Work Text:
THE GREAT PAPYRUS was walking along in Waterfall humming happily to himself. He was looking for the dump to find some possible human treasure. Papyrus gave a giddy skip as he turned the corner into the dump.
“Lets see what we’ll find today!”
Papyrus dug through the trash, pushing aside various trash bags and broken trinkets that were unidentifiable. Until he found a curious pair of pink and yellow glasses. As hr observed them a small shuffling sound cane from behind him. Papyrus turned around to see a little puppet in a mailman’s outfit.
“[[Howdy]]”
--------------------
"Why, hello there, new friend!" Papyrus beamed, delighted at the talking... rat? "What's your name?"
"I'm [Number 1 Rated Salesman 1997]. Would you [Like and Subscribe] to buy a [[women's lingerie]] [50% discount]?"
Papyrus tilted his head to the side, then posed dramatically. "Ah, I see that you're a hawker! As a member of the Royal Guard in training, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you for your hawker's permit."
... "Do U wanna [[Buy Buy Buy]] some[[discount things]] or not?"
Papyrus bent over, wagging his gloved finger in the little salesman's face. "I'll have you know that hawking without a permit is a misdeameanor, punishable by a fine of up to 100G per offense!"
Ugh. One of <i>those</i> types. A goodie two-shoes who couldn't just live and let live. He'd have better luck trying his tricks on someone else. Spamton scampered, trying to escape back into the dump...
But he neglected Papyrus's long legs. The skeleton easily caught up to him, lifting him up into his arms like a lost puppy. "Are you homeless little salesman? Is that why you've resorted to committing illegal activities? Why don't you come live in the dog house in the shed behind my house?"
--------------------
What? Did this guy think he was a pet or something? Hell no! Besides, even if that wasn't demeaning, Spamton had a husband waiting at home for him. Tenna was going to be pissed if he got himself arrested by this wanna be guardsman.
"[[Negative]], I [Home Sweet Home] with my [Sweet tarts]." He told the stranger, wanting to make it clear that someone would be looking for him if this creep tried anything funny. He had just come out here trying to find his glasses. He'd lost them at some point while pilfering through the trash heaps and Tenna would be so upset if he knew he'd lost them. That didn't even consider the fact he was nearly blind without them (much less important than potentially upsetting the love of his life).
--------------------
“If you do have a home and someone why do you commit illegal activities.” Papyrus didn’t put down the salesman.
Spamton just wanted his glasses and his TV’s embrace.
“That doesn’t [[three forms of matter]] I need my [[prescribed glasses]]” he pointed at the pink and yellow glasses.
--------------------
"Oh!" The skeleton exclaimed, dropping Spamton in his surprise. "These are yours?"
"Not [loud and clear] enough [4u]?" Spamton scoffed, dusting himself off, straightening his hat. This guy seemed to be more trouble than he was worth, but, Spamton supposed, he'd just have to deal with it.
"I'll give these back to you, *if*," the skeleton grinned, bending at his waist to dangle the glasses over Spamton, "you promise to never solicit in prohibited locations again."
Spamton barked out a laugh, clutching his stomach as he glitched through wheezing breaths, the comedy lost on the other monster as he stared blankly at the puppet. "Asking [NO1 Rated Salesman] to [stop! you've violated the law!]?" More laughter. "[Knot] happening, [dented doorknob]!"
"Then no glasses for you." The obnoxious skeleton let out a *hmmph*, tucking the spectacles into his armor, turning to walk away.
"[AAAAEEEEEE!!!!!]" Spamton yelled, running after him as fast as his little legs could carry him. "[Don't take him away, please! He's all I have]!". A sound byte from his own past played out, his soul aching as he heard the sadness in his voice, clear as the day it'd first been muttered.
"Woah there, little friend." The skeleton stopped suddenly, reacting to the tone of the puppets voice. So shrill, so desperate. Papyrus couldn't help but feel bad for him. "These are that important to you?"
Spamton nodded, hiding under the brim of his hat.