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As I disembarked from the transport onto Preservation Station I felt a sense of relief that I hadn’t in a long time.
It was the first time in months that I could just be me in public. I hadn’t even disembarked from the transport yet when I’d received a series of greeting pings from a variety of station bots that recognized my hard feed address when I came in range. I sent the equivalent of return greetings, but that was it. JollyBaby let me know that it hadn’t seen anything unusual lately. That was comforting. I sent an acknowledgement and a thank you. It was comforting to know there was a bot keeping an eye out when I couldn’t. Preservation Station Security had come a long way, but still, bots see things humans can't.
As soon as I was on Preservation Station decking, I opened my Feed ID.
Name: Rin
Gender: Indeterminate
I had removed the Occupation tag when I left ART. I didn’t need another transport trip where I became unpaid security/interpersonal counselor. I don’t mind the Security thing that much, but it seems to come with counsellor duties too, which I do sort of mind. Let’s face it. If you are so desperate that I am your interpersonal counsellor, you have some serious issues.
Did the whole me being ‘off duty’ thing stop me from intervening when an altercation started in the lounge by my cabin? No. No it did not. It was only the one incident though.
My Rin ID swapped to my Preservation ID.
Name: SecUnit
Gender: Not Applicable
I hadn't liked even having a feed ID, at first, but now after being "Rin" for months, changing it back to "SecUnit" felt... good.
Yeah, yeah, Emotion Check. Relief. Comfortable. Relaxed? Maybe. Relaxed as I ever get, anyway.
Whatever. That's enough.
I didn’t mind being Security Consultant Rin. I actually kind of liked the name. I even had a feeling that it would feel good to change my ID back when that time came again, but for now I relished the moment to be just “SecUnit” again. I’m not human. I don’t want to be human, and I welcomed the moment where I didn’t have to pretend to be an augmented human for awhile.
Not that my Rin identity has to be me pretending an augmented human forever. It just is for now. My presence and what I am is very slowly becoming not-so secret at PSUMNT.
The commercial transport however... that was another story. I definitely had to pretend there. Now, I don't have to. I am back on Preservation!
Speaking of not pretending, my drones zipped off into the station. All of them. Every. Single. Fucking. One. The return of their inputs felt so freeing! It was like a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders that I hadn’t known I was carrying.
I might have… laughed…? No. No way. Surely not.
My Performance Reliability had jumped up to 99.8%! That’s higher than I’ve seen it in… maybe ever?
I hadn't been able to use drones on the transport. I had to be careful about using them during the teaching run too as some of the students might recognize them as specific to SecUnits. They were technically intel drones, and an augmented human could use them, but from a practical standpoint, they were almost exclusively used by SecUnits. Also, augmented humans could only use one or two at a time. I preferred multiple swarms of them.
ART gave me access to its cameras during the teaching run, so it wasn't too bad, and I could still use a few drones in crew only areas where students weren’t allowed, but I had missed really using my drones. Cameras are great and all, but it’s not the same. SecUnits are designed to use drones.
I split my drones into three swarms.
Having my swarms back, I felt better than I had in months… I might have to talk to Captain Seth about the whole… pretending to be an augmented human (who can’t use drones) situation on those long runs like that. Most of the permanent staff that would be aboard ART could sign NDAs that would cover letting them know what I really am, even if they don’t have high enough clearance to know what ART really is. (I’m not convinced that the people who created ART actually know what ART really is anymore.) It was the visiting staff and the students that could be a potential problem.
Before the trip started, ART warned me that Tarik had immediately recognized the intel drones as being meant for SecUnits. His sort of background was certainly not common among the PSUMNT students or visiting staff, (or anywhere for that matter. You don’t just leave Corporate Death Squads.) but there were several groups who might be familiar enough with SecUnits to know that, and they weren't unheard of at PSUMNT.
I kept my MoveLikeAHuman code running, because, I only really turn that off when I’m on cargo runs or missions with ART when there aren’t humans around other than maybe its crew. Three and I have been around enough they’re used to us. While my Preservation humans don’t mind the way I move when my code is off, there are a lot of other people on Preservation who find it disconcerting.
This most recent trip with ART had been a term of teaching and deep space mapping. It had been mostly quiet. I had gotten through quite a few of ART's trauma modules and had gotten a much needed break from the more dangerous assignments, but I had definitely missed my Preservation humans.
My drones found Ratthi, and I let a swarm circle him, swirling around him starting near the ground then spiraling upward before taking a holding pattern over his head. Two other swarms went in search of my other humans.
“SecUnit!” Ratthi laughed! I think I actually smiled as I moved toward him. He lifted both hands and did a sort of tapping the air with both hands gesture towards me with a big grin on his face. It was something he had decided on as an alternative to a greeting hug. Most of my humans did it now. Even ART’s humans would greet me with the gesture, especially if we hadn’t seen each other in awhile.
“Hey Ratthi. Um... What did you do to your hair?”
“You like it?”
I didn’t. I had enough tact not to actually say anything, but I think my face must have said it for me. It looked like he was wearing a small, particularly fluffy, deceased fauna on his head. Not that I was much better about caring for my own hair, but his seemed particularly unruly and sort of matted in spots? I had at least run my fingers through mine recently, and I had actually used a comb and everything at the beginning of the ship cycle.
Maybe Amena's lectures about caring for it were sort of rubbing off on me.
“That’s the face Gurathin made when he saw it too.”
I made another face, probably more annoyed this time, and Ratthi laughed. I checked the footage from Ratthi's drones. Definitely annoyed.
One of my drone swarms spotted Gurathin, the final swarm headed for Mensah's office. She was either in her office or on her way, and the drones would intercept. She wasn't the head of the Planetary Council anymore, but as she made progress in her own trauma treatment, she had taken a lower position on the council recently.
"Come on.” Ratthi said, “Mensah’s in a meeting for about another hour. Bharadwaj is on her way up from the planet and should be on the next transport to dock. Pin-Lee was going to be here, but her meeting with her last client of the day is running long. Arada, Overse and Volescu will be up tomorrow. And Gurathin— Oh, there he is.”
“SecUnit.” Gurathin greeted. I nodded in response. He did a less enthusiastic version of Ratthi’s greeting.
I sent the swarm around Gurathin to go find Pin-Lee. While they were generally heading towards her office, I let them spread out around the station.
Be free, little drones. It felt so good to have them back!
We waited for Bharadwaj’s shuttle before heading back toward Mensah’s office together. Then we made our way to Ratthi’s station housing where we had a “Welcome Home Party.” Ratthi’s words. It was mostly the humans snacking in the kitchen (which I avoided, because ew.) in between hanging out in the main room. I was allowed to interact with who I pleased when I chose to.
This is why I appreciate my Preservation humans.
I passed a historical docudrama I had come across on to Pin-Lee and Bharadwaj. It was the sort of drama that followed the known events as closely as possible, so was much more of a documentary than most. Bharadwaj promised to watch it as soon as she got the opportunity, and we could talk about it afterward. I tapped an acknowledgement to her feed because I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to talk about the documentary. I just… I needed her to see it.
Pin-Lee was excited about it. I had watched several historical docudramas with her.
“Will you be on station long enough for us to watch this one together?”
“I’ll be here for about a month. ART’s getting some maintenance done, and will pick me up when it starts its next assignment.”
“That should be plenty of time.”
“Yes… I’ve already seen it though, and ART… sort of banned me from watching it again.”
She gave me a skeptical look. Like she didn’t believe for a moment that I would accept being banned by ART as a good reason not to watch something.
“I… definitely shouldn’t watch it again. Karime would say it “hit close to home.””
That she seemed to accept.
“I’ll take a look. Thanks.”
Now that Bharadwaj and Pin-Lee both had the media file, I deleted it from my storage like I had promised ART I would.
~~~~~
Over the next several days on station, I went to several live performances. Frequently with Ratthi, but sometimes with one or more of my other humans.
It was good to be around them again. I spent most of my time either in my room on station or in Mensah’s office though.
I was in Mensah's office, "camped out" (as Pin-Lee called it) in my favorite spot on the end of a couch, when I noticed Mensah had a look. It was the sort of look she got when she was about to start a conversation that she knew I definitely did not want to have, but that she was sure was for my own good.
Uuuuuugh.
She was always right about it, but Uuuuuugh.
“Dr. Bharadwaj sent me a copy of that historical docudrama you gave her.”
Oh... oh, we were having this conversation. Yeah, I definitely did not want to have this conversation.
Ever.
My Performance Reliability dropped 0.5% instantly. I didn’t say anything, but I sat up a little straighter and looked down at the floor. My drones all turned to her. She knew that she had my attention.
“I watched it.”
I shouldn’t be surprised. Well, I suppose I wasn’t surprised. Maybe a little surprised.
“Pin-Lee told me that you two didn’t watch it together because you’ve already seen it.”
And there went another 0.7% Performance Reliability. Fan-fucking-tastic.
She did that thing where she was quiet for a long time, knowing that if she didn’t say anything for long enough that I would eventually answer the question she hadn’t asked. She's really good at that.
“I didn’t react well. ART banned me from watching it again.”
It wasn't a lie. ART had banned me from watching the media again, but I had gone along with it because it was right. I knew it was right. I hadn't been able to make myself delete the file entirely though. Not until it made it into the care of Bharadwaj and Pin-Lee. Bharadwaj was working on more documentaries, and the subject matter was relevant, and Pin-Lee appreciated the genre.
And maybe I needed some of my humans to see it. I needed them to know.
ART didn't want me keeping the file though. I had buried it in ART's archives until I had made my way back to Preservation for a visit while ART was having routine maintenance done.
It had made me promise not to watch it again, and to delete it after handoff, which I had done.
Mensah nodded and sat on the couch near me. She wasn’t touching me, but was close enough that we could.
“Did you want to talk about it?” Her words were gentle, and she was patient with my hesitance to answer.
“No.”
She nodded, and I think if I’d given it much longer, she would have let the conversation drop. This is why she is my favorite human. It is also why I continued.
“But I think I gave it to Bharadwaj and Pin-Lee because I need to.”
Now I had her attention. Even if she was careful to keep her eyes on the floor in front of us, which I appreciated.
The docudrama in question had followed the crew of a transport ship that docked on a small station in the Corporation Rim. While they were there, some of the crew was killed when a SecUnit had sent a command that had caused a couple of HaulerBots to malfunction, crash and explode. I doubt it had really used a console like they showed in the drama, it probably would have used the feed and a connection to HubSystem, but I think the console was to make the action clear to humans watching. The docudrama seemed surprisingly accurate. Even in the portrayal of the SecUnits. That was actually part of why I had reacted so poorly.
Seriously, someone did their homework. In shots focusing on humans, there was frequently a SecUnit standing guard, perfectly still somewhere in the background. I cannot stress enough how that does not happen in media. And yet...
Four SecUnits had been tasked with Searching for survivors. Two were performing actual Search and Rescue functions. Two others had been crushing any survivors they found, making them look like they had simply died as a result of the blast. In the end, the ‘incident’ had been attributed to “Equipment Failure.”
And yes, since it was a Corporation Rim explanation, SecUnits are very much considered equipment. It was definitely corporate speak for “Rogue” SecUnits.
“I never told you how I met ART.”
“Not the whole story, no.”
She could have called me out on changing the subject, but she didn't.
She’s so wonderfully patient. Looking back, meeting ART certainly doesn’t seem like it should really apply to why I had given my humans that historical docudrama.
I explained that I met ART when I ran away after Mensah bought me. It had taken me to RaviHyral and helped me pass as an augmented human and secure a contract so I could get a work visa for travel to Mining Facility Q.
She seemed amused by this, but I wasn't sure why, and she didn't interrupt so I kept going.
I explained meeting Rami, Maro and Tapan, and the job I did for them.
Mensah was patient with me as she always was. She didn’t pressure me to explain what this had to do with the media file.
“I thought you were returning to Preservation and would be safe when I left. I didn’t realize that…”
She laughed softly, but it was one of those sad laughs. Which is sort of a weird thing when you think about it. That’s what it was though. It wasn’t a happy laugh. It was sad. “I don’t think any of us ever thought everything that happened when you left would happen.”
I nodded, paused and continued.
“I needed to go. There were a lot of reasons.”
“There are frequently multiple reasons for a decision. Especially big decisions like that.”
I considered that for a moment, actually glancing toward her. I didn’t make eye contact, but I did look her direction for a moment before turning back to the floor.
That had been a big decision, and I felt like I was dissecting it all over again.
I was exhausted. This sort of conversation was always exhausting. I checked my power reserves, and they were lower than they should be, but still more than sufficient for now. This was Dr. Mensah though. I could do it for her. I knew I had hurt her when I left, and I had never explained why.
She deserved an explanation.
“One of the reasons was that I needed to know that you would be safe from me. I needed to know for sure if I hacked my Governor Module in order to cause the incident I vaguely remember there."
That got her attention. Again, she gave me the time I needed.
“The snippets of my memory that Gurathin found on that first survey. The one with the 57 miners. It’s organic. My primary, inorganic memory of the incident was wiped. My organic memory remembers being there though, but it's weird. Organic memories are harder to access, and mostly it only contains the really bad stuff. I remember… pieces. I remember bits of what I did. I remember how it smelled. I think it’s weird that I remember how it smelled… I remember the screams, and the blare of the alarms...”
“SecUnit?”
Oops, I lost about 15 seconds there. I checked my Performance Reliability. 72%. Not great. Not surprising given the topic of conversation.
“Sorry.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
This time I did make eye contact. Only for a moment.
“I understand, but… I think I need you to know.”
Mensah took her time to consider this. It felt like forever, even with my poor Performance Reliability. Humans are so slow. She’s patient with me though. I can return the favor.
“Alright. When you’re ready.”
I nodded and continued.
“ART and I found references to a mining facility called Ganaka Pit that had sort of just disappeared about the right time. The cause of the original closure had been attributed to “Equipment Failure.””
I watched through my drones as Mensah stiffened ever so slightly before relaxing again. She made a soft sound. It wasn’t quite a sigh, but it was a long exhale of air. I think she realized where this was going now. I think she understood what this had to do with the docudrama.
“After my RaviHyral clients were on their way back, I went down to Ganaka Pit.”
I have explained to her a few times that I used to store data in various other systems that had more space available than SecSystem or I did, and that if I did it right, data would be ‘accidentally’ deleted when various systems updated. She is very aware of how I was used for data mining, and that I had learned ways to highlight and hide certain data. It came up a lot after that initial survey with them. Like… a lot.
It turns out major Corporation Rim lawsuits make serious use of that sort of data.
Anyway, since I used to move that sort of data around myself, it meant that I knew where to look for what others had hidden. Or what SecSystem would have normally stored where it might have been forgotten and left behind by humans who cleaned up after "the incident."
“I found evidence that the facility’s… ComfortUnits,” yes, I used the official designation. ART better be happy about it. It doesn't know, but whatever, “had flagged a bad update, but the humans forced them to push it through anyway.”
I glanced at my slowly dropping Performance Reliability and my quickly dropping power reserves. Why did this have to take so much power? No, seriously. What the Fuck? I’m just talking.
“It didn’t do anything to the ComfortUnits. It was supposed to jump to the hauler bots, I think, and just slow things down, but it also jumped to SecSystem and infected the SecUnits.”
I didn't say 'including me', but it was heavily implied, and she seemed to understand. I didn't have to say it. I was so grateful that I didn't have to say it.
"It also affected the hauler bots, drones. Anything that had an inorganic brain and could move independently lost its mind. Except the ComfortUnits."
"Another mining company wanted to make quota first, so they engaged in some Corporate Sabotage bullshit. It was just supposed to lock down the hauler bots. Slow things down."
"Instead it was a massacre. Fifty seven humans and four ComfortUnits were killed by the facility's SecUnits and other bots. There were 10 SecUnits on site. I don’t know how many survived. One of the ComfortUnits managed to reach a control room and stop the attack. It was also killed before the shutdown fully engaged."
"It... was basically what GrayCris did to DeltFall, only bigger. What—"
"What they tried to do to us, but it didn't work because you didn't apply that update." Mansah stated gently.
I looked at the floor and waited. There was one more thing I needed her to understand.
"And you would have had to apply the update if you hadn't had a hacked governor module."
That. That was it.
My drones caught a moment when Mensah squeezed the side of her own thigh slightly. I’ve seen her do that before when she would squeeze another human’s shoulder. I think she wanted to squeeze my shoulder, but knew I wouldn’t like it.
“Those two SecUnits in the historical drama were following orders. Either through some sort of malware attack or because of a Combat Override module, or maybe just some shitty Supervisor told them to. They were under orders. They couldn’t—”
I stopped. I don’t know how I was going to finish that sentence. There weren’t words there anymore.
“I know.”
My Performance Reliability did a weird stutter at that. It dropped 5% and damned near dumped me into an involuntary shut down, then shot up 8%. And I was definitely having an emotion about that.
Emotion Check: Fuck off, I don't know what this one is. There's a lot of it though.
It wasn’t a terrible emotion.
Relief?
I think it was kind of relief, but… bigger. I don't know. I tagged it for later.
I looked at Mensah's hand. It was in her lap now. I reached toward it, and she lifted it slightly. I took her hand, holding it gently. Her hand was mostly soft, but it had just enough roughness that she clearly worked hard. It was warm and strong just like she is. She is my favorite human. It was hard for me to tell the story, but I knew it had been hard for her to hear it too.
“I know. I know they didn’t have a choice. I know you didn’t have a choice.” She repeated, squeezing my hand slightly. She understood. I didn’t have to explain more. I was so grateful that I didn’t have to explain more. “I’m glad you told me this. I know it was difficult.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything else. I released her hand and stood. She didn’t even startle like most humans do when I stand too quickly.
It was getting late.
“Humans need rest periods.”
And I needed a recharge cycle…
Mensah laughed softly then smiled warmly, like I hadn’t just told her about my whole… mass murder event.
“Alright, alright.” She stood as well and started getting her things together to head home. I waited and walked with her to be sure she made it safely. She didn’t say anything and neither did I.
I least not until we were at the door to her station housing.
“You’ll be by my office tomorrow, right?”
“Where else would I go?”
She smiled at that.
“You can go anywhere you want.”
“I know.”
She smiled and went inside. I left a drone to keep an eye on her, and I went home for that recharge.
I had a feeling Bharadwaj would be talking with me about this soon too, and I definitely needed a recharge (or twelve… hundred) before discussing it again.