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It was during the fifth timeline (that Admire Groove knew of) when she found her first. Memories rushed into her mind at the sight of the sickly thin mare. The same brown-red hair, the same crimson eyes—all so familiar yet so foreign at the same time.
The crowd dispersed when Admire Groove stepped off her steed, their angry faces contorting into both confusion and respect.
Admire Groove ignored them. She kept her eyes trained on the red-eyed mare, on the black ichor soiling her pale skin. She tried to keep her gait steady despite the pain coiling in her heart. The sight of the red-eyed mare, trembling arms crossed over her naked chest, skin crisscrossed with scars, was almost enough to send Admire Groove on a rampage.
"How much is she?" Admire Groove asked, voice grim.
The stallion with the whip looked aghast at her inquiry. "Prince Admire Groove— with all due respect, that mare is a witch—"
She flicked her wrist. Her blade made a subtle clink as it hit its scabbard.
"Must I repeat myself?"
Murmurs raised from the crowds. The stallion grew restless. He looked around, as if searching for support from anyone with higher authority.
But no one answered. No one stepped forward. Just like how no one ever asked why the mare was a prince and not a princess.
Because no one would like to be answered with a sword in their throat.
(just like her brother was—like her brother whose life she took by her own hands)
Admire Groove took out a pouch of money, throwing it to the stallion. She gave no more attention to him, fumbling to catch the pouch, and instead stepped onto the platform where the red-eyed mare laid.
She flinched when Admire Groove slipped her arms under her, effortlessly picking her up before placing her on top of her steed. The red mare's body felt cold when Admire Groove sat behind her. A soft yelp resounded from her when Admire Groove pulled her closer, then draped her cape around them both. With her chest flushed against bloodied back, arm looped protectively around malnourished waist, Admire Groove kicked her steed into a gallop.
Once they were far from the crowds, Admire Groove asked, "What's your name?"
The mare trembled, unsure, before she answered with a soft, barely-there voice. "I'm Still in Love, your majesty."
"Good."
She heard the hitch of Still in Love's breath when she buried her nose into her red mane. Still in Love smelled foul—an ugly mix of dirt and blood—but Admire Groove would never miss the same faint waft of flower she held dear in her heart.
"Worry not. I shall take care of you."
Her promise didn't make Still in Love less tense in her arms.
It was alright. She hadn't remembered yet.
They were still young now. Admire Groove still had a long time to make her remember.
And even if she didn't, Admire Groove still had a long time to love her properly.
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The tavern was empty. Much emptier than it was last month.
News of the Demon King's invasion had spread throughout their lands. Mercenaries who once flocked to try their hands in defeating his army had far lessened—either dead or too cowardly to continue on. The women and children chose to hide or to evacuate the country, hoping for a safer life somewhere beyond the border.
Admire Groove stayed. Not because she loved the tavern, or even loved her country. She simply.. stayed.
(There was a lingering feeling that she should)
The bell at her door rang. Admire Groove raised her head.
On her doorstep were a blonde, a four-eyes in green attire, and a red-haired woman.
It felt like a whole rainbow just entered her tavern.
The tiny lady in green attire asked her if she had a spare room. Admire Groove gave her a key. The blonde lady nodded at her, those striking blue eyes shining with fatigue, and followed her companion towards the back of the tavern.
The red-haired lady took a seat.
"Would you like a drink?" Admire Groove inquired.
The lady smiled at her; her gentle gaze filled with something Admire Groove didn't dare to ask.
"Anything you think I'd like."
That was weird. And yet, Admire Groove felt like she knew what exactly this lady would like. She poured the lady a chocolate drink that would make herself retch if she drank it. The lady beamed at her when she gave her the drink, carefully sipping it with her eyes trained on Admire Groove.
Admire Groove can't bring herself to look away.
"You should come with us," the lady said, her voice soft. "Aruv."
She felt called. That wasn't her name, but it felt awfully right.
The lady continued. "We need someone else.. someone to keep Rob Roy safe. Uni and I had done what we could from the back but.. if you're there, too…"
Admire Groove answered before she even thinks.
"Sure."
She had never held a blade nor a shield until them—until her—until the red-haired lady who called herself Still in Love told her so. Somehow, it came to her as easy as breathing. So very easy for her to step into the battlefield. With Zenno Rob Roy to her right, Still in Love and Neo Universe falling back a bit to watch over their back. It felt so easy for her to march alongside the three for their goal of conquest and salvation.
It also felt so easy for her to run in front of Still in Love, taking the lance that was meant for the mage into her own chest. At the very same time when Zenno Rob Roy drove her holy sword into the Demon King's heart—when the terror that gripped the land succumbed—so did Admire Groove.
Salty drops of water fell to her lips as Still in Love caressed her face. Those crimson eyes looked clear, even when her vision blurred, even when her mind swam into nothingness.
She never had the chance to tell Still in Love how much she loved her.
(In this timeline, Still in Love remembered, but was too scared to tell.
Admire Groove remembered a bit too late)
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The downpour felt cold. Admire Groove heard her teeth clacking even though she was being protected by an umbrella. Held in her arms was her little sister, crying as she clawed the wet mound of soil where their mother rested forever.
The woman that stood beside them tapped her back.
"Let's go home, Aruvu, Rura."
"No!" Rulership cried out. She was just barely four. Old enough to understand, but too young to accept. "No! Rura wants to be with Mama! Rura wants Mama!"
Admire Groove held her sister tighter. "Let's go home, Ruru."
"No!"
Rulership's tantrum lasted for quite a while. Once she was exhausted, she slumped unto Admire Groove's embrace, quietly sobbing as she called their mother endlessly. Admire Groove followed the woman with the umbrella with Rulership tucked in her arms.
A bold red color at the edge of her eyes caught her attention.
It was a tiny headstone, tied around it was a red ribbon. Admire Groove faintly caught the words carved into the headstone.
Here lay a daughter cherished by the angels
"Still in Love"
May 2nd xxxx – May 2nd xxxx
Oh, that kid was born at the same year as her. What a pity, she passed immediately after birth and didn't get to experience life.
But maybe it was the best. Admire Groove felt so sad by her mother's passing, a part of her wished she had passed the way this "Still in Love" did—without having to know what if felt to live, what it felt to be loved, what it felt to lose someone so dear to her.
(in this timeline, they had no chance to even meet)
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Admire Groove remembered; the day before Oka Sho when she first met Still in Love. Their stalls were right beside each other. Admire Groove had heard how the other fillies whispered about this particular filly. About how her bay coat looked dirty and unkempt, how her stature was too small, and how her attitude too timid to even pass as a racer.
It irked her. Maybe even more than it disturbed Still in Love.
"Don't mind them." Admire Groove was the first one to initiate conversation, chuffing at the bay filly beside her when the noises got too loud for her own liking. "I think you are beautiful."
Still in Love stared at her, doe eyes widened in surprise, before she neighed and leaned a bit closer to Admire Groove's stall.
"Thank you. That means a lot to me." Still in Love then smiled. "I think Admire Groove is very beautiful as well."
Admire Groove stomped her foreleg to the floor. "Thank you."
Still in Love wasn't the type to talk much. She just smiled at Admire Groove, content, resting her head over the railings that separated them both.
Sometimes, she looked like she wanted to say something.
Admire Groove waited.
But then, Still in Love just huffed and pulled her head back into her own stall, folded her legs and curled on top of her hay bedding.
Admire Groove watched as Still in Love took her first win against her the next day. It felt disappointing to lose, considering she had never lost before, but Admire Groove can't bring herself to dislike the smaller filly.
They meet again at the Oaks, where once more Still in Love won first. Again, they got placed in adjacent stalls, and Still in Love immediately put her head over the railings when she arrived back from the ceremony.
"Are you okay?" Still in Love neighed. "You don't seem well earlier."
Admire Groove snorted. "Just distracted."
She can't tell Still in Love that she got distracted by her scent right at the starting gate, could she? This was the first time they got placed side by side at the starting gate and by God.. did Still in Love smelled so enticing. No other filly smelled like that and it was so… weirdly alluring, it caused Admire Groove to feel weak on the knees.
"Okay," Still in Love tilted her head, "tell me if I can do anything to help."
"Of course."
They didn't meet for a long time after that. They ran together again twice, but for some reason they weren't placed side by side, so Admire Groove didn't have the chance to talk to Still in Love. While it gave her enough time to forget Still in Love's scent, it also made her miss the bay filly's existence by her side.
It was already November when Still in Love got placed in the stall next to her once more. This time, Admire Groove was the one who claimed victory between them both, after such a tight and nerve-wracking duel at the final spurt.
Still in Love looked a bit different now, somewhat thinner, and more subdued. Admire Groove had to be the one to poke her head over the railings to check on her.
"I'm not feeling well," Still in Love confessed, shaking her head a few times. "My humans said I have an early estrus. I don't understand. I just feel feverish all the time."
Admire Groove, not knowing what do, pushed her head further into Still in Love's stall. It was difficult for her, having to stand on her two hind legs and rested her forelegs on the walls. Still in Love giggled at her effort and rubbed their noses together. She let out a sigh before slipping her head under Admire Groove's chin, neighing happily when Admire Groove nipped her by the mane.
"Admire Groove, I wish I can stay with you forever."
Admire Groove snorted.
"We will meet again."
Still in Love tapped her foreleg once. "You sound so sure. Not one of us is a stallion."
"Why does that matter?"
Still in Love didn't answer. She touched her snout to Admire Groove's before pulling back, resting on her bedding. "I want to sleep. Good night, Admire Groove."
"Good night, Still in Love."
The bay filly chuffed at her direction.
They were never put at adjacent stalls anymore after that. Admire Groove can still sometimes find Still in Love between all the other racers, the beautiful filly somehow looking thinner and more bedraggled as more and more races went by. She wished she can talk to her, asked her if she was okay, but the distance between them will always be too far for her to cross.
Then, one day, Still in Love just stopped appearing.
After her last race, Admire Groove found herself often wondering to where did the smaller filly go. She wondered if Still in Love had a good life after her races ended. Sometimes she wished she had the chance to talk to her more, maybe to groom her unkempt coat a little bit. The other mares at Admire Groove's herd regarded her as their leader, including her good friend Cesario, and she also wondered if Still in Love would regard Admire Groove as her leader, too.
Or maybe Still in Love was also the leader in her own herd. It sounded unlikely, considering her timid nature, but who knows what she had become when she matured? Admire Groove thought Still in Love would be a good dam with that patience and gentleness of hers—so unlike Admire Groove whose patience was as thin as a strip of hay. If they lived together, Still in Love would definitely to be the one to take care of the foals. Perhaps Admire Groove would fare better as a—
Oh, Admire Groove suddenly understood what Still in Love had meant.
(In this timeline, Admire Groove never really remembered. But those legs of her never stopped longing to run alongside that particular bay filly—whose name she gradually forgot as time passed by)
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"Do you know, Aruvu-san?"
That voice, usually light and gentle, sounded cold.
"In my eyes.. you were so dazzling."
She was right. Were. Not are.
"You shined, and you were so loved. You had everything I wanted before."
All those past tenses spoken to her felt like lances of ice stabbing through her heart.
"But.. I don't need it anymore. I wouldn't ask for it anymore."
She was late.
Admire Groove knew.
She knew immediately after she woke up this morning; with an indescribable pain storming inside her chest, and the rush of memories that were both hers and not hers at the same time; that she was late.
Terribly, terribly late.
Her hands clenched and unclenched beside her thighs. Her necktie felt like it suffocated her. It felt awful to stand in these wide hallways, knowing that she wasn't the one reflected in those crimson eyes. She wasn't the one Still in Love saw anymore.
A part of her, one from many timelines ago, roared at her.
She is yours! Yours! Take her back! Take her back! Make her look at you! Make her look at us!
But she was no longer that Admire Groove, whose wingspan as wide as a mountain range, whose fangs sharper than the sharpest blade, whose hide as tough as diamonds. She also wasn't that Admire Groove who can just unsheathe her blade at any miniscule interference. She also wasn't the Admire Groove who made people cower, whose sheer presence could command an entire country.
No. She was just this Admire Groove, who only knew how to run and run and run, always trying to catch the shadow of Still in Love, who just kept on running further forward.
"I… see."
Admire Groove took a deep breath.
"It must be precious to you. But if you're going to burn each other like that, wouldn't it be better to let it go? Before—"
—before I lose you once more—
"—before you both break."
Still in Love laughed at her. It wasn't the same laughter she let out in the turf. It was a small, giddy giggle, that only nailed the pain of failure deeper into Admire Groove's heart.
For the first time in many timelines, Admire Groove stepped aside. She hid into the shadows, watching from afar as the love of her life(s) break beyond repair. She nudged that person to go find Still in Love, gave them a clue on the red-haired girl's whereabouts, but she won't go find Still in Love herself.
Even though she knew where Still in Love would be.
Even though she longed to reach for her once more.
Because in this timeline, Still in Love didn't want her, and so Admire Groove decided to let her go.
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The sight looked almost the same as the last timeline. The same academy, the same people, the same her. What was different was the existence of a very nosy, very annoying trainer that Air Groove had assigned to be by her side. Admire Groove also noted the lack of a trainer beside Still in Love—of the person who once forced Admire Groove to step back and give up.
(She came to understand that this was her chance. This was the same timeline as the last, but this time she had the chance to make everything right)
She had taken note of when the other girl's spiraling madness started. Queen Elizabeth II Cup—exactly after her first major defeat against Admire Groove.
She remembered the race well. Last timeline had her losing, because Still in Love had grown mad enough to disregard everything about everyone and even herself. But Admire Groove still remembered the very first time they met at the turf, this exact turf, at the very first timeline where they raced together.
The first fate they wrote together, their final spurt that left her breathless, and the words Still in Love had said to her before Admire Groove lost her.
"I wish I can stay with you forever."
She had promised that Still in Love that they will meet again. Now that she already found her, she just needed to keep her close.
Admire Groove found Still in Love right after the ceremony, just before the red-haired umamusume entered her own waiting room. She seemed down, her crimson eyes hollow and ears folded back, and she looked thoroughly surprised when Admire Groove caught her wrist.
"You did well," Admire Groove said, quickly, not giving a chance for Still in Love to speak. "Thank you for running with me. I look forward to our next race together."
Still in Love's eyes widened. "Aruvu-san…"
"You hear me, Still? Just—just run with me." Admire Groove almost tripped on her own words. She forced through the rock that felt as if it just got lodged in her throat, baring her heart that was once wrongly guarded.
"I know you wanted to win, you wanted to prove yourself. You wanted to be loved like I did. Even though.. even though I didn't want that love. You fought so hard to be loved by everyone, to shine brighter than you thought you do. But, Still, know that you are loved as well. That you also shine bright as you are. No matter where you placed, no matter if you didn't even finish at the podium. You didn't have to become someone else you didn't like, or to make anyone else happy to be loved."
Confusion seeped into Still in Love's feature the longer Admire Groove talked. "Aruvu-san, I—I don't understand. What are you talking about?"
It occurred to Admire Groove that she had a monologue of something Still in Love didn't remember. Of course, the Still in Love this timeline wasn't nearly as bad as the Still in Love last timeline. There was still the obsession to her, the innate wish to chase Admire Groove's "light".
This time, though, there was no one who'd made Still in Love felt lacking when she didn't unleash her inner beast to win. No one who'd be disappointed at her when she lost. No one who'd pushed her to become someone she hated, all just to make them proud of her.
No, Admire Groove won't allow it.
"I just—" taking a deep breath, Admire Groove searched for a better explanation to tell, "—I just love running with you. I love the thrill of chasing you down the last straight. Whether you win or not. But even if you keep losing now, or in other timelines, you will always be remembered by me. Even if you didn't want to run anymore, or if you just want to make sweets for the rest of your life, I will cherish you as long as long as you stay by my side."
Still in Love's brow shot up. "In 'other timelines'?"
Crap. She misspoke.
Admire Groove shut her mouth, a thousand miniature manifestations of herself in her head busy blaming each other for the slip of tongue. Still in Love waited for her to explain further, then chuckled when Admire Groove's frown grew deeper.
"Aruvu-san.. you talked as if you're being stuck in a time loop."
Admire Groove bit her lips. There was no point to deflect now. Still in Love had heard. Even if she didn't understand now, there usually will be a time when all the past memories of their lives return to her.
She just hoped she could buy enough time for Still in Love to reach that point, unlike the past few where she lost Still in Love so abruptly.
"Perhaps I do."
That caused Still in Love to pause, surprised. Admire Groove continued on.
"And somehow, my destiny would always choose you."
Silence. Still in Love leaned closer, her crimson eyes searching, while Admire Groove bravely returned the stare. The red-haired umamusume seemingly found truth behind Admire Groove's words. The tension in her shoulder gradually lessened. The disbelief in her feature disappeared. Her gaze grew tender and her lips curled into a smile.
"I… don't really understand… but I appreciate it."
She sighed, eyes closed for a while. When her eyes open, there was a new light in there, a new hope budding within her softened smile. "Even if I lose.. you'd still want to run with me?"
"Yes."
"Even if I didn't feel like running anymore?"
"I'll stay." Admire Groove promised. "Whatever you chose."
Still in Love laughed. At a glance, it sounded like the maniacal laughter like the one she let out whenever she won. But it sounded to Admire Groove to be more genuine, as if she just unknowingly set Still in Love's whole heart free.
"I'd love to." Still in Love said, breathless. "To stay with you forever, Aruvu-san."
Unable to hold herself back anymore, Admire Groove pulled Still in Love into her embrace. The smaller umamusume gasped when Admire Groove tucked her head under her chin. Her tiny hands gripped Admire Groove's racing silks, ears flicking in surprise, before she melted into Admire Groove's larger figure.
"Thank you, Aruvu-san."
Admire Groove nodded, tightening her hold around Still in Love.
"So am I, Still."
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It took Still in Love five years to remember.
Admire Groove had just returned home when Still in Love caught her in the hallways, laughing with tears overflowing, and Admire Groove was growing worried of any dangers before Still in Love cupped her face between her hands.
"It's you!" She exclaimed, hiccupping, leaning her full weight on Admire Groove. "It's always you! I remember now—everything. My prince, my love, my Admire Groove. It's always you after all."
Admire Groove grinned. She looped her arms around Still in Love and leaned down to kiss her on the lips.
"Just like it's always you for me, Still."
Still in Love laughed again. "I'm glad."
"Of?"
"Of everything," she said, her eyes glimmering with joy. "And that I lived long enough to arrive at a timeline where you finally told me you love me."
"I've said it a few timelines ago already." Admire Groove chuckled. She kissed Still in Love again, longer this time, before she pulled back and rested her forehead against her lover.
"But I won't ever tire of saying it to you, Still. I love you."
That night, they exchanged stories—of the timelines they each remembered, and the ones they've forgotten. Admire Groove didn't know they had a timeline where they were pirates. Still in Love laughed at the timeline where she became a princess and Admire Groove, for some reason, became her jester. They both remembered the timeline where they didn't ever meet, only staying as pen pals from different countries, even though they both lived their life for a long time.
As they laid to rest that night, Still in Love snuggled into Admire Groove, she asked. "Do you think there are more timelines for us out there after this one? Or maybe everything is playing out at the same time?"
Admire Groove shook her head. "We'll never know. What I do know, though, is that we will always find each other. One way or another."
Still in Love smiled, burying herself deeper into Admire Groove.
"And that I will always love you, no matter where and how each one of us end up."
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Snow crunched under her paws.
The fox sniffed around, trying to find a worthy meal for herself. This winter was as harsh as always. No matter how many winters she had passed, she'll never get used to the cold and the struggle to find food this time around.
A howl from nearby caught her by surprise.
Sticking like a sore thumb between the white snow was a black wolf. It stood tall, sharp eyes following the fox's movement—like a hunter watching its prey.
And yet, the fox didn't feel threatened at all.
The wolf howled once more.
Joyful.
Familiar.
"I told you I'd find you anywhere, Still."
End