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Megan was balancing the bag of takeout in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other, her phone pressed up to her ear with her shoulder. She was fumbling with her car keys, trying to hit the lock button with her thumb.
“No no, I’m listening Mom. I heard you, dinner with Tyler on Sunday.” She repeated it, finally pressing the lock button and letting out a sigh.
Her mother’s voice was muffled against her ear, but she understood what she was being asked. “Yes, I’ll be there. I promise,” she spoke assuredly.
“Mom,” She started to interrupt as she took a few steps towards the main entrance of an apartment building. “Mom, I have to go now. Daniela’s waiting for me.” She used her hand to adjust her phone, the plastic around the bouquet of flowers softly crinkling as they hit her forehead. She let out an annoyed huff, smiling despite it.
“I’ll tell her you say hi, don’t worry.” She nodded as if her mother could see her. “Uh-huh, love you too Mom. Bye.” The call ended with a soft click, and Megan shoved her phone into the front pocket of her jeans.
She took a deep breath, being careful not to smush the flowers in her hand as she pulled the door open to the apartment building. As soon as she stepped inside, she noticed the looming smell of cigarette smoke and mail paper. She walked past the mailbox slots hung on the wall and headed straight for the stairs.
Daniela’s apartment was on the 3rd floor, and Megan found herself moving through the stairwell quicker each time. Having completely memorized the path to Daniela’s place like she’d been there a hundred times, even though the two had only been dating for a total of 5 months.
As she approached the apartment door, she could hear the sound of shuffling inside. She raised the hand holding the takeout bag and gently knocked on the door, her smile twitching nervously. The door opened slowly, and Daniela’s wide eyes came into view as she peered through the crack.
When she opened the door fully, Megan’s smile faded. Daniela’s eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying, which she was evidently trying to cover up by the tear stains on her sleeves. “Meg, you’re early,” Daniela muttered, stepping aside to allow her in.
“Yeah, I uh… I wanted to surprise you.” She moved past her, setting the takeout bag on the kitchen counter that was right across from the door. She turned back around, extending the flowers towards her girlfriend. “I brought you these, I figured the others were wilting by now.”
Daniela smiled, a gesture that didn’t quite reach her eyes but seemed to be as genuine as she could muster in the moment. Her hands trembled when she reached for the bouquet, and that’s when Megan realized she wasn’t going to leave until she knew everything was okay.
She watched her girlfriend tenderly remove the plastic from the bouquet, gently lowering the bunched flowers into the same vase holding the weeping stems of the past bouquet. Daniela was mostly silent as she moved about, but her shoulders shook each time she sniffled.
Eventually, the silence grew tiring and Megan reached out to hold Daniela’s shoulder. “Dani, is everything alright?” Her hand moved from her girlfriend’s shoulder to her cheek, forcing her to lift her chin. She watched the soft tremble of Daniela’s lip, and the way her jaw shuddered when she let out a breath.
The silence vapored as soon as it started. Daniela broke down into tears, folding into Megan’s touch so easily that it nearly startled her. She wrapped her arms around Daniela’s back, pulling her closer as the girl lowered her head onto Megan’s shoulder.
She rubbed her hand along Daniela’s waist and let her cry into her shirt, trying to silently reassure her.
When Daniela’s sniffles seemed to subdue just slightly, Megan shifted back enough to look at her face. She noticed the way her girlfriend struggled to take a deep breath, and lifted her hand to cup beneath Daniela's chin. “Breathe with me. Inhale…and exhale,”
“I’m right here, you’re okay.” Megan’s voice was a gentle whisper, trying to maintain the quiet that had enveloped the apartment.
Daniela took another breath in, following the pattern of deep inhales and slow exhales. Megan let out a sigh when Daniela nodded, silently telling her that she was okay. “That’s good, baby. See? You’re alright, I’ve got you.” She lowered her head to eye level as she said it. Her thumb brushing gently along Daniela’s jawline.
She watched the corner of Daniela’s mouth tremble against a smile before falling again. “Can you tell me what’s going on?” She asked gently as her hand lowered from Daniela’s chin to her palm. She interlaced their fingers, a sign she wasn’t planning on letting go any time soon.
“They’re try—trying to get r—rid of my financial aid.” Daniela wiped her eyes with her sleeves, her mascara smudged along her lower lashes. Megan still thought she looked beautiful, even when she seemed to be a mess. “And they’re rai—raising my rent next month,” Daniela’s words stumbled between gasps for air, trying to withhold tears that had already spilled over.
Daniela shrugged weakly, her free hand flying up in the air before falling to her side. “My whole life is falling apart and I can’t…” She turned her head away, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I can’t fix it, Meg. I have nothing. It’s just me here, and my mom… I can’t ask her to come back.”
Megan stood still, her hand tightening around Daniela’s as she spoke. Her thumb trailing along the knuckles of the hand intertwined in her own. Megan was never good with words, but Daniela had made her want to try to be. So, even when she felt like nothing she could say would help, she spoke anyway.
“We can fix it, Dani. Together, okay? We will figure this out.” She tucked a strand of Daniela’s hair behind her ear, letting her fingers trail down the curly hair that she had grown to love. Daniela looked at her with a gaze that didn’t seem fully convinced, but there was a faint smile tugging on her lips.
Megan took a step closer, their bodies inches apart. Part of her told her that there was more, that Daniela was hiding something to keep from worrying her. “But there’s more that’s stressing you out, isn’t there?”
She pulled their intertwined hands to her face and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Daniela’s hand. The other hand lowered to rest on Daniela’s hip, trying to keep her steady.
At first, Daniela was silent, her eyes gazing into Megan’s with a sense of devotion. Her voice was a soft whisper when she finally spoke.
“You really see right through me, don’t you?”
The question hung in the air because Megan didn’t believe it needed an answer.
Daniela had become someone who settled into her life like the tide settles on the shore. She had seen Megan long before Megan had ever seen her, even if she didn’t realize it.
Daniela was the lamp in the living room that made the atmosphere feel warmer. She was the shooting star that lit up Megan’s darkest nights. She was the sugar in coffee that cut the bitterness of the cold, and she was the scent of vanilla that felt like childhood.
Daniela was exactly who Megan needed, and it was easy to understand someone who saw her as clearly as she saw them. At least, that’s what Megan believed now that she had met the very girl who had shown her what real love was.
Daniela’s smile seemed to invade the silence, her hand reaching up to cup Megan’s cheek. Megan leaned into the touch, staring fondly down at the girl who had become her entire world even in such a short amount of time.
“I want it all, Dani. The good, the bad, and everything in between. You don’t have to brave your storms alone, not when you have me.”
Daniela pulled away, and her vacancy in Megan’s arms was felt. She felt a chill that ran through her veins, and her pulse hammered in the center of the palm. Being apart from Daniela was like disrupting the center of gravity, and she suddenly didn’t know how to keep herself upright without her.
She watched as Daniela gestured around at her apartment, in all its devastating glory. Megan thought it had character, but not for its price.
There were cracks in the walls, and pieces of drywall peaked out through spots that had been repaired and never painted over. The floor was a matted carpet that she believed used to be grey, but somehow was a softer shade of brown. Even the furniture seemed dull and lackluster, despite the couch being a deep shade of blue that should’ve stood out.
“Look at my life, Megan. I’m about to be kicked out of school, and my apartment, and yet I’m still worried about a dance routine I can’t seem to perfect. And the math homework I have is making me want to rip my hair out, but no matter how hard I try—I just can’t focus. Not on any of it,”
“Everything’s falling apart. I’m a mess, god and I can’t even—” Daniela let out a choked breath as a tear rolled down her cheek. Megan held her gaze, encouraging her to get everything off her chest.
She watched as Daniela raised her hand and gestured in her direction. “I can’t even convince myself that I deserve you, because you’re so good. You’re so good, Megan. And this is… me. I’m not good enough. Not at dance, not at college, and certainly not for you.”
She watched the tears that spilled down Daniela’s cheeks, and the way her lip jutted out as she spoke. Megan felt powerless, her body felt too heavy with the weight of everything said to be able to move.
“And I’m so…” Daniela continued, her gaze flickering away before returning to look at Megan. “I’m so in love with you, and I want to be good enough for you. I wish I was good enough for you, because I love you so much it might actually kill me.” She was sobbing again, letting out a pitiful laugh that fell as her body caved in on itself.
Megan surged forward, her arms wrapping around Daniela as her knees sunk onto the floor. They both hit the floor with a soft thud, the sound of Daniela’s sobs echoing off the walls of the apartment. Megan found herself crying with her, the tears falling before she could compose herself.
Her hands pulled from Daniela’s back to her face, her thumbs trying to swipe away the river of tears that cascaded down her cheeks. She pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting her lips linger long enough to mean something. The words were stuck in her throat, but she was going to force them out.
She parted her lips to speak, but a sob that felt inhuman slipped out instead. It was breaking her to see Daniela like this, and to feel like there was nothing she could do to change it. Her jaw felt heavy, but she forced herself to try again. Her hands lifted Daniela’s head up, holding her like she was the only thing that mattered.
“Look at me, baby. Please,” Her voice cracked in between a shaken breath, her gaze catching Daniela’s as she finally glanced up. “I love you, okay? I love you so much, I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you.” She smiled as she said it, feeling the way the tears stuck to the corners of her mouth.
Megan blinked away a few of her tears, taking another deep breath in to try and settle herself. “You do not know how amazing you are, Dani. I’ve never seen someone as captivating as you. When you dance, it’s like the rest of the world stops just to watch you. And your voice, when you’re singing and you think nobody’s listening? It’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard,”
“And that look you get when the wind pushes your hair into your face, it’s one of my favorite things.” She allowed her grin to tilt, her lips trembling between words. “God, and your laugh. It’s my favorite sound, because it’s so you that everyone who hears it can’t help but laugh along.”
Daniela let out a guttural sob, her teeth clenched as her lips parted and she fell further into Megan’s touch. Absorbing every word like it was everything she was desperate for. It was as if she’d been starved of love and was finally learning how to accept it.
“You, Daniela Avanzini, are more than enough for me. You are everything I need, and then some. And I love every bit of you, even the messy parts. Even the parts you hate, or the parts you try to hide—I adore them because they’re yours. So don’t say you’re not good enough for me, because you are my everything.”
Megan let the words flow out of her as the tears on her own cheeks dried. The only sounds in the apartment were Daniela’s soft cries and the rhythmic sound of Megan’s shaken breathing.
She wasn’t sure how long they sat there. It could’ve been a few minutes, maybe 30 or 40. Or it could’ve been a few hours, but neither of them was in a rush to pull apart. Instead, they grew closer. Figuratively and in a literal sense. By the time their tears had dried and Daniela’s light hiccups had faded, Megan had firmly situated Daniela against her chest.
Her uneven breaths had gone shallow, and Megan swore her heart was beating in the same steady rhythm as Daniela’s.
“Megan?” Daniela mumbled.
Megan shifted her head, her chin brushing over Daniela’s curls as she looked down at her. “Hmm?”
The silence was warm with trust, filling in what words couldn’t.
“Thank you for staying.” Daniela’s voice was muffled against Megan’s shirt, but she still heard every word. Daniela adjusted in her grip, lifting her head to gaze at her.
Megan smiled, pressing her forehead to Daniela’s. “I always will.”
She didn’t wait for the silence to take them again, instead she pressed her lips against Daniela’s. She savored in the taste of her, in the way her chapstick tasted faintly of vanilla and cherries. She let herself enjoy it, she let the kiss mean more than just an action.
It was a promise. A promise to stay, a promise to fight, a promise to be there when everything else crashed around them.
“Dani?”
“Yes?”
Megan lowered her gaze, her tone maintaining a serious demeanor.
“I’m starving…Can we please eat the ropa vieja that I waited 30 minutes for?”
Daniela’s lips parted into a smile before she threw her head back and laughed. A sound that made Megan’s heart beat faster, as if bringing her back to life.
She watched as Daniela’s eyes sprung with tears, not from sadness but from the overwhelming sense of joy.
“God I love that sound,” Megan blurted, her smile widening in response.
She loved the way Daniela’s laugh faded, and the way her smile lingered on her lips after. She was staring just enough to see the playful glint that appeared in Daniela’s eyes before she was promptly tackled.
Daniela had jumped back into her lap, her hands finding Megan’s face in a split second before pulling her into another kiss. One that was deep, full of devotion and lingering affection. The kind of kiss that screamed ‘I needed you’.
And she kissed back, as if saying ‘I’m right here’ without needing the words to mean it.
When they pulled apart, Megan’s arm was wrapped around Daniela’s back. She was straddling her girlfriend in her lap, propping herself up on her elbow. Both of them were breathing heavily, overwhelmed and all the while completely infatuated.
Daniela’s smile broke apart in one long sigh, her hand resting on Megan’s chest. Megan watched the way her face went serious before their gazes met again. Suddenly she felt nervous watching the way Daniela’s eyes softened on her.
Daniela took a deep breath, shifting in her position on Megan’s lap.
“I love you, Megan Skiendiel. I love you with my entire being.”
It was at that moment that Megan saw it. Her whole life displayed in front of her. The girl she had straddled in her lap, that she had met 8 months ago, was her future. She could picture it; Daniela sitting on the couch of their apartment with her hair pulled up in a messy bun as she jotted down notes for her literature class.
She could see Daniela walking through the door after a dance rehearsal, her eyes already searching for the girlfriend she was coming home to. She could imagine herself burying her face in Daniela’s curls as they got into bed, the scent of vanilla washing over her and lulling her to sleep.
She could see Daniela a few years down the road, her head tilted back as she laughed at something their friends said, and her eyes would meet Megan’s like an instinct they had always had. Finding each other in every crowd.
Megan could picture herself getting down on her knee, fumbling nervously through her pocket for a janky little box that Daniela’s mother had given her. And when she opened it, Daniela would notice the familiarity of the ring inside that once belonged to her mother. She would cry, and Megan would pull her into a kiss that would make them feel 19 all over again.
She could see Daniela walking through a house, her hand trailing along the wall as she imagined where their furniture would go. She could see them covered in paint, with a box sat in the middle of the room that held their new bedframe. She could see Daniela standing in their kitchen with a coffee mug in hand, her hair cascading over her shoulders the way it always did.
Megan could even see the way Daniela turned around, with a baby that looked way too much like her situated on her hip. She could picture the way her smile would soften, and the way Megan would soften her smile too because her whole world was right there. And why wouldn’t she smile when she had everything she’d ever wanted?
She could see it all, like a dream she didn’t know she had. She could see her future. The future that was Daniela.
Daniela’s voice broke her out of her trance, and when she blinked she could see that same smile she was imagining.
“What are you thinking about, baby?” Daniela asked, her thumb brushing soft circles on Megan’s cheek.
Megan planted her mouth against Daniela’s palm, pressing a kiss to her hand before smiling back at her.
“Just how lucky I am to have you, amor.”
Daniela leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek before promptly climbing out of her lap, holding both hands out. Megan took them, pulling herself up on her feet.
“Thank god you brought takeout because I did not eat lunch, so I’m starved.” Daniela laughed as she approached the counter, removing the take out containers from the plastic bag. She turned her head, pointing to the cabinet. “Can you grab the plates, babe?”
Megan was already halfway there, her hand finding the cabinet before Daniela had even finished asking her. She brought the ceramic plates over to Daniela’s side of the counter, setting both of them down before reaching for the silverware drawer.
“So, is tonight the night I finally convince you to watch The Amazing Spider-Man?” Megan teased, setting a fork on each plate before handing Daniela a spoon to dish the meal out with.
Daniela’s smile widened into that giggle she did when she found something cute. “Whatever you want, Meg. But be prepared for next movie night, because I have so many movies planned.” Daniela threatened, pointing the spoon at her as she raised her hands in playful submission.
The two moved in a gentle rhythm as they plated the food and tucked the rest away in the fridge. Megan insisted on taking both plates to the coffee table that sat in front of the couch, encouraging Daniela to take a break while she heated up the food. It had gone a little cold in the chaos, but neither of them minded.
Daniela turned the TV and scrolled until she found the movie Megan had mentioned, making a fuss about getting the blanket situated on the couch for them.
When Megan brought her plate back over, Daniela didn’t hesitate to dig right in. They ate in comfortable silence, the cleared plates being abandoned on the coffee table as Daniela snuggled into Megan’s side. She had propped her head on Megan’s shoulder about halfway through the movie, her voice was husky as she asked questions that Megan happily obliged to answer.
When the end credits started rolling, Megan was half-way through explaining the ending when she heard Daniela’s soft breathing breathing. She shifted her head slightly to look down at the girl who was curled into her, and suddenly Daniela looked as helpless as she did earlier. Megan got the overwhelming urge to protect her, even from things that may be inevitable.
She gently shifted her arm around Daniela’s waist, holding her closer. Daniela let out a soft sigh, her face scrunched against Megan’s neck as she was pulled closer.
Megan pressed a gentle kiss to her head, her hand rubbing soft lines against Daniela’s waist.
“Goodnight, Dani… I love you too. With all my heart,”
“I always will.”