Chapter Text
The clock read 8:30AM as Seonghwa was waking up for another day of classes. The feeling of dread was already hitting him as he opened his eyes. The sun was shining through the dorm window, illuminating the small space. He sits up hearing the shower turn off in the room and realizes his roommate, Wooyoung, is already up, Seonghwa got out of bed to shower and get ready the morning silent as their usual routine fell into place.
Once he finished, he made his way back to his room, walking to his side table where his bottles of various pills sat, shaking as he pulled the drawer open. The pill bottles caught the morning light, their labels faded from use, standing like silent witnesses to his private struggles. He paused for a moment, fingers lingering on the bottles as he debated whether or not to take them. Deciding against it for now, he tucked them back into the drawer, the slight rattle echoing in the quiet room. As he slung his bag over his shoulder, . “Hey! Let’s head out now, Yeosang is already in the cafeteria!” Wooyoung yells through the dorm as he was already leaving, forcing Seonghwa to speed walk to catch up with him.
As they make their way out of the dorm building and toward campus, a cluster of students passes them on the path. One of the guys glancing their way, nudges his friend, and whispers something behind his hand. The friend snickers and deliberately looks them up and down, shaking his head with a look of disdain before turning back to his group. Seonghwa keeps his gaze fixed on the pavement, pretending not to notice while wooyoung rolls his eyes as a girl walks by with her friends. She loudly clears her throat and mutters, not so quietly, "what a bunch of freaks." Moments like these are painfully familiar, and part of the reason the three of them became friends in the first place. They've all experienced being bullied for the same reason, that being “too feminine”. Yeosang got the worst of it, Seonghwa solemnly thinks, as his bullying was physical as well as mental. Although it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be in high school, it still happens.
As they walk into the cafeteria, they spot Yeosang sitting at their usual table, waving excitedly, already eating enough for all three of them. Yeosang had the biggest appetite between the three and somehow still stays extremely thin, blaming it on “fast metabolism.’’ They greet him setting their bags down beside them as they sit down at the small table, Wooyoung wastes no time beginning to complaining about his dance “awful” teacher
“I aced that dance, I swear. She has a grudge against me,I don't understand how I failed.” he says angrily with a sigh. As he speaks, he starts rummaging through his bag for a snack, but instead pulls out a crumpled rehearsal schedule and a thin, half-filled medication journal, the dates skipped and entries scattered. He quickly shoves them back inside, avoiding Seonghwa’s glance. “Well, to be fair, you have missed a lot of her classes,” Yeosang explains while taking a sip of his water. "Well, that doesn't mean she gets to be mean to me," Wooyoung pouts as he crosses his arms, shoulders tense. Seonghwa hesitates, then tries, "Maybe try talking to her about it, to explain why you've been missing class." Wooyoung shoots him a look as if he’d just betrayed him, his eyes flicking away to his bag almost defensively. "I can't do that!” he exclaims, making Seonghwa jump. ”Yeah, let me just go tell my dance teacher I've been too... messed up to come to class," he mumbles, rolling his eyes.
“That's not what he means, Woo. Just guilt-trip her or something," Yeosang says smiling as Wooyoung laughs, making Yeosang glad his efforts to lighten the mood worked. Seonghwa sighs at his friends. "Or just tell her you've been dealing with some stuff like a normal person." Wooyoung gasps and puts his hand on his chest. "Did you just call me normal? I can't believe it, how could you!" he says, acting dramatic. "Oh please, we're the weirdest group in this school," Seonghwa says, laughing at Wooyoung's behavior. "Wow, you should be acting instead of dancing," Yeosang adds, shaking his head at Wooyoung's theatrics.
After finishing breakfast, they began gathering their things for class, standing up to head to their first period. Yeosang turned to them, saying he was going to use the restroom before class, telling them he'd see them in their shared class. Yeosong heads straight to the restroom, checking each stall to see if anyone else was in there. After confirming no one was in there, he went into a stall, closing the door sliding down it as he put his head in his hands, his head swarming with thoughts of distress over binging in front of his friends. His thoughts were screaming at him, ‘how could you let them see you like this?’ tears welling in his eyes, ‘They probably think you're disgusting.’ The tears had started streaming down his thin face. Without a second thought, he makes his way toward the toilet, bending over it as he starts sticking his fingers down his throat to try to make himself throw up.
The guilt started halfway through his breakdown, quickly replaced with satisfaction as the pit in his stomach was emptier than before he cleaned himself up, grabbing hand wipes then his toothbrush out of his bag. Yeosang, being too distracted by his thoughts and the feeling of his hand down his throat, hadn't heard the restroom door opening or noticed the person standing outside the stall. Jongho, who had just gone to use the restroom before class, was now standing outside the stall of someone unknown, hearing them throw up. He decided to wait, to make sure they were okay, no longer worried about being late to class.
Jongho waited a few minutes, debating whether to say something or wait, before he could make a decision. The stall door swung open, revealing a boy with pulled-back black hair, his eyes red, obviously crying, most likely from throwing up. Before Jongho could say anything, the boy's eyes snapped to him, panic evident in his dark brown eyes. Jongho sees a toothbrush in his hand, which makes him think this happens more often than not.
“Uhm, hi,” Jongho says, not knowing what else to do. Yeosang nods his head back, walking past him to the sink, beginning to brush his teeth. Jongho awkwardly turns around, shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket, “Uh, are you okay?” Jongho asked hesitantly. Yeosang looked at him through the mirror, looking surprised, making Jongho panic a little. “Ah, I'm sorry! I just heard you getting sick in there and wanted to make sure you were alright.” He says fast, hoping the boy didn't find it weird. Yeosang, who just finished brushing his teeth, is now extremely embarrassed and simply says, “Yes, I'm fine, I'll go to the nurse sorry you heard that, probably gross,” then starts making his way to the restroom door. Jongho is the one looking shocked now. “Oh! It's okay, really, I just wanted to check on you. I’m Jongho by the way!” he says quickly with a bright smile. “Yeosang, it's nice to meet you, but I have to go,” Yeosang responds back to him with a smile, already out the door before Jongho can respond.
Jongho couldn't stop thinking of Yeosang that day. He had seen Yeosang twice after meeting him in the bathroom wondering if he had actually went to the nurse,Two things stuck in his head, one being how pretty the other boy was, the second being worried for Yeosang's health, after seeing the boy looking more pale and tired as he was walking out of the building ‘Hopefully I see him again so I can make sure he’s okay.’ Jongho thought as he was opening the door to his shared house.