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After just over five years in their first home that they had bought together, Colin and Penelope were preparing to leave their modest three bedroom house to move into their new five bedroom forever home. As they got all their possessions wrapped and boxed up for the big move, they couldn’t help but acknowledge how bittersweet it all was. This had been the house that they had bought together ahead of their wedding, the house they’d spent their first night as husband and wife in. The house where both their children had been conceived. But as their family grew and with plans to grow their family further, they couldn’t help but decide to move out.
“Colin, have you seen Thomas? He hasn’t finished his fruits.” Penelope called up from the bottom of the stairs, six month old Agatha on her hip.
“Wasn’t he with you?”
“He was, but he finished his lunch and then said he was going to find you and come back for his fruit.”
Pausing his tidying, Colin got off his knees and onto his feet, stucking his head out of the home office that he and Penelope shared and gave Penelope and his daughter a wide smile.
“I’ll have a look, he’s probably in his room.”
Making his way down the hall, Colin stopped at Thomas’ bedroom door and smile to himself as he saw his little boy sat on the floor in the middle of the room, surrounded by both plastic boxes and cardboard boxes. For the most part, Thomas’ room was packed up, but it seemed the little guy had decided to undo some of his parents work with books that were previously in boxes, now on the floor.
“What are you doing little man?” Colin asked as he leaned against the doorframe, watching his mini me flip through the pages of a book.
“Pitchers.” Thomas replied quietly without looking up.
Stepping into the room, Colin pushed aside some of the boxes and sat down on the floor beside his son. When Thomas was born, everyone had said he was a spitting image of Penelope, but as he’d grown older and his featured had sharpened, he looked every bit like Colin, only with Penelope’s ginger hair. Leaning over, Colin noticed that Thomas was looking through a photo album.
“I thought you and mummy were putting things into the boxes. Looks like to me, you’ve decided to take things out again.”
“I wanted to look at pitchers.”
Taking the photo album from his son, Colin checked the spine and saw that Thomas had pulled out the one that contained his baby pictures.
“Alright little man, let’s have a look at these pictures and then we have to put it back and go finish your fruit.”
Nodding eagerly, Thomas tucked himself into Colin’s side as they started looking through the photographs. Wrapping his arm around his son, Colin pointed out a picture of baby Thomas and pretended that he had no idea who the child was.
“That’s me daddy!” Thomas laughed, shaking his head at how silly his father was being.
“Are you quite sure? It looks a bit like Aggie to me.”
“Aggie doesn’t have orange hair like mine! That’s baby me!”
Laughing Colin ruffled his son’s hair as he carried on flipping through the pages. Thomas found great joy in finding baby pictures of his cousins and calling out the name of each aunt or uncle as he saw them. Going through the pictures, Colin couldn’t quite believe how his little boy had grown so much in such a short space of time. It felt like only yesterday Penelope had told him that she was pregnant and since they ahead first held Thomas in their arms. He watched a Thomas flicked through the pages, his little face lighting up with recognition as he spotted more and more of the people he knew and loved. It wasn’t until he reached one specific page that he stopped, a quizzical look on his face as he looked up at his dad waiting for help. Looking down at the page, Colin felt his heart stutter and sink into the base of his chest at the images in front of him.
“Daddy, who’s this?”
Taking the album from Thomas, Colin looked down at the photographs in front of him, feeling his eyes prickle with tears. It had been four years but the ache in his chest still hadn’t dulled.
“That, is your uncle John.”
For the first time in a while, Colin was met with pictures of his brother-in-law and dear friend John Stirling. It had been a while since they’d lost John but Colin still missed him every single day. His chair, whenever he and Will went to the bar, still remained empty and they never intended to fill it. No one could ever replace John, he was one of a kind, a king amongst men.
Of course, Thomas knew all about his uncle John. Colin and Penelope made active effort to reminisce about John so that their children would always know that he had existed and that they had loved him.
“Me and uncle John!” Thomas pointed out, his little finger poking at the picture to draw Colin’s attention back to it.
“Yes little man, you and uncle John. Uncle John and your aunt Fran used to come to our house all the time because John wanted to play with you. He loved you so, so much. And you loved him too, he was definitely your favourite uncle.” Colin had to stop, the tears prickling his eyes once more.
“More than uncle Phil?”
Chuckling, Colin brushed away the tears in his eyes and held his son close as he nodded.
“Aunt El and uncle Phil didn’t meet each other until after uncle John died, so Phillip didn't know you as a baby. But I think yes, I think you did love uncle John the most. Whenever he used to come round, you would crawl straight over to him and before you could crawl, you would lean out of mine or mummy’s arms because you wanted to go to him. And after he died, when we saw Francesca, even though you couldn’t talk yet, it was always obvious to me and your mummy that you were looking for John.”
“Will uncle John come back?”
“No little man. We told you about this right? Sometimes, people go back to the angels and they can’t come back but they’re always watching over us. I’m sure John is watching over you, watching you become an incredible little guy.”
“I miss uncle John.” Thomas mumbled quietly, his little finger running over John’s face on the photograph.
Feeling his heart crack in half, Colin gently took the album out of Thomas’ hand and pulled his son into his chest, fighting back his own tears as he heard his son sniffle. There was no way Thomas actually remembered John so there was no chance that he actually missed him, but he was feeling something right now and Colin was never one to dismiss how his kids were feeling. If Thomas was feeling the weight of John’s loss, Colin was going to be there for him, hold him and give him the space to feel what he feels.
“What’s going on up here?” Penelope called, walking through the hallway.
Wiping his eyes, Colin looked up just as Penelope came into Thomas’ room, Agatha on her hip. Taking in her weepy son and the tears glistening in Colin’s eyes, she dropped to her knees beside them.
“What’s wrong?”
Taking Agatha from Penelope, Colin kissed the top of his daughter’s head, cuddling her and Thomas into his chest.
“Thomas found his baby photo album and we’re missing John.”
“Oh my loves…” Penelope cooed as she wrapped her arms around her family.
With the kids still in his arms, Colin melted against Penelope, letting her simply hold him. It had been a while since he had allowed himself to really feel the loss of John, and now that he had, all the pain of losing his dear friend was coming back up to the surface. It was only when Agatha struggled in her fathers arms and let out a mewl of protest did they all finally snap out of it. Thomas unfurled himself off of Colin’s lap and Agatha leaned over to Penelope, making it known she wanted to go back to her mum. Taking Agatha from Colin and standing up, Penelope ran her fingers through Thomas’ soft curls.
“Should we go back downstairs and finish your fruit little man?”
Taking his little sister’s hand, Thomas nodded, gesturing to Penelope that he was ready to go.
“Do you need a minute babe?” Penelope asked Colin.
“Yeah I just… Give me a few minutes and I’ll be right down with you guys.”
Nodding in understanding, Penelope kissed the top of Colin’s head before straightening up and gesturing for Thomas to go ahead. Left alone with the album, Colin flicked through the pages, taking in more pictures of John with Thomas, fresh tears welling up in his eyes again. It was so strange to think that when these pictures were taken, John had been healthy, talking about how excited he was become a father himself. As Colin flicked through the pages, the photographs including John stopped and with a heavy heart, he closed the album and put it back in the box it had come out of.
Wiping his eyes, Colin looked up at the ceiling, a small smile on his lips.
“I miss you bro.”