediately after regretting it).
He still remembered his words when they met at the park. “Wait until my birthday to kill me.”
Changbin had actually laughed. “When is your birthday?”
“In a little over a month.”
Changbin hummed, storing the information away. “Turning seventeen, right?” He nodded. “Wow.”
Seungmin narrowed his eyes. “Wow what?”
“Nothin’,” The elder smirked. “It’s just crazy how I’m already an adult.. I can do anything.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
Changbin wasn’t wrong - he was legally allowed to do all of the things Seungmin strayed from, including the people who did them, except the elder, apparently. He could drink as much as he desired, get his whole skin tatted and, fuck, even pierce his face and body to his content. The disagreement of his parents would be the only thing stopping him.. though even that wasn’t guaranteed in the slightest.
Seungmin never imagined himself doing anything adult-only, not because he could not at the moment.. still was a factor but not a main reason. Those things simply weren’t enjoyable, they endangered people and, if not, then they hurt - why would he want a needle to go through his (sensitive) skin? Why would he want to make his throat burn, waking up feeling like he had consumed drugs not alcohol?
(Not much difference. Both led to addiction.)
“Having the right doesn’t mean you must do it.” He had murmured to himself more than the elder.
“Having the right means you have a choice.” Changbin was quick to answer; his tone wasn’t as lighthearted as when it was the whole group together, the seriousness in it made Seungmin turn around to meet Changbin’s eyes already on him. “Yes - I can legally smoke until my lungs turn crispier than chips, yes, I can drink my ass off and end up in the hospital - I have the right to physically ruin myself. Doesn’t mean I have to, nor does it mean I will. How one proceeds afterwards.. after being given that choice.. is entirely on that person, you know.”
He scoffed in disbelief. Did Changbin think he was stupid? “Then why do you do it?”
“Because I want to.” His eyes didn’t leave Seungmin’s once. “Why are you so pressed?”
“What– what do you mean why? Look at yourself!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, was not planning on insulting the elder either. In full honesty, he had no idea what overtook him. “You wanting to look ‘cool’ should not have to affect your health. Just– look at your scar.”
A little too late did he process the words which left his mouth; when he did, he wished he could snatch them back into his mouth, to choke on them. He expected the elder to shout, because who could Seungmin possibly be in Changbin’s life to talk to him like that? A stranger, a newfound acquaintance at most, though Seungmin doubted the latter would want to associate with him following what he had said.
Instead Changbin had snorted, as if he had heard a bad joke. “I look at it on the daily, thank you, Seungmin. Your concern is very much not needed.” Then his eyes darkened with an unreadable emotion and Seungmin was this close to curling in on himself. “People like you are the reason differences aren’t tolerated by society. You see someone doing something you wouldn’t and immediately think it’s wrong?”
“I–”
“Save your breath.” He spat, turning around. “I just wanted to hang out, you seemed nice.”
“Changbin, please, I’m sorry–”
“It’s hyung, first.” The latter interrupted him once more. “Second, leave. I take it back.”
He didn’t move or say anything when Changbin walked away further into the park, he simply watched after him until his figure was too small to see. Seungmin felt a limp in his throat but pointedly ignored it as he spun on his heel. He wasn’t that far from home, anyways.
That was how it started.
…
Since they didn’t hang out that many times before the school year began, it wasn’t obvious that something had happened between him and Changbin. They were a big group each time so it was normal that not everyone talked with each other, though he supposed in their case it was a little different. He could see how the shift from Changbin poking him for attention to not uttering a sentence his way could be taken. Even more, Seungmin’s lack of doing the same was more suspicious. The entire thing just seemed weird but not enough to comment on it.
It didn’t matter because school began on the first of September and the chances he saw the four studying literally on the other side of the city was low. Sure, they lived in a relatively small city, though it would still take an hour to get from point A to point B. Seungmin had no reason to communicate with them, too; the most he would do is like Hyunjin’s Instagram posts. The interconnected group was done for..
Except it wasn’t.
Jisung and Hyunjin stayed in touch (even if they weren’t the most friendly with each other) and Changbin and Chan still remained in his close circle, naturally they were brought up a lot. Felix mentioned playing games with Chan a few times. Even Jeongin, with whom Seungmin met at weekends mostly because of their different schedules, had traded cards with Minho - shared expensive and obsessive interest.
Seungmin couldn’t just tell his friends to stop talking about them because then he would have to explain the reason for his own falling out with Changbin. He didn’t want to relive the moment, emotions he hadn’t fully processed yet making his heart heavy with guilt and fear.
He stood behind what he said, he just wished he hadn’t been rude about it.
Whatever, he tried to tell himself, Forget it.
It was hard to.. but he would.
…
Easier said than done.
“Seung, look!” Jisung pushed Seungmin’s calf under the lunch table to gain his attention. He pocketed a small circular item from his pants, something resembling a badge. “Hyung said the students aren’t allowed to give out these.. but he managed to get me one! Isn’t it so cool?” He carefully handed the metal circle to Seungmin; it had the private school’s initials.. but also Changbin’s, bright red and black.
So that specified which ‘hyung’ it was in the context.
“It is! I wish I had one with my initials.” Felix mused as he took another bite of his food.
“LF or LY?”
Felix hummed, brows furrowed in concentration. “LY has a better ring to it.. but I like my name..”
“Think about that one for a second.” Seungmin turned to Jisung. “Isn’t this just Changbin’s?”
“It is but it’s a duplicate. He told the higher ups– or whoever is in charge there, I don’t know– he ‘accidentally’ threw it away.” Jisung put in air quotes. “So they made him a new one and now I possess a cool ass badge that I technically shouldn’t have but, hey, who can stop me?”
Seungmin digressed from commenting, spinning the metal circle in his hand as Jisung moved to another topic before he had to be reminded to finish his food before class started. Felix took it afterwards, the latter’s awe of the item much more than it was necessary. He just didn’t get it, truthfully, and maybe he was at fault but.. what was so cool about a badge? Another fancy materialistic acquisition.
Soon they headed to class and the topic was forgotten, anyway.
…
‘I lost it!’ Seungmin was barely home when, guess who, Han Jisung called him to whine about somehow losing yet another possession of his. It happened surprisingly often. ‘I swear it was somewhere here, there is no way I lost it already.’ Seungmin pressed his lips. ‘Hey!’
“What?” He couldn’t hide the chuckle in his voice.
‘I don’t!’ The latter groaned loudly.
“If you called me to ask if I have it, no, I do not.”
Jisung made a loud noise of complaint, so much, apparently his parents heard him. ‘Sorry!’ He shouted practically into the microphone, making Seungmin wince and put the device away. ‘Apologies!’ Jisung repeated a lot quieter. ‘This is stressing me out. I need to find it.’
“Didn’t Lix have it last?”
A few moments of silence. ‘Oh, right.’
“My goodness.”
‘I panicked, okay?’ Seungmin could almost imagine his free hand moving frantically in the air.
“You’re fine, it’s just..”
‘What?’
“All of this for a badge? Really?” He still didn’t understand the appeal and it had begun to bug him.
‘You really focus on the ‘badge’ part too much.’ Jisung scoffed. What was Seungmin supposed to focus on otherwise? ‘One, it’s from hyung - someone older, someone cooler! Two, it’s the fact I technically shouldn’t have it that makes it the more exciting having it.. The thrill of it.’
“Over a badge.”
‘Stop focusing on the badge part!’ Jisung whined. ‘You just don’t get it.’
“Yeah, I suppose I’m not cool.”
‘I hate you.’ Seungmin rolled his eyes. ‘You are cool! Just in your own teacher’s pet type of way.’
He was so shocked at the words thrown at him he almost missed his mother opening the door. “Catching you later, Sung.” He didn’t even wait for his friend’s answer before hanging up and focusing his attention on his mother who looked.. stressed. “Hi, mom, you’re back?”
“I took the day off, actually.”
“Oh?” His surprise was evident in that one syllable alone. He must have missed her while up the stairs towards his room but he didn’t expect for her– anyone to be home since his parents were usually both home around six, if not later. His mother rarely, if never, took days off..
“A little reward for myself, you could say.” She shrugged but her shoulders were stiff.
“Is dad also here?”
“No, just me.” His mother took a deep breath, as if bracing herself for what she was about to say. “Seungmin, can I be honest for a second?” His nod was both confused and firm. “I love this city, obviously, it’s where I grew up. I stayed behind instead of moving to a bigger one out of love, memories and peace.” Her gaze was sharp. “But it’s changed. With that, all I want to say is, carefulness is a top priority.”
“Of course.”
“Be careful who you encounter. I know your friends are disciplined and I trust your judgment.”
“You thought Jisung was rude because he couldn’t hold eye contact.”
His mother sighed. “Ah, I don’t say I’m not always right.”
“I know what you mean, though, and I appreciate it. You know me, you don’t have to worry.”
The smile on her lips was one full of relief. “Okay.”
He had never been the kind of kid to worry his mother - partly because he was taught to be a responsible person, partly because he didn’t have an empty head on his shoulders. Even young, Seungmin could make conclusions, detect bias, create an opinion on his own about something. Criticism wasn’t taken harshly but with an open mind - he learned from his mistakes and acknowledged his omissions.
After all, he was still a teenager.
Even so, he liked to think he wasn’t a chore.
He was fine.
…
October started with a bang.
“Seungmin-ah!” His father’s voice boomed throughout the house so loudly, Seungmin heard him through his door. He froze in place; his father never shouted, his anger (the rare times it showed) would come out in the form of murderous glares. Well, his mother on the other hand..
He dragged his feet downstairs both as quickly and slowly as he could. One look to the left, his parents’ statures made him momentarily freeze; he could see his backpack tilted to the side, its contents spread out on the floor with no care in the world. His jaw tightened - he hated when someone, be it close or not, made a mess of his things - but relaxed it and his eyes widened, processing what was happening.
“Where did you get this from?” It was his mother who asked, tone as cold as ice; though she had wrapped an arm around her husband, it seemed like she needed to be held back, the anger and disappointment in her eyes too much to handle. “Tell us the truth, Kim Seungmin.”
He looked at the badge, at the way the light reflected on it. He thought Felix had it last, clearly remembered the blond taking it last. How the hell did it end up in his backpack? Well, it did not matter much, not in the current disastrous moment. “It’s from a friend of a friend.”
“Oh, so you surround yourself with friends of drug addicts?” He winced at his father’s voice.
Another reason why Seungmin was cautious about meeting Jisung’s other friend group was the reputation the private school had. Nothing was ever confirmed with solid evidence but enough witnesses had reported underaged students smoking drugs disguised as cigarettes. It was very prestigious of a place and the students’ average grades were above the country’s average.. Nevertheless, the law was unforgiving.
When he met the four boys from there he was partly surprised to see how.. normal they were. He couldn’t help but feel guilty afterwards for assuming such things but influence was dangerous, it created illusions and fantasies for the uneducated to believe. And he was one of those.
He was an idiot to assume.
He was an idiot to believe otherwise.
At the current moment, he wished he had never indulged in Jisung’s ‘group bonding’.
“Not everyone there does drugs.” Seungmin gritted through his teeth - brave enough to defend Jisung’s friends but not enough to look his parents in the eye. “Most people are normal there. I wouldn’t associate with anyone who does. I have no idea how the badge got in my ba–”
He couldn’t even finish his sentence before a hand as firm as steel slapped him. It took a lot of willpower not to shed a tear at the stinging pain from half his face, to ignore the fact a bruise was definitely going to come out of such vile action. However, what stung just as much was the new heaviness settling in his chest. He could not look up nor hear all those words little Seungmin associated with indiscipline.
He might as well have gone deaf.
Though he gained his senses quickly after he was taken by the hair by none other than his mother, dragging him towards the front door. She opened it and practically threw him out in the cold. A disturbing look of anger took her usually tired features. The difference was startling..
Disturbing.
“I did not raise my son like this.” She spat before thrashing the door in his face.
For a long couple of minutes he stared at the wooden door barely blinking. He genuinely couldn’t believe what had happened; he was in such a state of shock, his hands began to shake and he only realized he was crying when cold wind blew on fresh teartracks. He couldn’t even sob properly because his throat had closed up, his breathing was becoming more uneven by the second– Seungmin’s heart was broken.
Everything he thought he knew about his parents, about what was right or not, shattered.
What was he to–
A buzz grabbed his attention. He couldn’t identify the direction it came from, he ignored it.. but another one followed, the sound clearer now that he paid attention. On the third time it hit him, releasing a sigh of relief; the buzzes were from his phone which was in his back pocket.
He could ask someone to stay over. It would be embarrassing, of course, but what other–
kids from the streets !!! (8)
9:54 pm
( Hey, I know this is kind of weird, but can I sleep over at your house? I need it right now )
Fuck. In his panic he forgot to switch to Felix’s number; the blond lived the closest out of their group– makeshift one or not– so Seungmin had the highest chances of getting shelter as Felix’s parents were some of the sweetest people he had ever met. No, instead he looked like an idiot desperate for attention in a group chat where half of the people could be barely considered acquaintances. Amazing night.
Before he could delete the message, though, he was spammed with messages.. but none were mocking him? In fact, they were asking if he was okay and talking among themselves about who actually could take Seungmin over for the night (and longer; things with their time).
9:58 pm
( This was meant for Lix.. why are you so worried? I just need a bed yk )
feleex :>
( okay so youre panicking )
sung!
( you can always stay at mine seung but i can’t pick you up now :( im sorry )
chan-hyung
( okay, I know it’s late but are we Sure no one can help seungmin out? )
( I can try but I live an hour away.. )
As the discussion continued, Seungmin only just began to notice the coldness of his fingers, the shakiness of his shoulders; it was freezing cold for October. For a moment he decided that if he couldn’t find somewhere to sleep, he could always try to go through the night outside.
He was about to type that when–
changbin
( dm me your address, i’ll pick you up )
Excuse me? Once more was he shocked that night but he figured he could think over everything clearly once he had had at least a few hours of sleep. (A little part of him still thought it was all a nightmare.) So, without overthinking it, he clicked on Changbin’s icon and wrote the street. He couldn’t even have five minutes of reflection and an unfamiliar car parked right across from Seungmin and his house.
Frankly, he didn’t remember much after that - he heard a lot of murmuring, maybe some words he should have listened to but couldn’t, and warmth wrapped around his shoulders. He was guided towards a car, traveled for an unknown amount of time and then deeper into a house.
The last thing he remembered was his heart in his throat.
…
He was convinced he had the worst nightmare ever until he opened his eyes.
Unfortunately, the events of the evening prior weren’t a plot of his imagination, therefore why he appeared to be in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room with an unfortunately familiar face looming over him in his periphery and a headache. He wanted to fall asleep again.
Sleep would not help his current situation but it would definitely postpone it for a while.
“You’re up early.” Changbin commented in lieu of a greeting. He sat at the edge of the– his bed, focused on Seungmin in a way he’d never seen him focus on anything. Seungmin was close to looking away but his half-working brain did not function in his favor and made him keep the eye-contact which he couldn’t find in him to hate. “You seem like the type, I guess it’s not surprising.” He shrugged.
“You– don’t seem like the type.” Seungmin’s voice came out low, borderline incomprehensible.
“Sleeping on the couch is not exactly comfortable.”
“And why didn’t you put me on the couch?” Why did you take me in the first place?
“I don’t know how long you were outside last night but you were fucking freezing.” Changbin snorted. “An icicle.” Seungmin rolled his eyes before rubbing them to get rid of the last bits of sleepiness lingering behind his eyelids. “No need to have you die from pneumonia.”
“It wasn’t that cold.” He lied.
“But you were.” A pause. “And if you did die, we could have sued your parents. Revenge is revenge.”
Seungmin gaped at the latter, shock and disgust painting his features in equal measure. He was honestly ready to burst out at Changbin– even if he was at his house– but his shoulders quickly slumped at the memory of his mother’s coldness, his father shouting. They didn’t even let him explain, the thought they had misunderstood things didn’t cross their minds even once. Was Seungmin not trustworthy?
How much did he have to do to prove himself as a good son if he wasn’t good enough already?
It wasn’t the decision (okay, no, that also stung) but more so the quickness of it, the carelessness.
“We?” was all he managed to say.
Changbin lifted a brow. “I know Sung would be on the front, as well as your little group. And, unfortunately or not, Chan sees you as a brother and Jin’s also quite fond of you. Minho isn’t someone to let injustice pass so I can see him at your metaphorical trial, as well.”
“And you?” The question wasn’t meant to slip past his lips but it did.
Changbin looked down. “Sure, why not.”
He snorted. “You gave me shelter yet wouldn’t defend my right for justice? Weird morals.”
“Don’t talk to me about morals.”
He had the decency to shut his mouth; even if it was who knew how early in the morning, the crushing guilt came back tenfold. He stared intently at the boy before him - the one he insulted without a reason, the one he wished he had never met– the one who indirectly got him in that situation. He knew it wasn’t Changbin’s fault - the circumstances so happened not to be in Seungmin’s favor..
Yet, in a weird way, Changbin being the one to take him from the street felt right.
A payment back for the trouble.
Speaking of which. “Where are your parents?”
“At work, they leave very early.” Changbin began as he stood, walking up to a closet somewhere deeper into the room. Seungmin did not follow him with eyes, instead stood up to stretch. “My parents aren’t as strict as yours.. which is why they don’t know you’re here. Still.” The elder punctuated, looking over his shoulder. “I don’t think they would mind but they would get unnecessarily worried.”
“I don’t think it’s unnecessary.” Seungmin frowned. “I kind of don’t have a home now.”
Changbin paused his research of the closet, slowly turning around to fully look at him. “Uhm, Seungmin, correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t you a nerd to your core?” He didn’t care for the murderous glare Seungmin gave him. “Perfect grades, part of the baseball team, never been contaminated by cigarettes or alcohol or weed? You mean to tell me you were thrown out unceremoniously just because?”
“Wow, be careful, your small stature can’t carry such big words.” He had to irritate the elder otherwise he would start crying. “Yes, I am what most people would call ‘the perfect student’. Unfortunately that does not change my parents’ opinion on certain sore topics.. such as you.” Changbin’s brows furrowed. “You handed a duplicate of your school badge to Jisung, right? Unbeknownst to me, it ended up in my backpack and..” He looked away - the memories an inescapable force he had been trying to ignore the whole time. “Well, you know.”
“Not really.” The elder walked up to him, fresh clothes on his forearm. There was an emotion in-between his brows that Seungmin could unfortunately not read. He wasn’t sure how long he would– could– extend his stay but he made it his mission to decipher that emotion. “Change, breakfast will await you in a few. I usually skip it, but you need the energy.” He shrugged. “Something to get you going.”
“Oh,” He stared at the clothes now in his arms, then up at Changbin. “I– Hyung, thank you.”
The elder made a dismissive noise. “No need.” He waved him off. “Hurry up.”
And then he left the room. Seungmin stared at the door for a few moments before doing as told.
…
“Why?”
A week had passed since he was kicked out. He moved most of his belongings - by Changbin’s request - when his parents were at work, at first with reluctance, since they would definitely see things suddenly missing, right? What if they decided to prevent him from doing that? He was confused about what to expect from his parents anymore. It messed with his brain, was he abandoned– disowned?
Nothing felt real or right.
(Nothing was right.)
“Why what?” Changbin didn’t spare him a glance.. since he was driving - it had become a new routine of Seungmin waiting for the elder to finish school so both could drive back to his. The younger refused at first - he felt guilty enough as it was, Changbin was doing so much - but Changbin’s insistence - and threat to kick him out - won; there were too many emotions in Seungmin’s head to deal with that.
That being Changbin wanting to help him, hence his question.
“Why am I here?” He looked down at his lap, in the car he learned like the back of his hand, a frustrated shout choking him. It was just– so much. “Why am I living rent free in your home? Shouldn’t I be paying you back somehow? Why did you go out of your way for me?”
Changbin sighed tiredly like he always did when Seungmin brought up the topic.
“Don’t repeat–”
“You always think about yourself, have you thought about how this looks from my side? Kim Seungmin, a younger than me student, gets kicked out of his own home. You expect me to just continue with my life not doing anything about it, knowing I can help you? Or - at least - give necessities as, I don’t know, a roof above your head? Food, water?” The volume of his voice increased but his hands were still on the wheel, driving at the right speed, even if with a white-knuckled grip. “Have you thought how guilty I would feel if I didn’t?”
Seungmin’s brows furrowed. “Why would you feel guilty?”
“Because I fucking care!” Changbin finally turned to meet his gaze; half-crazed, half-pitiful. “Whatever light you’ve painted me in is the wrong shade. I don’t know from where you got the genius idea that I don’t care about anything or anyone, but I do. I’m not heartless.”
He winced. “I never said that.”
“You imply it - constantly at that.” Changbin sighed after parking in front of his house. Neither willing to break the silence or exit the vehicle, not yet - there was still way too much tension left unresolved from their first conversation. Frankly, it was Seungmin’s fault for.. everything - he should’ve apologized properly already, should have found a way to repay Changbin– “Hey, Seungmin-ah, stop thinking.”
“What?”
“Stop overthinking.” As it became obvious saying something out loud could not make the thing instantly happen, Changbin stretched out his hand with another, but softer, sigh. “Can you?” Seungmin eyed the hand for a second but still took it; rough and warm, firm hold.
He liked the feeling, weirdly enough.
“I can’t imagine how much goes through your head right now, I can only assume it feels awful, surreal, hopeless.” He almost didn’t jump out of surprise at the softness in Changbin’s voice. “I wanted to help as much as I could because I have the ability to do so and I know I’m not your favorite, that much’s obvious, though I still want to make sure you survive. Who knows what godforsaken ditch you’d be in if not? You don’t deserve that–” Seungmin was this close to interrupting but Changbin beat him to it. “You don’t. You are a good person.”
“I am–”
“Man, it’s always a challenge with you!” The elder huffed but his hold became tighter. “I have forgiven you, Kim Seungmin - is that what you want to hear?” A beat of silence. “Do you think people with worse intentions haven’t insulted me? Yours couldn’t even count for one. I just.. overreacted, quite honestly. It didn’t even pull a string, if you’re that worried about it. I’ve encountered worse and the worst.”
“Definitely not concerning.”
“Aw, Minnie, I didn’t know you cared so much about me!”
Seungmin merely rolled his eyes as he looked away. (Why was his heart pounding?)
“No, actually, it’s okay.”
“Hopefully.”
“My parents love you.”
“Because I’m a good student.”
“Because you’re nice.” Changbin pulled his hand, ending up turning him around with their faces closer than before. “You’re nice, smart, can hold a meaningful conversation, you care for your friends.” The eye contact felt a bit too intimate. “What more do you want to prove?”
He shook his head in defeat because, in full honesty, he had no idea. Guilt had haunted him for months on end so now that he had nothing to feel guilty about, allegedly, it felt weird. Not really freeing but frustrating. Suddenly he couldn’t handle looking Changbin in the eye– those literal piercing eyes which made him want to die on the inside– and his gaze landed on the lips.. involuntarily, of course.
The lips moved but Seungmin didn’t hear a thing.
They moved closer..
Before he knew it, he was receiving his first kiss from a boy he despised months before. It was feather-light and insanely soft, not enough to call it a proper kiss, but having who it was from, it rewired Seungmin’s brain to think it was everything. He closed his eyes and tilted his head in a request for more which, to his surprise, he received - the kiss became deeper and firmer, but remaining soft and gentle.
Changbin’s free hand cradled the side of his face. “You’re not alone, you know?”
He scoffed; it sounded bitter.
“I mean it.”
“Promise?” He would feel silly for putting up his pinky later but, at the moment, he was dead serious.
He was ready for the mocking laughter to follow, even told himself he wouldn’t blame the elder, however the last thing he expected was for Changbin’s eyes to squint with.. fondness? His smile turned into a gummy-like one and it was so beautiful, it was doing things to his heart– He was terrifyingly close to giggling at the sight before him. What was happening? Why was– “I wholeheartedly promise.”
He blinked. “Actually?”
Changbin nodded, taking Seungmin’s pinkie in his. “Actually.”
Warmth spread in Seungmin’s chest and for the first time he allowed himself to smile. “Thank you..”
“Hyung.” The elder supplied.
“Binnie-hyung?”
Changbin rolled his eyes fondly. “Don’t push your luck.” He bit his lip in thought. “It works, I guess.”
Seungmin beamed. “Thank you. I can’t say it enough.”
“You know what will make me feel better?” He raised a brow. “Not hearing you constantly apologize.”
He huffed. “Okay.. if you want it.”
Changbin chuckled, squeezing their still intertwined hands. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
He was sure his face turned a shade of pink. “Whatever.”
“Now can we go inside? It’s not exactly warm here.”
Quickly after they exited the car, then were greeted by Changbin’s mother and ate for late lunch.
Seungmin’s chest felt an insignificant, but still obvious, bit lighter.
…
“Hyunjin wants to hang out.” Changbin announced in-between bites of candy. The crunch was uncomfortably loud but Seungmin ignored it. “He misses the summer hangouts and wants to somehow bring them back which, considering it’s not summer, will be a challenge.”
“Not impossible.” He hummed.
“Right. Gum?”
“Everything but mint.”
The elder chuckled, pocketing a small packet from his joint hoodie pocket. “I hate mint, too.” Strawberry flavored, oddly fitting. As the weeks continued to roll one after another, he came to a conclusion that Changbin was a total opposite from what he thought.. about most things.
His maturity, even if consisting of one year, was more evident when it was just the two of them, whenever they held thoughtful conversations. There were still things they didn’t agree about, naturally, but Seungmin also learned a lot, and in his opinion it was worth the fight.
“How are they?” He found his voice a minute later.
Changbin looked up at him with a raised brow. “Pretty good, I would say. Chan and Minho are dominating the ranklist, but what’s new– only one studies and you can guess who.” Seungmin chuckled. “Speaking of.. He’s been asking about you. I meant it when I said he sees you as a brother..” A pause. “He felt guilty, that idiot, when he could not immediately help you. His selflessness is something else.”
Seungmin’s eyes widened slightly. “Really?”
The latter hummed in confirmation. “He offered to move you into his home.”
He bit his lip, contemplating his next words. “Even if he personally asked me, I would’ve still declined. Even back then.” His head hung low, the fear of reading Changbin’s reaction in those piercing eyes commanding his body to surrender. He could not– would not– take it back - the unmistakable vulnerability of the confession would call out his bluff. Just this one time, he immediately chose the truth.
It was what Changbin deserved.
“Can I ask why that is?”
He lifted his head only to glare at the latter; he sounded way too smug. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Oh, I won’t, just.. curious.”
“You’re always curious.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Well, no–”
Before he knew it the elder took his wrist and pulled, which resulted in him almost toppling over. Seungmin’s hand supported his weight next to Changbin’s shoulder, the elder half-laying with the biggest grin on his face. He was sure his face was turning alarmingly red, but he refused to be a buffoon so, with all the courage in the world, he leaned forward. His free hand landed around Changbin’s upper arm.
“I hate you.”
“We know.” Changbin straightened up on his elbows, bringing their faces closer. Seungmin was surprised that he managed to keep the eye contact, which also meant he didn’t notice as one of Changbin’s arms moved to wrap around his torso. “Why do you want to kiss, then?”
Seungmin scoffed. “I never said such–”
For once his reflexes worked in his favor, preventing Changbin’s mouth from clashing onto his, though that meant it landed on his jaw instead, where the latter began trailing short pecks. He groaned, exaggerated and annoyed, but didn’t move any more. Stupid, he thought.
“Needy.” was what came out.
“You wanna know something about me?” Seungmin thought of saying no but even he knew it wouldn’t have been genuine. He tilted his head for the elder to continue. “I am not greedy for anything I don’t have.. but I’m the greediest person when I already have something.”
He lifted an unimpressed brow.
“It’s true, ask anyone who knows me.” Changbin shrugged as much as he could. “So.. you know..”
“Are you implying I am yours?” He asked bluntly, tone neutral; it wasn’t enough to hide the hammering of his heart in his ribcage. He wasn’t sure exactly why he felt in such a way but the feeling showed up– unannounced, demanding– every time the elder would give a longer look, something constantly simmering in the depths of his gaze. The same emotion from the day Changbin’s true self first shone.
Changbin cackled in response, loud and slightly painful to the ears but still comforting. “I didn’t expect something so vulgar to come out of little Minnie’s mouth.” He giggled, then sighed at Seungmin’s glare. “Gets annoying? Gotcha.” Their eyes met once more. “I could.”
“What?”
“I could be implying it.” The elder wasn’t smiling anymore. “If you want me to be yours, too.”
He blinked. “But.. why?”
“You’re cute, I dunno.” Changbin shrugged, aiming for nonchalant but Seungmin could see his pinkening cheeks and eyes which refused to make eye contact. “I thought it was a fleeting crush, something time would take away, and after our little falling out I was even more sure. But then everything else happened and we see each other constantly if we’re not at school. I’ve been mesmerized ever since.”
Seungmin couldn’t help but snort. “Didn’t think you were the romantic type.”
“I’m being serious, Seungmin.” The latter moved them so Seungmin was sitting across in his lap, arms securely wrapped around his waist, forehead resting on his shoulder. “If it’s weird just say, though I don’t think you.. would mind. You would have said something earlier if so.”
“It’s not.. that.” He frowned, eyes boring onto the bed they were currently on.
“What is it, then?”
“I.. I really don’t know. That is my problem.” Seungmin pressed the heels of his palms on his eye sockets until he saw stars. He felt the familiar frustration come back, his throat closing in itself. “Nothing feels.. certain. Nothing has felt certain for weeks and I don’t know if I..”
“If you what?” Changbin prompted gently; he guided Seungmin’s hands away from his face.
“I want so much but I don’t know if I deserve it anymore. Can I have you?” Can I have anything?
“Of course you can, Min. My goodness– you deserve everything the world took from you.” In Changbin’s tone he could read not only conviction but also anger. He wasn’t sure whom it was pointed at, though for once he knew it wasn’t at him. “I’m yours, always have been.”
“Can I kiss you?” He spoke before his voice could crack.
The elder’s nod and reassuring smile were the last pieces of the puzzle which always prevented Seungmin from doing anything he wanted. He captured Changbin’s lips in his and didn’t move; seconds turned into a minute, but he didn’t move. Maybe he had asked the wrong question, he absently thought, since all he wanted at the moment was the physical feeling of Changbin’s dependent, damning safety.
Dependent, because he could not imagine himself without it.
Damning, because it was obvious.
In a way, it was ironic, as well. He liked to think he was forgiven so he could laugh about it.
“Did that make you feel better?” Changbin asked the moment his mouth was freed.
Seungmin nodded. “It did but I feel stupid.”
The latter glared at him. “What am I to do with you?” He sighed. “Keep you, I guess.”
He liked the thought quite a lot.
…
He had no idea how Changbin convinced him to 1) stay out past midnight and 2) do things he couldn’t be forced to do even with his life on the line, but there he was, on a Friday night, after dinner, where the elder had dragged them out of their house to meet up with Chan, Minho and Hyunjin and spend the following hours either at the skatepark or walking around the city. A comfortable, rather calm hangout.
Until it wasn’t.
It didn’t get uncomfortable– though Seungmin would have considered himself uncomfortable if Changbin hadn’t indirectly got him used to things. For example, buying alcohol since three out of their group were of age. He couldn’t lie, the fact no rule was technically broken did make him a significant amount better. Besides, he had Hyunjin with whom to talk while the elders drank carelessly two bottles.
“How’s it, living with Bin-hyung?” Hyunjin asked next, head drawn back to look at the cloudy sky.
“Good, I could say.” More than I thought I would get. “His parents are very sweet and caring.” Hyunjin hummed affirmatively. “There’s a guest bedroom, apparently, but he insisted it was fine sleeping in his. His bed is big for three anyway.” He rolled his eyes. “But, yeah– good.”
“Good to hear that you have somewhere to go.” The latter must have realized the meaning in his words, wincing slightly, but pressed forward. “We were worried, you know. Even if we didn’t– probably still don’t– know each other well enough to say we are friends. I like to think we’re currently.” Hyunjin’s eye met his, a small smile on his face, illuminated by the moonlight. “Seungmin.. are you–”
“Up, younglings!” Minho’s voice, way too loud for the empty playground they were at and how stupidly late it was, boomed from behind them. A huge smile was plastered on his face, which probably meant he was drunk out of his mind. “It’s time to light up the dark streets!”
“Does he always speak in riddles?” Seungmin asked as they rose from the swings they were on beforehand.
Hyunjin shook his head. “I fear he means it literally.”
Before he could decide if he should worry or not, warmth wrapped around him in the form of Changbin hugging him from behind, arms around his stomach. He coughed from the stench of alcohol– bitter and concentrated– which came as the elder giggled into the crook of his neck. “Seungminnie! Can you do something for me without saying no? Please, just once. Your Changbin-hyung would do–”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” Hyunjin flicked the elder’s temple.
Changbin groaned, exaggerated and loud, right into his ear. Seungmin was surprised his hearing hadn’t been lost, having the amount of time he had spent with the latter, but he supposed it was something he had to get used to (and did). “I’m talking to my Minnie right now!”
My. It was dark enough where Seungmin’s flushed face wasn’t as obvious.
“Then turn the volume down, yeah?”
“Go suck Minho’s face for me, will you, Chan? Though you will do that anyways.” Changbin grinned, holding Seungmin closer. He was pretty sure Chan would have moved to smack him if Changbin was not still attached to him like a backpack. “So..” The elder turned to him lowly. “Firecrackers.. How do we feel about them?” He detached only to spin around and look at Seungmin’s searching eyes better.
“A bit too loud but pretty.” The younger squinted his eyes. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Changbin’s grin turned devious; it was obvious he was tipsy at the very least. “You’ll see.”
“I don’t like this.”
Ten minutes later, he still stood by his statement.
“Are you insane?” Seungmin whisper-shouted at Changbin, though his gaze traveled towards Minho’s direction as well, since apparently it was his idea. “Why do you love inconveniencing people? Worse, what if you got caught? Do you want to get arrested– fined– just because of boredom?” An ugly rage dressed every word with venom. It wasn’t that he was angry - no, surprisingly it wasn’t that.
It was because he cared. He wasn’t sure how he ended up taking a liking to these boys so much quicker than any other stranger, but it was a fact he did. His main concern wasn’t law breaking– something which used to guide his every decision and opinion– but his friends’ safety.
Yes, they were his friends, as well.
“Do you think this is the first time we light firecrackers?” Minho lifted an unimpressed brow, something akin to a snarl tugging at his lips. “Do you think we’re dumb enough to get caught? Besides, why do you care so much? It’s simply fun. Get this stick out of your ass.”
“Minho-ya,” Chan warned. His eyes moved to Seungmin’s. “No one will see you.”
“It’s not about me–”
“Min,” Changbin grabbed him by the shoulders. “Nothing will happen to us, we’ll duck. It’s fine.”
Even though Seungmin’s eyes continued skimming over the three older boys with worry– no conviction in sight– he tried to seem calm when Minho and Changbin walked towards the street. Seungmin, Hyunjin and Chan ducked between two houses to watch from a safe distance where nothing and no one could see them; good thing they were in the outskirts of town, too. His nervousness’ levels spiked anyway.
It meant they were far, far away from Seungmin’s home which, strangely enough, made him calm.
It made him.. smile.
Was it right to feel happy so far away from home? (Was it his true home in the first place?)
It didn’t matter, since his smile dropped with the piercing sound of firecrackers going off, loud laughter accompanying it as the two missing boys threw themselves into the space the rest hid at. Changbin’s smile was wide and his eyes shone with a type of thrill he had never seen from him before. Minho was similar, laughing widely in Chan’s embrace - it was borderline maniac. Seungmin’s eyes looked forward.
The sound exaggerated the actual scene, with the radius the firecrackers took not as big as he expected. He would admit, it was a pretty sight; rainbow-colored pompoms exploding not even a meter above the ground. It didn’t leave much behind, too, simply ash and sparks.
But attention it gained.
They didn’t stick around for long enough to see just how many people came out of their homes in search of the culprit who woke them up at one in the morning. Minho and Changbin giggled and talked excitedly with one another the whole way back to the playground they occupied earlier, Hyunjin joining in here and there. Chan was simply watching them with a smile that seemed infectious; Seungmin smiled, as well.
“See, Kim Seungmin? None of us got caught. We’re professionals.” Minho turned to him.
“Right, I believe you.”
“I love firecrackers, man, they never get old. Channie, did you see that old lady’s face? Oh my goodness, she seemed this close to having a panic attack, I swear!” Changbin got the words out in-between pits of laughter. He supported himself on Chan’s shoulder as he spoke. “I’m so– I should’ve invited you sooner, Min, isn’t it so fun?” His smile was blinding and eyes wild, recklessness shone in them.
“I.. guess.” He hesitated for a moment. “What was that about the old lady?”
Changbin visually sobered up at his tone. “Oh, I was exaggerating. She seemed fine, just.. startled.”
“Oh.”
“You are down bad–”
“Shut up,” Changbin murmured in Minho’s direction while his eyes never left Seungmin’s; the excitement changed to exhaustion, the thrill disappeared. “Let’s go home, shall we? It’s late.” Everyone quickly agreed, goodbyes and plans for future hangouts thrown in the air, all while Changbin remained staring at Seungmin, as if he had just realized he was with them. A bit bittersweet, the concept of it.
Did he fit into the group that well.. or was he easily forgettable?
They didn’t talk on the short walk back to Changbin’s, the night finally taking a toll on them; Seungmin was surprised he didn’t pass out somewhere on the way now that it was quiet. As they entered the house, he dared a glance in Changbin’s direction, who was already looking at him. “Hyung.. did you have fun?” He asked instead of what he actually wanted to say. “It was.. exhilarating, wasn’t it?”
“Do you mean it or are you just saying it?”
He sighed. “It’s not something I would do for fun, obviously, but.. it wasn’t that bad.”
Even though the elder was tired, his eyes shone. “Really?”
Seungmin nodded. “I think Felix will like it better, though. Make sure to invite him next time.”
“Will pass the message.” Changbin wrapped his arms around the younger’s neck. “I want you to partake in my hobbies, Minnie. I want you to become a part of my routine outside of home. I..” Changbin’s head lolled to the side. “I don’t want this to end. Can I keep you forever?”
His eyes widened at the confession but, in full honesty, he would be a liar if he said he had not thought about it too - for how long things would remain the way they were. He knew he would graduate in a year and a half, get into university, then probably work multiple part-time jobs to survive. He used to think his parents would be there to pay at least for the first year.. Now, Seungmin’s only hope was himself.
“Things don’t work like that, Bin.”
Changbin closed his eyes. “I know.” He chuckled. “For the first time, I wish I could stay a student.”
“Why?”
He smiled sadly. “So I could keep coming back to you.”
Seungmin was sure a firecracker had exploded in his chest. The spectrum of emotions that went through him– happiness, shock, guilt, disappointment– was covered by his blank expression. It sounded crazy.. but he believed Changbin. He could feel the sincerity of his words.
“Let’s make the most of it.” He whispered before locking his lips onto Changbin’s.
He lived in the moment for as long as he could.
…
Heavy snow poured on the windowsill, covering everything and anything in blinding white - no traffic could be seen; frankly, almost nothing could be seen - it was pouring that hard. It was late January– the holidays long having passed– everyone was still trying to make sense of how the calendar had changed not only its date but year. It was even weirder that the snow wasn’t on Seungmin’s windowsill.
“Whatcha looking at?” Changbin asked from behind him, probably not looking up from his laptop.
Seungmin shrugged nonetheless. “Just.. the snow. It’s deadly outside.”
The elder snorted. “And you wanted to go outside.”
“I didn’t think it would get this bad.”
“Yeah, yeah,” A pause. “Hey, Min.”
“Hm?”
“I– Can you turn around first?” Seungmin rolled his eyes fondly but listened, laying against the radiator under the window. Changbin’s gaze was stuck on his bed, laptop left to the side. “I’m suggesting more than asking.. but.. I would love to take the– next step.” He coughed.
For a long moment Seungmin stared at the elder– his rapidly heating face, hand clenching into a shaky fist then relaxing– and his first interpretation of the words, though probably wrong, got him choking on nothing. “Hyung, what are you– You want to have sex with me already?”
Changbin finally looked up, eyes comically wide. “What? No! Well, not no, but– I’m not talking about that, Seungmin!” He shook his head, grinning. “Geez, didn’t think you found me this hot. Tempting offer but I shall pass. Unless..” He raised a brow; no teasing, just curiosity.
“What– what do you mean, then?” Seungmin ignored the unasked question.
“I want to call you my boyfriend, Minnie.” Oh. “Of course, if you are comfortable–”
“I am.” The words flew out of his mouth before he could register them. He bit his lip, his gaze refusing to meet Changbin’s, even though he could feel the latter’s following his every move. “Nothing to worry about. I want to be your boyfriend, too. I think it’s been overdue.”
“Has it?” Changbin chuckled, it sounded sad. “I suppose it has. I just don’t know.. how it’ll work.”
“What do you mean?”
The latter gave him an unimpressed look. “Two boys dating isn’t exactly.. usual.”
“So what?” Seungmin scoffed, crossed his arms and took a step forward. “Honestly, at this point I couldn’t care less what other people have to say about it. Hell, my parents can say whatever, I wouldn’t care. There is nothing wrong and if people think there is.. Well, I don’t care.”
Many things changed during his residence - not only had his perspective of Changbin changed drastically, he changed, as well. He was not as careful about unimportant things and let himself experience and enjoy things. He still wasn’t the type to smoke ‘out of curiosity’ but was more independent in his choices. Some things were not as serious as he used to think they were. Experimenting wasn’t a crime.
Being a teenager– emotional, curious, wrong– wasn’t a crime.
Being himself should not be less legal.
“They can call me all the names under the sun, hate me, see me differently.. I just want you.” The younger sat in front of Changbin and intertwined the fingers on both their hands. “It was you who offered me a home when no one else could and it was your kind heart which captivated mine.” Seungmin chuckled when Changbin looked away, an evident red blush on his face. “I am so incredibly lucky to have you.”
“I am going to melt into a fucking puddle.” The elder scoffed, ducking his head.
“Don’t worry, one minute outside and you’ll be back in shape!”
“Nothing will make me go in this cold.”
“Aw, even me?” He pouted with a tilt of his head.
He could see the inner battle through Changbin’s eyes. “You really love to play with my heart, huh?”
“Duh, that’s what boyfriends are for.”
They stood there– holding hands and not quite meeting each other’s eye– for quite some time.
…
“Hello, is a boy named Kim Seungmin here?”
Seungmin’s heart dropped at the achingly familiar voice he had not heard in months. He and Changbin were working on their separate homework in the living room (for once, since he still wasn’t exactly comfortable doing anything in the Seo household without permission) when the doorbell rang on a Sunday afternoon. Seungmin had no idea how his mother found him but, nonetheless, it didn’t matter.
The question was, why was she looking for him?
“And who is asking?” Bless Changbin’s mom for answering the door but also not answering immediately.
“His mother, thank you very much. I think it’s been long enough and he should return home.”
He would never admit to the stinging of his eyes, the rapid beating of his heart. He met Changbin’s gaze across the table, a mixture of concern and weird sense of readiness in his eye, then over his shoulder towards the entrance. He was frozen in place, too scared to move or talk.
“From what I understand, you kicked out your own son. You mean to tell me, months later, you finally decided to take him back?” Changbin’s mother’s tone was calm but sharp. “Have you not considered the possibility of Seungmin not having someone to offer him shelter? Also, what if Changbin didn’t take him from the street the moment he found out? And how did you know Seungmin resided here?”
Seungmin could not see but heard his mother’s snarl. “I do not think a mother of a son like yours should be talking to me about parenting.” Seungmin’s eyes narrowed. “In fact, you are probably clueless as to what your son– Changbin or whatever– gets up to without you knowing.”
“You dare knock on my door to judge my son?” Changbin’s mother raised her voice.
“Oh, please, I–”
“Enough, mom.” Seungmin wasn’t sure where he got the bravery to show himself at the door, however he found himself almost immediately regretting it. “We have not talked in months– you couldn’t have known if I was alive or not– and your first instinct is to disrespect the ones who sheltered me?” A part of him wanted to cry - who was this woman? That was not his mom. “Disrespect is the first–”
“First thing I told you never to do, I know.” His mom looked between him and something over his shoulder. Her gaze sharpened. “I cannot believe you continued surrounding yourself with such.. individuals.. after–” Her mouth snapped shut. “You are coming back home with me.”
“No.”
A heavy moment of silence. “Excuse me?”
“You kicked me out over a badge that accidentally ended up in my backpack. You didn’t let me explain myself before jumping to conclusions.” Each word was a punch to the heart - he never thought a day would come where he’d talk against his mother. “I’d rather stay here.”
His mom stared at him with wide eyes. “Here?” She sounded angry. “In a house of addicts–”
“Ms Kim, I would advise you to leave before I call the police.”
“Police? I will be the one calling the police on you.” She looked back at Seungmin with a look suspiciously close to smugness. He felt sick. “You are underage and– as your parent– I have full custody over you. You will come home one way or another, Seungmin.” He flinched at the fake sweetness in her tone, it startled him just how different the person in front of him was. “I am forgiving, don’t worry.”
“This sounds like a threat.” Changbin spoke from behind him. The younger instinctively leaned towards him and a hand found itself on his shoulder. “In my opinion, Ms Kim, your rights over Seungmin should be taken from you after proving your inability– refusal, I think– to provide a comfortable and safe household for an underaged student. But who am I to say anything? A delinquent, am I right?”
His mother’s eye twitched. “If you do not give back my son, I will sue.”
Seungmin’s chest felt hollow the entire time, yet somehow the feeling intensified at the threat.
“Go for it–”
“No court.” Seungmin raised his voice, gaining three pairs of eyes on him. The hand around his shoulder squeezed him tight. There it was, that ancient guilt - he thought he had escaped it, but nothing negative truly disappeared, did it? It came back in waves– each one taller and taller– suffocating you when you least expect it. He had got too much anyway. “I.. I’ll come. Just– transporting my things will take time.”
The grip tightened at the same time as his mom’s face relaxed. “Of course. I’ll wait for you.”
“Outside, if it’s not an issue.” Changbin’s mother said gravely, already on the way to close the door.
A stiff nod. “I’ll just come back tomorrow. Be ready until then, Seungmin-ah.”
He nodded. “I will be.”
The moment the front door closed, Seungmin was turned around so quickly he felt dizzy, with Changbin’s wide and angry eyes boring into him. “Seungmin– what the fuck? How could you possibly agree to this? If she wants to sue us, we will literally win, there is no way–”
“Changbin-hyung,” Seungmin closed his eyes because he was sure he would cry if he didn’t. “Whatever you are about to say won’t change my mind. She’s my mom, of course I should be returning home at some point. I told you.. forever does not exist. And I feel bad.”
“Kim Seungmin, if you–”
“Oh my goodness, you talk like we don’t chat every time we’re not in the same room.” It was ridiculous, just how attached they had been the past few months. It would be weird going home without a cute boy driving him, without said boy being right next to him on the daily. Well, he supposed he would simply return back to living normally. “There is nothing to worry about, Bin-hyung. I promise you.”
Changbin didn’t seem convinced but the decision was taken. “Okay.. Well, not okay, but you know.”
He snorted. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
It was unfortunate just how right he was.
…
He didn’t allow himself to kiss Changbin goodbye, even if sneakily, so instead they kissed one another senseless for hours on end the night before, with Changbin’s arms securely holding him pressed against his chest and his own hands playing and tugging at Changbin’s hair.
“Mine?” He breathed out.
“Yours.” Changbin didn’t even finish the word before their lips collided once more.
For as much as he hated the boy months prior, he found himself loving him tenfold at the moment.
And forever.