Chapter Text
Remus instinctively reached to the empty space next to him searching for his sister Ophelia. She was always there when he needed her but for the first time in his life Remus’s fingers met a cold sheet.
Yells of distress filled the air only to abruptly stop. Despite what was probably the reason for the silence, Remus was grateful for it because if not he doubted that his ears would have picked up the approaching footsteps. Hesitantly, he threw himself under the bed, trying to cover the noise of his heavy and quick breathing as the footsteps grew louder. Soon, tears were lacing Remus’ eyes. He could hear the screams starting again, echoing throughout the little shack.
Remus’s whole body froze in shock. This time, he recognized the voice. It was his father. A loud noise sounded and Lyall Lupin fell to the ground.
Remus could hear a woman, his mother, begin to cry in pain. He could feel his hot tears quickening, his breathing becoming panicked.
Soon, Remus decided to approach the thin satin sheet separating his bed from his mothers, the screams getting louder and more desperate as he approached. Remus could see Ophelia crouching near his bed and frowned. She had a grim expression on her ashen face and was shaking her head slowly at him. Remus couldn’t understand why she was so apprehensive. His mother needed their help.
Remus would forever regret not heeding his sister’s ominous warning, for opening that frail curtain before thinking. Because inside that drafty corner of the Lupin house, Remus saw his father sprawled across the floor, his neck cut open in a wide slash and covered in a thick, red substance. He saw his mother’s wide panicked eyes land on him before they lost all life and fell closed, forever. And lastly, he saw a strangely large man standing in front of both his parent’s mutilated bodies and the ugly grin on his face as he turned around and caught Remus’ frightened eyes.
*********
The jeering of a crowd muffled by the thick stone walls filled the air. Remus could hear the Golds cheering loudly despite the fight not even beginning. The perfect, superior Golds. Remus couldn’t help the rage that flooded his mind when he thought about them.
Benji and Remus used to watch reporters on the communal beat down holocam after their matches and hear them talk of the pureblood’s splendour and beauty, as if they were gods. Knockturn was where their perfectly crafted mask fell and their true vile selves came out.
Remus desperately wished his mother was here, her soft spoken words always got him to calm down. Remus was too angry. Losing control in the arena meant death, though Remus doubted that Greyback would actually let him die, the Golds liked him too much for that.
Remus groaned as he sat up from the dingy bench. He was in a bare stone room that was connected to the arena with an automatic prison like door. The room stunk of vomit and piss with stains of dried blood covering the walls. There were no weapons laid out for him to choose from, Greyback always said the Pure-Bloods liked it more when they had to tear each other apart with their hands, like savages. Remus didn’t mind either way, it wasn’t like it made much of a difference anyways.
Remus slowly walked to the iron barred gate and rested his head on it, closing his eyes as he tried to tune out the repeating chanting of his name. He tried to imagine why he was still fighting, who he was still fighting for, of the light at the seemingly never ending tunnel.
He knew it was time when he heard a Grey announce his name from outside the barracks. As Remus stepped out of the cage-like room and into the arena, blinding lights shone on him and objects were thrown over the side of the barricades. Money, roses, chocolates.
The gladiators were treated like savages, animals to be slaughtered. Remus looked up to the gold boxes seating the Purebloods, they were high up above the arena, far from the shit and blood of the arena’s floor. Their perfectly refined bodies wrapped in the softest of silk while Remus was sleeping in rags.
His opponent's cage was opened then and Remus finally got to see them as they stepped out of their own dingy cell and into the arena with him and the crowd. He was wearing a bronze helmet, covering all of his face but his eyes.
Remus didn’t recognise him, which was almost expected because of how regularly gladiators were replaced. He was smaller than Remus. And, looking at his stocky build, he could only be an Obsidian, like him, or a gold, which was impossible. He looked to be a couple years younger than Remus and his hair was very similar to Benji’s light brown but it was his empty golden eyes that captured Remus’s attention. They reminded him of his mothers, a deep ache in his chest arising.
The young man looked scared out of his wits and way over his head, though Remus doubted he even realised who his opponent really was. Remus could hear the drawn out chanting of his nickname. The Wolf. He hated that name, the reputation and stories that followed it like a cloak of death.
Remus was so drawn into his thoughts that he hadn’t even realised that the fight had started and was caught off guard when the man lunged at him. Remus stumbled back as the man desperately flung himself at Remus, trying to knock him off his feet. While Remus’ movements were controlled and calculated, the man’s were frenzied and rash.
Once Remus had regained his footing he grabbed the young man’s hand and twisted it to stop his movement while closing the space between them and wrapping his arms around the man, holding him in place.
‘Your name?’ Remus whispered into his ear, the sound nearly lost over the roar of the crowd.
Remus always tried to remember them all, to carry their memories with him. Never letting himself forget, always there to remind him of his sins.
The man who was struggling against Remus’ grip suddenly went slack. He remained silent, his face set in grim determination. For minutes he hung in Remus’ arms in still silence.
Remus could hear the crowd growing restless, not satisfied with the silent boy and slow fight. Remus had an uneasy feeling and knew that he would be paying for this later. Closing his eyes and resting his head on the boys, Remus moved his hands up to the man’s head. This seemed to snap the man out of his daze and he just started to sob, begging Remus to stop. He was so young that Remus could feel his emotion surging up behind his own eyes.
“I’m sorry” The young man was completely delirious now, his words hard to make out over his loud sobbing.
“It’ll be quick,” Remus whispered quietly into the man’s ear.
“Please!” He was staring into the crowd of the faceless purebloods, all hungrily looking down at them.
“Just kill him already!”
His hand clutched tighter around the boys’ head, unable to stop the tears falling down his face. Remus didn’t even know why he was crying, he didn’t even know him, just another face.
“What a waste.”
The boos coming from all around just got louder and Remus could no longer hear the boys’ begging, just his quickened breaths and the feeling of his warm tears reminding Remus who he was holding.
Remus was always angry, always had pent up rage simmering under the surface. But now he just felt empty.
Don’t give into them.
Remus wanted desperately not to, too keep fighting, show them that they couldn’t break him. That he would make a change but deep down he knew that he had already broken years ago. He was now a coward pretending to be brave.
So Remus squeezed his eyes closed shut, pretended not to hear the boy’s begging in his ears and quickly twisted the frail neck in his hands. A quick and painless death. The boy collapsed into the sand covered ground and the crowd broke out into controlled, synchronized clapping. The sound of flesh hitting flesh filled Remus’ ears as he stared at the broken body lying in front of him.
Someone was trying to escort him out of the arena, questions babbling out of their mouth. Why this man had affected Remus so much, he didn’t know. Remus had fought so many fights and killed so many other gladiators that he thought he had become used to the shock that came after a fight. There was something about this man that Remus couldn’t figure out. The remarks from the crowd, his eyes, his panic.
Remus reached down to see the inevitable tattoo all gladiators at Knockturn inevitably had of their names and number. He had to see it, and he didn’t know why. But instead of a messy black scribble Remus saw a sigil, the sigil for golds.
*******
After the fight, Remus was taken back to the common room and finally had to face who he had been dreading to see.
As Remus entered his barracks, he was immediately spotted and walked gloomily over to his and Benji’s shared bunkbed, trying to ignore the inevitable stares. During the suffocating walk back to the common room, he had imagined the horror that would paint their faces when he was inevitably hanged. No colour could get away with killing a gold.
Relief flooded his head as he saw the great screen that usually hung on the wall opposite where the beds stood, displaying the fights, lay on the concrete floor in pieces.
“God man, what happened in there?” asked Benji, approaching him with his big hand reaching out to clap his back, as he always did. A wave of confusion came upon Remus.
“A bunch of guards were racing down the hallways towards the arena.” His sister, Ophelia, clarified.
“I even saw a few silvers with them” she whispered anxiously, as if they would hear her.
“My opponent went nuts, think he was on some sort of drugs” Remus shrugged, hoping the lie was good enough for the two.
“You hurt?” Says Benji, eyes scanning over Remus’ scarred body.
“I’m tired, can we just talk about this later please.”
“Remus”
“Benji” Ophelia says in a harsh tone while shaking her head at Benji.
“Ophelia” Benji replies, his grimace almost evident.
She just nods at him to follow her and makes her way over to the broken screen. Remus shoots her a grateful look which is quickly reciprocated by a telling look. Remus will be hearing it later.
He reaches under the bed and gets an old tunic, itching to get out of the blood stained gladiator uniform and changes quickly into it, trying to hide all his scars from his bunkmates.
Finally getting some quiet, Remus flops down on his bed and releases a long groan. Closing the curtains that are attached to either side of each bed, he clamps his palms over his ears, fingers pressed tightly. With the sound of the crowd still lingering in his ears, Remus falls asleep.
********
Remus’ eyes snap open. The screeching sound of the intercom pierces the air.
All Gladiators are required in the Great Hall. Anyone who hasn’t made their way over by 15:30 will be severely punished.
Remus could feel someone shaking him and looked over to find Benji clutching his arm.
“We gotta go, get up.” Benji turned his head to look around the empty room, his eyes searching.
“Shit, Ophelia’s still not back.”
Remus was dazedly looking around the room, slowly beginning to make out the situation. Benji harshly pulled him up out of his bed. Remus rubbed his arm where Benji had his firm grip and goes to open his mouth.
“Wh-”
All Gladiators are required in the Great Hall. Anyone who hasn’t made their way over by 15:30 will be severely punished.
Benji is already at the door when Remus looks down from the intercom, finding Remus’ consciousness a sign to leave. Remus scrambled after him, nearly tripping over the pile of books stacked beside his bed, and glanced at the old analog nailed next to the intercom.
15:13
He’d managed to stay asleep for three hours. A new record.
“Benji, wait up”
Benji is already at a run by the time Remus makes it through the door and has to sprint to catch up.
“What is this all about?” Remus nearly runs into a wall as they sharply turn a corner.
“I don’t kno–”
All Gladiators are required in the Great Hall. Anyone who hasn’t made their way over by 15:30 will be severely punished.
“It’s been repeating for the past 30 minutes. I couldn’t leave you. I've been trying to wake you up, but gods you sleep like a log.”
“Has Ophelia gone to the hall already?”
“Hope so. She left for the laundry room a little before the loop started.”
“What?” Remus brakes suddenly and grabs Benji’s shirt from behind, nearly toppling him over.
“We can just leave her!”
“I don’t think you realise how late we really are, the others left as soon as they heard the message. Besides Ophelia can handle herself”
Remus was about to argue back when Benji took off again. Feeling unsure and hesitant, Remus followed. ‘She’d better be there’
Just as Remus thought his legs would fall off, he finally caught up to Benji and made it to the Great Hall. Benji was already arguing with the two guards standing in front of the massive pair of doors, their silver hair and eyes giving away their colour. Walking closer, Remus managed to catch the end of their conversion.
“It's 15:32! You can’t seriously expect us to let you in. Do you know how much trouble we would get in?”
“The Gryffindor common rooms are over 5 kilometres away, and it's two minutes!”
Benji was waving his arms around at the guards, his anger rising. He had been doing that a lot lately. He was normally a calm person, but lately, there was a lot to be mad at.
“Come on, surely we could just sneak in, no one would notice or have to know” Remus’ voice cut in.
That of course was straight bullshit. The dark oak entrance door had to be at least 10 feet, and the rusted metal lining the bottom always scraped against the stone making a horrendously loud noise. Sounding all too much like the escapees after Greyback tears their heart out with his prosthetic metal claws. Just about everyone knew it but Remus was hoping he could get away with it since the guards looked young and hadn’t had a go of the wip yet.
“No one will notice! Only a blind man would miss that.” The taller guard looked ready to call someone to drag them away when his partner nudged him.
“Hey, that's Remus Lupin isn’t it?” His eyes were scanning over Remus, every scar, he could tell, “I don’t know about this, you know how much Greyback loves him. He wins every fight!”
“You know what, I heard that Greyback even call them family and shit”
The taller guard looked sceptical at first but after hearing his partner's spiel, he started to push the doors open and into the Great Hall. Just about every head in the hall turned to look at the four of them. Not wanting to gather any more attention than they already had, Benjy and Remus immediately started for the Gryffindor table. Remus felt relief flood his body when he spotted Ophelia sitting next to a younger girl, Alice.
“You're lucky that it hasn’t started yet and that they even let you in” whispered Alice, keeping her head faced forward.
“Yeah, what was that back there?” Benji whispered back.
“Uh- nothing.”
“Didn’t seem like nothing”
“Shh, Greyback’s looks like he's about to start talking”
‘Finally’
Standing at the front of the hall on a raised stage was Greyback, encircled by his throng of Gold officials. Greyback clicked his claws as he was arguing with a gold Remus had recognised somewhere. While Knockturn had many gold visitors wanting to watch the fights, they never actually came into Knockturn, if Remus had seen him before, he must be someone important.
His gold hair caught the gleam of the lights above and seemed to glow. As he turned his head, Remus could make out a faint scar across his cheek. Remus had never met a Peerless Scarred but he had seen them in the crowd before. They were said to be the best of the gold and the peak of mankind. Remus couldn’t understand how a disfigurement could be a sense of pride, he could barely look in the mirror because of his.
“My children," Greyback's voice rang out, “someone very important has gone missing whilst visiting Knockturn.”
Remus had a feeling he knew who it could be.
“A young Gold boy” Greyback finished.
Murmurs broke out throughout the tables. If something had happened to a gold, they would somehow find a way to blame it on the gladiators. Then they were screwed.
“Now if anyone knows information about this and is withholding it” Greyback’s once soft tone had turned hard, “there will be serious consequences for everyo—” Greyback was cut off as the Gold behind him began to speak, his booming voice echoing through the silent hall.
“Greyback puts it in a light way but, if my son is not found, you’ll find some things are worse than death.”
Remus could almost hear Greyback’s grinding teeth and felt something cruel. As much as he hated Greyback and how he compared them, at least he held no love for the Golds.
“Dismissed”
Everyone quickly shot up and started towards the door, not wanting to be in the hall any longer than they had to.
******
Remus stared at the decaying, rotten wood that lined the bunk above him. Greyback's words were haunting him, almost taunting. Nights in Knockturn were always cold due to the lack of insulation but Remus felt suffocating in his sheets, his sweat sticking them to his limbs.
“Don’t think about it”
Ophelia’s soft voice broke Remus’ thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“Try and block it out with a good memory, one worth remembering.”
Remus could barely make out Ophelia through the darkness but her hazel eyes caught the fleeting light, making Remus able to pinpoint her as he shifted his body. Ophelia always seemed to know what Remus was thinking.
“How do you know what I’m thinking is bad?”
The question lay in the air so long that if not from her open eyes, Remus would have thought his sister fell asleep.
“Are you okay, Remus?”
The question caught him off guard and Remus felt his breath catch in his throat. Remus often thought of his sister as wise despite her only being three years his senior. He could never lie to her, unless necessary.
“Yeah Ophelia, of course I’m alright”
He could tell they both knew it was a lie.