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"My dear angel,
You know better than I do that words have never been my forte. But I wanted to try, just for you."
Jimin squinted, unexpectedly weighing every word. The letter was written on canary yellow paper, dotted with tiny pink hearts all around the margins. There was no sender, nor a recipient. And the longer Jimin stared at it, the more he started to figure it out: not only was it a love letter, it was actually a White Day letter. And it didn't even sound like something you'd write out of courtesy, to thank someone for chocolate received on Valentine's Day.
He flipped the page, looking for a clue: anything that could tell him who the recipient actually was. What he could tell was that Jungkook had handwritten the letter he was reading.
Jimin shouldn't have looked. He knew that. But after years of sharing snacks, clothes, and secrets, the concept of "privacy" between him and Jungkook was a thin, paper-weary thing. He shouldn't have opened the letter so readily, but there was no seal on it, and it was resting against a box of his favorite chocolates, the ones he rarely lets himself have. One of the staff members had left it there, right in front of their chairs.
"You deserve to know how deeply I feel for you. I know I'm sappy, but your smile lights up my days. I am so lucky to be part of your life."
Jungkook had left the room less than an hour ago, visibly in a rush, trying to meet Jimin's eyes from the door as he was dragged outside by a stylist to get ready for his solo shot. Jimin had already taken his pictures for the day, and the makeup felt sticky on his face. He wanted nothing more than to lie down, but they all had to take the last few group photos before he could even think of getting rid of the sticky foundation on his face.
To be honest, Jimin couldn't properly focus on the words he was reading. There was a tightness in his chest. He thought he must be tired. He put on his glasses and sighed. He probably should stop reading the letter, but this was a side of Jungkook he had never known.
"I wouldn't be who I am today without you next to me."
It could actually be a platonic love letter, couldn't it? He didn't know why, but it would make it easier to read it fully, to accept its existence. He scanned the pages; some of the words caught his eyes.
"Just a taste of your full lips and I would be done for."
Oh, well. It wasn't.
Jimin's fist closed around the pages, but then he relaxed it so as not to crumple them. He had to stop. The words were getting blurry, and he couldn't fully process them. He folded the letter, left it on the box, and pretended he had never read it. Just to be sure, he even moved his stuff to another chair.
Lying to Jungkook wouldn't be easy. Maybe he should laugh it off, tell him he read it without meaning to; it wouldn't be far from the truth. The mere idea of talking about Jungkook's love life made him nauseous. Who could this marvelous person be? And how could Jimin not know how important they were to Jungkook, his best friend?
Did somebody give you Valentine's chocolate last month?"
Jimin tried to hide how much his own question startled him. He kept his head turned, eyes fixed on the car window, pretending to look outside.
Jungkook was yawning, his head lolling and close to resting upon Jimin's shoulder. He sat straighter when Jimin suddenly spoke to him. Jimin turned to him, smiling at his hair in disarray and red cheeks.
"Not really," he mumbled, hugging himself and sitting closer. "Just you, remember?" He chuckled. "Well, it was a cup of instant noodles with a ribbon and a request to make it for both of us, but still, I appreciated the gesture."
Jimin felt his shoulders relax, and only then realized how tense he had been. "I was just hungry," he chuckled, too. Without thinking too much about the gesture, he circled Jungkook's wide shoulders with his arm to let him rest his head on his own chest.
"And do you have plans for tonight?" he then asked. He couldn't help his need to investigate.
He couldn't see Jungkook's expression clearly, just a glimpse of his furrowed brows and his cheeks smushed against Jimin's shirt. He always ran so hot. Jimin scratched at the back of his neck, where he knew it would make Jungkook shiver.
Jungkook hummed, rubbing his face against Jimin's stomach as he hugged him. "Yeah. With you." His voice was soft, almost a whisper, his eyes hopeful and almost shy. "You promised."
An overwhelming, scalding feeling of possessiveness took over Jimin in an instant. His thumb caressed Jungkook's chin, and Jimin reminded himself that nobody else had access to this side of his best friend. Not even the person that letter was destined for. He cradled Jungkook's face in his hand and enjoyed his peaceful expression. The car ride to his home never felt so short.
Soju had not been a great idea. Sitting on Jungkook's couch, the lights dimmed except for the screen right in front of him, Jimin felt his head grow lighter, his skin too hot.
"Aren't you tired of losing, baby?"
Jungkook smirked at the nickname, pink-cheeked. "You promised to spend the whole night playing with me." He bit his lip, and Jimin had to tear his eyes away. He rested the controller on the couch, laying his head on the cushions. Jungkook inched closer. He was pouting. Jimin closed his eyes, tired of wrestling with his thoughts.
"Not even one last game?" Jimin felt as if his voice was actually getting distant, and only then he understood that Jungkook had gotten up. He heard his footsteps and the rustle of clothes. He was confused but too comfortable to investigate.
Jungkook came back a few moments later; he sat closer, kneeling next to him. His warmth made Jimin open his eyes again. In his hands was a chocolate wrapped in golden paper; the same kind that had fooled Jimin a few hours ago. "Not even if I bribe you?"
Why was he sharing them with Jimin? Did the other person reject them?
He stared at the treat, his mouth moving helplessly, and since nobody was stopping him, Jungkook unwrapped the chocolate carefully. Jimin could see his forced, teasing smile from between his deft fingers. His hands seemed to be shaking. Was he uncomfortable?
"I'll eat it if you don't," he mumbled, bratty as ever. He went as far as to take a small bite, splitting the treat in two. He ate slowly, licking his lips at the end. Jimin hadn't moved yet. His mouth still slightly open, Jungkook was able to scoot closer and feed him the chocolate, his fingers tickling Jimin's bottom lip.
Jimin bit down on the crunchy shell, savored the sweet chocolate, taking his time, his eyes traveling over Jungkook's face. Jungkook's warm hand was still caressing the side of his face, and for the first time, the hazelnut cream felt bitter on his tongue. He wanted to enjoy the sweetness and Jungkook's closeness, but that exact taste was the proof that Jungkook had written that letter, that he wasn't imagining things. That this sweetness was meant for somebody else.
"Do you want more?" Jungkook whispered, then. His eyes were hazy and so much closer. There was a bit of malice in his question, and there was hardly any space between their faces if Jimin could feel his breath tickle his lips. "I took them just for you, if you want them. Anything you want."
Jimin knew that at a different time, this proximity might have inebriated him even more than any glass of soju he might have drunk, but now he could only freeze in Jungkook's embrace. He could see the moment Jungkook noticed his coldness; his hand disappearing from his face, his eyes searching.
"Just for me? Really, Jungkook? I can't believe you'd…" use me like this, lie to me. He didn't say anything more; rage and jealousy were affecting him too deeply. There could be someone out there deserving of those words Jungkook had so carefully written; maybe they would be brave enough to kiss him and hold him through the night. He wasn't, because there was no way he could risk their friendship and actually be the person Jungkook wanted.
Jungkook kept his distance now, head low as he held his own hands tightly. "So, you were just pretending you hadn't read the letter. You already knew everything." His tone was flat, his face turned so that Jimin couldn't figure out how he was reacting.
Jimin only nodded. He got up, frantically putting on his hoodie, then his socks. He collected the few empty bottles and shut down the console. He closed his fist around the yellow, metallic wrapper and tried to erase any trace of the confusing moment they had just shared. Jungkook didn't stop him.
"It's okay, I don't blame you. You're just confused. White Day simply reminded you that sometimes we're lonely. It's alright, but I think it's best I go back home now."
"Don't even try this, Jimin. Don't diminish my feelings." His voice was breaking and wavering, and whatever was happening, Jimin had to put a stop to it.
"We're both tired," he whispered to his own feet. "I'll call you tomorrow." He was out the door before the silence in the room could swallow him whole.
There was no way that he and Jungkook could spend more than a few hours without talking to each other. Jimin usually couldn't even fall asleep if he knew Jungkook was mad at him. To be honest, he hadn't slept a wink this night either; his eyes burned and his head was pounding. He was lucky they didn't have anything scheduled for the day.
He still hadn't figured out exactly what had happened last night, but he had no doubt he’d managed to hurt Jungkook's feelings. He knew he needed to do something to mend whatever had almost broken yesterday.
He had Jungkook's house keys, a breakfast peace offering, and not even a vague idea of what he might say to him.
Muffled music came from the basement, and Jimin was surprised to realize Jungkook was already awake, too. He might be using the treadmill downstairs. Standing in his kitchen alone wasn't unusual, but it felt wrong now that he didn't know if he was welcome. He still got everything ready: rice and soup and the few side dishes Jungkook had made for him and he had in his fridge.
He drank warm tea to settle his stomach, and just as he thought about leaving a note behind and slipping out, he heard the music shut off.
He felt his hands shake as he held the cup tightly. He had his own cup in Jungkook's house, and he was still surprised that he could be so shocked by the idea of Jungkook loving someone else and everything changing between them.
Jungkook appeared from the staircase, hair wet and a towel draped around his neck. He seemed startled by Jimin's presence, but he kept his face annoyingly neutral. "'Morning."
Only then did Jimin start to realize how strange it was for him to show up just a few hours later without even asking. "Maybe I should have texted. I just wanted to see you, and you know it's always best to eat together, and..."
Jungkook sat at his usual place, grabbed his chopsticks, and picked up a little bit of kimchi, effectively shutting Jimin up with it. "Jimin, it's okay. You're rambling."
Jimin chewed slowly, and they started to eat in what was supposed to be a comfortable silence. He actually spent the majority of the time staring at Jungkook, noticing his tired eyes and the downward slope of his pretty mouth.
Jimin sighed, swallowed down one last bite, and then he simply said, "I'm sorry. I don't know what's come over me."
"I can't believe you were pretending you hadn't read the letter…"
"I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to say." Judging by the way Jungkook furrowed his brows, it wasn't the right thing to say.
"Why would you be embarrassed?" Jungkook asked, his words contrasting with his shy, mumbling tone. He set his chopsticks down, looking Jimin directly in the eye, but his own eyes seemed misty and his hands were shaking, too. "I thought this was natural, between you and me. That we should start to talk about how we feel…"
Jimin felt a pang in his chest. Natural. Of course Jungkook would think so. They had been best friends for years, with no secrets or shame between the two of them. To Jungkook, it was probably just natural for Jimin to eventually know he was in love, even if it was with someone Jimin had never met, someone who would suddenly be part of their lives, someone Jimin would have to share him with.
"I guess you're right," Jimin whispered, his heart sinking. "I just didn't expect it to happen like this."
Jungkook's ears turned red very quickly and he hesitantly grabbed Jimin’s hands, a smile closer to a grimace as he spoke: "You're right, I'm sorry. I was so excited, I was looking for the right time to hand it to you, but then the day was so hectic, and they took the letter from me... and then one of the staff members must have figured out who it was meant for, and so they left it there in the changing room for you to find…"
Something didn't add up; maybe Jimin wasn't truly following the river of words coming out of Jungkook's mouth. But one thing stood out: "They could figure out who it was meant for?"
Jungkook smiled, huffing, embarrassed. "They see us every day. They could tell…"
"They could, and I couldn't?" Jimin's voice was high-pitched, even more than usual, and he couldn't contain the confusing storm of feelings growing in his chest: rage, jealousy, betrayal, but most of all, a cloud of sadness. Jungkook looked confused, too.
Something sparkled in Jungkook's eyes as Jimin stared him down, his breath getting heavy as he tried not to storm out of the kitchen. Jungkook tried to get closer to him; both of his hands cradled Jimin's face and his brows furrowed even more.
"Jimin, my dear, stubborn, oblivious angel... who do you think the letter was meant for? Have you read it?"
"It's your love confession; why should I—" His words were barely intelligible; Jungkook was almost squishing his full lips together.
A flash of hurt went through Jungkook's warm brown eyes, but they stayed determined. "A love confession to whom, angel?"
Jimin's face flushed; he could feel his skin getting hot under his shirt, and he shivered when Jungkook's fingers caressed the sensitive skin of his lips. "I don't know," he mumbled, the word "angel" ringing in his ears. "Why are you calling me that?"
"I always call you that in my head, especially when I picture myself finally finding the courage to actually kiss your full lips," Jungkook said in one quick breath, his round eyes bright and so close that Jimin could feel his thundering heartbeat under his skin.
Rage and discomfort left his body suddenly; he almost dropped his weight onto Jungkook's shoulders. It was like his ears popping and the sound finally becoming clear; it was like stepping outside into the sunlight. The words from the letter started to piece together, and they made sense now. Jungkook was talking about him. He was the only ever-present love in Jungkook's life. Nobody else could fill his place; nobody else matched. It was right, and it made perfect sense. If Jungkook was in love with somebody, it should be him, and only him.
"Oh my god, you don't get to look so smug now," Jungkook laughed, his body shaking along with Jimin's as his thumbs caressed Jimin's full cheeks. "You were so jealous and possessive and oblivious that you didn't read the letter fully, did you?"
Jimin had never felt embarrassment sweeter than this. His body was vibrating with satisfaction, and he rubbed his face against Jungkook's warm, inviting palm. "It's not like you gave it to me. I found it there, and you never said anything, and…"
To be honest, he didn't know how to justify his own stupidity, if not by admitting the truth. "And I was so scared," he whispered.
"I thought we were on the same page," Jungkook whispered, too. They were still so close; words almost didn't need to be said out loud. And Jungkook’s eyes were so clear, tender, and full of hope that Jimin didn't know how he couldn't have seen all the care Jungkook had for him reflected in them.
Jimin kissed his palm hesitantly, the kind of affection they weren't used to sharing yet, but didn't say anything back. Jungkook sighed.
"To me, the letter was just a formality. I thought we were both just being careful."
Jimin’s heart ached, guilty for not being as sure about the two of them as Jungkook was. "Let's just say that I was being so careful that I couldn't even admit that I was in love?"
Jungkook stilled, his eyes getting wider, and Jimin smiled, confirming he knew full well the weight of his words. Jungkook chuckled, hugging him closer, his chin resting upon Jimin’s shoulder. His breath tickled Jimin’s neck, their hearts beating together. Jimin held him tighter, caressing his hair, his hands possessively keeping him close.
"You can taste this angel's full lips, you know," Jimin broke the silence. His voice was a low, daring challenge, one cheesier than anything Jungkook had written on that yellow paper, but he didn't care. He was done being careful.
Jungkook let out a startled, breathless laugh that vibrated against Jimin’s chest. He pulled back just enough to look at him, his eyes blown wide and bright with a sudden, fierce relief.
"You don't get to be cheeky after making me suffer all night," Jungkook murmured, his voice dropping lower, his impatience showing on his tired face.
He didn't wait for an answer. He eagerly captured Jimin’s full lips. It was a slow confirmation of feelings left unspoken for too long. As Jungkook deepened the kiss, doubts and confusing jealousy finally quieted, leaving nothing but a steady and heady sense of belonging.