Work Text:
Admin L. Snill: hey
Kaycee Hobbes: hello!!
how are you ^-^
Snill: doing about as well as i can right now
how about you?
Kaycee: i'm doing good :p
leshy's out in the woods rn so i'm alone in the cabin at the moment!!
Snill: um
i'm sorry for being kinda rude yesterday
i really do appreciate your support
Kaycee: nooo seriously i wasnt hurt at all :-)
you don't need to apologize i swear
i was really apathetic and bitey for a while after my death too 0_0
Snill: about that
how are you so… open about what happened to you?
i barely even want to admit it to myself
Kaycee: well it took a lot of time!! its ok if it takes a while
but eventually i just realized what happened happened and thats ok :-)
in my mind its just like talking about something that kinda sucked
like telling the story about getting your wisdom teeth removed or something??
but thats just what it was. a single kinda sucky day :p
Snill: kinda???
what????
Kaycee: well yeah!!
it was a beautiful fall day and i was generally having a good day before that so really the fire was the only real bad part
a few hours out of the whole day is nothing :-)
Snill: you're… interesting
that's one of the few things callie and i can agree on at least
Kaycee: :-)
i wont tell her you said that
n e way
something that really helped me was just talking about it casually!!
would you like to try??
its ok if not obviously :p
but i feel like you really want to talk to someone about it
Snill: ..
i do. what i said yesterday was true
but
i don't know what to say
Kaycee: you don't have to tell me the whole story in one go!! we can take things one at a time!!
if you want, i could talk first ^-^
Snill: i think i'd like that
Kaycee: ok!!!
well… lets see
i died in late september 2015 :p
it was a beautiful early fall day!! the sun was out, it was a pleasant temperature, all that!! i remember it like it was yesterday :-)
what about you??
Snill: oh
well
it was october 2018
i don't remember what it was like outside
i honestly hadn't been outside in a week
warm, probably. nevada was always super warm. i hated it
Kaycee: ohhh i forgot you moved down there!!
Snill: ..
can we move on. i don't want to talk about it
Kaycee: of course :-)
lets continue where we left off
it was a friday so i went to work like usual
Snill: where did you work?
Kaycee: i was a game developer at gamefuna ^^
much like you, but i wasn't the head of my own team or anything 0-0
my boss asked me to head to the warehouses a bit outside the campus and stay a bit later to help with quality assurance or something?? the details are a bit fuzzy
i probably should have suspected something was up because it was odd and abrupt but i went down there anyway
i guess hindsight is 20/20 and all that :p
Snill: you're better than me
i would have refused to stay later for any reason
Kaycee: well i wasn't doing anything that evening and he also offered to pay me for the time i spent working so i figured why not
but once i entered the warehouse the doors were locked and the building was set on fire :-(
i tried to escape by climbing one of the shelves and climbing out of one of the windows on the ceiling but i ended up losing my balance and causing both myself and the shelf to fall
i'm surprised that the fall and then the shelf hitting me and pinning me to the ground didnt just kill me right then and there but yaknow :p
Snill: oh my god???
and you consider this a mild inconvenience??
Kaycee: i never said i considered dying a mild inconvenience!!
i just don't think talking or thinking about it is a big deal :p
i did kinda know that it was over for me after the shelf fell
i spent several minutes fading in and out of consciousness both because of pain from the several broken bones and the amount of smoke in my lungs i had at this point :-(
the last thing i remember before falling unconscious entirely was someone who ran into the burning warehouse pulling me out from under the shelf
i don't remember who it was tho and it's entirely possible i just hallucinated it :-(
but the next time i opened my eyes i was in leshy's cabin and i really do like it here so it all worked itself out :-)
Snill: wow
i'm genuinely speechless
thats terrible
i'm sorry
Kaycee: seriously its ok :-)
Snill: no its not!!
and now i just feel a bit stupid for being so cagey
especially since i didn't go through even half of what you did
Kaycee: nooo!! you don't need to feel bad!!
in fact i'd really prefer it if you didnt :-(
this isnt supposed to be about me either!! i was telling my story to show you that its okay to talk about what happened and that theres nothing to be scared of :p
Snill: ..
i guess i should tell you what happened
Kaycee: only if you really want to!!
don't feel pressured to just because i did ^-^
Snill: no, i want to. i promise.
..
this is going to sound insane but
i was just sitting at my computer one day when hands came out of my monitor and strangled me
i didn't even know that was possible
it's not something that should have been possible
Kaycee: 0_0
i'd heard about the strangling part from maggie but not the hands coming from the monitor part!!
that's crazy!!
Snill: yeah
i think i'm the only one who knows what actually happened that day
…
kaycee
can you keep a secret?
Kaycee: i was already planning on keeping everything said between us quiet :p
but yes, i think i can keep a secret quite well :-)
Snill: i've never actually told anyone this before
probably because it would shatter the character i had built out of myself
but
i was actually planning to kill myself
had a plan and suicide note written and everything
but as i was sitting there fighting with those cold hands around my neck i realized i didn't actually want to die
i just wanted control of my life back
Kaycee: oh…
lionel… i'm sorry :-(
Snill: yeah. well
like you said. what happened happened and i can't do anything about it now
really who cares
Kaycee: i care!!
and you know what??
i think you have an opportunity to get exactly what you wanted
you have a fresh slate now!!
do whatever you want ^-^
Snill: would be a nice sentiment if i wasn't in the void
there's literally nothing for me to do here
Kaycee: why dont you create your own corner of the universe to live in??
i've played a lot of the games you made, i know you have a brain for it :p
it could literally be whatever you want
whatever makes you happiest :-)
Snill: ..
i don't know
maybe i will
i don't think that i can
Kaycee: of course you can!!
i believe in you :-)
Snill: it takes so much energy just to make one simple thing
tried making a light source and it almost knocked me out cold
i don't think i could make a whole world. or hell even just a single room. without dying
…again.
Kaycee: well its a whole new medium for you!!
you dont need to have it all figured out right away ^-^
you arent running out of time or anything so take as long as you want :p
you dont even need to worry about what others will think about it!! its literally just for yourself
Snill: ..
thank you, kaycee
i think i'm going to go for a walk to clear my head
i appreciate you taking time out of your day to talk to me
Kaycee: np!!
i have a lot of time on my hands ^_^
feel free to just send me a dm if you ever want to talk again!!
Snill: i'll keep it in mind
goodbye
Kaycee: good luck, lionel :-)