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Nicholas' promise to Gaku that they'd go shopping together seemed like it had been made a million years ago. In the excitement of a new comeback and everything else they were doing, Gaku had all but forgotten about it until Nicholas messages him.
(That's a lie. Gaku remembers every word Nicholas has ever said to him. But if he pretends that he doesn't remember the promise, he can't be upset when it doesn't happen.)
It's ironic that Nicholas knows the best shopping spots in Tokyo when Gaku's the one from Japan, but Nicholas is a chameleon who fits in anywhere like he belongs, and it's no surprise that he's learned all the shopping district's secrets. So Gaku's following him without question, excited by the opportunity to just be with him in person for a while. They've been messaging back and forth since &Audition, but it's rare for his time off to allow him to meet up with friends who aren't on a similarly chaotic schedule, so finding out that they were both in the same city at the same time with a whole day free seemed like a miracle. If all Nicholas wanted to do was sit in a coffee shop and talk, Gaku would have been happy with that. But shopping together is even better. He's always loved Nicholas' style.
In the first shop, a vintage store that's on the third floor of a nondescript building, somewhere Gaku would never have found by himself, Nicholas makes a beeline for a rack of t-shirts. They seem a little plain for the outfits that Nicholas usually pulls together, but he's rummaging through as though he's looking for something specific. After pushing aside a few, including one that Gaku might try and snag when Nicholas moves out of the way, Nicholas pulls one out and holds it up, almost triumphantly.
"You'd look good in this," he says, smiling, looking Gaku up and down like he's sizing him up. It makes Gaku feel warm despite the air conditioning in the store, and he tries to ignore the way his stomach lurches. The t-shirt is black with a muted grey pattern on it, something written in English that he can't quite parse, but that's not what catches his attention.
"You like crop tops, right?"
Gaku nods. He does like them, for stage outfits at least, but this one seems a little more cropped than he usually wears. He estimates that it would only sit an inch or so below his chest, and can't understand why Nicholas would think of it for him.
It's cute though, and he's pretty sure that Nicholas wouldn't let him wear something with a phrase in English that says anything bad, so he starts thinking about ways he could style it, with cute jeans and a jacket maybe. Some silver accessories.
(If he's building his own style on what he sees on Nicholas' ootd posts, that's between him and his Instagram account.)
"Try it on," Nicholas carries on, as though Gaku isn't just standing there looking blankly at him, and before he knows it, he's taken the t-shirt and is walking towards the changing room.
It's pretty large, big enough for a couple of people to be in there at once, with a thick, heavy curtain over the entrance, but Gaku doesn't expect Nicholas to follow him inside. He leans against the wall opposite the mirror with his arms crossed, just watching.
The thing is, Gaku likes being watched, on stage at least. He's never met an idol who doesn't. And he enjoys the skinship that comes with being an idol. He loves the silly way the members will all pile on top of each other, or how Hikaru will shyly rest his head on Gaku's shoulder when he's tired, or how Reo sometimes climbs into someone else's bed when he's exhausted. That's normal now, along with the cameras that follow him every day, and the occasional fan that spots him on the street. He loves all of that, and it feels perfectly natural.
Even getting undressed in front of someone else is another part of idol life – every idol he knows has showered with one of their members at least once – but this is different.
The way Nicholas is looking at him is anything but natural. If Gaku had to describe it in one word, it would be predatory. It sends a shiver down Gaku's spine.
Gaku figures he has a couple of options: call Nicholas out and risk embarrassing both of them, or just get on with it.
He's always been a people pleaser.
(And he'd do anything for Nicholas especially, even if he won't admit it to himself. Or anyone else.)
He pulls his grey hoodie over his head, wishing that he'd chosen to wear at least a vest underneath and hangs it on the hook on the back of the door. Every part of him wants to turn his back to Nicholas, hide himself, but he doesn't quite understand why he feels that way.
And besides, the huge mirror taking up one wall of the changing room isn't going to be any help.
He overthinks it long enough that Nicholas coughs and he realises he's been standing there shirtless for a longer than he intended.
Grabbing the t-shirt, Gaku hopes the warmth on his cheeks isn't as obvious to Nicholas as it is to him. He pulls the thin material of the t-shirt over his head and tugs it down. It's even more cropped on him than it was on the hanger. He fiddles with the waistband of his pants, trying to pull them a fraction higher, but there's not much give there, not unless he's prepared to give himself a nasty injury.
Instead, he crosses his arms over his exposed waist, in a gesture that he used to do when the stylists first put him in similar outfits, when he was far less confident about himself than he is now, and turns to look in the mirror.
He's so focused on whether or not he looks ridiculous that he doesn't notice Nicholas stepping up behind him until he sees their reflections together. They're close enough in height that they look good together, he thinks. Nicholas' pink hair stands out against his own dark, unbleached hair.
"Cute," Nicholas says, the first words he's spoken since they entered the changing room. He's so close that Gaku can feel the word as much as hear it. "It looks as good as I thought it would."
"It's not too…?" Gaku moves his arms and gestures to his stomach, not able to find the right words.
Nicholas' reflection is staring at him in the mirror, his eyes dark, a small smile on his lips. "It's perfect. You've worked hard for that physique. You should be proud to show it off."
Gaku is about to reply, to tell Nicholas that it's not that much, not really, not compared to Fuma or Maki, when he feels the lightest touch of Nicholas' fingers on his waist.
"Is this okay?"
He holds his breath, not wanting to jostle Nicholas away, but he nods, relishing the feeling of fingers on his bare skin. It burns in a way that makes him wonder if there will be marks.
(He'd quite like that.)
Nicholas steps impossibly closer, until his chest is pressed against Gaku's back and Gaku can feel the buttons of Nicholas' shirt against the exposed area of his back. Then Nicholas' fingers move around, circling his waist, until his hands are resting on Gaku's stomach.
"Maybe cute wasn't the right word," Nicholas says, all but whispering in Gaku's ear now. It sends shivers through Gaku's body and gooseflesh appears on his skin. He wonders if Nicholas will be able to feel it under his fingertips. "I think sexy works better in this case."
Gaku can't move. He can't speak. He feels like he's trapped in a place he has no desire to escape. He's fairly sure he must be dreaming, because he's had dreams like this before, only in his dreams he can't usually smell Nicholas' perfume or feel warm breath against his neck.
"Do you know how attractive you are?" Nicholas asks him, still whispering, voice low and almost a growl. "Do you know how often I think about you in those stupidly short tops, showing off your perfect abs?"
Gaku has always tried to be patient, biding his time for the right opportunity. But there's something screaming in his mind that if he doesn't move now, doesn't act, he's going to lose whatever is happening. So he turns around, slow enough that he doesn't dislodge Nicholas' hands. They slip smoothly from his stomach to his back as Gaku turns to face him, leaving burning trails across his skin.
"How often do you think about me?" he asks quietly when they're face to face. The momentary silence that follows his question is worse than either of the occasions he's waited on a stage to learn his future. It's more painful than anything he's ever done.
"Can I?" Nicholas says eventually, answering the question with one of his own. This time he sounds a little uncertain, at odds with his confident words only a minute earlier. Gaku doesn't know exactly what Nicholas wants, but at this point, he also doesn't care. Nicholas can have anything from him.
It's not a soft, hesitant first kiss. It's a kiss that says you drive me crazy and I need you closer and Gaku is losing himself in the warmth of Nicholas. The taste of coffee in his mouth, the coolness of the rings on his fingers, the feel of his teeth as they nip at Gaku's bottom lip. It's like he's being swallowed whole and he's more than happy to let it happen.
(He wonders if it's too soon to call it an addiction.)
Nicholas' hands pull him closer, his arms wrapping around him, even as his fingers slide further up under the stupid crop top that Gaku knows he's absolutely going to be taking home.
When Nicholas nips at his lip again, a little harder, as though he's trying to taste the very core of him, Gaku moans. Contrary to what he wants to do at that point, he forces himself to pull away, giving himself a chance to catch his breath, and to stop himself from letting Nicholas take everything they both want. After all, they're still mostly in public.
He's somewhat relieved to notice that Nicholas is breathing just as hard, and seems to be staring at his mouth. Gaku licks his lips and watches as Nicholas' eyes darken.
Before Gaku can say anything, or explain why he pulled back, Nicholas presses back in for another kiss, as though he couldn't help himself. This time the kiss is a little less desperate, a little sweeter.
Definitely addictive.
"All the time," Nicholas says suddenly, confusing Gaku with the non-sequitur.
"Your question," he adds with a soft smile. "That's how often I think about you."
Gaku hates that he feels himself blush again, but he can't stop the smile on his face. "I think about you too," he says, although the words don't quite feel like enough. He's not sure the changing room in a random clothes store in Tokyo is the best place for a confession, but he needed to say something. He needs Nicholas to understand even just a fraction of how much he likes him.
Hopefully he'll have plenty more chances to tell him. This time he's the one who leans in for another kiss, and it's amazing how normal it already feels.
"I'm buying you the t-shirt," Nicholas says, his fingers drifting around the bottom edge of the fabric, his eyes following them. "But I'm the only person allowed to see you in it, okay?"
Nicholas' smile turns predatory again, but Gaku likes it being aimed in his direction. It makes him feel wanted. He thinks about wearing the crop top again, somewhere more private, and he shivers again, imagining what might happen. He thinks about Nicholas pulling it off him, or leaving it as the only thing Gaku wears. He finds he doesn't mind either choice.
(He thinks for the briefest moment that he might one day get Nicholas to wear it, and the image almost short-circuits his brain.)
He smiles back at Nicholas, letting his hand slide down until their fingers twine together. A perfect fit.
"I don't think that's going to be a problem at all," he says finally, stealing one last kiss before he shoves Nicholas out of the changing room. If he lets him stay, they're either going to get thrown out or arrested. He takes a moment to lean back against the wall, eyes closed, the memory of Nicholas' hands against his bare skin.
"I'll be waiting for you," comes Nicholas' voice from the other side of the curtain, and Gaku lets himself smile. This is one promise he's not going to let himself forget.