Work Text:
Subspace didn’t know why he still thought about Medkit. It was annoying, confusing and just.. wrong. He had openly expressed that he hated him in their final argument, and so did the other party. It was the mutual feeling of hatred that let them move on. Except…Subspace couldn’t. He didn’t know why he was thinking about it again. Especially when he was supposed to be working on updating his inventions.
He sighed rubbing his eye with his hand and squinted at the blueprints scattered on the table in front of him. He couldn’t focus anymore to force himself to work tonight. He was too tired. Slowly pushing himself up, he accidentally got up a bit too quickly and felt a wave of lightheadedness. Ah. He hasn’t been outside or gotten proper amounts of sleep in days. Waiting for the dizziness to settle he carefully detached his iv drip from his arm and pushed the stand aside. He stretched got up from his chair and onto his bed, conveniently placed near his desk so he didn’t have to move around much. Also bad for his health, but he couldn’t bother.
He’d been burying himself into his work and didn’t allow himself a moment of rest to distract himself. But it still didn’t work. Every little detail, the shades of green, the smell of coffee and clean fabric, the light snowfall of the early morning. When everything reminded him of what he’d lost, how could he move on? He would never fix what he once had, and he would never let himself get that close to someone again. It hurt knowing someone he spent his years with, sharing secrets, taking care of each other, maybe even loved, would leave him in the ground writhing in pain while he fled got the nearest exit the moment he messed up.
Did their relationship mean nothing to him? Did he really mess up so bad he deserved to have half of his jaw and entire arm rotted away? Sure! He hurt Medkit too, but Medkit could recover from losing an eye. He could move on. But Subspace’s condition he could never move on from. He was literally rotting away. His days were limited and he knew the hour glass was almost empty. He curled into himself with a quiet sob, careful to not disrupt his rotted arm.
Subspace really was pathetic. Clinging to a relationship that was long over, because of his actions. He was merely reaping the consequences now. His head hurt. His heart hurt. A long nap would be nice. Part of he wondered if him really did miss Medkit. Or was it something else..? Medkit ruined his life. And He ruined his. He missed the way he made him feel. Like he was cared for. Like he was loved. Like he deserved to be loved. He would do anything to get that feeling back.