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Loving a Shadow

Summary:

After the War of Heroes concluded, she knew she couldn't stay any longer.
At the break of dawn, she fled, and left it all behind.
But she wasn't the only one who decided to erase herself from history...

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Peace had finally found the Kingdom of Altea. The resurrection of Dolhr had been thwarted, and the war spanning the Archanean continent had at last been put to rest. Once they had said their goodbyes to their friends, those who had fought so valiantly got to return home and resume their daily lives. It was all she had wished for; the opportunity to live out her life in peace with the man she loved.

But peace hadn't found her.

She had offered to be the one to wake up early—prepare the shop for the day. She packed lightly, not wishing to overburden her pegasus. After all, she has a long flight ahead of her. The break of dawn would be her cue to leave—to fly westward, and leave everything behind. She hadn't planned much beyond her departure, but she had made up her mind ever since the words left his lips.
   “...Hey, Abel? What do you like about me?”
   “That's a bit sudden, no?”
   “Please. Please, tell me.”
   “Sheesh, I... Loving you just came so naturally to me, I never gave it much thought…”
   “...”

He loved her. He cared for her. She knew he did, but it wasn't what she needed to hear. She needed to hear something, anything, that would give her value beyond being a burden to him, to her sisters, to her loved ones—anyone. It wasn't his fault, of course. She made sure to tell him that. “It's okay.” “I understand.” “I'm sorry.”

But she couldn't stay. She couldn't keep being a liability to the people she cared about.

The wind rushes past her ears. An otherwise euphoric experience weighed down by the solemn acceptance that...this is it. A new her is waiting just beyond the horizon. She just needs to get there...


   “Thank you. You've done so well today.”
She smiles softly, gently petting her pegasus, before she turns to boiling pot over the fire. She stirs its contents, then puts the lid back on and sits down, watching the flickering flames.

   “So? How is it?”
   “Wonderful as always. My beloved continues to astound me.”
   “Hee hee! Oh, you!”

Her fist slowly unclenches once the memory passes her by.
   “...I'm sorry, Abel. ...I'm really sorry.”
A desire for warmth draws her closer to the fire, but the cold feeling inside doesn't disappear. She tucks her knees in, holding them close as she continues to watch the flames dance before her. The sweet smell only emphasizes her hunger.

Minutes pass in silence.

The rustling of a branch betrays movement nearby, disturbing her from her daze. She stands up, picking up the lance she brought and turning to the source of the sound, steadying herself.
   “H-hey, careful! It's just me!”
She lowers her weapon, recognizing the girl in front of her.
   “Kris? What— You scared me!”
   “Well, I didn't mean to. Sorry 'bout that?”
   “Oh, no, it's fine! Um...so what are you doing here?”
   “Well, yeah. That's what I came here to ask you.”
She puts her weapon back down as Kris steps into the small clearing, turning back to the pot boiling over the fire. She stirs it once more.
   “Just...a delivery in Valentia. I have some friends there, and once they heard about our business, they said ‘Well, now I wanna see what you have in store,’ you know? Haha, I'd wanted to go sooner, but then I got captured and…well, the war! But you know all about that, of course.”
   “Uh-huh.”
Kris glances over at the pegasus, tied to a tree and happily grazing on the grass.
   “But hey, enough about that! You must be starving. It's quite a way from Altea Castle! Here—you eat first, okay? I only packed for one, but I don't mind sharing!”
She already serves some of her food onto a plate, which she presents to Kris afterwards.
   “Oh, uhm. Yes, of course! Thank you.”
Kris awkwardly accepts the food she's been presented with, before sitting down, blowing softly on it. She sits down opposite to her.
   “Haven't had this in a while…”
   “Um, it might still be too sweet for you! I didn't know you'd be here, and, well, sweet is the way I like it!”
   “Don't worry. It's still miles better than anything I'd make.”
A small bite of the sweet stew gets eaten to reaffirm her. Kris can't help but grimace slightly.
   “...S-see? All good!”
   “Hehe, if you say so.”
She giggles slightly as her friend forces herself to eat some more, pouring Kris some water (which she is more than happy to accept). After a moment of silence, Kris speaks up.
   “...Why are you really here, Est?”
Her smile vanishes.
   “I... It's just delivery, so—”
   “Without any weapons? You only have one spear on you.”
Kris saw right through her flimsy lie. She finds herself unable to speak, scrambling to come up with more excuses—more reasons why she left without leaving herself open, vulnerable. She laughs a little.
   “I... I must've left them at the shop, haha. Well, that's just the kind of person I am! Oops, silly Est! Don't worry, I'll be sure to take it more seriously next time!”
   “Est? Are you...crying?”
Est can't stop laughing, tears streaming down her face as her gags turn to sobs.
   “...No I'm not. Don't...don't worry! It's fine! I'm fine! I'm… It's— It's okay, Kris! Haha, don't worry... I'm good! ...I'm s-sorry for...for making you worry about me, haha...!”
Her vision blurred, it barely registers to Est that Kris has put down her plate. When she feels the girl's arms around her, though, her face scrunches up, unable to maintain the felicitous façade.
   “Est... It's okay, Est. It's okay. I'm here.”
Unable to form the words to apologise, Est sobs softly into her friend's shoulder.

Neither of them spoke another word that night.


Est wakes up to the smell of warm stew.
   “Mngh... Mh?”
She turns to her side, rubbing the remaining sleep from her eyes. When she opens them again, she's greeted by the sight of Kris smiling at her, watching over a remade fire.
   “Good morning. I know you wouldn't want me to make breakfast, but heating up leftovers? That I can do.”
   “Hehe... Thank you.”
She rolls over, before slowly pushing herself to her feet and stretching.
   “All right... Oh, did you feed Emmi?”
   “Hm? Oh, that's your pegasus?”
   “Yep! Isn't she just so majestic?”
   “She's a real beauty. Yep, I already took care of her. The horse, too.”
Est looks over to her pegasus, finding a brown mare tied up next to her. She figures it must belong to Kris, brought over to the clearing once she had fallen asleep.
   “So that's how you got this far…”
   “I had to keep pace somehow. Real glad you didn't fly directly to Chiasmir or worse—Grust.”
   “No way! Not when it was already getting so late. Imagine being all tired, and then BOOM!—nothing but water!”
   “Haha, I can imagine that'd be a problem.”
She quickly gets dressed, joining Kris at the fire. She looks over the pot, within which boils the sweet stew—stew she used to make for two.
   “...Kris, I'm sorry. I'm not going back. ...I can't.”
   “Do you want to tell me why?”
   “No. I don't want to make it your problem, too.”
   “Well...then I guess you'll keep going?”
   “Yep. I kinda have to if I'm not going back, right?”
Kris serves her the stew, nodding.
   “In that case, can you come with me to the stables, first?”
   “Oh, sure! I...guess it'd be nice to say goodbye to you, at least.”
   “You won't have to. I'm going to come with you.”
The sudden, surprising announcement causes her to nearly drop her plate.
   “Hey, careful! You only packed one of those!”
   “R-right! ...What do you MEAN you're coming with me?”
Kris smiles solemnly.
   “We're at a point in history where I think...it'd be better if I just stop existing for a while. Prince Marth— King Marth, is a wise and gentle man. The people need him to be the sole hero uniting the continent. That doesn't leave any room for me, does it? If I stick around, then... It's been an honor, but I shouldn't stay with him. Not now.”
She exhales softly, releasing the pressure building up inside her with a small sigh. Est had seen her devotion for Marth before—had seen how far she was willing to go for her liege—but never would have expected her to do this for him, too.
   “Did you tell him you were leaving?”
   “It would only have upset him. All of my friends. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but...I know I've left everyone in good hands.”
Even though there is a sadness in her smile, Est sees clearly that Kris is resolute in her decision. She feels a pit in her stomach, envious of her friend's noble resolve.
   “...I'll return eventually. Visit them at least. But for now, well—you were already leaving, and it seems to me like you could really use some company.”
   “You don't have to, you know? I'll be fine on my own.”
   “And if I want to?”
   “...Then I guess you can stay. For now.”
Kris's smile grows warm. Est turns away from her, trying to focus her attention on the stew.

Though it tastes sweet, she can't help but think of home.


The flight to Chiasmir was quicker than Kris had anticipated. She'd attempted flight on a pegasus before herself, but this had been her first time in the air with an experienced flier.
   “What a rush…”
   “Hee hee! Isn't it amazing?”
Though she couldn't see Est's wide smile, she could feel her infectious enthusiasm. As the rider ordered her whitewinged steed to pick up the pace so her friend could feel the rush fully, Kris treasured the moment of her genuine elation.

As the two finally land at the Chiasmir Strait, they dismount the noble pegasus, allowing her to rest. The coasts are barren, allowing for an immediate view of the entire area.
   “You know...last time I was here, I was forced to run for my life. And hey—I took a ship back then, too.”
Kris chuckles, turning to her companion—though it seems Est is lost in memory as well.
   “...This is where I first joined up with Prince Marth.”
   “What? Wait, is it really?!”
   “Yep! See, I came in from there—”
She points to the skies on their left, drawing a route towards the center of the bridge.
   “—aaaaand that's about where I met up with the army! Wanna know what I was doing in Grust?”
   “All the way from Grust?!”
   “Hehe, yep! You know the three regalia of Archanea, right? I was the one to take Mercurius from the clutches of the Grustian army myself!”
Est smiles proudly as she recounts her accomplishment, though it quickly fades.
   “...Sorry. I didn't mean to bother you with my stupid stories.”
   “What do you mean? I didn't know you were the one to do that. That's amazing!”
   “Maybe. But I didn't really do anything important in the war afterwards.”
Ultimately, what had she accomplished as a Whitewing? She wasn't an exceptional fighter in her own right, unlike her sisters. She knew that, if the three of them fought together, they were an unstoppable force—but what did it say about her that her value depended on just one formation? Besides, Palla and Catria could handle anything by themselves, couldn't they? What was she even doing on the battlefield? Why would anyone ever need her?
   “...Kris, was I, ever... Do you think I'm a burden?”
Kris doesn't answer. Of course. She can't. Because she knows it's true, but is too nice to say it. Why'd she think coming with her was a good idea? It'd be best if Est just apologised, and—
   “Hey, where is this coming from? You know you're not, right?”
When she looks at her friend, she's surprised to see the concerned expression on her face. Despite it, she can't stop herself from shaking her head.
   “I know I'm not like my sisters. I'm not strong, I'm not mature or kind, and I'm not...like Catria, either. I'm just... I'm just some little kid who thought she could fight, too. I'm weak, I'm...pathetic, and I just keep making things worse for everyone, don't I?”
It was out before she knew it. Thoughts she'd shared before, but never left her mind. She knew exactly what Kris would say to her—that she's not, that she shouldn't blame herself for what happened to her, that she's fine, she's fine... But she couldn't stop herself. And somehow, Kris's soft, sorrowful expression still makes her heart ache.
   “That's not true, Est. You're a wonderful person, and so very brave. I've fought many battles alongside you, and it was always, always, reassuring to know that you had my back. You're kind and thoughtful—I know you try to give your friends things that'll make them happy—and I've seen just how driven you are! You're smart, and resourceful, and so passionate about everything, and... Oh, don't cry! Did I say something wrong?”
She doesn't know when she started crying, but she feels the stream of tears flow down her face. Was Kris really talking about her? Did she—did someone—really think all those nice things? About her, of all people?
   “N-no, I just... Do you... Do you really think all that?”
   “Yes, of course! I've never thought of you as a burden, Est. I wouldn't be here if I did.”
As she attempts to wipe her tears, she begins to slowly steady her breaths, shaken by her friend's unrelenting praise. She can't bring herself to agree with the words, but the way that she'd said it—the earnestness in her voice...she can, at the very least, believe that Kris believes it for her.
   “Th-Thank you, Kris... You really are good at this. Sorry for crying...again.”
Kris shakes her head.
   “It's okay, really. I just hope I can be there for you when you need it next time, too.”
Est can't help but smile, if only a little. She nods.


The seabound travel to Zofia Harbor would take them six days in total. The moment she boarded the ship, she could not help but feel a wave of fear wash over her, haunted by memories from the last time she was taken to Valentia.
   “Est? Is everything alright?”
   “Yeah, I'm fine! ...It's just, I'm not really good with boats.”
   “Hm, that might be a problem... Hey, how about this. If you really get queasy, you can take a brief flight on Emmi, right?”
Kris's smile was warm and comforting. Suddenly, the journey ahead of them didn't seem that daunting anymore.

Following the advice of her dear friend proved useful. Anytime she was reminded of her past powerlessness, it was cathartic to reaffirm her own freedom, soaring through the salted skies above the open sea. As the days passed, Est kept looking to the edge of the horizon, often alongside her traveling companion.
   “Any plans for when we get there?”
   “Mh? Oh, no. I just figured I'd work it all out once I got there! It's kind of exciting, honestly. New friends, new adventures...new me, you know?”
   “Oh? And what will that new you be like?”
   “I don't know! And I don't want to think about that ahead of time. I mean, I want to be a me that is really me!”
   “Is that so? Well, I look forward to meeting her.”
Est did, too.

She sobs alone in their dimly lit room, the sound stirring Kris from her deep sleep.
   “Wha... Est?”
The girl quickly gets to her feet. It isn't long before she spots Est, hunched over on top of her bedding, a filled plate on her knees. Kris approaches her carefully.
   “Hey, is...everything alright?”
Est shakes her head, bitter tears falling onto the rest of her meal.
   “...It's gone bad, Kris. I kept some stew for later, a-and I got hungry, but it's gone bad! It's all gone bad, Kris...!”
She sobs loudly, tears flowing down her face despite her best wishes.
   “A-and I'd worked so hard on iiit...! I just... I just wanted a normal, normal, sweet stew! A stew that'd make me happy, it, it was supposed to make me happy!
Kris sits down next to her and pulls her into a firm hug, which she does not resist.
   “It's okay, Est. We can just make a new one when we get there, right? Please, don't cry…”
   “Kris…
She is unable, unwilling, to escape the confines of her grasp. Her shaky breaths steady over time, and she finds herself leaning against Kris before she realizes it.
   “...It's... It's not about the stew, is it?”
Est shakes her head once more. Though a part of her wanted to still find comfort in something that was meant to bring her life long-term happiness, it was better to accept the truth.
   “...I...I tried so hard to be normal, Kris… I knew I couldn't beat my sisters, so I...I wanted a normal, happy life... One in which I didn't cause problems for anyone...”
She laughs softly.
   “So much for that, huh? I'm hurting everyone I love...but I just... I can't do it, Kris. I can't keep pretending that everything doesn't bother me. That I'm happy with my life. ...I never wanted to open a shop. I didn't want him to protect me, I wanted to prove myself, I... He wanted children, Kris. He wanted children, and, I... I named them…
Her body tenses up, before she turns and holds onto the girl next to her, seeking the warmth and comfort she knows her dear friend had provided her. Kris, though surprised, reaffirms her hug, gently brushing her fingers past Est's hair.
   “Please don't blame yourself, Est... I know things weren't easy for you…”
   “Kris... Kris, I... I just... I wanted a normal life with him. He was reliable, he was sweet, it should've been perfect, but I... I don't know if I ever really loved him...or if I just wanted to be normal, and...I don't know if he ever saw me for who I am, either... I'm... I'm sorry. I…”
She closes her eyes.
   “...You... You feel so warm, Kris... Can you...stay with me? Please?”
Kris's hand stopped as Est's words began to sink in, slowly.
      “Est, what... What are you saying?”
As if waking from a trance, the former Whitewing suddenly sits up, pulling away from the hug.
   “I don't know. I said something stupid again, didn't I? Please, just...forget it, okay?”
She turns away. The luminosity of the nearby lantern betrays the blush she is trying to discard. It was a moment of weakness, nothing more. She can't... She shouldn't...start thinking like this... It was wrong, wasn't it? To think...she might feel this way about someone like Kris...
   “No, it's not. I don't think so, at least. You can tell me what you really want. ...You know I'm more than happy to stay with you, right?”
   “Really...?”
   “Anytime. I'd be happy and honored to stay by your side, whenever you need me.”
Est hesitates. Is this...really what she wants? Even if it is, should she say it? After all this time she spent fighting it, why should she give in now? Isn't it better to keep denying it? To keep looking for a normal life, to not stick out, to not be a problem to anyone ever again? Why should she even get to try? What right does she have to subject Kris to being a part of her future?

But Kris's tender smile is warm and inviting.
   “A new you, right? A you that's really you.”
She turns to her, and smiles back. It suddenly all seems so easy.

   “Please stay with me, Kris... I... I think I love you...


The sun sets on another peaceful day in Valentia. She smiles as she hears the front door open.
   “I'm back.”
Upon closing the door, Kris is met with a warm smell. She chuckles softly, before joining the other girl at the fire, giving her a gentle hug from behind and a soft kiss on the cheek.
   “H-hey, careful, you!”
She giggles, blushing as Kris pulls away again. Thinking it'd been long enough, she lifts the lid and stirs their dinner once more.
   “...Stew again, huh?”
   “Hey, what do you mean ‘again’? I haven't made it ONCE since we got here!”
   “Oh, I guess you're right. It's just— It doesn't feel like it was too long ago.”
Upon arrival, they had spent several days finding a place at which to spend their new lives, which they had found in what was once known as the southern edges of Zofia. Once they'd found a place to stay, the villagers were quick to accept them—Kris's diligence made her a valued farmhand, while her own creativity caused her to become a local artisan. Though it had been weeks since they first arrived, they both felt as though they were just getting settled.
   “Hehe, I know... Still, I really wanted to try this again. It's been a while!”
   “In that case, I guess I can't dissuade you.”
Kris kisses her cheek again, before taking two plates out of the cupboard. Once dinner's ready, the cook serves both portions, before sitting down opposite to the girl she now shares her life with. When a somewhat reluctant Kris takes her first bite, she looks on in anticipation.
   “...Huh? This is... This is really good! I thought you liked it sweet, though?”
   “Hehe, I thought I'd try something new for once.”
She smiles lovingly to Kris, who—pleasantly surprised—scarfs down the meaty stew before her.
   “I do like my stew sweet, but...I really like this, too. And this way, we get to eat it together! And I want to make you happy too, you know?”
   “Oh, Est…”
The two continue to eat their dinner, more than content with each other's company.
   “Hey, maybe I can try cooking for you once? I've been taking lessons, you know!”
   “Eh heh heh... Maybe.”
Her once-troubled heart had finally started to feel at peace.