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Life’s weird.
You can have it all. A nice place to live. A somewhat cool but at least rather nice brother, parents who more or less love you, probably more than you’d ever acknowledge. A… partner? Something like that. Paid studies, friends who cherish you. People who know what you are like, who understand your weird quirks and in the best of their ability try to compensate for what you struggle with.
They should be happy, shouldn’t they? They don’t have to worry about the future, even if they were to sit around the house all day, their future would be secured.
So, what’s there to stress about, really?
“… Tell me.” Chara hovered over the sink, hands gripping the edges, their forehead pressed against the mirror. Chara blinked — no smile, no squint, no frown, nothing. They were…merely observing, observing their mirror image.
What for? They didn’t know for sure; they were looking for… something.
“Can’t you just, make me?” They turned their head, staring off into the living room as if they were talking to someone.
But nobody was here. It’s just them. Them and their weird not so little brain.
“… Ah.” Long sigh. Chara rolled their eyes, before staring down at themselves again. A staring contest that would have no real winner, only draws, yet they couldn’t help but engage with it again and again.
Something to distract them, to keep their eyes from…
“…”
Chara raised their left hand, fingertips pressed against their bare stomach, spreading over their belly button. Slim, barely noticeable, all they could focus on was the roughness of their skin, barely visible scars, stretchmarks near their hipbones grabbing their attention.
After a short delay, Chara reached for their pants, they were barely hanging from their knees. White, pleated trousers. They pulled them up — quite high, it hugged their curves, firm around the waist, they liked that much more. Stomach mostly covered, still, they looked back to the mirror.
“You don’t know either,” words dragged out from deep within, not even as a question. Who would know besides them? And even they didn’t know.
Else life would be so much easier again. Again. When was it ever, really?
“… Well, doesn’t matter,” they kept talking, as if anyone were out there to listen.
Right hand back on the sink, their left index finger circled that odd hole through their right breast, before taking a tiny step to the side. Chara’s eyes focused on the shampoo bottle, peeking through the heart-shaped hole in the mirror for a moment. A small smile brought to their lips, even though it quickly vanished again with a drowsy sigh.
They hooked two fingers into it, letting their hand dangle as if they no longer had the strength to hold it up, maybe that’d be better if they didn’t.
“…Shouldn’t this hurt?” Chara pulled on it, and obviously their body resisted — dragging themselves down with force, before they gave up and dropped their left hand to the sink again.
They poked their tongue out and bit on it — not harshly, just a bit.
They remained like that for a little while, only their eyes moved. Dropped to their arms, back to the hole, then to their cheeks and lastly, eyes.
Time was moving so awfully slow, couldn’t Asriel return already?
Or someone text them. That’d be good, too. Chara looked over to their phone, sitting on the tiered shelf, supported by towels so as not to slide off.
They reached out with their right hand, tapped the screen a few times, growling when it wouldn’t budge, until finally the screen changed from black to show a field of golden flowers.
No new messages. None in the push notifications, at least.
Their finger hovered the screen — text someone first? That could still do it, that could help, that could…
“… be a bother.” They moved their hand back up to their chest, gripping their breast, squishing what was there, before moving their other hand up to mirror on the other side, squeezing what little was there as their shoulders rose, clinging against their neck.
Before they suddenly let go again and moved their hands out of the way, red imprints left behind from how roughly Chara squeezed them.
Not that they wanted larger ones, anyway. That’d be a bother, too. No, they preferred it this way. People weren’t sure how to approach them at times, they didn’t need to wear a bra, they could wear skin-tight tops without a second thought… all of that was good.
It wasn’t that, either.
Chara moved their arms again, crossed over their stomach, taking hold of the elbow of the other arm respectively, as they pressed their forearms into their stomach.
Nails scratched away at skin, digging into it, before they spread their fingers far and simply rubbed their elbows against their palms.
It itched. Not their skin — just, something. Something on their arms bothered them.
The scars? No. Something beneath, or nowhere at all.
They kept scratching, kept feeling… nothing.
Dead skin fell off, or rather, dusted. Such a familiar sight, such an uncanny sight.
Seeing dust lingering in their sink, they came to a sudden halt. Not the first time, still, it irritated them just as much as the last times.
Soon, it vanished. Just like that, like it was never there in the first place.
Chara moved their arms, raising the left one, palm against their forehead, elbow pointing towards the mirror. The right supporting from below but not blocking the sight.
This is what they always wanted. Ever since they fell… however many years ago. Way too long ago to remember, too long ago that they wanted to remember, anyways.
But then why, why weren’t they happy? They gripped their elbow, thumb pressing low against the forearm, the other four fingers digging into the soft skin on the side, pressing till harder bone stopped them.
Monsters didn’t need that. Asides from the skeleton ones, of course.
They didn’t need bone structure to support their bodies. They didn’t need… Once more on the move, their hands hovered high above their chest, fingernails lightly scratching their neck.
Food. They didn’t have to chug it down, did they? Some monsters did.
“… Asriel does, mom and dad do, too.”
Sans didn’t. Neither did Papyrus… or did he? They can’t recall — they should go see him again.
Their eyes trailed off to the side again, glaring off into the living room yet again. Past the couch, past the flowers, through the glass, a small garden with many more flowers, brick wall behind thanks to the next house in the row.
… Did they water the flowers today? Chara squinted, probably not; they can’t let them get thirsty.
Then their eyes moved to the sink again, as they opened the tap. Water splashed for a moment, before they moved their left hand, splitting the stream into two with their index finger.
Water. Not cold, not much colder than their hand, anyways.
Pointless, they weren’t getting an answer for that one. Some had to drink, others didn’t. Some had to chug their food, others didn’t.
What makes them different? Why don’t they feel right?
Chara pressed down on the faucet again, right hand on the sink, they leaned forward, opened both eyes as much as they could.
Their eyes weren’t human, either. Red. That’s all. White sclerae, red, larger pupils. No iris, or the other way around, no pupils and a red iris filling the missing pupil.
They didn’t know, nor care. Monsters didn’t care. They had no need to worry about biology, about why things made sense. They just functioned. Magic. That’s all, that explained it all.
Chara opened their mouth wide, tried to pull their lips back as much as they could, flashing their teeth to the mirror.
Both hands rose, the index fingers hooking under their cheeks to pull on their lips on both sides, lower, then higher, inspecting their teeth.
Normal. Nothing changed about them since their revival, they stayed like that, the throat remained, all of it.
“…” Chara pulled their hands back, wiped the saliva off on their pants, and put their hands back on the sink again. Breathing. They let out a few huffs, watching the fog on the mirror.
Then, they held their breath. Not like they needed it, anyway.
It simply feels weird not to; it’s automatic. Even if their lungs went missing, they never… not breathed. How should they stop now?
They let out a sigh, before reaching for their phone.
Still no new messages, how long has it been? Probably not much longer than three or four minutes, but they didn’t bother to remember the time, it’d be embarrassing to know, to count the minutes.
Elbows clung to their sides, they held the phone close to their chest, tilted enough to view the screen, but close enough that they struggled to swipe with their thumbs.
Photo gallery, a bunch of pictures that friends and family have sent them. Asriel, Asgore, Undyne, Sans, Alphys, Papyrus, Frisk, Clover, Toriel…
They looked through a few pictures, then changed their folder. Did other people split their galleries between friends and lover? Maybe, they didn’t know what was right, Alphys suggested it.
All of that made them smile a little, still, there was no one to talk to, to distract their mind. That’d be better, much better than simply looking at pictures.
They closed the gallery and opened the camera instead, taking multiple pictures of the sink, before switching to the front camera.
Just their face from a weird angle, they snapped one picture, then viewed it.
Without hesitation, they deleted it again. They never kept any pictures of themselves, look through their entire phone, you may find them in group pictures with others, but even those are rare.
Chara moved the phone further away, both hands holding it at the bottom as few of their fingers were squished between mirror and phone.
They snapped another one, this time of their upper body, cut off through the sink below.
That one was… not half bad, maybe. They deleted it, of course.
Chara hummed, took a few steps towards the door to turn the lights off, before pulling the door shut.
Entirely dark. They opened it a bit again, just enough for some light to fall on the sink.
Heading back, they took another picture. Dim lighting, a glowing ray over their right shoulder, neck, and part of their left cheek.
That one they… didn’t save either. But they sent it off — off to their newest companion — before deleting it from their own device.
“… At least they like this.” Chara hummed, a little more cheerful than before.