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“...out time you wake up? I see your eyes twitching.”
Marisa groaned. She never liked coming to, especially when someone was talking to her; made the disorientation worse. Not to mention made it harder to remember what she was doing before passing out.
But regardless, she relented and her eyes fluttered open. She blinked away the blurred vision and...
“Zanmu? What’re you doing in my house?”
“Your house?”
Huh? What? Of course this was her house, where else would—
Hold on.
Marisa looked past Zanmu and... Huh. That wasn’t her ceiling. Grunting, she forced herself to sit up and looked around, immediately noticing the distinct lack of magic items, books, and various other findings she’d gathered over the years. In fact, this place lacked just about everything. It looked like a home, but no way in hell it was hers. She couldn’t remember the last time her guest room had a visible fl—
Wait, no way in...
“Aw, hell...”
“Correct.”
Marisa groaned again, this time in annoyance. It wasn’t that the warp trap on Enoko’s jewel was difficult or anything. It was just really, stupidly, excessively sensitive. As in approaching it with anything less than the utmost care and precision sent her straight to Hell.
“And I almost had it this time, too,” she grumbled.
Zanmu smirked that same annoying smirk she always did. “And I suppose this time was different from all the other times you ‘almost had it’?”
Marisa shot her a dirty look, then looked down with a pout. “Would’ve had it for sure if my finger didn’t slip...”
“I believe this makes it fourteen times you have used that particular excuse.”
She didn’t bother responding to that. Instead, she just huffed and stood up. No point in waiting on Zanmu to offer a hand; she never did.
Dusting herself off, she took another look around and was once again struck by just how sparsely decorated the place was. Usually when she woke up in Hell, it was in a home that felt a little more...not depressingly bare. “This isn’t Hisami’s place?”
“No, she brought you to mine this time.”
“Why?”
Zanmu grinned. “Because I explicitly told her not to.”
So... Wait. Zanmu ordered Hisami to not bring Marisa to her place? And from the sounds of it, she did that knowing full well Hisami would disobey. Did that mean Zanmu wanted to see Marisa? Why? She never wanted to see anyone unless she wanted something from them, and it wasn’t like they were on friendly enough terms to hit each other up for a chat whenever.
“Now, now, no need to make that face. I won’t keep you long.”
Nah, there was plenty need to make a face when Zanmu was involved. The hell did Reimu see in her, anyway?
Marisa sighed. “Alright, whaddya want? Better not be some Hell business; I don’t wanna get caught up in that again.”
“Oh no, nothing of the sort. I just want to have a little talk, is all.”
Something about the way Zanmu said that sounded kinda...
Well, it was weird. This whole set-up was. Zanmu always seemed completely indifferent to Marisa whenever she visited. And that was at the best of times. At the worst of them, she’d always give this look like she wanted Marisa gone, like she was getting in the way. So why did she wanna talk now?
“Okay, what’s this about?”
“All will be made clear in due time,” Zanmu said in that annoying, pompous tone of hers. “We never have the chance for a little one-on-one, so why not take advantage of this opportunity to better understand each other?”
Hmm... It didn’t feel like she was lying...
“And if you refuse, your only other option is to brave Hell’s vast expanses and harsh winds all by your lonesome. I’m sure I don’t need to point out how foolish an idea that is, even to you.”
Did she really need to add that last bit? “Can’t you just get Hisami to take me back? Where is she, anyhow?”
“I would but, as timing would have it, she was called in for corrective action just a few moments ago. Seems her overachiever tendencies have been getting the best of her again.”
“Shouldn’t you be the one correcting her then?”
“Evidently, I have been deemed inadequate for the task.”
“Lucky you...”
Zanmu shrugged. “Centuries of experience have taught me how to make my own luck.”
Right, sure, everything’s going according to plan. The plan she’s definitely not making up on the fly.
It was honestly kinda funny how easy it was to see through Zanmu’s schtick. After you spent enough time tinkering with one of her warp traps, anyway. Magic items were like art, in that they reflected the ones who made them. For example, Zanmu clearly slapped hers together at the last minute. Cut corners, hastily drawn sigils full of uneven linework, using the same sigils over and over with the tiniest tweaks here and there, the works. Its only saving grace was the amount of precision it demanded to reverse engineer. But to be fair, it was one of the better rush jobs Marisa’d seen. That she hadn’t quite cracked it yet put it a cut above the rest.
Still, you couldn’t learn everything about someone from a single magic item, and Zanmu did have a point about this being a good chance to understand each other a little better...
“Alright, fine. You wanna talk? Let’s talk. We gonna do this here or...?”
“I have another room in mind. Right this way.”
Without waiting for a response, Zanmu turned and left the room, only stopping to look back at Marisa once she was through the doorway. She raised an eyebrow. Marisa sighed, shrugged, followed her out.
A couple hallways later they came into a study. A couple chairs, well-stocked bookshelves, lamps, and a desk off to the side. Not quite on par with Marisa’s, but at least it had more going for it than the guest room. This one felt like someone actually lived here, and maybe even had a personality.
Speaking of, books made the perfect window into a person’s heart. Tastes, interests, aspirations, fears, sense of humor, and all that other stuff. And since Zanmu loved being hard to read, what better way to get a read on her than, y’know, her reading.
Now let’s see here... History books, nothing interesting there; books on Hell’s laws, didn’t even know they had those; something called The Spectre Without, maybe some mystery novel Reimu recommended; a whole bunch of stuff on the concept of Mu, that didn’t sound very fun...
Ooh, a grimoire about warp traps! If someone from Hell wrote this, it had to have all kinds of information she’d never find aboveground! Forget reverse engineering Enoko’s jewel, this baby’d give her all the know-how she needed to—
She froze. Something sharp and near-white blue pointed at the back of her hand, a few hairs’ breadths away from contact.
“Careful now.” Zanmu’s tone carried a nonchalance layered with warning. “We wouldn’t want those sticky fingers catching on anything.”
“H-Hey, c’mon, I’ve never stolen anything in my life!”
“No, of course not. Only ‘borrowed’, right?”
Marisa wanted to retort, but decided that probably wasn’t the best idea when there was a spear pointed at her. So she just let her hand drop, and the spear vanished. Breathing a sigh of relief, she turned to Zanmu, who regarded her with a look that somehow managed to be both smug and admonishing at the same time.
“I know I say this every time,” Zanmu said, “ but you surface folk are awfully carefree. Too much so, in your case.”
“Hey, I take things plenty seriously. It’s just, y’know...”
“Yes, I do know. Your pursuits get the best of you, to the point where passion becomes vice and shuts you out from the rest of the world.”
Ugh... “Is this your idea of a talk? Just chewing me out for how I live my life? ‘Cause if it is, I’m leaving.”
“And where would you go?”
“Home.”
“And how do you expect to get there by yourself?”
“I’m not going by myself, I’ll just get Hisa—”
Oh, right, corrective action. Dammit.
Marisa’s shoulders sagged. “Fine.” Without even waiting for an invitation, she trudged over to one of the chairs and plopped herself down, arms folded and glaring expectantly at Zanmu.
For her part, Zanmu remained by the bookshelf, giving Marisa an over-the-shoulder look for a moment before turning back to her books. She picked out the grimoire, examined the cover but didn’t open it. “If you’re curious, I didn’t write this,” she said. “It was gifted to me by its author, as a favor.”
“And you used that to make your warp traps?”
Zanmu hummed in the affirmative. “A sudden curiosity in magic overtook them one day and led them down a long and winding path to Hell, although one might argue their penchant for thieving had just as much a hand in it. At least those thefts made for some useful bartering chips.”
“Dug up some dirt on ‘em, didn’t you?”
She didn’t turn around, but Marisa just knew there was a smirk on her face. “Perhaps. They also had a tendency to pry into matters well above their station.” A pause. “Does that sound familiar at all to you?”
“Uh...” Marisa considered it for a moment. “Nope, don’t know anyone like that. And I’m pretty good at remembering people.”
“Yet not yourself. Interesting.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Zanmu shook her head, clicked her tongue. “It means you lack self-awareness.”
Okay, this was getting annoying. “You saying I’m going to hell when I die?”
“That is a possibility, yes. A very likely one which, if I must be honest, you don’t seem to take very seriously.”
“It’s not like I wanna come here when I die.”
“Yet you visit here with what most would consider a rather alarming frequency.”
“Incidents keep coming from here and someone’s gotta do something about ‘em.”
“That someone being you? Not, say, the Hakurei?”
Marisa’s eye twitched. “Just ‘cause it’s her responsibility doesn’t mean I can’t—”
“You are certainly free to involve yourself in incidents, but for what purpose? What do you hope to gain from intruding on matters that don’t concern you?”
“They concern me plenty!” Marisa stomped to her feet. “They concern every human in Gensokyo! What, you think just ‘cause I’m not a shrine maiden, I’m not allowed to stop ‘em?! ‘Cause I’m not the right human?! I’m supposed to just stay out of it because it’s my best friend’s sworn duty and not mine?!”
At this, Zanmu cast a look over her shoulder, expression unreadable. “What do you hope to gain?” she asked again.
Marisa’s only answer was to glare and exhale loudly through her nose. The hell’d it matter to Zanmu why she resolved incidents? Didn’t matter who did it as long as someone did, right? They never had any witnesses, so it shouldn’t make a difference if it was her instead of Reimu or Sanae or whichever other gifted genius decided to get involved. She could stand on their level; she earned that right.
She heaved a sigh, sat back down in her chair, crossed one leg over the other and glanced up at the ceiling, hands behind her head. She looked back at Zanmu. “I just wanna.”
For a moment, Zanmu only continued to stare at her. Then she said, “So it’s ego?” Not a question, despite the inflection, but a statement. As if she already knew the answer.
It pissed Marisa off just how right she was.
With no answer, Zanmu finally turned to face her properly. She wore her usual...
Wait, no, that wasn’t her usual smirk. That was a smile. And like, almost a pleasant one. None of the usual condescending smugness or anything like that, just...an actual, honest to goodness smile.
It weirded Marisa out. “What?”
Zanmu chuckled. “I’m starting to understand you now.”
A brief silence, then Marisa snorted. “Oh really?”
“Yes.” Zanmu made her way over to the free chair and sat down, resting the grimoire in her lap. “You must go to great lengths to keep up with your contemporaries. That you’re able to do so is no small feat, I’m sure.”
Now, Marisa didn’t know Zanmu that well. Not as much as Reimu or Hisami did, anyway. But even so, Zanmu didn’t seem like the type to hand out compliments frivolously, so she probably said that open her up to get something out of her.
Would it hurt to play along...?
“Weeell...” Marisa couldn’t help but grin. “Maybe a little. ‘S not that hard to keep up with Reimu, if we’re talking about work ethic.”
Zanmu let out a laugh. Short and practiced, but at least it sounded good-humored enough. “I’d imagine not. Even compared to you, she is far too carefree for her own good. I worry about her sometimes.” A flicker of something crossed Zanmu’s face; hard to tell with how brief it was, but it seemed...sentimental. “But let’s not get into that just yet.”
Yet? “Hold up, what—”
“I can’t recall ever meeting a human as invested in magic as you. Most of the ones I’ve encountered treat it as one of the most dangerous taboos one can dabble in.”
... Alright, back to this, then.
Marisa shrugged. “Ehh, I dunno, I’d say I’m pretty ordinary. Willing to bet lots of humans are more interested in magic than they’d admit.”
“Even though it’s forbidden?”
“Because it’s forbidden. Think about it: if you want something but someone tells you no, that just makes you want it more, right? ‘Specially when they keep telling you no; then you just gotta have it no matter what.”
Zanmu nodded. “In other words, you’re the type of person to see a sign that reads ‘no trespassing’... and trespass. A contrarian.”
“No I’m n—whoops, almost proved your point there.”
They shared a brief laugh.
“But it’s not just that,” Marisa continued. “‘Cause if it was, I woulda given up on magic after, uh, moving out on my own.”
“Parents’ disapproval, I assume?”
“Heard this one before, huh?” Didn’t feel great to be this easy to figure out...
“A great many times, though never to the exact same tune. But it always ends the same: down here, atoning for their sins after taking things a spell too far.” Zanmu glanced down at her grimoire, trailing her fingers down its cover, then looked back up at Marisa. “Tell me, do you not fear Hell? Are you not worried your life’s current trajectory will send you here?”
Well, this sure sounded familiar. And somehow even worse than that Yama’s nagging, not to mention less effective. “Look, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you looking out for your girlfriend’s best—”
“You clearly don’t. Otherwise you would be taking me seriously.” Zanmu sighed. “Now I’ll ask again: do you not fear falling to Hell?”
“It’s not like I haven’t thought about it. Kinda hard not to when you get the Yama herself nagging you about that. You know how she is, right?”
“Yes, I’m familiar with her.” Zanmu’s tone made it clear she had no intention of letting this talk veer off course. Damn.
“Right, thought so. But, uh, well... It’s not like I don’t fear it, it’s just...”
“Your frequent visits have numbed you to it.”
Did she have to act like she knew everything? Total pain in the... “Uh, no? Not totally.”
“But to an extent, they have.”
“Anyone’d get used to it after a few trips.”
“And you don’t find that concerning?”
Marisa hesitated, bit her lip. “It’s not like I’m un-concerned...”
“But not concerned enough.”
This was why she didn’t like dealing with Hell dwellers, especially oni; they all approached morbid stuff with the bluntest approach possible, no tact whatsoever, and expected you to follow suit. And the worst part? Sometimes they had a point.
Marisa slumped a bit in her seat. “Guess not, huh?”
Zanmu nodded slowly. “It’s hard to give much weight to your inevitable end at such a young age, especially with a home as peaceful as yours.”
“Thirty's not that young. And I wouldn’t exactly call Gensokyo peaceful...”
“I would.”
“Okay, yeah, it’s definitely a lot better than here.” Marisa chuckled despite herself, then went silent as the implications of her words sunk in. “Maybe I should take the falling to Hell thing a bit more seriously.”
“That would be wise.” Zanmu smiled. “But if it’s any consolation, those other magic enthusiasts I mentioned fell to Hell for reasons unrelated to that enthusiasm, and I expect you would be no different.”
Wasn’t she implying the opposite just a couple minutes ago?
“Any implications otherwise were unintentional, I assure you.”
Marisa flinched. “I kinda doubt that. And don’t read my mind.”
“Sorry,” Zanmu said, not sounding very apologetic. “But I am being honest when I say that. Those other cases I mentioned, one might say they were led to Hell by their magical studies, but I would argue it’s more that they further enabled their preexisting vices. Ones that would have sealed their fates without magic.”
“... And I’m the same way?”
Zanmu didn’t answer right away. Probably thinking of how to answer without making the conversation go further south. After a bit, she said, “Not to the same extent as other cases I’ve seen. They were... Like I said, they were fated for Hell regardless of magic. Their aims were about as ignoble as they come.”
“Oh.” Marisa relaxed a bit. “Well, I don’t plan on killing anyone or anything like that. I just think magic’s cool.”
“You study it purely for its own sake?”
Now that was a good question, one that needed a good answer to go with it. And “yes”, while a correct answer, wasn’t the best one; no way Zanmu would leave it at that. She’d just keep probing until she was satisfied, based on what Reimu’d told her about their talks. So Marisa needed the best damn answer she could give. Good thing she already had one.
“The stars.”
Zanmu’s brow furrowed. “The stars?”
“Ever seen a meteor shower? It’s the most beautiful thing in the... well, off the world. It’s a whole buncha bright lights streaking across the sky, sometimes one after the other, sometimes all in a group... There’s nothing like it. First time I saw one, I knew then and there my dreams were up there in the stars.”
“Thus, you turned to magic...” Now Zanmu wore a more understanding expression as she nodded to herself. “It certainly reflects in your spell cards. Though I must ask: is that all you study magic for?”
No circling back to the whole parents’ disapproval thing? Good. Nobody needed to know the details about that.
“Not really. Light ‘n heat magic are my favorites, but there’s all kinds of neat stuff out there and I don’t wanna miss out on any of it! I’ll try anything three times.”
“Isn’t the saying to try anything twice?”
“Not if you want consistency. You need at least three tries to get the gist of something, and I mean really get it. And if that’s still not enough, just keep trying till you don’t wanna do it anymore.”
Zanmu’s brow rose. “And you approach everything this way?”
“Pretty much.”
“Well, well... Carefree in its own way, but I can’t deny your commitment is admirable.”
“Wow, that almost sounded genuine.”
“It is, I promise.”
“Uh-huh. But yeah, anyway, it’s fun digging into whatever stuff you find; makes life more interesting. ‘Specially when you get inspiration for your favorite thing from something totally unrelated. That’s when the real, uh, magic happens, heh heh.”
That barely got a smirk and a snort out of Zanmu, but at least it was something. Least she had a sense of humor. “The mark of a true savant,” she said. “Or at least a very passionate savant-to-be.”
Marisa grinned. “Hey, it takes 10,000 hours’ study to be an expert, right? And that’s, what, ten years? I’ve put in my time and then some, and I’m only gonna keep putting in more. There’s always more stuff to work for. Can’t just sit around and wait for it to fall in my lap.”
“No, you can’t...” There was a certain wistfulness to the way Zanmu said that, a distant look in her eyes for the slightest of seconds. In her usual tone, she added, “A mentality like that is no doubt as integral to your identity as your absent hat.”
“My hat?” Marisa brought a hand up to her head. No hat. “Oh, I always take it off when I’m studying. And when I’m hanging out at a friend’s place. Y’know, come to think of it, I never have my hat when I wind up down here, either. Why bring it up now?”
“Well—”
“Never mind, we’re getting off track. You were just about to tell me how to get outta here?”
Zanmu gave her an unamused look. “I definitely wasn’t. We were discussing your love of magic.” She paused for a moment. “Have you ever considered the futility of such pursuits?”
... Did she... Did she have to ask that so casually? “Man, you’re a downer.”
Zanmu shrugged. “All is futile in the face of our inevitable fate, as we will all return to the nothingness whence we came.”
“No, seriously, you’re a huge downer.”
“I only mean to say that whatever you may achieve in your lifetime, you will someday leave it behind. Possibly before you even have the chance to relish in the fruits of your labor. Does that not bother you?”
And the personal questions just keep coming...
At least Marisa didn’t have to think hard about the answer. “Yeah, maybe a little bit...” Her gaze turned downcast, but she recovered quickly. “But y’know what the best part of magic is? It’s so damn fun that just studying it’s fulfilling enough on its own. Sure, it’d totally suck if nobody appreciated all my hard work and discoveries ‘til after I’m dead, but guess what? There’ll always be at least one person who does.”
She let that last sentence hang, figuring the implication was obvious.
Zanmu seemed to consider it for a moment. “Yourself?”
“Nope, the poster girl at this one bar I like.”
Without missing a beat, Zanmu nodded and replied, “Ah, of course. It’s nice to have a fan.”
Damn, that was supposed to throw her off. Alright, Plan B. “I’m just messing, you were right.”
Zanmu gave her an unamused look like she’d seen this trick before, even used it herself. Marisa took the brief silence as a sign she’d at least caught her a little bit off-guard.
“Getting back on topic,” Zanmu said pointedly. “I must say, it’s admirable of you to find fulfillment in the act itself, even with your self-admitted desire for acknowledgement.”
“Why’s every compliment from you gotta sound so backhanded?”
“I’m not being backhanded. I realize I’ve never gained your trust, but this is no reason to be difficult.”
“Yeah but in my defense, I don’t wanna be here.”
“And you think being difficult will get you home sooner?”
“Maybe.”
A long, hard stare in seething silence. Or at least, Marisa wanted to believe it was seething. It was fun getting under Zanmu’s skin.
The extended pause ended with a sigh. “I will confess, I do feel tempted to send you home right now.”
“Then let’s go.”
“No. Now, back to what I was saying before, I do genuinely find your passion admirable. All of existence is born from and returns to nothing. In the face of such inevitability, it’s all too common for one to abandon hope and surrender themselves to the end. To find a purpose in life despite this is something to be praised, not mocked.”
Ever the ray of sunshine, that Zanmu. Nothingness this, inevitability that... It was so weird how she—
Something occurred to Marisa. “Hey, if you’re so big on this nothingness stuff and think life is pointless, why do you even bother climbing Hell’s corporate ladder in the first place?”
“We are talking about you right now.”
“We’ve been talking about me this whole time. When’s it gonna be your turn?”
Zanmu opened her mouth, but whatever response she had in mind never came. Then she closed it, her expression turning pensive.
Marisa added, “You said this was about understanding each other, right? Well, I’ve told you plenty about myself at this point, so how about returning the favor?”
She got nothing in response.
“Oh come on, it can’t be that hard.”
That earned an irked look from Zanmu. “You truly are too carefree for your own good. Not everyone is so quick to put their unfiltered thoughts to words as you are.”
“Reimu is.”
Zanmu’s mouth formed a thin line. “I told you we’re not talking about Reimu right now.”
“You clearly don’t wanna talk about yourself and I’m sick of you interrogating me, so why not?”
More nothing, longer and more drawn out, punctuated by the heaviest sigh. But Zanmu didn’t say anything. Instead, she stood and went to her bookshelf, deposited her grimoire, then moved to a window by the desk. She stared out of it, hands clasped behind her back like some mastermind about to reveal their nefarious plot. Probably a force of habit, knowing her.
Was opening up really that hard? You’d think it wouldn’t, with how much she loved to talk.
Then again, for all that talking, it was rarely about herself. At least when Marisa was in earshot. Maybe she opened up with Reimu and Hisami. Maybe not. Still, if that bit about them understanding each other better wasn’t just empty words, now was the time to prove it.
She sure was taking her sweet time doing it, though. This protracted dry spell in the chat just kept stretching on.
No surprise there. From what Reimu said, it took a while to get her to open up about any personal anything, and even longer to get her to do that without immediately trying to switch topics to something else. Pretty weird for someone with such a huge ego to do that.
... Pretty weird for someone like her to go this long without saying anything either. Zanmu knew her way around words and always picked them carefully, but an old hand like her knew how to pick them out quickly.
Quicker than this.
A lot quicker.
...
Wait.
This reminded Marisa of something Reimu once told her. Something about how Zanmu went all quiet after asking her a personal question. Apparently, it took a long time before finally getting an answer, and only got one after a lot of mulling over and some seriously concerning facial expressions.
And...maybe that’s what this was.
Maybe Zanmu really was struggling to decide if it was worth opening up to someone she didn’t like.
...
Alright then. Better give her the space. Pressing would just make her clam up and kill the conversation entirely.
Wait, didn’t Marisa want to kill the conversation?
... Well... Yes and no. She wanted to get outta here ASAP, but she also wanted to understand Zanmu’s deal a little better. If only to make this whole thing an actually fair trade-off. And maybe even figure out where that resentment’s coming from. Besides, she kinda owed it to Zanmu for not forcing her to comply with her nothingness manipulation powers.
So fine. If Zanmu needed her to wait, she could wait. She could be patient.
A sigh. It sounded resigned. Zanmu cast a glance over her shoulder at Marisa before looking back out the window. “There is no deeper meaning or purpose to existence,” she said. “It simply came to be from the primordial bed of nothingness. An accident, neither happy nor unhappy.” A dry chuckle. “Though some might contest that last part.”
... Huh?
What’s this about?
Zanmu continued, “And we will all return to that bed eventually, as I’ve said. We are born ignorant of this fact and only become consciously aware later on in life, as we begin to see the limits of our mortality on the horizon. You might assume this to be a human trait, but it’s true of youkai as well. After all, you are only able to live if you are able to die.”
Marisa’s mouth hung open a moment. She shook her head. “I-I know a few immortals. They’ll always be around.”
Another dry chuckle. “Surely at least one of them has told you they are not truly alive.”
Marisa grimaced. “Might’ve heard that once...”
“And even then, can we say for certain immortals can escape nothingness? I say they can’t. When all life has gone extinct and they are all that remain... That is the nothingness that awaits them. A fitting punishment for trying to escape the one the rest of us are headed towards.
“But back to the point, it begs the question: why strive for anything? Why seek meaning in a meaningless world? Why bother shaping your own life’s meaning when greater powers decide your path for you? Why bother forging connections with those who will only be ripped away from you? Why do anything? Why not simply give up?”
...
...
...?
Oh, she’s done. Was she waiting for an answer? Hard to tell; the question sounded rhetorical. But even if it was, no was Marisa going to let her have the last word. Especially not on an ending note like that.
“‘Cause that’s boring.”
That earned a look from Zanmu. An expressionless one at first, but then a small smile appeared. A smug one, like she got the exact retort she was expecting. “It is, isn’t it? Even with the understanding of our inevitable fate, very few will ever truly resign themselves to it. And you can imagine those few while away their days in absolute misery. Or surrender themselves to an early death.”
“Or take up faith.”
“Faith is for gods and institutions seeking to profit off those who offer it.”
The faces of a certain god and a certain shrine maiden flashed through Marisa’s mind. She snorted. “Same difference.”
Zanmu also snorted. “So you see the problem. Resigning to helplessness only begets misery, while resigning to someone else’s guidance simply makes you their tool.” She shrugged. “But I suppose the latter is a sufficient way to live, if you’re content putting your life in another’s hands.”
“Not me. Can’t stand the thought of living under someone’s thumb.”
Then something odd happened. Zanmu gave Marisa another look over the shoulder, but this time the smile was...different. It lacked the usual smugness or condescension and instead felt almost like...fondness, kinda? It was weird. Almost like they were connecting.
Wait a sec. Didn’t she give Reimu that same kind of look sometimes?
... Nah, had to be something else.
Now Zanmu turned to face her properly. “Everyone lives for themselves. But few are willing to admit it for fear of appearing too selfish. It’s refreshing to see someone else be so unabashedly honest about it.”
Marisa raised an eyebrow. “Someone else? Like Reimu?”
“Her too.”
“Too?” A split second passed as the implications sunk in. “Oh.”
Zanmu nodded. She leaned against the desk, closed her eyes. “In my time—my days as a human—entrusting your life to someone else meant fighting their battles for them, for their glory. Even those of us who avoided the battlefield couldn’t live for ourselves. All we could do was provide services for those who couldn’t. And even there, everything always came back to serving the lords of the land, cleaning up the messes they created.” She opened her eyes, looked at Marisa. “You would escape from such a life too, wouldn’t you?”
Well duh, of course she would. What was the point of saying something obvious like—
Wait.
Could Zanmu be...
No, probably not. And even if she were, it didn’t seem likely she’d try to connect with someone to nearly the same degree she did with Reimu or Hisami.
“I assume you find it hard to believe I would ever attempt to connect with anyone besides my two dearests?”
Marisa flinched. “Thought I told you not to read my mind.”
“Ah, but I’m not reading a mind, I’m reading an open book.”
“What, I got something written on me?”
“All over your face.”
Marisa slouched back in her seat with a grunt, then a sigh. “‘Course I find it hard to believe. You don’t even like me.”
“This isn’t about liking or disliking, I just want us to better understand each other.”
“Why?”
This couldn’t have been Reimu’s idea; she didn’t really care who did or didn’t get along. If she did, she’d have gotten on both their cases about it by now. And it was hard to imagine Hisami cared either, since that meant one less competitor for her precious time with Zanmu or whatever. But they were the only two with any chance of convincing her to try connecting with someone. So if not them, then...
...
Wait.
Did that mean...
Zanmu returned to the window. After a moment, she spoke: “I used to wonder why we are compelled to create meaning for our meaningless existence, to find a point where there is none to be found. Over time, I came to understand it’s a desire for control. You choose to live on your own so that you have full control over your life, correct? Escaped the forces that restricted your freedom?”
Freedom. Marisa couldn’t help but straighten up at that word. Figures that smooth-talker would happen upon it. “Guess you could say that...”
It was a dead-on assessment. Not surprising, considering how easily Zanmu sniffed out the whole parents disapproving of her magic studies thing. Maybe she should’ve lied and denied it? But then again, Zanmu probably would’ve sniffed that out too. Ugh...
“There is no shame in being easily read.”
... Huh. No smugness. This time, something about the way she said that... Something about the ever so slightly softened edge to it...
“Especially by someone who shared a similar desire.”
Huh...
Wait, huh?
Was this about that stuff she said before? About her old human life?
Zanmu turned to face her properly once more. “As a monk, you learn to aid life rather than take it. Well, unless you were a monk soldier, but...”
“You weren’t one of ‘em?”
She shook her head. “I’ve always considered myself...ill-suited for the front lines. I don’t care for the taste of blood, nor the feeling of it on my hands. Much cleaner to help others escape the pain instead of inflicting it upon them.” A pause. “Or providing services for those who couldn’t.”
“What’re those like?”
“Somber affairs. All you need to know is the emotional labor involved is far more taxing than the physical labor.”
Marisa bit her lip. She nodded, unsure how else to respond. She didn’t want to hear the details, and Zanmu clearly didn’t want to talk more about them, so might as well drop it.
“I wasn’t satisfied with the usual methods of our services,” Zanmu continued, “for they failed to address the multitudes of spirits the endless conflicts left behind. I had to see to those personally.”
“All by yourself?”
“All by myself. I wasn’t bothered by that, though. I actually found it rather gratifying.” The small smile on Zanmu’s face attested to that. “It let me forge my own path in life.”
Again, Marisa only nodded. She could relate to that.
... Hold up.
Zanmu’s smile grew a bit. “From the look on your face, you must realize where I’m going with all this.”
Even when bonding, she had to be smug about it. Figures.
Marisa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Yeah,” she said with a sigh, “I do.”
This was it. This was their big moment where they finally find some common ground and gain a proper understanding of each other. They’d never like each other, but they’d at least have some degree of mutual respect, or something close to it.
They both wanted to live life on their own terms, and nobody else’s. No overly controlling parents, no authorities forcing them to fight for another’s cause, no gods dictating their life’s purpose, nobody. Just themselves and their own judgment to guide them. Their paths couldn’t be more different—couldn’t exactly call a human ditching their home to study magic the same as a once-human-now-oni abandoning her humanity altogether to...be a control freak?—but their reasons for walking them were the same.
Which kinda pissed Marisa off, but if it made things less awkward whenever Zanmu visited, then fine. Better to get along than make things awkward for everyone.
Actually, where did this weird tension come from anyway? What started it? Couldn’t be Marisa. Yeah, she thought Zanmu was a pain in the ass with all her posturing and ego stroking and insistence on pretending everything's a part of her plans and junk, but it wasn’t really that much worse than other incident-causers, so this wasn’t a special case. Aside from the whole Zanmu being Reimu’s girlfriend thing—
“Marisa.”
She jolted once at the sudden voice, then again when she noticed Zanmu directly in front of her. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
Chuckling, Zanmu sat back down in the other chair. “Can it be called sneaking if I’m right in front of you?”
“Aww, shuddup.”
Another chuckle, then Zanmu sighed. “Regardless, I must ask: what were you so lost in thought about?”
“Uh...” Quick, divert to something else. “So you...ran away from home? Or something?”
That got her an amused kind of I know you’re deflecting look. “More or less. I’m sure I don’t need to bore you with the details of how I came to live here.”
No, please, anything but that. “I pretty much get the gist.”
Trying to help out the spirits left behind by war? Yeah, that probably had something to do with it. And of course she’d slink off to Hell after becoming an oni; she’d end up here anyways, so might as well do it on her own terms. Marisa probably would’ve done the same, if she had to be honest with herself.
Not that Marisa would ever admit that out loud; didn’t want Zanmu nagging her again. Though even that’d be better than—
“Now if you would be so kind as to answer my question.”
Crap. “W-What question?”
“Marisa.”
It took every ounce of restraint not to make a noise of disgust. “Do I gotta? You already know the answer...”
“I do. But tell me anyway.”
The restraint crumbled. “I was thinking about how we maybe kinda sorta have something in common and wondering why we got this weird tension between us. There, happy now?”
Zanmu looked pleased. She leaned back, chin resting on her palm, one leg crossed over the other. “Yes. And there you have it.”
“Have what?”
“The answer to your...I believe third or fourth, maybe fifth question since coming to.”
Third or fourth or fifth, what...?
Oh yeah, the why of all this. She couldn’t’ve just come out and said that? Pain in the ass...
“Vexxing, isn’t it? To be put at odds with someone by a friction whose cause you can’t even identify.” Something resembling mirth flickered in Zanmu’s eyes. “Though I imagine the cause on your end is easy enough to guess.”
“Oh really,” Marisa deadpanned.
“Yes, really. In fact, I suspect your reasons for disliking me aren’t much different from those who have worked under me.”
“Damn, even your underlings think you’re full of it? Ain’t that kinda bad?”
“No, but thank you for confirming my suspicions.”
“Buh?”
... Aw crap, that was bait, wasn’t it? Granted, Marisa would’ve gladly said it to Zanmu’s face anyway if asked directly, but of course it could never be that simple. She would’ve wondered how Reimu put up with it, but then again both her and Reimu also put up with Yukari on a regular basis.
“It’s also ‘cause you do crap like this,” she grumbled.
“I’m a slave to my habits. I do hope you’ll forgive me for that,” Zanmu said, this apology sounding about as genuine as the last one.
Marisa rolled her eyes. “Sure, if you tell me what your beef is.”
There was a subtle shift in the air around Zanmu. She stayed frozen in place, in that way where, even though her expression didn’t change, you could plainly see the thoughts going on behind the mask. Now the question was, would she try and weasel out of a direct answer?
It seemed likely. From how Reimu made it sound, getting Zanmu to open up was like pulling teeth. And while Marisa had never personally tried pulling teeth, she felt safe in her assumption that it was very, very difficult. And painful. Which is why it didn’t surprise her to see Zanmu stall her answer.
What did surprise her was seeing Zanmu look away, expression still not really changing much but now somehow carrying a...sheepish kinda feeling?
Yeah...
Yeah, she was acting sheepish. Her. Zanmu Nippaku. Acting sheepish. And trying not to look the part but not entirely succeeding. Even with her centuries of poker face practice.
What the—
“Before that...” Zanmu, still looking away, began fiddling with one of the tassels of her shirt’s collar. “How is Reimu doing?”
Reimu? “What, now we get to talk about her? Why?”
“I just want to know how she’s doing.”
Right now? “Uh... Fine.”
“Keeping healthy? Eating properly? Maintaining order?”
Marisa gave her a funny look. “Y-Yeah, things’re about the same as ever. Incidents ‘n kerfuffles ‘n junk, you know how it is. The other day, I was looking into some—”
“I wasn’t asking about you,” Zanmu interjected, casting a look as pointed as her tone. It was enough to make Marisa flinch a bit.
But not enough to back down. “Damn, just chill, will ya? What’s your problem?”
“I asked how Reimu is doing, not you.”
“It involved her, too.”
“But it is ultimately about you, correct?”
The absolute certainty with which Zanmu asked that almost drove Marisa to deny it, even though it was true. And they were finally starting to get on good-ish terms, too...
“... Fine, whatever.” Marisa slumped back in her seat. “Yeah, she’s the same as ever. Slacking off, only rushing in after something’s already happening, brute-forcing a resolution. Typical Reimu stuff.”
Zanmu nodded, expression softening to something more pensive. She kept playing with the tassel. “You two talk often, yes?”
“Uh, yeah? Like, all the time.”
“Ever discuss anything of note?”
Annoyance leaked into Marisa’s tone as she asked, “Like what?”
“Just anything. Say, a trend in the Human Village, or a new hobby, or a person of interest...”
Wait a sec. “Like you?”
Zanmu gave a small shrug. “Perhaps.”
Okay, now it was obvious where this was going. “Yeah, she talks about you sometimes.”
“Sometimes, hm...” A small, almost sad-looking smile crossed Zanmu’s face.
It made Marisa hesitate for just a split second. “Uh, well, it’s just... Y’know how it is with her.”
Zanmu hummed in agreement, nodded. “Yes, she does tend to forget names and faces. I’m fortunate she remembers me despite my visits being so infrequent.”
“She wouldn’t forget her girlfriend that easily.”
Another small smile. “Of course not. I wouldn’t let her.” She finally turned her gaze back on Marisa. “It’s the same for you, I’m sure.”
“Oh yeah, definitely. She’s stuck with me for life whether she likes it or not,” Marisa said with a grin. “Needs someone to compete with, keep her from slacking off, y’know?”
“Can’t the other shrine maiden do that?”
The grin strained a bit. “Yeah, maybe, but I was there first. Sanae ‘n her shrine’re still pretty new to Gensokyo in the grand scheme of things. And I’ve known Reimu a lot longer than her. Hell, I’ve known her since we were kids.”
“Oh?” Zanmu adjusted herself in her seat a bit. “Do tell me more.”
Marisa was about to ask if Reimu never talked about her childhood, only to realize the answer. Of course Reimu never talked about it; she barely talked about anything older than a week ago. Understandable, though. Better to just live in the now.
So... Zanmu wanted to hear about hers and Reimu’s past together, huh? Guess it wouldn’t hurt to share. Just a little bit. Now where to start...?
“Well, we’ve both been resolving incidents since pretty much forever. We don’t work together, we just always get on the case at the same time and happen to run into each other on the way. We fight over who gets to resolve it sometimes but that’s it.”
A pause to gauge interest. Zanmu nodded, gave for a subtle look telling Marisa to keep going.
Right, what else...? “Though tell ya the truth, first few times it was more like she’d fly off somewhere and I’d follow after her. Always made time to finish whatever we were doing together, though, which I appreciated even though she was just using me as an excuse to put off her duties.”
That got a snort out of Zanmu. A small snort, barely distinguishable from a normal exhalation, but a snort nonetheless. “So she has always been carefree. Why am I not surprised?”
Marisa grinned. “Pretty much. She didn’t mind when I tagged along, unless we were fighting about something that day. Which was all the time at first.”
“Really?” Zanmu, sounding genuinely intrigued for once, raised an eyebrow. “Constant fighting, yet you became so close despite that?”
“More like because of it. Put a couple lonely kids together and they’ll stick to each other like glue no matter how much they hate each other.”
Even constant frustration with the worst kid you knew was better than loneliness. And maybe it was Marisa’s imagination, but something about the look in Zanmu’s eyes gave her the impression she understood that. Maybe she did. Wouldn’t be too surprising, considering how rough her upbringing sounded.
“And what turned that begrudging tolerance into genuine fondness?” Zanmu asked. “Was it a specific event, or a gradual shift as you two grew tired of the constant arguing? Perhaps both?”
Marisa considered the question, nodded to herself after a moment. “Both sounds right. Can’t remember anything in particular...” She remembered something. “Actually, there was something kinda like a big moment.”
Zanmu leaned forward, interest clear on her face, nodded for her to continue.
“It was after some incident, I forget what. Actually, it might not’ve even qualified as one ‘cause nothing really happened. But anyway, it was after a thing and she was mad I beat her to the punch. Dunno if you’ve noticed, but she’s kind of a sore loser. She was all—” Marisa positioned her hands on her head in a way that vaguely resembled Reimu’s bow whilst affecting a whiny, high-pitched voice “—Nooo, I’m the shrine maiden, I’m supposed to fix everything! What would the Human Village think if I let some weirdo with a broom do my duties?! You stupid jerk, I hate you!”
At that, Zanmu laughed an honest, good-humored laugh. “Did she really say all that?”
Marisa smirked in satisfaction at the reaction she got. “Yup, exact words and everything. Think that was the first time she ever got mad-mad at me, and I mean mad-mad. To be fair, I was kinda rubbing it in. But I mean, hey, can ya blame me? Anyways, she was pissed and I was making it worse, so she got even more pissed, so I made it even worse, so she got even more pissed, so I made it even more worse, and it just kept going like that until she finally got so pissed she swiped my broom and went–” Marisa made a breaking motion with her hands, even threw in a snapping noise for effect.
She paused to savor Zanmu’s look of surprise. “I know, right? Hard to imagine with how mellow she is nowadays.”
It took a moment for Zanmu to respond. “I have to disagree with your use of the word ‘mellow’ here. She’s quite lively in my experience.”
“True, but imagine current Reimu with all the energy of a little kid.”
“I would argue her present self already has—”
“Multiplied by ten.”
Zanmu’s mouth closed. She looked thoughtful for a moment, then came back with an, “Ah.”
“Yeeeaaah. Combine that with the kind of pent-up frustration you get when you’re an orphan with no friends and the only person you know keeps pushing your buttons all the time and you just...” Marisa gestured vaguely at the air as she tried to find the right words.
“Lash out?” Zanmu suggested, to which Marisa nodded. “Interesting that you provoked her regardless.”
“I was a bit reckless as a kid.”
“Was?”
“Aw, shuddup. We already talked about that, don’t bring it up again.”
“Don’t bring what up?”
Marisa nearly retorted again, only just catching herself when she realized what she was about to do: bring it up. And then Zanmu would mock her for bringing up the thing she just said not to bring up, even though she totally—
Ugh, whatever, just drop it. It’s never worth it with her.
“Anyway,” Marisa said, “yeah, that was a pretty dumb move when I look back on it. I just didn’t think she’d, y’know...” She made the breaking motion and sound again. “With my broom. Got me pissed off, as you’d expect. Really pissed off. Pissed off enough to come at her with both pieces.”
Zanmu gave her a disapproving look.
“Don’t worry, she dodged. At least until she got mad enough to fight back. Then we just beat each other up for a while until we both started crying and... Do I gotta keep going? This is embarrassing.”
“... No.” Zanmu’s expression finally relaxed a bit as she sighed. “No, I see the picture clearly now. Humans will push a strained relationship to its breaking point and choose to either let it stay broken or rebuild it into something better. And considering you two didn’t kill each other...”
Marisa grimaced. “We wouldn’t go that far.”
“It was a joke.”
“Oh...”
Pretty sucky joke.
“But that aside,” Zanmu said, “it certainly does explain the more competitive side of your relationship. Is she still a ‘sore loser’, as you put it?”
“Yeah, but nowhere near as bad. She, uh, doesn’t break my brooms anymore, at least. Nowadays, she just keeps demanding rematches ‘til she wins.”
A chuckle, then Zanmu went quiet as that small, sad smile from before returned. “She never tells me about these things.”
“Why not? You ever ask?”
She shook her head.
What? “You...don’t?”
She shook her head again.
Again, what? “How come?”
“It feels improper to ask about such things.”
Was... Was she for real? “But you’re her girlfriend. Don’t you have special permission to ask about that kinda stuff?”
“You would think so.” Zanmu looked down at her tassel, began fiddling with it again. “But I wonder, would she be willing to share? Would you?”
“I just did,” Marisa replied flatly. “Reimu’d be fine with it, too.”
Yet another of those small smiles, though this time Zanmu looked less sad and more...ambivalent? Definitely hinted at some complex emotions going on. “Perhaps all these years of keeping others at arm’s length have atrophied my understanding of social boundaries. Then again, perhaps I never had it to begin with. Most connections I’ve ever had were fleeting, and those that lasted didn’t offer the same kind of emotional reciprocity you get from a friend or lover.”
Way too much to unpack there. “Just tell me what you’re getting at.”
The fiddling stopped, though Zanmu still didn’t look up. “Have you two—you and Reimu—ever shared an experience so personal you would never dare speak of it to anyone but her?”
That gave Marisa pause. Did she have anything like that? Had anything ever happened between her and Reimu that she couldn’t bear to share with anyone? Not just some embarrassing little thing or even some embarrassing big thing, but something truly special. Like a key moment in their lives that defined or changed their relationship going forward, and was so deeply personal that just the idea of sharing it with someone else felt so deeply and utterly wrong?
...
“Not really.”
And she meant that. For all they’d been through together, Marisa couldn’t remember a single moment between her and Reimu she’d never share with anyone. There were some personal things she experienced on her own she didn’t feel comfortable sharing—the old man, for example—but Zanmu asked about experiences she and Reimu had together. So she had nothing.
And now Zanmu would probably follow up with another question.
“Hm. Then, perhaps a hidden side of yourself you can only ever show to her?”
And there it was. Of course.
It was kind of a tricky question. What even qualifies as a hidden side of yourself? Just behaving in a certain way you never would around others? It couldn’t be that simple. A smooth-talker like Zanmu had to understand how differently you could act depending on who you’re talking to, so this had to be about if the way Marisa acted around Reimu was so significantly different from how she did around anyone else.
“Uh... Don’t think so.”
And again, she meant that. Maybe she did have a side of herself that could be described as hidden, if you looked at it as her being “the most herself” with Reimu, but it didn’t really feel like that. And while opening up about her doubts and fears was definitely a special privilege reserved for those blessed few, that was just the thing: it was a blessed few, not a blessed one. Kinda funny to think about, considering she hadn’t known Miyoi nearly as long, but things just work out that way sometimes.
Zanmu’s brow rose, but her pensive expression didn’t change beyond that. “And here I thought true intimacy involved these sorts of things.”
That sort of thing did help, but... “You don’t exactly need that stuff to get super close, you just gotta spend enough time together to really get their deal. We’ve known each other for most our lives, so we just get each other more than anybody else. It’d be the same if I knew any of my other friends for that long.”
Zanmu smiled to herself. “In other words, you treat everyone equally. Just like Reimu.”
“Uhh, I dunno ‘bout that. Some of the people she lets hang around her shrine are... Let’s put it this way: I would not let them anywhere near my home.”
“So even your carefreeness has limits, at least where guests are concerned.” A chuckle. “Then that is one area in which Reimu outperforms you.”
“She can have that one,” Marisa replied with a dismissive wave.
Another chuckle as Zanmu finally looked up at her. “You don’t sound too concerned. Are you not worried about the company your friend keeps?”
Definitely talking about herself there. She was basically asking if Marisa didn’t approve of their relationship. And yeah, Reimu could probably do better than Zanmu, but...
“I mean, you’re not the worst choice she’s got for a girlfriend. At least you’re looking out for her.”
“How kind of you.”
“Yeah, yeah, just don’t go spreading it around.”
Mirth twinkled in Zanmu’s eyes. “Worried others will think you ceded ground to your rival for dear Reimu’s attention?”
“Yeah right,” Marisa snorted. “I’m not gonna waste my time competing over that.”
And then Zanmu’s face fell a bit, gaze dropping to the floor between them. “No, of course not. Why put in needless effort?”
Marisa’s brow furrowed. Something about the way Zanmu said that... “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. Why waste energy fighting over something you already have? It’s not as though I can take over your position.”
Her position? “As...what?”
“Reimu’s closest.”
“Reimu’s closest what, friend? Wouldn’t that be a step down from girlfriend?”
“One would assume so, but...” Zanmu sighed. “Lately, I’ve been questioning that line of thought.”
The “Huh?” barely had time to leave Marisa’s mouth before the pieces started falling into place. Zanmu, who’d rarely ever deigned to give Marisa the time of day, suddenly wanting a chat with her. Said chat being more of an interrogation. Harping on the risks of her magic studies landing her in Hell despite the total disinterest in her well-being. Dodging the topic of Reimu until it was finally time to talk about her. Needling her about just how deep hers and Reimu’s friendship is. And now this.
“Hold up.”
It seemed ridiculous.
“Zanmu...”
Stupid, even.
“Don’t tell me...”
But maybe.
“You’re...”
Just maybe.
“Jealous? Of me?”
Right then and there, for the splitest second, Zanmu stiffened. There was the tiniest flinch in her eye. If Marisa blinked, she would’ve missed it.
And of course, Zanmu covered it up with that same smug look as always. “So you have followed the breadcrumb trail to its source. Well done.”
It took every last scrap of Marisa’s willpower not to roll her eyes.
Zanmu went on, “Hard to believe, isn’t it? That even I can fall prey to petty jealousy. And since you have deduced that much, you must also understand its cause.”
“Yeah,” Marisa said. “Like I said, it’s me. You’re jealous of me ‘cause I’ve known Reimu way longer than you.”
“And are far closer to her because of this. You have seen sides of her that I haven’t, that I may never see for myself. You know and understand her to a degree I don’t. Reimu may not be one to ask for help, but if she were ever to grow desperate enough to seek it out, she would turn to you long before even considering me. I am her lover, yet I am not the one closest to her heart. And I doubt I ever will be.”
...
Was...
Was this really Zanmu?
Was Zanmu actually being upfront about her feelings? Granted, she was bluffing her way through it with her smugness like she always did, but still. This was the most emotionally candid Marisa had ever seen her be. And despite everything, she couldn’t help feeling a little for the human-oni.
Marisa tried to gather her wits. “W-Well, I mean, you never know. It’s only been what, a couple years? Since you two got together? And you haven’t known each other much longer than that, so... Maybe you’ll catch up?” When Zanmu said nothing, she quickly added, “I’m gonna die way before you anyhow.”
For a moment, Zanmu still said nothing. She only gave Marisa a look of bafflement mixed with incredulity. Even with the given context, it was surprising to see her make such a face.
But then the moment passed and she scoffed. “Your attempt at comfort is appreciated, but you fail to consider Reimu’s own mortality. With how nigh-inseparable you two are, I almost expect you’ll pass away together.”
“Y-Y’think so? Wait, who said anything about comforting you?”
Zanmu ignored her. “Time is certainly part of it, but the core cause of my disadvantage is more in the timing. You said it yourself: she was a lonely child who could only find solace in the company of another lonely child, no matter how grating their presence. You were the first person she ever truly connected with, yes? Consider where she might have ended up had I been the one to make that connection.”
If it were Zanmu? Hmm...
“She wouldn’t have trusted you, even back then,” Marisa said. “An oni randomly showing up and dumping unsolicited advice on her? Yeah, no. Her intuition would’ve set off all the alarm bells way before you had a chance to put any funny ideas in her head.”
“Hah! You underestimate me. But you are right that I could never have drawn her out of her shell. Not the way you did, if at all.”
“You wouldn’t have.”
“No... No, I wouldn’t have. She needed a peer, an equal. Certainly not something I could have been to her at such a tender age.”
Right. If Zanmu and Reimu met back then, things would’ve been a lot different between them; probably a puppet-puppeteer deal, assuming Zanmu could sink her hooks into a young Reimu. But they didn’t, so they had what they had.
Maybe Zanmu couldn’t be that life-changing, most important person in Reimu’s life that she wanted to be, but oh well. Second place wasn’t too bad, even if it meant the girlfriend losing to the best friend.
“Hey, look on the bright side: you get to be that special someone who shows up unannounced and bugs her at random times, just like Yukari!”
Zanmu frowned. “Yes, well, regardless of that...” Now she smiled. “With this settled, everything has gone to plan, just like always.”
“Huh?”
Now she smirked. “A lover, tortured by feelings of petty jealousy that she knows can only cause trouble. The target of said jealousy, vaguely aware of it but unable to do anything due to the former’s obstinance. Both would prefer to keep their distance, but a mutual connection—the source of their friction—prevents that.”
“It’s not all because of Reimu—”
“Worse yet, neither of them knows the other very well, and couldn’t care less to change that. But something will have to give sooner or later, so the lover decides she and the target should have a private conversation so—”
“So you can find a legit reason to dislike me and bitch about me to Reimu, right?”
The miffed look Marisa made it clear she was dead on the money. “No,” Zanmu said. “In fact, that is the one thing I sought to avoid. I planned all this so I could find and establish some form of common ground with you. After all, Reimu accepted both of us into her life, so I knew there had to be some commonality between us. And I was right, as always.
“We will never grow fond of each other, and seeking your respect is a fool’s errand, but that is of no consequence. I simply needed to understand you as an individual better so that I can better come to terms with this jealousy and, in time, make peace with it. Though I should make it clear...” Zanmu’s stare became pointed once more. “I have zero intentions of liking you.”
Marisa shrugged. “Works for me.” It was the same for her, after all. “Now can I please go home?”
“Of course. In fact, I was just thinking you’ve overstayed your welcome.”
“Cool. But before we go, I just gotta ask you for a quick favor...”
“No, you may not ‘borrow’ my grimoire.”
“C’mon, please? You can have it back after I’m dead!”
“No.”
“Awww...”
“... Though in my personal opinion, the best part was how quickly everyone warmed up to the idea of relocating once he was out of the picture.”
“Yeah, great, cool. Think maybe you could tell a story that’s, I dunno, less morbid?”
“Of course. I’m sorry it wasn’t to your tastes, it’s just that this one just happens to be my favorite.”
“You Hell-types are messed up...”
Seriously, who takes that much pride in getting a guy offed?
They were climbing the stairs to Hakurei Shrine. Marisa didn’t feel like going home just yet—her motivation for studying Enoko’s jewel was elsewhere at the moment—and Zanmu wanted to pay Reimu a quick visit, so they agreed to come here instead.
Just as they passed through the torii, Reimu stepped out of the shrine carrying a plate of something. it was hard to tell from this distance, but they were probably rice crackers. Marisa grinned and waved as she called out to her, while Zanmu did basically the same but in a more reserved way.
Reimu looked up and smiled at them. “Hey!” she said as they got closer, looking between the two. “Marisa wound up in Hell again, didn’t she?”
“What makes you so sure?” Marisa retorted playfully.
“I can’t imagine any other reason why you two would be together. You hate each other.”
“Hate is a strong word,” Zanmu said. “It’s more a slight bit of friction caused by irreconcilable differences in our temperaments. But that’s not to say we can’t reach an understanding.” Turning to Marisa, she added, “Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.”
Zanmu sighed, then smiled at Reimu. “And how are you, dear Reimu? Marisa tells me you’re keeping well.”
Reimu perked up a bit. “I’m doing good! Spring’s almost here, so it’s about time to start getting ready for the annual flower viewing. I was thinking of holding it a week from now. Maybe you could join us?”
“I would love nothing more,” Zanmu said with an apologetic smile, “but I’m afraid my schedule won’t allow it.”
“Oh...” Reimu looked crestfallen for a moment, then perked right back up. “Okay, then what about right now? Can you stay for a bit?”
Zanmu shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Awwww...” Crestfallen for another moment, then Reimu turned to Marisa. “But you can, right? Hang out today, flower viewing next week?”
“‘Course I can hang out now.” Marisa grinned at her. “And you know I’d never miss a flower viewing.”
And just like that, Reimu perked right back up. “Great! Make sure you bring the good stuff!”
Marisa spared a glance at Zanmu, flashed another grin at the look she was getting. “Sorry you’ll miss out on your girlfriend’s big party. I know it’s gotta be eating you up inside.”
Zanmu continued to stare at her for a moment, then directed a more affectionate gaze at a slightly confused-looking Reimu. “I may not be able to stay,” she said, suddenly closing the distance on her lover, “but I at least have enough time for this.”
A plain and simple kiss on the lips. It wasn’t brief, lasting a good few seconds before they separated. Zanmu smirked as she deftly caught the plate before it slipped out of Reimu’s hands. Reimu, for her part, blushed as her mouth hung open. Apparently, this sort of thing didn’t happen often.
Chuckling, Zanmu stroked her cheek. “This much will have to do for now, but fret not. I’ll make some time for you in the coming months, I promise.”
“O-Okay...” Reimu cleared her throat as she renewed her grip on the plate. “I-I mean, I’ll hold you to it! Otherwise I’ll come down there and drag you out on a date myself! Count on it!”
“Oh, I will, dear Reimu. I will. May your flower viewing be a most pleasant one.”
And with that, Zanmu turned and left without another word, shooting Marisa one last look as she did. It was a look that said, See? I can get reactions out of her you never could.
Marisa just saw her off. It wasn’t until after Zanmu was out of sight that she snorted and shook her head. “What a sore loser.”
“Loser?” Reimu, now a little more collected, turned to her with a confused look. “Did you two fight?”
“Kinda, I guess? But don’t worry, I won.”
“Oh. Uh... Good job?”
“Thanks! Hey, mind if I take one?” As Marisa asked this, she swiped a cracker off the plate.
“Hey, don’t take my stuff without asking!”
“But I did ask.”
“Don’t take my stuff while asking!”
“Aw, cut me some slack,” Marisa said with a dismissive shrug. She took a bite. “I just got through an extended conversation with Zanmu. D’you know what that’s like?”
“Of course I—wait, you did?” Reimu perked up. “That’s a surprise. I thought you two didn’t like each other.”
“Yeah, that’s why.”
“Huh?”
Marisa shrugged again and sat down. “Ask your girlfriend.”
It wasn’t like they talked about whether or not it was okay to share what they talked about today, but it didn’t feel right to blab about Zanmu’s little jealousy problem when she wasn’t even here, especially to her girlfriend. Besides, Reimu could always just ask her about it the next time they met. So at least for now, it would stay a secret, a personal little moment that she and Marisa could keep between themselves.
Not that this made them friends or anything.