Chapter Text
Somewhere, someplace, in a universe between millions of others, they are standing and looking over the sleeping rooftops under their feet. This late in the night no one is awake but them and the moon above them watching with its blue glistening gaze and the stars above dancing in their destined patterns, waiting for the couple to leap into action.
“Come on, take my hand.” The excitement flickered in his eyes, making the blue shine even brighter, rivaling the stars shining in the sky above. When did they even came up with the idea, the other wonders as his eyes flicker to the inviting hand before him and he swiftly grabs it. He doesn’t remember. It was probably at some kind of party, in the early morning hours, the two of them stumbling drunkenly home together through the bright lights of the city, hand in hand, bickering, laughing. (The things teenagers should do; the things we were robbed of.)
“Are you sure it will work?” But Dazais words carry no mistrust, because of course he trusts Chuuya.
The other squeezes his hand in a reassuring manner. “Look, how about we start slow? Just a few centimeters above the ground, okay?” His gaze harbors a sympathy that signals to those skeptical eyes that he would wait patiently until Dazai felt comfortable enough.
“You trust me, don’t you?”, Chuuya asks again after receiving no answer. (You never asked me that question here. We had no choice but to rely on each other.)
This time he answers: “You know I do.” A faint red glow starts emitting from Chuuyas skin, setting like an aura around his body. Faint spirals seemed to form from the mist and, pulsing as if they were alive, began crawling up and down his limbs, around his clothes, and through the locks of his hair. The red strands flew around the bright face, blue eyes full of encouragement. “Good, just like we talked about.
“Are you ready?” (You were never ready here, were you? Your heart beating anxiously in your throat, and you were never given another option but to leap forward into uncertainty.)
Dazai nodded as he stared into the other’s eyes. “Okay, here goes…”, Chuuya whispered into the air between them. The faint red spirals started to twist and turn around the others arm as they were given a new direction. Slowly, like a snake came alive, they crawled forward, ready to make the leap from Chuuyas to Dazais hand, forward and forward and forward until they engulfed Dazais fingertips before fully swallowing his fingers, swirling around his hand and under his arm.
An electric spark began to bubble under his skin, tickling under his fingernails, through the bones of his fingers. And suddenly it made sense why the other was always so sure of himself. With this power bubbling through him every second of every day, he must feel invincible. And he was, in a way. (A god trapped within, and I caged you. You have every right to hate me.)
The overwhelming sensation made Dazai feel more alive than he ever felt before. With his eyes closed now, fully focused on the shifts and changes in and around his body, his body began to grow warmer, like power was firing up every nerve inside him. Not at all like getting a fever, when you get all dizzy and disoriented, no. A pleasant buzz pulsated inside of him with a promise inside his ear of certainty. Indeed, in this moment he was certain that he was a god. (A god; you deserved devotion, offerings at the altar of your beauty, but you were betrayed too soon.)
He felt a weightlessness pulsating through his body, soft and warm. It cradled his limbs, held him up, made him want to reach for the stars. He believed he could trap the heat of it in his palm and give it a gentle death, then release the dust back into the night sky. The universe suddenly seemed to bend to him, moving under him to propel him forward, not the other way around, and he could command nature to his whims and see a forest where once was the sea, and see the sea where once was a forest. He felt extraordinary, unlimited power sizzling under his fingertips.
Then, he dared to speak: “And? How am I doing? Am I floating yet?”. His voice small, a little shaken even though he tried his best not to let his uneasiness shine through.
A small laugh answered him, curiously: “I don’t know, you tell me.” When Dazai opened his eyes again, red aura all around, ever so pleasantly pulsing, Chuuya, who usually stood a head smaller than him, looked now even tinier. Their distance seemingly tripled in just the few seconds he had closed his eyes, but their hands were still holding on to the other.
Dazai couldn’t help the corners of his mouth from twitching upwards as he answered. “You told me a few centimeters, not like half a meter.”
The others blue eyes just stared up at him, bright, curious, full of excitement. (Eyes so bright; so different from the one you harbor in this other world. All this blood has tainted the innocent blue.)
“Are you okay? Can I come up now, too?”
“Yeah.” (he breathed, and all uneasiness suddenly vanished and been replaced by excitement, small smile on his lips)
The other jumped up to be at his eye level. “That’s the best at being able to control gravity, up here height doesn’t matter anymore.” His remark triggered a laugh from the other. It seemed that tonight they couldn’t stop laughing. “I’m still taller than you, and you know that.” They both knew; he just liked to remind the other from time to time. That was something that always got the other to roll his eyes at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s always the same. (No matter the universe, some things never change.)
“Now, just hold on to me and you’ll be fine. I promise.” Chuuya guided Dazais hands towards his shoulders with a reassuring nod. His own hands wandered towards Dazais waist.
One last glance, making sure the other is fine, waiting for the small nod of confirmation and then they are flying together. Up towards the sky where the moon and the stars are awaiting them. Chuuya is aiming for just that: to bring the both of them high enough to become part of the beautiful constellations adorning the dark blue. A wide grin is spread over his face as he chases it, a firm grip on the other still, and sparkles in his eyes. He is determined to touch the stars, Dazai is sure of it, and he wanted to look, too, to where the other led them. But he couldn’t look at the stars or the moon, couldn’t take his eyes off of Chuuya because he knew whatever he found above could not compare to what was in front of him already.
And so, higher and higher they climbed. Chuuya guiding them, and Dazai admiring the view. Feet weightless and carefree, shoulders untense, smiles wide and eyes glimmering. The stars welcomed them in their home, and the dark blue cradled them like a blanket.
When they reached their destination, Chuuya tore his eyes away from the stars. Looking at the other, he found the reddish-brown already fixated on him, and he smiled. “You’re staring.”
“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.” Dazai sounded breathless, and he never dared to break his gaze away from the other.
Taking one of his hands from Dazais waist, Chuuya offered it to the other in the small space between them. “May I ask for this dance?”
“You may.” Dazai breathed, taking the offer. Chuuyas hand enclosed his in a gentle gesture, and a wave of heat rushed through his whole being again.
Across their very own ballroom, high up in the sky on invisible tiles, they start their dance. Lost in each other’s eyes, feet soft, Chuuya guiding their bodies through the air. Dazai is tempted to look down once or twice just for the other to remind him: “Don’t look down. You might throw up.” So he keeps his eyes fixed on Chuuya even though his body is buzzing with the want to look down at how tiny everything underneath must seem. But he doesn’t, not wanting to ruin the moment.
Their confidence grows with every step, gradually the slow performance gains more momentum and suddenly the dance of the stars is passionately carefree as they swirl through the night sky. The adrenaline rushing through their veins is hot and Dazai feels it burning in the back of his throat. The skin on his waist burns where Chuuya has his hand, gripping him tight to not let him fall.
The night around them came to be filled with laughter, and no one except the moon and the sky was able to hear them. They kept dancing on the invisible platforms throughout the sky, basking in the glow of the moon and the red pulsating around them, creating their very own constellation that astronomers would come to study in centuries from now.
Were the stars jealous of them? Dazai imagined so. The stars could never get close to each other, just see the others light from lightyears away across the galaxy, some times not even exist in the same time, one having died long before the other but somehow their lights pulsating still seemed to be in sync from afar. The both of them were granted the privilege of touching, and their light encased them both.
Up here it was only them. (Down here, the shadows are suffocating us, and all the blood has filled our lungs. How are you still able to breath, love?)
Behind them, the moon and the stars watched in awe at the weightlessness they harbor, and they will wait until the two of them will dance in the night sky again. To paint another wondersome constellation.
Once they slow down again, both of them breathless from the adrenaline high, Chuuya speaks up first. Head cocked up, fixated on some point in the vastness of sky, a hint of sadness got mixed in the blue. “Do you ever think about parallel universes?” (Somewhere we could have been together.)
The other quirks up an eyebrow, surprised. “Parallel universes?” Where did this question come from?
“You know, the idea that our world is just one among many. And in each of them, there is something slightly different.” As he speaks, he draws imaginary lines from one star to another, again and again, trying to connect things that aren’t there. Is there a constellation he is unable to see? “Each of those stars could be another universe.” (Let me hope in one of them we are happy together; in one of them our hands are unstained.)
His own eyes start searching the space between the stars before he begins to giggle: “You mean somewhere out there you’re taller than me?”.
The other eyes shot down to look directly at him. “Shut up. This is a very serious concern I’m sharing here.”
They stare at each other for a second, before erupting into laughter. The aura around them starts pulsating even stronger.
“You know that’s not scientifically possible, right?”.
“I know, dumbass.” Carefully, Chuuya looks at him again. “But it’s a fascinating theory, don’t you think? I bet in one of them I could actually have a dog.”
“Yeah, your allergy sucks,” the other chuckled, all teeth and squinted eyes, reddish-brown almost completely hidden.
“Oh, shut up.” It earned Dazai a playful smack on his upper arm before Chuuya added: “dork.”
A small grin was plastered on Chuuyas face now and when their eyes met again, neither one could help the giggles escaping them.
“I bet in one of them you turned out to be a famous writer. Like, really famous.” Chuuya continued to unravel hypotheticals, toothy grin having not left his face. He uses his hands to emphasize the dimension he is talking about and for a moment Dazai is scared to fall from the sky now that Chuuyas hands no longer hold onto him. But nothing happens, he stays afloat and safe in the red pulsating aura that surrounds them. “Like, adored for centuries, and your works will be taught in schools, and they will build a statue, and name a street after you.”
Dazais eyes follow the gestures the other’s hands wildly draw into the space around them, the reddish-brown eyes laced with a hint of doubt yet also a few specks of amusement sprinkled throughout. “I don’t think my writing will ever gain much popularity, no matter the universe.”
“In one of them we could be movie stars with millions of fans around the globe.” Chuuya threw his hands up in excitement. “And we would walk the red carpet in New York or somewhere, and get invited to all these cool, high-end parties and..”
“And they would name a street after us?” A sparkle flashes across his blue eyes and Chuuya grins at him. “Of course they would!”
For a few moments they both stayed silent. Eyes looking at the other, admiring, roaming around the vast sky and the stars around and finding their way back to look at each other again. Searching for nothing but still somehow ending up finding something. (A universe where we aren’t bound together by death.)
“Do you think we would have met in every universe?” Looking up at the stars once more, Chuuyas voice is small, hesitant. Something he doesn’t dare speak latched in the back of his throat. (A foolish question, really.)
When he answers, Dazais voice is carefree, he doesn’t want to linger on the sadness: “Oh, I will make sure of it! Don’t think you will ever get rid of me.” (I will be our demise in every universe.)
Intertwined in their embrace, they sway softly in the nights breeze. Looking everywhere and nowhere, the streetlights underneath looking just like the stars above, their breathing having fallen into sync.
“We have met in this universe, and that’s all that matters, right?” (I will find you in every universe, across all earths and during all lives granted to me. And in everyone I will be the death of you.)
“I wonder what’s out there for us in the other universes.” A short pause, then Chuuya adds: “Hypothetically, of course, since it’s not scientifically possible.” He chuckles and winks at Dazai. (I am sorry. You deserve better than that; better than me. But I don’t think this God is a just one.)