Work Text:
Present : 2025
Third POV
Love was just a four letter word.
Yet, it carried more emotions than could be understood and pain than one could comprehend.
It held in itself a chaos so beautiful: of the story of two souls intertwined , of two people whose story did not end in one lifetime.
This love transcended and fought against the war of time and change.
This love remained strong.
This was them.
But what if the past and present mixed ?
What if the lines blurred between what they were before and what they were then?
Phuwin could not believe that he had come across Palm, his past life lover, in this lifetime.
He had remembered everything of his past life from a single look into a photo.
Right then, his mind was a mayhem of dispositions.
Was he Neung? Or was he Phuwin?
When Phuwin had finally met Pond , he had not been able to perceive and differentiate between the truth and the reality.
Even when he could clearly see Pond, blood and flesh in front of him, all he could think of was how it had not been the case in their past life.
He couldn't stay happy.
He couldn't hope.
In hope was his cruelest enemy.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Joong had admitted that he had been the mastermind behind making them meet again.
He had hired a private investigator who had gotten deep into finding more about Palm and his relation with Neung.
The investigator had finally caught hold of the newspaper agency which had published the article of their murder in the front page of its newspaper.
That was the only piece of article that had his photo after his father had burnt the rest of his photos like the heartless monster he was.
Joong had used up both legitimate and illegitimate methods to find if there existed someone similar to that of Neung in this lifetime.
He had the belief that if Pond had exactly looked like Palm from their last lifetime, Neung had to look similar too.
After three months of relentless investigation Pond had no clue about, he had finally found Phuwin.
It had not been a co-incidence that Phuwin had been given an invite to the photo gallery of the most notorious thieves of all time in their country.
It was not a co-incidence that he had met Joong right when he looked into the photo of Palm.
It was all planned.
As he stood in front of the mirror in the washroom of the cafe they had decided to sit and talk , he looked at himself.
He could see Neung in him: a cruel reminder - that the ink of his life hadn't been enough to complete his story in full; that the author was a heartless monster who had given him the pain of a lifetime in the ink that remained.
He traced his fingers along his cheeks in a ghost of a caress and trailed it in an featherlight progression to his nose, then to his lips.
Slow and steady; slightly off balance when he could feel the similarities.
He looked exactly the same as he did in that lifetime.
Even the moles on his face and ear were the same.
Like Neung had never died.
Like fate had its own ways for his story to not end in that lifetime.
For a moment, he could see Neung in the mirror.
In an absent minded motion, Phuwin traced his fingers around his neck, wanting to feel the cold metal of the chain that Palm had gifted him in his last lifetime.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Khun Thep ( Bangkok ) 1958:
August 16:
The river was a beautiful sight in the dark with the light of the moon casting a small glow and the almost yellow leaves from the trees that sat near creating a ripple through the otherwise still water.
The air smelt of dirt and earth, the combination both grounding and comforting.
Neung sat on one of the wooden benches that were placed near the river bank.
His gaze was fixed on the sky above that littered with a million stars glowing in different colours amongst the darkness.
Palm kept looking at Neung, wanting to know where his thoughts had taken him.
" The stars. They look so magnificent. So bright and beautiful..."
A slight tilt of his head, his words a little too hushed with amazement and some other emotion Palm couldn't quite explain.
" Do you think that the stars were placed so far away from us because if they were a bit too near, we would have kidnapped it to keep it with us ? Captive in the ground away from the sky?"
He shook his head with a sarcastic chuckle and continued, "Human greed is so endless I can imagine them coming up with ideas to rob those stars not caring if they lose their spark or their home."
Palm was confused with Neung's weird question. He could have given him the logical answer, but decided to go with Neung's way of thinking.
" I think so too...but then the stars are glowing balls of fire aren't they? They wouldn't have fallen prey to our ruthlessness. They would have simply burnt us."
Neung turned.
Finally, Palm's mind registered.
He had missed looking at his face even if it has just been a few minutes.
" That is true. They would rather burn themselves and perish - than be captive."
Neung's words were in riddles, but Palm felt the heavy meaning those words held.
He could only imagine how Neung felt, as the heir of one of the richest men in the country and yet not being able to enjoy the wealth knowing it came from the blood and sweat of the common men who had been tormented because his father had been a ruthless businessman and the society? Too corrupt for redemption.
Being his son in itself was a bane, but being gay and in love with the same person who was the reason behind all his father's riches being robbed right under his nose? That was the total recipe for chaos.
He could see how Neung wanted an out from his life, how desperate he was, to stop feeling suffocated by the expectations of his asshole of a father.
To make Neung feel better, Palm retrieved a silver chain from his pocket, one that had the engraving of the word 'Neung' in Chinese engraving.
It meant " The one and only".
In a slow motion, he walked towards Neung, who was now standing with his shoulders hunched up, a silent yet heavy tension lingering in the air.
With a swift movement, Palm clasped the silver chain around his neck.
Neung gasped as the cold silver met his warm skin, and bent his neck to get a better look.
Looking at the chain and the Chinese syllable of his name, a small yet serene smile appeared on his lips , the tension in his body already easing.
" It's for our two year anniversary my love." Palm's warm breath created a tingling sensation that made him shudder with a deep breath.
" You remembered?" he asked while holding the chain in his hands and caressing it.
" Of course I did love... What do you take me for?" Palm answered with a deep chuckle.
" Did you buy this or make this with the money we rob-"
Palm stopped Neung, " No. I did not buy this with the money we stole. I would not do that to you Neung. I bought this from my own money. Remember? I am still an accountant in daytime..."
He turned Neung with his hands to face him.
" And a vigilante in the night.." Neung continued with a small chuckle while looking at Palm with that same expression he had whenever he realized that he was in love.
A little bit of wonder and a little bit of a sparkle that adorned his doe eyes.
He knew every time he looked at Palm that he had someone who cared for him and would burn down the world for him.
" Thank you so much Palm. This gift is so beautiful. I am hoping I can wear this everyday."
" You definitely will." Palm answered for him as he held Neung's hands in a firm grip.
He wanted Neung to wear it as a symbol that he belonged to him.
A reminder that what they had was real.
Palm's hands reached Neung's cheeks to hold them with a gentleness he had grown to adopt with him, and right then, as his eyes shifted to those full lips, Palm craved for a taste of him.
The scent of lemon, honey and cider shook his head in a dizzy high and all he wanted right then was to inhale it all in, and kiss Neung until they were breathless.
He leaned in to savour his lips.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Present: 2025
Phuwin shook off his thoughts with a dizzy wheeze as he realized that he had just become one with Neung for a second.
He had felt the kiss in the deepest corners of his soul.
Even if it had been robbed from him by the reality of the door to the washroom opening.
He could not comprehend his thoughts anymore.
The fine thread of his sanity seemed to ashen with every passing second, but he tried holding on to himself.
The angel in his head lulled him in it's siren rhythm, to accept.
That he didn't want to lose Neung, not just because he was a part of him, but also because in him, he could feel the true essence of love.
Of what it meant to be loved, held and cherished.
To be destroyed and rebuilt, and to be one with another's soul.
In Neung, he could feel Palm.
The devil in his head countered, a continuous whisper in his ears.
To protect his already bleeding heart.
To not lose his identity as Phuwin. That he couldn't' bear to experience the pain he went through as Neung once again, the raw intensity of falling in love only to be betrayed of a future by something as cruel as fate.
Seeing the love of your life take a bullet to their chest and fall to death right in front of you sure made you feel that way.
" Phuwin..."
That deep voice.
The same damn face which made his deepest scars bleed again in a flow of red.
Phuwin's breaths escaped him in gasps as he turned to look at Pond.
Pond who stood right in front of him, looking as ravishing as ever in a simple blue shirt along with black pants; and yet he managed to look like a greek god.
Pond walked towards Phuwin in brisk steps and circled his hands around his waist in a swift motion, to comfort him. For a moment, everything stilled.
The feeling of warmth seeping through Pond into his body made his final restraint break.
He had yearned to feel him.
He had burned to feel the warmth of his caress, the deep cadre of his voice and that revenant gaze of being seen.
He was finally in front of Palm, his lover who had died right in front of his eyes because of his father.
It was his fault Palm had died.
If not for him, Palm would have lived, his soul kept repeating, like a custom made poison making him shudder in disgust of his own self.
Phuwin finally broke down.
He couldn't take it anymore.
Pond's firm hands enveloped him in a deep embrace, as if he understood his emotions.
Phuwin couldn't speak or breathe. His chest was tight with the need to scream, but what came out was just a huff of breath as he tried to breathe through the raw pain.
A pain he hadn't realised had lived deep in him for so long.
" Breathe baby...I am right here..I am not going anywhere... Phuwin...My love..it's okay...Let it out.." Pond kept whispering sweet nothings in his ears as Phuwin sobbed in his shoulders hugging him in an very tight vice.
Pond tried loosening his grip on Phuwin scared that he was suffocating him , but as soon as he tried doing so, Phuwin held onto him tighter as if he would turn to dust if he didn't try holding him like that.
" Dont- leave...please. Pond...cant- it's too much...Palm- he- he died right in front of me..I can't ; I can't take it out of my mind.." he kept whispering over and over again, as if saying the words out loud would make the pain any less.
" I know baby, I know what happened...I can feel it too.I am back for you.I found you Neung..." Pond murmured in a low and soothing cadre, holding Phuwin while promising him that they were alright.
Phuwin couldn't calculate how much time has passed, but it felt like it had been hours.
His throat was dry from all the gathered screams he had finally let out.
" I am Phuwin." Phuwin finally croaked when he could speak.
" Huh?" Pond could only blink at Phuwin in confusion as his doe eyes looked into his.
" You called me Neung when you consoled me." Phuwin gathered himself and pulled away from Pond's embrace though all he wanted was to keep touching him." I am Phuwin. Not your Neung anymore. This- I - We are different. I am not that Neung anymore and I don't want you to think I will ever be."
A whisper.
Pond understood what he meant.
Phuwin couldn't find the courage to look at Pond.
" Phuwin." Pond spoke while gently raising his chin to meet his eyes.
" I am sorry I called you Neung, but you were too far gone into your panic attack and right then, I knew it was because of our life as Neung and Palm. That was the only reason I called you Neung. I know you are not Neung anymore. You are Phuwin. I am Pond. We are not the same. I am not that vigilante anymore and you are not that son of a rich asshole anymore, in this lifetime. I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable love."
Phuwin couldn't stop looking at Pond now that Pond had made him look and a small blush appeared on his cheeks from the endearment Pond had called him.
Pond's eyes held genuine concern and something he wouldn't dare to speak out. Yet.
" No Pond.. I am just- I can't - It's too new and I can't understand if I am Neung or Phuwin. It's just too confusing..too much to take in..This sudden pain that isn't mine but is? I dont- What should I do now Pond? Or Palm? What should I call you?"
A tear drop fell onto his lips , the confusion in his mind still taking turns in torturing him, his words still a mess.
Pond, ever so gentle, caressed his thumb over the tear drop wiping it away.
" I am here Phuwin. This is Pond. You don't have to be confused. Let me help you baby ...I felt just like you after I discovered about our past life. It took me three months to come into terms with it that I was Pond and Palm both in one. I was alone then and I can understand you now, so I won't let you go through the same. I am here with you and I will help you realize that you can be Phuwin and still have the memories of Neung. We can still be..us."
A small smile.
" But what if you..don't like me anymore? What if I am not the Nueng you want? What if we-"
Pond pressed his lips on Phuwin's forehead and Phuwin was silenced yet again both in bewilderment and surprise.
" It's fine my love...It's going to be alright...What about this? Let us take one step at a time. Let us keep talking...let me keep knowing more about you. As Phuwin. I am sure I will love you as you are. Past life or this. I have been waiting for you baby ...my soul has."
Pond's voice broke by the end of his monologue.
" Will you give me...Give us a chance?", Pond spoke in prayer, Phuwin the alter in which he prayed for love.
Phuwin nodded his agreement. He wanted it too. He so desperately wanted to keep talking to Pond.
Because Pond made him feel safe.
He made him feel alive.
For the first time, he didn't have to be all alone and act all tough.
In Pond, he could rely.
Then, they would figure it all out.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
The week following their revelation had gone smoother than Phuwin had expected.
The first day was the worst, when all Phuwin could think was that it had all been a dream, a dream he had conjured up himself and that Pond was not real.
He had hyper ventilated and almost gone into a panic attack.
Somehow, a call from Pond saved him from the catastrophe.
As if Pond knew that he needed him.
Pond had rushed to his home and had comforted him the whole way through, and Phuwin had felt cherished and protected.
Alas, he already had a crush. He knew it couldn't be controlled.
Not when Pond kept comforting him with concern.
Not when Pond looked at him like he was already in love.
Phuwin couldn't understand how, but he felt it too. The immediate connection, the yearning and the love that tethered between them.
The next day, Pond kept chatting with him on the phone, a way of reassurance even when he could not physically be with him.
The constant chatting and calls veiled in momentary confessions kept the panic at bay.
Phuwin had gathered his guts to ask him on the phone once, " Pond...Would you come meet me tomorrow? I...want to see you."
Pond had agreed immediately, like he had been wanting the same too.
Like he had been holding his breath to meet Phuwin too.
And so, Pond came to meet him in person everyday.
In his home.
He never asked him anything.
Never pressured him into coming out or doing anything that made him feel uncomfortable.
What Phuwin wanted, Pond accepted.
To say his nerves had frazzled in glee every time Pond's car came into view in his window would be an understatement.
It was as if every cell in his body had needed to see him in person again.
To confirm that everything that Pond was indeed with him.
Everyday, Pond visited Phuwin in his home when his work was over.
He wouldn't stay, but conversations ensued flawlessly as they sat for dinner.
It didn't feel different.
It didn't feel too much. In fact, it felt as if a part of their soul had clicked right into place.
Everyday, Phuwin would wait for him with bated breaths. Their conversations would entail anything and everything they could talk about.
Their likes, dislikes, preferences, type, favourites and many more.
One of such conversations involved Disney Princesses.
" I love watching 'Tangled'. Rapunzel is my absolute favourite." Pond said with that childish glow on his face that only occured when he was with Phuwin.
" I would go with " Belle", of 'Beauty and the Beast'. " Phuwin replied while taking a bite of his bread.
" Why though?"
" Because I get to have a library full of books and a misunderstood villain to go with. Also, Belle is fearless, doesn't follow the herd of selfish and pompous people."
" Damn! That's some observation! To me, Rapunzel feels like freedom. Like adventure, adrenaline. Somehow, I miss it. And true love too. That scene when Flynn cut her hair so that witch would die? I cry everytime I watch it!"
" Oh Wow! We should watch it together sometime then.."
A warm smile filled with promises as Pond nodded.
This was a promise Phuwin wanted to believe with all his heart.
" Let's watch it sometime.Yes."
" You want to know what I thought of the last scene in Tangled when Flynn cut her hair to save her ?" Phuwin asked with a smirk.
" That Flynn could have cut the hair a little longer?" Pond raised his eyebrows in a wiggle.
" How did you-"
" I mean- There are only two kinds of people in this scene. One who cries too much to think about anything and the other who would go for the aesthetics, Rapunzel's hair for instance. And you, my love are the second category."
Pond didn't know, but Phuwin's heart had run a hundred miles because of his devilishly handsome smirk and deep and soothing voice of his.
Add to it his endearment " My love", He couldn't help but melt a little and placed a little kiss on Pond's cheeks.
Pond's answering blush and the red hue on his ears were priceless. So was the fact that he turned his face away to protect himself from further embarassing himself.
Phuwin could only laugh looking at him.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Two weeks later:
Phuwin was now in Pond's car as they drove to Joong's grandmother's home.
"A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Shut your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me."
The funky beats of the song " A little less conversation" by Elvis played along the background as Pond thrummed his hands on the steering wheel along with the beats.
" You love Elvis?" Phuwin angled his body to Pond as he asked the question, a quite wariness in his posture.
Pond took a look at Phuwin and continued driving while nodding with a charming smile that made Phuwin's heart stutter.
" Have always loved his songs...and all things retro. What about you?"
" Have hated it." Phuwin spoke, a quite whisper.
Pond looked at him stunned.
Phuwin replied , " Maybe I know why now, but everytime I used to hear to Elvis, I felt like the world narrowed down to one thing and it was pain. I couldn't understand why then, but I did not like the feeling. So I avoided anything antique or retro. Elvis? Out of the question. Could go on a hate campaign against him, but would not have real reasons to hate him. It was just that itch. I now know why though. Maybe if was us. Our unfinished story and love for his songs that made me feel that way."
Pond nodded, a heavy expression on his way, " We had totally different reactions to things we loved in our past life didn't we? While I went on to feel nostalgic of them and trasure them, you went on to hate them...the irony."
A gruff laugh sounded from Phuwin, his throat a little scratchy from the realisation.
A heavy silence followed.
" We are fine now Phuwin."
" What if something happens though?"
" What if it doesn't? Don't you want to hope?"
" Gambling with hope has never ended well with me Pond."
" Then let me show you that you can hope my love."
Phuwin felt the small flicker of something in his heart.
Something dangerously close to what he had just been scared of.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
The smell of damp soil and humid air reached his senses and made him relax.
Phuwin had always loved the nature and it's abilities to calm people down.
He walked towards the entrance of the house, and right then, he could feel it.
The exact same connection he felt with Palm.
The trees around him whispering,' You're home' .
The gentle breeeze caressing his face like that of a long lost lover.
Pond's arms envoloping him in a warm embrace.
" This was the place I first felt your presence. Our connection."
As they walked into what they could only call as their home from their last life time, Phuwin took in everything about the details.
Words wouldn't form through the lump in his throat, as the vivid images of his past life with Palm stood forefront in his mind and assaulted his senses.
Everything felt the same, yet different somehow.
Pond's hands constantly reassuring him with a gentle yet firm hold was the only reason he could get through without falling apart.
No matter the how much he consoled himself into thinking that everything was fine, every time a memory rushed in, all he could see was the ending that they hadn't deserved.
Along with the fact that their relationship was doomed from the start, even in this lifetime.
" What about the others?" He managed to ask through his bated breaths.
" They are out of town for a while. Joong's grandmother left this place to us Phuwin, so we could explore and understand us a little better. "
Following Pond's instruction , Phuwin took a deep breath and continued down the hall to the bedroom.
A sharp exhale left his lips as he took the scene in.
The bed was the same. Everything was exactly similar except the gramophone that was no where to be seen.
As he took in the walls, a sudden memory coursed through him.
And in the blink of an eye, he was Neung all over again.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Flash back ( Khun Thep : 1959)
Palm pushed Neung onto the wall in a swift motion.
" Palm... " Neung managed to grunt through bated breaths.
" I want you. Now. " Palm grunted into his neck, sucking love bites to mark his territory.
They had just completed one of their heists and Phuwin had managed to help in the mission by seducing one of the businessmen he knew.
The plan had progressed smoother than they expected.
Phuwin went in with all the charisma and smirks one would ever know ; had flirted with confidence and a little teasing to wrap it up.
The old man had fallen right into his trap.
One to two drops of a pill in his drink and he was out like a log.
It was surprising to Palm how Neung had been able to hold his ground and act interested the whole time even when the jerk had tried touching him inappropriately.
Knowing that the old rascal wasn't out as a queer along with the fact that a lot of these assholes loved owning people regardless of their gender, even if they were homophobic in the public made him want to throw up in disgust.
They had been able to rob from his house; everything valuable they could find and it had been easier because the jerk had been stupid enough to let his office door and safe open quite easily.
What Palm hadn't planned on though, was having to watch how Phuwin had flirted with him.
Every small touch, teasing and sultry, caused something ugly in his stomach.
It was jealousy he knew, but the need to pull him away when that asshole when he tried kissing him was so strong, he had to hold himself back with considerable amount of effort.
When the ordeal was done, Palm couldn't hold on any longer.
He had to erase those fucking hands and kiss the fuck out of Neung for his bold move.
If he had slipped his mask even once, it would have resulted in them getting caught.
" Are you.. Angry Palm? " Neung's breathless yet irresistible voice rang out as Palm kept kissing him, his lips leaving a trail of angry marks.
" Yes...I am angry that I didn't get to kick that fucker's ass for daring to touch you."
Neung's soft groans filled the air.
" Mm... But only you get to make me feel this way.." A nip, A gasp, "Palm.. Only you get all my love and
devotion... "
His shirt was pulled above his waist with a sharp tug as Pond continued to assault him with his lips and his tongue everywhere he could reach.
The warm skin underneath was his. All his to take and ravish.
Palm smirked having loved the way Neung easily folded to him as he bit onto his shoulders marking him wherever he could , " You taste like currency and me love. "
Neung could only moan, as he was lost in the sensations of his lover.
" I love you Nueng. Only you. " Palm whispered as their lips met in a crazy frenzy.
Palm pushed Neung onto the bed and hovered over him.
" I would kill for you Palm. " Neung answered while laying bare below him.
He would. He was so sure of it.
For Palm, he would go to the ends of hell and heaven.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Present:
Phuwin felt the kiss resonate deep in his soul.
By then he could hear Pond's voice call him over and over agin, but all he could manage was a wheeze.
Along with the sudden pang of loss that came along with it.
He wanted to feel those lips again.
He wanted to feel the assurance of being held.
" Kiss me... " He whispered.
Pond who had been struggling to get him out of his messy state between the past and the present tried reasoning, " You are not in your right mind Phuwin. Just take a deep breath and it will be fine. "
Phuwin screamed, " KISS ME DAMN IT! I WANT TO FEEL YOU AGAIN. I WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! "
Pond was startled by the outburst as much as he was by the way his heart shattered at the look on Phuwin's face.
It was as if he didn't believe Pond could ever love him, like he didn't have the chance of falling in love with him like Neung had with Palm.
Pond gave in.
Not because of Phuwin's insistence, but of his own feelings.
He was already half way in love with this beautiful soul.
Pond leaned in, his hands now caressing Phuwin's cheeks as he laid his lips on Phuwin's.
In an instant, he could feel Phuwin sag against him, taking a deep breath of relief.
Pond didn't know how long the kiss lasted, but he did know this.
He would never be able to get over how soft Phuwin's soft lips felt.
Nor would he able to forget the feeling that coursed through him.
This feeling brought in him a quite solace his soul had been trying to find for ages.
It felt like the last part of his jigsaw puzzle kept in place to create a perfect masterpiece and the satisfaction that came along with such completion.
The strange sense of nostalgia that hit did not break him, rather it strengthened his resolve at making Phuwin his.
The moment the kiss ended with a lingering longing glance at his lips, Phuwin came back to his senses.
He was in a better state than before .
When he realised he had forced Pond to kiss him, he felt his cheeks flare up in embarrassment.
" I am- I am so sorry Pond! I- Was so out of it! - What happened- I - Saw that scenario again- and I-"
Pond cut him off with another sweet kiss on his lips.
Phuwin felt his brain turn into mush for a second.
" I know what you are talking about Phuwin. I remember every part of it too.. The way you smelled, the way you kissed me and the way you moan-"
Phuwin shushed him with a hand barely concealing his own bashfulness.
" Pond! "
Pond smirked into his hands that were moe covering his lips and went on to kiss his hands.
Phuwin laughed as he took his hands back.
" You puppy! "
Right then, he realised with a startling breath , how Pond had handled his anxiety and had made it better.
" Thank you Pond. " He admitted in a small voice, his vulnerable side peeking through.
" Why are you thanking me? "
" Because you- you helped me with the anxiety and kissed me even if you didnt-"
" Stop that sentence right there. I loved kissing you. It made me feel complete Phuwin. Don't ever think like that ever again. I was craving for a chance of taste and now, I am addicted to you love." Pond answered, his hands still caressing Phuwin's cheeks.
Phuwin's eyes shimmered with unushed tears.
" Why are you so good to me Pond? "
Pond took a deep breath and with a smile that held reassurance and all.
The love he could muster, he conceded, " I like you Phuwin. I like you. Hell! I might even be in love with you.. I know I just met you weeks back, but I can't help fall in love with you, it's just your soul that shines the brightest to me Phuwin. I am not scaring you or asking you to say something, but I just need you to know that I will always be interested in making you feel good and protected and am pretty sure flirting with you to see that you fall for me too. "
Phuwin couldn't even blink his eyes sacred that the incredible man in front of him would turn out to be made of pixie dust and disappear into thin air.
He nodded, trying to find words.
Pond smirked in victory, " Your eyes are turning doe eyed my love. I know that look. I fear you are already in love with me. "
Damn right he was, Phuwin realised.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
That night:
After having looked at the other corners of the home and talked for a long time, time had slipped through and it was already nighttime. Pond and Phuwin completed their day after having a simple dinner and retired to sleep in the bedroom.
Though Pond wanted to sleep in the other room so that Phuwin didn't feel uncomfortable, Phuwin had insisted on him staying in the same room.
Pond shook his head in fondness as he settled onto the floor with his pillows and bedspread.
" Goodnight Pond. "
" Goodnight my love. "
As Phuwin closed his eyes, his mind tried staying in the present, but he couldn't help revisiting the memories of his past life.
A little into his sleep, he dreamt.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:
1960: Khun Thep.
Neung was livid, but he couldn't show it to the public.
He was holding the hands of someone he was not in love with.
He was not with Palm and the thought irked him as much as the buttons of his shirt seemed to suffocate him under his formal black suit that fit him like a regal prince.
Regina, the woman whose hands he held, smiled at him all sweet and sugary.
It felt fake, like lies wrapped in glimmer and all things aesthetic, but rotten within.
Gold but black within.
Everything felt wrong when his real lover was back home, waiting for him to return and he was not yet jn his arms.
Neung had lied to Palm and it was eating up his insides.
This public gala had been a setup for his engagement to Regina, the daughter of another influential businessman.
When he left Palm earlier, he excused himself with the reason of a wedding he had to attend , but being there, it felt like a funeral rather than a joyous occasion.
His own funeral.
The setting, the sparkling chandlers hanging around reflecting golden light over the glass plates , the champagne being passed around, it all felt suffocating.
As such were the blessings and fake congratulations thrown around.
The food felt revolting.
The music felt distasteful.
It felt as if he did not belong here.
All he wanted was to go back to his Palm, but his father had threatened him like always.
If it had been just him like before , it would not have mattered to him, but now that he had Palm, he could not risk being disobedient.
One mistake and his lover would be at stake.
As he danced with Regina in the ball, he closed his eyes and for a moment, felt the form of Palm appear in front of him.
Black cape and white shirt. Toned form. Perfectly proportioned face that could rival a Greek God.
Neung's lips curled into a smile for the first time since he came to the ball.
When he snuck out of the gala after making sure his father was busy and conveying to the guards that he was feeling sick, he rushed to Palm's home.
Now their home.
As soon as he entered their home, he felt it.
The air was charged with something bitter.
Deceit and hurt.
Neung's heart crashed against his ribs as he saw Palm coming out of the bedroom fully dressed.
" Palm! "
As Nueng rushed to Palm, he was greeted by a cold stare.
" What were you upto Neung? "
Neung gulped , scared that Palm knew.
" I was just.. Attending a wedding."
" I am asking you the truth Neung. The truth and only the FUCKING TRUTH. " Palm's harsh voice echoed in the room and Neung flinched.
He had seen Palm angry, anxious and tensed, but never this... Hurt.
" I-"
" Do you think I wouldn't have followed you Neung? I sensed your mood from this morning. I know all of you by now and I already sensed you were lying and guess what? I followed you only to see you holding hands with an unknown woman and smiling at her as you got engaged. What now? You are going to break up with me? "
Neung's heart shattered in an instant.
He couldn't even fathom a world where Palm didn't exist.
Palm's eyes glistened with unushed tears as he continued, " Why Neung? Why couldn't you tell me? Why did you lie? Did you think I would not have found out? Or that you could have used me as your dirty secret until you got bored? "
Every word sliced into his heart and spilt it into a thousand pieces begged to be put together again.
When Palm turned around, not able to talk anymore, his own emotions a disarray , Neung ran to him and pulled him into a back hug crushing him with his arms afraid that if he let go, Palm would be gone.
" Palm!! DON'T LEAVE ME PLEASE! I DID- DID NOT DO IT! I WAS FORCED TO DO IT! If my father ever found out about you, he would kill you, and he- he had threatened that he would keep me on a house arrest for too long and I couldn't bear to not see you for that long baby... Please don't leave me.. You are not my- my fucking dirty secret.. You are my whole fucking world, my colours, my sky and my stars, my Sun and my moon and I can never ever think of anyone else other than you Palm. So please.. Please forgive me for lying to you, but don't turn your back on me, it hurts more than being stabbed over and over. I will die without you Palm. "
Neung wheezed a breath when he realized he had been sobbing too hard while trying to explain himself to Palm.
In the process of doing so, he had knelt to the ground and held his hands together in surrender and Palm was now holding him together, in a strong embrace, and was still muttering gibberish asking Palm to not leave him.
" Neung.. My love.. It's okay.. Don't panic, I am not going to leave you.. Where will I go if not you my love, for you are my home, the final destination I ache to reach... I was just angry you lied to me and I let my anger speak things I am regretting now. I am so sorry, my love. It's okay. I wouldn't have let you marry her anyways. I would have kidnapped you from there and taken you far far away, somewhere only we know. "
Neung placed his head on Palm's chest, his breaths finally a little calmer after Palm's reassurance.
They stayed that way for a while.
" I want to run away Palm. I couldn't even hold her hands without feeling disgusted. I can only ever be with you and if that does not happen, I will die Palm. " Another tear drop fell onto the carpet.
" Soon Neung, soon. " Was the only answer Palm could give.
They had been planning to elope for a long time and someday soon, they would run away and start a new life.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Gunshot.
A thud on the ground.
A scream that could pierce through anyone's soul.
The pain of being ripped apart from something so essential, it felt like his soul was being shredded in front of him.
Agony. Torment. Distress.
And worst of all, the hopelessness.
The finality of a breath.
Another gun shot.
Hands clasped together in a final breath of life.
Maybe in another life, a prayer.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Phuwin woke up, gasping for his breath that seemed to have been seized by his own dreams.
Pond was right next to him holding his arms and rubbing them together as he spoke, " You were crying in your sleep
Phuwin. "
Phuwin rubbed his temples, still reeling from the chilling after effect of his nightmare.
" I had a dream of our past life. That one day when I lied to you because I was getting engaged to someone
else. "
He sniffled. This time, he didn't break down. He just had one question that went on and on in his brain.
" Why did this happen to us Pond? Why couldn't we be happy?"
A tear drop fell on his hands and Phuwin turned his head in confusion only to look at Pond who had tears in his eyes.
" I don't know Phuwin. I tried asking it to myself and could only conclude that fate didnt want us to end up together. "
Phuwin brought his thumb to Pond's cheeks and rubbed at the tear drop.
" If it wasn't for me, would you have lived a better life as Palm?"
Pond held his hands that kept rubbing his cheeks and brought it to his lips in a reverent kiss.
" I wouldn't want a life without you anyways my love. It's because you came into my life that it started making sense to me. I liked waking up in the morning, I started liking life. You made me realize I had something to lose and I had someone to care about too."
Placing a kiss on the tip of Phuwin's nose, Pond continued, "No Phuwin, you weren't the reason this happened. Believe me when I say I would have found you anyways. You were always meant to be mine. Neung or Phuwin, you are it for me love. At least, fate made us meet this lifetime and now, I get to hold you again and make you fall for me and make you mine. Let's complete our story this time shall we? "
For the first time since they met, Phuwin felt it. The hope that blossomed in his heart, just a sprout now, needing to be watered and taken care of. He was sure Pond would do it and maybe one day, the sprout would grow to be a tree and he would hope for a whole future along with Pond.
Small steps.
That night, Pond slept right next to Phuwin in the bed, a gentle reminder of their renewed chance at love.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Next morning:
Pond woke up as the bright rays of Sun fell right on his face. His eyes opened with flicker.
The curtains were tied up and the aroma of a mouth watering breakfast wafted through his nose making him stand up and walk towards the source of the delicious smell.
Phuwin stood near the counter where the egg sizzled in the pan along with some bread toast and with some porridge to go with.
He wore a grey sweatpants, a tank top to go with and from the towel that hung on his neck, Pond could see that he had just taken a bath.
He looked entirely too edible with those ruffly hairs; entirely illegal to be that attractive as he worked in the kitchen.
" A very good morning with a hot view is all I need. " Pond spoke, his voice a little too deep., not from sleep but from his own desire.
Phuwin chuckled while shaking his head, but the slight blush that decorated his cheeks was a welcome sight.
" Breakfast? You woke up just on time, by the time you take a bath and freshen up, It will be ready. "
Pond agreed while leaning on the counter looking at him.
" Want to admire this view a little longer though. "
" Pond. "
" Yes. "
" Stop with that flirty voice and Go! " Phuwin ushered Pond to the washroom and pushed him in still smiling as Pond laughed in glee.
Later, as they had their breakfasts, Pond spoke up, " I haven't asked about your parents yet."
A slow hesitation crawled into his tone not knowing if he was right to ask about it.
Phuwin cracked a genuine smile.
" They are awesome. My dad is a mathematician and my mom is the owner of " Animo Floure", a fashion boutique. Honestly, they both are so polar opposites it makes me laugh knowing how they got together. They are the best parents I could ever have. What about you Pond? "
Pond picked a spoon full of egg and placed it on his plate, " My parents are good to me too. My mom was a teacher and my dad , a banker. We weren't really rich when I was small. It was when I decided to open up a security detail along with Joong as my partner that things turned out pretty well. I have to admit that becoming a multi millionaire at the age of thirty was not what I expected, but it just.. Happened and now, my parents are chilling in the pent house I bought for them and they are happy. I love them a lot too. Even last week, my mom sent me baked cookies through courier. " He chuckled.
" Then no daddy issues this life huh? "
For a moment, no one spoke.
Then, Pond let put a wheeze of laughter joined by Phuwin.
Together, they laughed until their breaths came in puffs and shook their heads.
" That was dark humour personified. I can't believe we laughed over it!" , Phuwin muttered as they washed the dishes after.
" Are we staying in today? " He asked while drying his hands with the cloth towel once they completed cleaning the kitchen.
" Who would stay home on Loy Krathong Phuwin? We are going to the village fair. It's close from here. "
Phuwin looked at Pond in confusion,
" It's Loy Krathong today?" and proceeded to check his phone, " Oh my God I totally forgot about it with all that happened it my life! "
Pond walked in front of him and waved his hands in a preen, " It's why I am here my love. We are celebrating Loy Krathong together. "
Phuwin grinned while looking at him, his tone mischievous , " It's a date? "
Pond eyes widened. Had he heard it right? Phuwin had just asked him if it was a date!
" Yes it is...If you want to it be one. " He answered in an unsure voice.
" I want it to be one Pond. Our date. " Phuwin concluded with a smirk and raised eyebrows but ended up shrieking in glee when Pond hugged him with all his might in happiness.
" Buckle up my love! This is going to be the best first date ever! "
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Loy Krathong:
The sky was dark, yet it felt as if night hadn't turned up, with the lights that spread through the were put up, making it feel like the Sun was still up with the brightness and warmth it brought.
Cheers and laughs filled the atmosphere with mirth and joy as everyone walked through the the fair, some trying on the street foods, some betting on games.
The giant wheel was a sight to behold, with lights of all colours adorning it as people enjoyed the ride.
Pond couldn't concentrate on any of it though, not when all he wanted to do was memorize the look of awe on Phuwin's face as he took in the setting.
" It hasn't changed much. The fair I mean. I still remember how it was in the 1950s when these giant wheels weren't present, and the only games were of mud fights and the most sold things were mud pots with floral paintings on them."
Phuwin turned to look at Pond as they walked to the food stalls.
" It's disarming how easily we remember everything from our last life right? " Pond added while standing in front of an ice cream shop.
" Yes. It's the same but it's not."
" I thought you would go for the sour candy? " Pond asked with a hint of confusion because Neung loved sour candies.
" I don't like sour candies as much this lifetime. I am not the same
remember? " Phuwin answered with teasing tone in his voice.
Pond felt bad having realized his mistake of comparing Phuwin with Neung.
He winced, " I am sorry Phuwin. I just.. "
" It happens Pond. I am not angry at you for asking. I might also end up asking if you like something from your last life... And I like that you still remember a lot about me from our last life time together. "
Taking a relieved breath, Pond nodded went on to pull Phuwin close by his arms as they bought the ice cream and wandered down the various other stalls.
The evening was memorable to say the least.
Pond learnt new things about Phuwin he never knew and same went for Phuwin who loved how Pond kept surprising him at very turn.
When they played a game of hoops, Pond had thrown the rings so well, right on spot, earning them a plushie to choose from many that the shop had.
" This monkey looks cute! "
" The cat looks cute too. Just like you. "
" Did you just call me a cat Pond? "
They laughed their way through, cracked dumb jokes, challenged each other to win games and even embarrassed themselves trying to win the said games.
It was fun and chaos personified and they couldn't have asked for more.
Together, they didn't have to care if at some point there would be an awkward moment or if they would not be able to bring up topics to speak.
They always had something to discuss about, be it an article Phuwin wrote as a journalist or a particular client of Pond that had ended up flirting too much that she had been banned from entering his premises there after.
It was truly a special time for the both of them, when they could finally leave behind the pain of their past and for once, let go of their inhibitions to enjoy the date.
It felt as if their souls recognised each other even after one whole lifetime, like they were already moulded together in a whole.
The perfect yin to the yang.
The last destination of their evening was the floating of Loy Krathong.
Pond was ecstatic of how Phuwin had agreed to float one single Krathongs with him which was usually how couples performed the ritual.
As they walked to the lake, the moon shined above, creating a reflection on the river.
It felt serene, invoking a sense of devotion , hope for new beginnings and the warding off of evil things from their life.
Once they lighted the incense and held the krathong to push it into the river, they prayed.
In Phuwin's prayer was a plea to have thousand more dates with Pond like the one they had that day along with the prayer that his hope that was blooming in his heart shall not be crushed again and that their story doesn't remain unfinished this time around.
In Pond's prayer was the only thing he would ever want, to have one more Loy Krathong with the same person, who was now closing his eyes, his hands held together as he prayed.
Once Phuwin opened his eyes, Pond spoke, a slight tremble in his voice giving away his emotions, " I wrote about this in my diary as Palm. This was in my last entry. "
Pond proceeded to look into his eyes as he recited the exact lines from the diary.
" I am going to propose to him as soon as we settle in the new place.
I don't care what society says.
He is mine.
And I will officiate it with him.
Love him this lifetime.
And the next too.
We have a long way to go right?
We will get married.
Someway down the line, we might even adopt children.
I would buy him roses on every date of ours.
We would roam the markets and eat our favourite foods.
Celebrate Loy Krathong.
We would float the krathongs and my only wish every year would be another year with him. More memories.
He would listen to all my stories and I would do it too.
And when we are old and grey, maybe the world would have progressed.
Maybe then, we could love freely.
Hold hands when we go out and kiss each other in broad daylight.
I would wait till then.
I would do it all with him.
My Neung."
Phuwin could not hold back the sob he let out, not too loud, yet enough to feel the raw and intense pull of the love Palm had for him as Neung.
" We did it in this lifetime didn't we? " He whispered.
" Yes. I will make sure we do everything we missed out as Palm and Neung. " Pond promised while bringing his forehead and connecting it with Phuwin's.
It wouldn't be easy, life never was.
But with Pond , Phuwin knew he was ready to face anything that came through.
To experience love all over again.
To do what Neung and Palm couldn't do.
" Before I forget.. " Pond muttered as he walked to a shop selling flowers.
He picked out a white rose and proceeded to give it to Phuwin after he paid the seller.
" One rose for the first date. Thank you for letting me go on a date with you my love. "
Phuwin blushed yet again, accepting the rose.
" Will you give me a thousand if we have a thousand more dates then? "
" How much ever you want Phuwin. They are all yours. " Pond replied with a smirk and Phuwin went on to hit him with a chuckle calling him cheesy.
Best night ever.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
That night:
It was a sudden thought.
But that night, all Phuwin wanted was to go through Palm's diary. Pond agreed even though he felt a little shy at first, not knowing how Phuwin would feel about his inner feelings.
Even so, he wanted to bare his heart to the person he loved, both as Palm and as Pond.
And so they read each and every entry, laughed when they read something funny, sobered up but held through when they read how Palm had struggled through his obsession and feelings with Neung , comforted each other when certain revelations hurt ; and kept reading until their eyes drooped .
When the lights went out, they slept right next to each other in the warmth of their embrace.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Palm's Diary Entry of Their first date:
Isn't it quite unconventional that we confessed to each other before we even got to go on a date?
It's fine though. I got my Neung.
He loves me too.. HE LOVES ME AND I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH HIS WORDS STILL MAKE ME FEEL ALL FLUTTERY. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT A BEAUTIFUL SOUL LIKE THAT OF HIS CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME.
We went on a date today.
As expected, I felt really jittery when I arrived at our spot first.
He came in, all smiles and happiness , a personification of my own Sun.
My heart stuttered at the sight of him.
At this point, it is safe to say this hesrt beats only for him and he is the owner: both my body and soul.
We couldn't go to anywhere public because we might be spotted and it might lead to a lot of problems for Neung.
But sometimes, I really want to know what it is with two men wanting to love each other that this society hates.
It's not like our love causes death or destruction.
It's just their narrow mindset and that damn morality which is not even clearly set and is subjective with one's own standards.
Anyways, I bought him a Rose for our first date, something I have always wanted to do.
He almost cried when he saw it and told me that no one had ever gotten him anything like this.
I promised him then that I would be getting him a thousand more roses and everything he could ever ask for.
We sat by the river bank near the monastery, a secret hideout spot.
He drew a portrait of me.
He is such a talented artist it's a shame his talents are still unseen.
One day, I will make sure that his talent becomes something that is not just constrained to my eyes, but available to the world to see and enjoy.
His eyes while he sketched me? Hypnotising.
His concentration? So adorable I wanted to kiss him right there, but anytime I wanted to move, I was given a glare or a " Sit still Palm! " By my Neung.
He had the ability to make me do whatever he wants to.
I would kill for him. Even burn down the world just to keep him warm.
His art was equisite, a perfect replica of my face, every contour, every curve brought to life by the stroke of his pencils.
It was as if I was alive right there in that art.
We kissed after because I was overwhelmed by the fact that I get to love him.
The details he had captured of me and my soul are now sewn into the deepest part of my being.
As I write this entry, I crave to see him again.
I want to be by his side forever.
And hope that we would be able to hold hands together. Today. Tomorrow. Forever. "
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Six months later:
Pond's POV:
Pond shook his head with a chuckle as he found Phuwin doing exactly what he thought he would be doing.
Eating the cupcakes from the buffet set for dinner.
It was Joong's wedding day.
His best friend was finally wed to the love of his life and he got to witness it with his boyfriend.
Phuwin had a very bad sweet tooth.Pond had to always make sure that their home was always filled with some kind of a sweet delicacy.
Yes, they had moved in together.
Pretty fast, but considering their history transcended a lifetime, they didn't want to be apart for too long, hence the decision that made Pond's life thousand times happier.
As for the topic of Phuwin's addiction to sweets, Pond hadn't been able to bear to see a pouty faced sulky Phuwin when he didn't find a dessert to eat after their dinner. Now, he made sure there was always something sweet in the house.
As he approached Phuwin who looked like a chipmunk , stuffed with the cupcakes; his heart pulled that familiar rhythm.
The rhythm of a sync and of complete enchantment.
He was totally and irrevocably in love with Phuwin and these six months had only proven that they could have it all.
A seventy dates later, here he was contemplating the best time to reveal his plan of marrying Phuwin.
" I knew you would be here my love. " He spoke into Phuwin's ears as he moved closer.
Phuwin, a bit startled moved to look at him with a sheepish smile.
" The cupcakes called to me.. It is not my fault there are so many cupcakes in here! They are so tasty Pond! " He whined.
Pond gently swiped his fingers over the frosting that had settled over Phuwin's lips and licked it with his lips.
Phuwin's sharp exhale of breath and the curl of red against his cheeks made him look all the more attractive.
" Your speech... It was so deep. I really love your bond with Joong...especially the part where Joong found me through his resources for us to reunite. Your speech where you thanked him for bringing me into your life... I am so thankful he brought me to you too baby.." Phuwin uttered as he held Pond's hands with a serene smile.
" I just told the plain truth my love. He saw me at my lowest and helped me go through it. I needed you to keep going Phuwin. I had to find you. He knew about it and he helped me. I will never forget him for that. "
Right then, the main dance hall lit up with a background score.
" Is it time for the dance? " Phuwin whispered, the husky tone of his voice, an invitation Pond would never deny.
"Georgia, pulled me in, I asked to
Love her once again
You fell, I caught you
I'll never let you go again like I did
Oh, I used to say
I would never fall in love again until I found her
I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into"
I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her
I found you
I would never fall in love again until I found her
I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into"
I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her
I found you"
The song " Until I found you" by Stephen Sanchez that played and the couple matched their steps as they mouthed the words while looking at each other with an intensity that mirrored that of the reverence with which the moon loved the Sun, the water loved the land and the air loved the sky.
" Joong and Dunk look so in love. " Phuwin spoke after looking at the other pair who were dancing, lost in their own little bubble.
As they kept dancing with Pond's hands locked on Phuwin's waist, Pond replied, " Yes they are my love.One day, I am going to marry you too. Soon. "
He then twirled Phuwin through the last notes of the song, a perfect ending as Phuwin laughed while holding onto him knowing he would never let go.
" And I would always say Yes. "
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
"Wise men say
Only fools, only fools rush in
Oh, but I, but I, I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be, would it be a sin?
If I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things, you know, are meant to be
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can"t help falling in love with you
For I can"t help falling in love with you
Yeah"
Elvis Presley yet again.
A White Hall.
Red roses alligned with Pink to mesh together in a perfect sync of passion and reverance.
Chandeliers above sparkling and creating a light of halo in the atmosphere.
The air smelled of love.
Of an unspoken connection that carried through stories woven in memories.
Magic was intertwined in every part of the setting, may it be the way every single instance had led to this holy union, or the way everyone seemed to glow with the beauty of the day reflecting on their smiling faces.
The wedding hall was filled with people looking at the main character walk through the hall, a bouquet of Roses in his hand.
Roses that symbolised their love story.
On one hand was Phuwin, walking towards his future, his lover in sure steps.
His tux, a pristine black suit that made him look regal and a gold broach that went along with it.
On the other side of the aisle stood the other, patiently waiting for his lover to reach him so he could make him all his.
His own black suit mirrored his lover's, the same intricate design meant to compliment each other's and a silver broach to go with.
As Phuwin reached the aisle , Pond lent his hands and Phuwin didn't hesitate to keep his hands on his as he got onto the stage.
After all, Pond was going to be his husband.
The vows were then said, breathless, almost as if the moment was a little too fragile, for both their hearts and their eyes.
When the rings were exchanged, the gold engraved with their names underneath fit them right like a glove.
And when they were finally called husbands, Phuwin didn't waste a single second as his lips descended on Pond's with enthusiasm and love.
The crowd cheered, with Pond's parents hooting and Phuwin's sniffing through their tissues while Joong and Dunk looked at each other, the understanding in their eyes mirroring Pond's.
A tear drop fell to the ground as Phuwin continued to kiss , not of saddness but of breaking free.
Of his old life. Of the pain.
And bringing in hope.
Pond's soft lips locked in, not with vigour, but with a prayer.
That he would always be right next to him. This lifetime and the next.
And that they had a long way to go.
One life time.
And another.
For what was love, if it was not that one emotion that brought in both the pain of a lifetime lost and the happiness of finding the same in another, all in one single moment?