Work Text:
stupid.
this whole thing was stupid.
hikaru managed to get yoshiki to a party, it took weeks of begging and promises he knows won’t be fulfilled but here he is, surrounded by people he doesn’t recognize, and people he doesn’t want to.
his stomach is churning with anxiety, he was never one for parties. especially ones that are hours away from his home hosted by people he barely knows
he finds himself in a corner alone, his eyes wander through the crowd and land on saitou, she’s hikaru’s current girl of interest. jealousy isn’t the right word, envy maybe, he wants to be her and wants her gone all at once. his end goal for his feelings becomes less and less clear as the years goes on, there was never really one in the first place. he doesn’t want hikaru to want him, he doesn’t want him to feel the guilt he does, he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy
hikaru snaps him out of his daze by handing him a cup of god knows what and leans against the wall beside him
“ya look like hell, what’s on yer mind” hikaru was always honest when he drank, something yoshiki hated
“nothin’, i’m just tired”
“liar, i know ya better than that. did someone say somethin’ to ya?” hikaru turns to him, dropping his teasing tone at the thought of someone who’s not him insulting his best friend
yoshiki tilts his hat down to shadow his face “nah, i’m just tired, i wanna leave”
“already? ya haven’t even had a drink yet” hikaru leans his cup towards yoshiki who pushes it away gently
he hands the other cup back to hikaru and looks away “i’m not drinkin’ tonight, i’m drivin’ ya home, remember?”
“riiight, i forget you can do that sometimes”
he really shouldn’t, he only has his permit and half the skill he needs for a license, but hikaru is less of a driver and much less sober.
hikaru leans to the left as his eyes narrow, like he’s trying to make out a face in a crowd of hundreds “shit, is that saitou? damn she looks good, mind if i leave ya for a bit?”
yoshiki waves him off with a nod and a tight smile “do whatever ya want man, have fun”
he watches hikaru disappear into the crowd. yoshiki knew he would see her, he knew he’d choose her, jealousy- no, envy outweighs the importance he felt when hikaru showed concern for him moments before.
it’s no surprise that yoshiki feels outcast here, surrounded by people who probably don’t feel out of place in their own skin, being taller than most of the other partygoers definitely doesn’t help his case of trying to blend in. maybe next time he should tell hikaru to take the train with asako, or carpool with yuuta and yuuki. maybe he won’t even be around to be asked for a ride, anything is better than the misery of a loner at a party
an hour passes agonizingly, his phone is about to die and hikaru is nowhere to be found, his only hope is a shining bald head in the distance “yuuta! have you seen hikaru? i’ve been lookin’ but i can’t find him” yoshiki yells out, spotting his friend in the crowd
“heyy yoshikiii! last time i saw him he was in the kitchen chatting up that girl he keeps talkin’ about” yuuta nods to said room, which is packed with teens scouring for drinks and food.
yoshiki thanks him before making his way to the kitchen. spotting him wasn’t hard, yoshiki towers over everyone and hikaru’s white hair stands out in the crowd. he weaves through the bodies to get to hikaru, getting to him was easy, getting him out will be impossible
“‘karu, we have to go” he says softly, taking note of his friends drunken state
“don’t call me that in public” he sounds almost offended, it knocks yoshiki off course for a moment. his tone is stern yet lazy in his state of intoxication
“just- come on man we need to leave, you don’t want yer mama gettin’ mad that yer out late again”
“yoshiki, can’t you tell im busy? i get that yer worried for me or whatever, but don’t be, it’s weird. it’s like yer in love with me”
yoshiki steps back, lowering his hand to his side in a tight fist. sure hikaru teases him about the idea of yoshiki having a crush on him, but it’s always fully unserious, just a joke hikaru loves to make at his friends expense, no strings attached and surely no real feelings. but hearing him say it in that tone, with that disgusted cadence made him nauseous.
“yer bein’ really fuckin’ weird hikaru. if you want to be irresponsible fine by me, good luck finding another ride home” he walks out as quick as he got there, beelining for the front door. he plans to wait in the car of course, he’d never fully abandon hikaru, not that easily at least. his hand is on the doorknob, just as he’s about to turn it he’s stopped by a hand on his shoulder
“yoshiki? is everything alright?” the voice belongs to asako, who has a concerned look cast over her face
“uh, yeah, i’m fine” he mumbles, eyes pleading to let him leave
“are you sure? you can tell me ya know”
“i just need to get some air… wanna come with me?”
the car air is lighter than that of the party, the lights are mellow and the quiet hum of the engine is almost comforting in comparison to the blasting bass inside the house
“he said it’s like i’m in love with him or somethin’, he’s actin’ like he doesn’t cling to my side whenever he’s drunk or high. if anythin’ he’s the one in love” yoshiki crosses his arms as he looks out the window, noticing the party has started to disperse
“damn, what’d ya think made ‘im all pissy?” asako questions with a slight scowl on her face, like when your friend is mad at someone which means you’re also mad by association
“i wish i knew, maybe it’s cause i interrupted his conversation with saitou, i wouldn’t call it a conversation actually, he was just watchin’ her talk with her friends”
“he’s tryin’ so hard with her, i wonder if he knows he doesn’t have a chance”
“hm?”
“oh, saitou’s into a guy a grade above us, she talks about him sometimes during yearbook planning” asako shrugs
yoshiki frowns to himself “well now i feel bad”
”naw, don’t, he’ll have a new crush by the end of the week per usual” she giggles
a loud knock on the window startles them, yoshiki hesitantly rolls it down hesitantly revealing yuuta holding hikaru by the collar.
“cmon man! i was havin’ funnn” hikaru slurs his words, grabbing at yuuta’s hand in an attempt to break free
“yoshiki, take him home please i can’t drive and he really needs to be- anywhere but here” yuuta pleads, fighting back against hikaru’s attempts to free himself
yoshiki looks at yuuta, then at hikaru who is absolutely wasted. he tells yuuta to put him in the passenger seat after asako gets out. the other two bid their goodbyes and head back into the party to find yuuki so they can head home as well
yoshiki leans over to buckle his friends seatbelt “hikaru you need to learn when you’ve hit your limit, this is the third time you’ve-“ coming face to face with hikaru, he doesn’t register what’s happening until it’s over.
hikaru’s lips on his.
stupid.
this whole thing is stupid.
yoshiki pulls away quickly, he leans back in his seat with his hands over his face, it’s overwhelming and almost embarrassing, finally getting something he wants in a way he never wanted it. his lungs feel tight and mouth feels dry, a type of guilt overwhelms his senses
him and saitou share a lot of features, hikaru probably mistook him for her, if yoshiki put on a wig and makeup he’d be the spitting image of saitou without a doubt.
he doesn’t say another word, he puts the car in drive and refuses to look over at the boy beside him who passed out on the drive home
getting hikaru home was a challenge, getting him into his bed will hopefully be easy. after months of bringing hikaru home drunk out of his mind yoshiki’s perfected getting the boy into bed without much hassle. he helps hikaru walk the best he can, bringing him into his room and sitting him on his bed gently
“hey” yoshiki snaps his fingers in front of hikaru’s face “put these on, i ain’t lettin’ ya sleep in dirty clothes” yoshiki throws a plain tank top and a pair of bright orange sweatpants at hikaru
“hnmm okay” hikaru’s in a daze, moving slowly with little intent of completing the task at hand
yoshiki steps out of the room, making sure to be quiet as to not wake hikaru’s mother. he can’t leave yet, he knows hikaru won’t sleep unless he wishes him goodnight, a comforting ritual they’ve had since childhood
“done” hikaru whisper-shouts, muffled by the door
yoshiki walks back in silently, he’s met with the sight of a shirtless hikaru
yoshiki looks down quickly “where’s yer- nevermind get in bed”
hikaru does just that, obeying yoshiki like he’s determined to please him. yoshiki pulls the covers over hikaru and bids him goodnight, only then he can finally leave. maybe he should have gotten drunk with hikaru, if he had maybe he wouldn’t be in this situation, or maybe it would have been worse.
“yosh’ki… please don’t leave” muttered softly from behind him. yoshiki freezes, he shouldn’t listen, he knows if he stays he’ll wake up to a slap and a million questions, but he can’t say no to the face hikaru makes, glossy, pleading eyes that he can’t resist, begging him to stay.
“fine” yoshiki mutters, grabbing his spare pajama pants from the designated sleepover drawer, and one of hikaru’s hoodies off out of his closet to change into.
when he arrives in the bathroom he stares at himself in the mirror. is he really doing this? is it so wrong when hikaru is the one requesting it? thinking back to the kiss he wonders if that’s something hikaru wanted to do but never had the courage to attempt while sober. maybe they’re more alike than yoshiki thought
after changing he returns to hikaru’s room. if there’s one thing he needs to stop doing it would most definitely be agreeing to every one of hikaru’s requests
“move over”
hikaru slides back, making room for yoshiki on his mattress. it’s not fit for two people but he’s determined to make it work
“yer gonna regret this in the mornin’” yoshiki shakes his head, brushing a hand through hikaru’s hair
“mm, i like it when ya do that” hikaru whispers, dropping his head to yoshiki’s shoulder, resting it in the crook of his neck
yoshiki doesn’t move, he lets hikaru cling to him, praying he doesn’t whack him in the morning when he’s sobered up and his mind is clear
“‘m sorry for bein’ an asshole, i don’t think yer in love with me i promise, i was just.. bein’ defensive. i hate it when we fight, i hate when yer mad at me”
“i’m not mad at ya”
“promise?” hikaru mumbles, his voice watery and quiet
“yeah.. i promise”
“i love ya, yoshiki”
whispered like a secret, something he’s not supposed to share but he can’t help it
stupid.
this whole thing really was stupid.