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"I know you're tired but come, this is the way...
In your light, I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.”
― Rumi
The rain kept falling down in motion outside the barn.
Water droplets splash-sploshing on the grass, wet thuds.
A snap back to reality.
Lapis opens her eyes swiftly, the shape of the ceiling drawing itself as the blackness is shaken off of her pupils.
She felt the puddle of sweat under her back and nape, fusing her with the mattress cover.
Humid and cold, shocking her out of the comfort of the steam under the covers.
She'd rather suffocate inside the warmth.
But I guess you really can't have it all without a little chill.
Her hair, magnetized to her face in a damp medley of said sweat and sugary drool.
If she had to bet, she'd swear her gem is just the cap for a big sugar reservoir in-between her shoulder blades.
Because where else would all the energy drinks go?
As she turned her head to the left, she'd recall..
They were supposed to be playing Animal Crossing.
The little guy idled profusely on the screen, unsure of where to go.
Without directions, she'd guess that's what they do.
He'd just check on them, once in a while, as if to ask:
"Aren't you going to play with me anymore?"
"Am I that boring for you both to bail on me? Come on! "
And then he'd go back to wandering around..
There's really nothing more he could do.
Walk, walk, jump.
Paddle, paddle, paddle.
No, man, we're just sleep-deprived!
Something much more interesting than that glowing box and whichever little people lived inside it, practicing memorized little lines in their insignificant little world...
Was her main source of light, reflecting everywhere off of her roomie's glasses.
It was dark still, everything was blue.
From the dark duvet of the night sky to the fluorescent light emitting diodes projecting off the TV.
Which, in consequence, had found a way to propagate all the way from the floor to the walls, from the sheets to the ceiling...
All because of Peridot's slippery frames.
She really can't help it, radiating light everywhere.
She'd wish to lay low, to go by without catching anyone's eye.
Yet, if you're the sun, people will go writing and whining about how they can't gape at your core, whatever, whatever..
But they'll find ways to distract themselves with you.
Through pictures, analysis, studies..
Reading how lovely you are in their favorite books, how giving and bright!!
They'll stare at the back of your neck intensely, as if staring at the highest point in the sky.
As throughout as they can without losing themselves to that fire.
They'll keep you in the corner of their vision, always sheltered and intangible.
But I'll blind myself.
It's the least I can do.
There's nothing else worth seeing but you.
Peridot's snoring was an open-mouthed stillness, her teeth lodged together as the air wheezed out,
and then sucked in.
As though she was being polite with it.
Gently drifted away, leaving only her breathing shell.
Buoyant and unaware.
For how close their faces were..
Could she feel Lapis' eyes piercing through the glass, eager to get a look at her lashes?
Sliding down the sidelines of her cupid's bow..
Jumping freckle to freckle just to reach another mole..
Peri's shoulders were sunken deep into the pillow.
This was such a rare occurrence,
to not be asleep alongside her.
Lapis looked like a curious kid in wonder.
She wanted to take everything in before the silence went away.
Before all the music and noise could drift her mind elsewhere.
The world is an expert on distracting you with unimportant things, games and strategies.
But at that loony moment of the early hours, when you're looking forward to doing anything but sleep..
When you start writing intensely about other people's stories, and holding your breath..
What is it that you're looking forward to?
The simplest things, isn't it?
Don't we all wish to just stare at the most beautiful pair of eyes and feel them eyeing ours as well?
Don't we all dream of mapping someone's features anywhere we can... whether it's on paper, on stone, our own bodies?..
Climbing the prominence of their cheekbones as we feel their flesh jerk up, smiling..
Feeling them warm up on you in bed?
So close?.
Like a cocoon?..
Take all of my heat, it's yours, yours!
You're the source!
Just two beings in awe of one another..
Like they've never even seen the outside world at all.
Everything else.. Pointless.
In the end, everything other than love will fall away just as swiftly as it rouse up.
Lapis' body inched towards Peridot to reach the controller.
To put an end to that tiny guy's endless dragging.
She grabbed it by one of the handles.
As she did, she heard Peridot's snoring raise an octave.
She'd wonder what she was dreaming about.
She was simply lost in the sauce.
Lapis pressed the button to close the game, squinting her eyes at the fading brightness.
As she went to put it back in its place, she felt a hand roaming through her left upper arm, cautiously groping.
Peridot's hair brushed on the pillow as she moved her head, that rustling sound surprisingly soft, even as it broke through the silence.
".. You awake, P?"
"... Now I am.. dammit.. I was dreaming about some real nice stuff.."
She brought her other hand to her face, squeezing it under her glasses to carelessly rub her eyes off of sleep.
Then they scanned the screen.
Then Lapis.
Then the screen.
"Oh-. Dang.. Did I just..?"
"It's fiiine, just go back to sleep.."
Lapis supported her back on top of Peri's thigh, her head turning towards her.
"I did as well. Don't worry."
"No, Lapis, you don't understand.."
"What is it that I don't understand?"
Peridot hid a sleepy grin on the inside of her wrist, pretending to scratch her nose.
"A legend never sleeps..!"
"Oh.. Right. Yeah. Of course."
Peridot snickered, her barely awaken voice squeaky and faint.
Sleep looked good on her.
Much better than all those nights she'd spend scrolling through YouTube, looking for yet another documentary that would add no value to her life whatsoever.
Did you know that humans actually glow in the dark? Their eyes are just too weak to see it!!
She reached out her arm and pawed around the nightstand, without even looking, searching for her phone, hence "cellular device", as Pearl would say.
She grabbed her roomie's by mistake.
It didn't really matter, anyway.
She was more given to using Lapis' stuff rather than her own.
Right then, for example, she was wearing her tank top.
"It's fucking 2:18 in the morning."
Lapis stretched languidly just as a cat would, putting enormous pressure on top of Peridot's legs.
"Shall we go back to sleep?.."
"First of: You're genuinely going to cut off my blood circulation."
Peridot used her pointer finger to showcase the number one.
"Second of: Why are you so eager to go back to sleep? Haven't we just been asleep..?"
Sometimes, talking to Peridot might seem like you're chatting with the word "literal", literally.
That gem does not take hints.
Lapis rolled out of her legs, straightening her back at the side of the bed.
She threw her arms up to the ceiling, as if trying to reach the stars.
Her fingers upright all the way, waking up even the tinniest muscle.
"Sleeping next to you is not the same as sleeping beside you, you know?"
She was looking at something else out the window.
The outside was pitch-black.
Kind of calming, since it was basically a plain sheet of a dark overcast.
Not much to think of.
While she stood up, leaving the blanket behind, Peridot tried to connect the dots of what she had said.
Lapis flicked the bedside lamp on.
An orange hue warming the room.
She danced around the room, her feet searching for the slippers.
..Her hair was a hot mess.
"Just thought you might want to cuddle, or something.."
She dropped her head, bashfully drifting her eyes all the way across the room so that Peridot would digress from her sight.
Yeah, this wasn't the first time she had asked for something like this.
Yet, there was always something so nerve-wracking about needing people.
About needing her.
Like, yeah, can we touch our skin together?
Can you make me feel warm?
Because god forbid I do that myself.
Can you reassure me that everything is going to be fine?
I'm an adult baby, and I'm always spilling, but it's not so bad if you're here.
I'll tug at the frill of your skirt while asking for you to hold me..
The concrete in which I grated my knees against was so hard, so rough and sandy..
It's the worst pain I've ever experienced in these young years of my existence.
Heartache still awaits me, years and years to come.
My memories have not yet been tainted by soul-crushing grief.
I just need some ointment and a kiss on my wound to be fixed..
Your hands caressing my back while you tell me you know how it feels.
I'm not too much of a bother, am I?
".. Ok, I wasn't expecting that.!"
Peridot jumped up on the bed, crossing her legs.
She hid her flush behind her palm, pretending to only press her glasses against her face.
"Y-You know what that reminded me of, though? This superb Camp Pinning Hearts podfic I was listening to yesterday!"
...
".. But scratch that. Yeah. Who cares?"
Peridot made space on the bed for Lapis, tidying up the pillows on their place.
It looked like as if she was fighting with a ghost, moving from here and to there..
For she would use her toes to grab a pillow that had been thrown all the way down the bed, pulling it up attempt by attempt, while refusing to use her hands.
Then she would fluff another, like it mattered, for "presentation", throwing her glasses on the bedside table.
"I do care. You know how much I care about Percy and Pierre.."
"Hah! I never said it was Percy and Pierre fan fiction!"
"P, please. You only consume any piece of media about CPH if they're the main focus."
"Well said.. You know me too well. That's a bit scary. You scare me to death, Lapis, damn."
Peridot meant that half jokingly.
She focused her eyes on the numbers on the screen.
18 had become 19, which quickly turned to 20 in a matter of seconds.
Time passes too fast.. In no time the sun would start rising.
And they'd have to go make breakfast.
Lapis browsed through their closet, searching for a pair of socks in the disordered top drawer.
A cotton, alien patterned set.
Slight white musk notes tinged the linens, they've just recently been washed.
She threw her roomie's own socks in said roomie's face.
"You better be!"
The gem burst into a breathy, silent laughter.
Peridot bounced back, acting as if Lapis' tossing had any kind of impact other than a weak jolt at her frames.
" What are you, devious creature, hiding from me..? Don't tell me you're.. An alien!"
"What..!? Lil' old me?? You're tweaking."
Lapis winked at Peridot mockingly, all jolly all of a sudden.
"Nahh, you seem suspicious as fuck. Also.. I've never seen a blue human being?"
"Guess I'm one of a kind, then."
She held up her short hair, facing the glass glued to the wardrobe door, mimicking a high ponytail.
She flaunted in front of the mirror, trying all sorts of different angles.
"You truly are."
Please, just come here already.
Every moment you have your back turned to me feels like a waste of time.
I don't know what I'm researching so interminably about you..
I fear it's way out of my capabilities, yet..
I always take notes like I'm going to figure you out.
Likewise, I can't help but try to rationalize, even as you start flying inside my chest, as tiny as a bug.
You barely say anything at all, you just fly around, use my ribs to rest.
So when you do, time stands still to hear you.
My heart beats a little faster, so that it's rhythm can synch with your words.
You whisper..
"Numbers are made up, and math is flawed.
There are millions of dialects, thousands of words that mean the same.
It only matters the people that impress you.
The people you go try to find after they're gone.
The people that prove to you that you can make a difference in someone's life, because they did to yours, and they weren't any kind of angels, but they were them.
And you are you; you are someone's them, do you understand?"
And instead of focusing on your buttery voice and wondering about the veracity of it all, I just write it down.
Lapis crashed on the bed next to Peridot, kicking her slippers off on the air.
"So.. Tell me more about that fic."
Peridot rushed to get some wild hairs off of her face.
She stared at the ceiling, trying to remember.
"It was this actor AU where Pierre was a barista, desperate for a better paying job, and then there's Percy.. He was simply a nepo baby, so he just had to show up for the directors of CPH to hire him...
...
"And, well, Pierre was so desperate he ended up applying to every possible calling, so he ended up being accepted as an assistant in the set."
Peridot resembled herself when talking about the things she liked, it was probably passion.
It amazes people how greatly they can be passionate about things that, supposedly, don't even matter.
Or, at least, shouldn't bring so much emotion.
But that's the joy of being on earth.
We all strive to find excuses to love something, or someone.
Nothing here really matters, nothing at all.
But it does! It does matter!
And Peridot could be talking to herself about that stupid fan fiction, or the walls, or even someone else.
But it was Lapis' privilege to hear her thoughts at that moment, no one else's.
And at that moment, it was just the two of them in the world.
Discussing whether Percy should be with Paulette because it was canon-compliant, or if the creators were just fucking stupid to not see the chemistry between him and Pierre.
"Here is when it gets good!! Because, when Percy saw Pierre, he made the directors change the script so that Paulette was no longer his love interest! Which, for me, is way better than the canon.
And guess what!"
"What?"
"It had to be Pierre in the end, because when Percy described the ideal suitor, he was basically describing him, hehe."
Silence.
"And then?"
"Well—I don't know.. I stopped listening halfway."
".. What was it called?"
"Uhhh... Clod—I think it was... The Next Best Thing.. Yeah, I think that's it."
"Ok, cool, I'll search it up."
Peridot fidgeted with Lapis' fingers, close to her chest.
For so little time they were inside the blankets, it was scorching hot already.
"..It's weird how some authors in sketchy fan fiction sites come up with better plot ideas for a show than its own creators."
"How could they not? They're probably 16, hormonal and depressed. They have time in their hands. And most importantly, they're unruled.. Most screenwriters have to attend to a shit ton of rules.. In the end it doesn't even look their show anymore, more like a manufactured piece of plastic."
"It's up to the fans to save the day! >:3"
Lazuli let out a single chuckle, kicking Peri's leg with her foot.
Peridot continued.
"Seriously now, I think it's so nice that we have that. We don't need to accept the ending of a book, or of a show.. It's fiction, it's our choice to like it or not. People can just finish it themselves! And their endings don't have to make sense for anyone but them, their endings can actually make everyone happy. They can control the narrative. That is so cool. In real life you can't control anything, you have to accept whatever comes your way."
"I mean, yeah.. I tried to write one once, or twice.. But the words that I ended up putting never made sense within one another, you know? Then I never tried again. "
Lapis stopped for a moment, gathering the words.
"It's like.. I think better than I write, for sure."
"That's curious.. Most people would say «they write better than they speak»."
"I'm not really talented in any kind of communication, to be honest. And you know that."
"I know.. It's fine. Someday we'll develop the ability to read each others' minds, then we won't have to talk."
"I sure hope not, gosh..—No."
Lazuli ran her hand through her forehead, keeping her bangs out of the way.
"Can you stop ruining my dreams? "
"What a weird dream.."
"You're weird."
Lapis dragged herself closer to Peridot's face, as if she was about to threaten her.
"If that happens, and we end up not needing to talk, I won't have any excuse to hear your voice. Then what will be the point?"
By instinct, Peridot inched away, nervously giggling.
".. Are you trying to flirt with me..? You know I don't really understand social cues.."
Lapis plummeted back, genuinely confused by her own behavior.
Her face burning with a deeper shade of blue.
What was she saying?
"I... Was I?—Gosh, I think it's the lack of sleep.."
As Lazuli covered her face out of embarrassment, Peridot could only smile in amusement.
Then, gently skimming at her fingers, one by one, she could meet her eyes again.
"Let me tell you something.. I don't really mind."
We're both just two aliens messing around, pretending to know what we're doing..
I want to learn how to be alive on this planet.
I want to look to my left side and see your silhouette, standing tall, taller than I am.
And when I crash my face right into someone's shoulder, I want to feel your scent.
I want to close my eyes and know that it's you who I'm holding on to.
I want you, I want it to be you every time.
There's never enough words in the English language that I could use to sketch.. You.
You, you, you.. —yours.
Peridot leaned against Lapis' forehead tenderly.
"Is that another reason why you don't want me to fly around in your head? Do you have a lot of awkward stuff going on in there?"
When Peridot murmured, the warm condensation would blow on Lapis' face.
It was such bliss to breathe in her carbon dioxide.
"With your face near to me like that, it's even stronger..—I can't help but look, I feel like I shouldn't."
Are these the right words?
They sound wrong the moment they leave my lips.
Peridot's eyes flickered at an odd pace.
"That was so gay. Oh, my stars."
I need your voice.
I need it right here, in the back of my head, rocking me to sleep.
In my ear, when you ramble.
It goes so smooth..
It feels like my brain was made to decode yours.
Your mouth, my cable..
My ears, the receiver.
Tell me all your thoughts.
I agree, you're so right..
"I knooow uggggh.."
"That's NOT a bad thing, though."
Peridot opened her arms as if saying:
Just come here already, damn it.
Ain't it cold in there, all by yourself?
And like a hungry little kid, Lapis got lured into the nest.
Willfully devoured.
She grabbed at Peridot's waist tight, laying her head atop of her heart.
She could hear slight buzzing, like something was flying around inside, overlapping the pulse.
She was probably just tired, imagining stuff.
Her skin radiated some sort of warmth that made Lapis feel whole.
It was always meant to be like this.
She wished she never had to get up from this bed.
Peridot's breath got caught in Lazuli's locks, tangling up all those little knots she'd wake up with.
As long as people like you exist, I think we'll be ok.
"Lazuli, am I going to open my eyes in the middle of the night and find you staring through my soul?"
Lapis started bunny kicking her through the sheets inconspicuously, anxious about the possibility.
"N-No!.. I sure hope I don't have the misfortune of opening my eyes at the same time as you.."
Peridot's legs were fated to be bruised by the morning.
"I was looking forward to it, honestly."
A single chuckle.
But what is a little bruising if she's the cause, right?
Just like when you get a stain on your shirt after glossing the most angelic portraiture.
She'd wear it on her skin like proof.
"..... Ok, I'll try to not fall too deeply into sleep, then."
"Good.."
"Shush, now. I'm trying to hear something.."
"Oh, that.! I don't think you're cultured enough to recognize it.."
Lapis tilted her head up, confused.
"What do you mean by that?"
...
"Past 11 pm, my heartbeat starts playing the intro of Undone by Weezer."
Once again, sleepy snorting.
They'd fall asleep while mumbling nerdy stuff.
Mainly Peridot—I know, shocking.
They didn't even end up saying good night to each other.
How rude!