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Dark Exploration Records / Ghost Story
[Snakes and Ladders]
: A ghost story featured in <Dark Exploration Records>
: Daydream Inc. identification code — Qterw-B-42
It involves a game of snakes and ladders, all components of which are missing except the box and a single six-sided die.
Six players are required to trigger the Darkness.
Upon all six players rolling the die, they will be transported onto a giant snakes and ladders board. Numbers rolled will not repeat.
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Two. One. Five. Three. Four. Six.
——
Turn 1
Having rolled the highest number, when Kim Soleum opened his eyes, he was alone on the board. Beneath his feet, a giant 10x10 board stretched out. The starting tile beneath his feet was blue, and had a somewhat leathery texture to it, like snakeskin. It also had a black ‘1’ in the corner.
All around him was complete darkness, yet the board and himself were somehow illuminated by a light coming from everywhere and nowhere at once.
“Ah…”
Being alone was scary. Soleum hurriedly rolled the die that had appeared his hand—a white plastic die with rainbow pips, identical to the one he’d rolled to get in here—and it landed on 3. He moved to tile 4. It was yellow. The moment both his feet landed on it, a neutral robotic voice rang out.
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There are three types of tiles.
Yellow tiles make up half the board. If you land on a yellow tile, a task will be given to you. These tasks may be refused without consequence. Upon completion, you will receive an award.
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[Say ‘I love you’ in five different languages.]
Suddenly, being alone wasn’t so bad after all. If he’d had to do this in front of his coworkers, the embarrassment might have killed him before the Darkness could. Even in a ghost story world, social death was still a very real threat.
He opened his mouth.
“I-I love you. Saranghaeyo.”
Saying it in English and Korean were easy enough. Fortunately, the children’s cartoon he’d been watching last night when he couldn’t sleep was a rerun of a Valentine’s Day special. With a bit of effort, he finally managed to dredge up the phrases from his memory.
“Je t’aime. Wo ai ni. Te amo.”
With melodious ‘ding’, the voice announced, [Task complete.]
A card faded into existence in front of his face.
<Switcheroo>
[Upon ripping this card, you may switch places with any player on the board.]
At the same moment his fingertips touched the card, a new figure appeared on the starting tile. Assistant Manager Eun Haje greeted him. Due to the strange lighting, no shadows existed. It was clearly noticeable now that he didn’t have just his own body to reference. The lack of shadows made everything look unreal, like a badly rendered video game.
Unlike Soleum, she took her time looking around, tapping the tile with her foot, peering over the edge of the board.
“Did you already complete a task?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“What was it?”
Soleum hesitated. “Just… saying some phrases.”
“Some phrases, hm?”
At her raised eyebrow, he finally gave in.
“…Saying ‘I love you’ in five different languages.”
Too professional to outright laugh in a Darkness, Assistant Manager Eun simply covered her mouth and coughed.
“…I see.”
At least his roe deer mask covered enough of his face that his blush wouldn’t be obvious.
“I received the <Switcheroo> card as a reward.”
That was a card that had reported in previous exploration records, so Assistant Manager Eun required no explanation on what it did.
Satisfied with her exploration of her surroundings, she rolled the die and moved to tile 5, another yellow tile.
[End all your sentences with ‘meow’ for 2 turns.]
Now it was his turn not to laugh.
Assistant Manager Eun’s face darkened. She gritted her teeth and said “I accept! …meow.”
The third player to appear was someone from a different squad. The sheep masked employee from Squad Y immediately rolled the die and moved to tile 2, a yellow tile. He kept his face down and didn’t look at the others once.
[Spin on one leg five times in a row without your other foot touching the ground.]
Still not looking up, he clumsily completed the task and received the reward.
The fourth player appeared; a seahorse masked employee from Squad C. He saw Sheep holding a card and let out a loud “Ha!”
“What, so you actually did something useful. Well go on then, what is it that you’ve got?”
Sheep mumbled out the name and description.
<Loaded Die>
[Upon activating this card, you can control what your next roll will be.]
Seahorse let out a whistle. “That’s a good card. Give it to me.”
Soleum frowned but didn’t stop him. After all, the game wouldn’t punish you for giving your items to other players—
“Now, why don’t we have you step on another tile?”
—But it would for violating tile boundaries.
“Stop wasting company resources.” Soleum spoke up, straightening his back and looking straight at Seahorse. “We already know what happens when someone steps out of place.”
— Employee B orders Employee Z to cross the boundary between tiles without rolling the die. Employee Z is swallowed by a giant snake and does not reappear.
“Darknesses change all the time,” Seahorse shrugged, “I’m just making sure that the rules are same.”
“The tiles are only one square metre each; short of full body paralysis or fatal damage, Mr. Sheep can move between tiles at any time. To do so now, at the beginning of the game, when he is still able-bodied is short-sighted and inefficient. If you keep insisting on this course of action, I will have no choice but to report you for misuse of company assets.”
They stared each other down. Sweat broke out on Soleum’s back. Was he not convincing enough? Had the other seen through his mask?
In the end, Seahorse backed down, raising his arms in surrender.
“Fine, fine. I see the rumours about you weren’t exaggerated,” he said, then mumbled off to the side, “Efficiency obsessed lunatic.”
Soleum magnanimously let that go.
Seahorse rolled a 6 and moved to tile 7 with a grin.
“Lucky~”
A kitchen knife dropped onto the ground in front of him.
[Slash your belly open.]
Seahorse clicked his tongue. “Spoke too soon. I refuse!”
The knife disappeared upon his rejection.
Section Chief Lee Jaheon appeared on the starting tile. His scaly white skin appeared totally smooth in this shadowless world. After a brief greeting, he rolled the die and moved to tile 2.
According to the exploration logs, the tasks assigned to each tile changed with each game, but within the same game, every tile would give the same task regardless of previous successes, failures, or refusals.
As expected, the robotic voice said in the exact same intonation it had before, [Spin on one leg five times in a row without your other foot touching the ground.]
Sheep backed into the corner as much as he could, but it was unnecessary. Section Chief Lee, expert in moving his body, span on the spot five times without stumbling and received a <Loaded Die>. It was so graceful Soleum felt as if he should applaud.
The last player to enter the board ended up being Supervisor Park Minseong. He waved cheerfully to his squad before rolling the die.
1.
[Spin on one leg five times in a row without your other foot touching the ground.]
Three grown men crowded into the same square metre of space, and one of them had to spin on one foot?
“Should I refuse…?”
“No,” said Section Chief Lee. Then he turned to Sheep. “Excuse me.”
“Yes? Eep!”
Section Chief Lee had picked up Sheep as easily as one might lift a couple of grapes, and turned around so the sheep masked employee was out of the tile area while not, technically, violating tile boundaries.
“Wow! Thank you, sir!” Supervisor Park cheered and span on one foot. In terms of grace, his would be rated somewhere between Sheep’s and Section Chief Lee’s.
With a ‘ding’, the Darkness acknowledged the task as completed and Supervisor Park was awarded…
A corsage.
He examined it from all angles, but to all appearances, it was a normal, non-anomalous corsage. He tucked the rose into his front pocket.
Turn 2
Once again, the die appeared in Soleum’s hand. It always would, unless the player had lost both hands, in which case it would appear in front of their foot. If the player had lost all four limbs, the die would appear in front of their face and roll itself. In some ways, it could be said this was a very considerate darkness.
He rolled a 6 and moved to tile 10. A green tile.
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Green tiles make up a quarter of the board. If you land on a green tile, a challenge will be issued to you. These challenges may not be refused. After 30 seconds, you will be transported to the challenge instance. Upon success, a ladder leading to a higher numbered tile will appear.
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[Summon Bloody Mary.]
By the way, this Darkness had been created by an author with several previous wiki entries rejected for being too derivative, simple, or unsuitable for <Dark Exploration Records>. They’d recycled all their failed entries into [Snakes and Ladders] which finally passed scrutiny.
Soleum was transported into a dimly lit public bathroom. In front of him was a wide mirror above a single sink and behind him were three stalls with wooden doors. A red digital timer showing [5:00] shone at the top of the mirror. There was neither a door nor a window to the outside.
Next to the sink was piece of paper, a candle, and a box of matches. The paper had instructions to summon Bloody Mary written on it in crusty red ink.
To summon Bloody Mary, follow the instructions below:
1. Turn off the lights.
2. Light a candle.
3. Look into the mirror and chant ‘Bloody Mary’ three times.
He very much did not want to summon Bloody Mary, but at least this challenge had appeared in the exploration records.
— Employee L completes the steps to Bloody Mary successfully and hides under the sink before the entity manifests. The entity finds her through the reflection in the bathroom stall locks and drags her into the mirror.
So, the solution was to cover up anything that could reflect his hiding place underneath the sink before attempting the ritual. Soleum considered using his jacket, but there was no way to attach it to the doors.
If only he had a black marker or something, he could have coloured in the metal instead. He tapped the lock in thought, gaze catching on the screws.
Oh.
He first tried using his thumbnail but it was too soft and just bent when he jammed it in the drive and turned. Using the rounded corner of his employee ID produced much better results. Soon, he had gathered all three locks in a small heap under the sink.
Soleum turned off the lights. The timer bathed the whole bathroom in a dim red like a darkroom.
He struck a match. Lit the candle. Stared into the mirror.
“Bloody Mary.”
The candleflame flickered.
“Bloody Mary.”
The shadows in the mirrored bathroom deepened.
“Bloody Mary.”
The timer started.
[4:59]
Soleum’s reflection in the mirror began to warp, but he didn’t stick around to see what changed and just dived under the sink.
Suddenly, a glint of red caught his eye.
Through the gap between the stall door and the stall, the top hinge of the middle stall door reflected the timer. Soleum’s heart dropped.
Swearing in his head, he tore off his jacket and threw it over the top of the stall. He huddled back under the sink, hands clamped over his mouth.
‘Careless,’ he cursed himself, ‘Careless, careless, careless!’
Feminine giggling sounded out through the room, gurgling like it was coming out of a cut throat. Hissing, nails scraping, tap tap tapping above him.
For five minutes, Soleum sat there, heart trying to escape his ribcage.
Then, a disappointed sigh echoed throughout the room, blowing out the candle.
Ding.
He appeared on the board as abruptly as he’d entered the first time. His jacket fell from the height it had been hanging at to the ground.
With an echoing rattle, a ladder descended from the darkness above and slammed onto the board. Discreetly wiping the sweat from his face, Soleum put his jacket back on.
Assistant Manager Eun looked up from her watch and held up five fingers. With her ongoing task, naturally she was reluctant to speak.
“…Five seconds, right?”
She nodded.
As previously documented, no matter how long the player spent in the challenge instance, only five seconds would pass for the other players. Soleum nodded at her in acknowledgement.
He would have loved to take more time to calm down, but unfortunately, he had a reputation to keep. Fighting the fear tremors, Soleum climbed the ladder.
Hand over hand, foot over foot, he climbed. And climbed. And climbed.
How long had he been climbing? A minute, two minutes, an hour, half a day?
His arms were beginning to ache. A glance down revealed only the ladder stretching down into the darkness, much like the way it had stretched up into the darkness when he was still on the board.
No… had the darkness mutated? Was he not supposed to climb the ladder? Should he descend? He’d already climbed so far.
He hesitated only a moment, then kept climbing, looking up and down every few rungs. Looking down only ever showed him the same ladder disappearing into darkness scene, but eventually, he looked up to see the colourful, unshadowed underside of the board.
With a final burst of energy, the climb was over. Soleum touched the tile above him. It looked and felt to his fingers like snakeskin, but deformed like the thin rubber of a balloon. He kept pushing his hand up, and finally broke through the membrane. It clung to him as he pushed the rest of himself through.
Soleum emerged from tile 23. The board was solid beneath him.
“How long was I climbing?” he gasped out.
“Not long at all?” Supervisor Park said. “As soon as we lost sight of you climbing up the ladder, you came out of the tile. “How long did you think you climbed?”
“…A long time. I think this darkness has added a time dilation effect to the ladders.”
“I will put that in the report,” said Section Chief Lee.
After seeing that Kim Soleum was unharmed, Eun Haje rolled the dice in her hand. 3.
The task on the yellow tile 8 was to sing the national anthem perfectly. It conflicted with her first task.
“I refuse, meow,” she said, ignoring the way Supervisor Park repeated “Meow?” questioningly a few tiles away.
Everyone else rolled and landed on yellow tiles. Their tasks were either simple enough to complete or unreasonable enough to refuse.
Seahorse on tile 11 was awarded a glass eyeball. Section Chief Lee on 6 got a <One Step Forward> card.
[Upon ripping this card, the next time you roll the die, it will land on a number between 2 and 7]
Sheep on 3 and Supervisor Park on 7 received nothing.
Turn 3
Soleum rolled a 3 and landed on tile 26. It was a red tile, the first one encountered this game.
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Red tiles make up the last quarter of the board. If you land on a red tile, a challenge will be issued to you. These challenges may not be refused. After 30 seconds, you will be transported to the challenge instance. Upon failure, you will be swallowed by a snake and transported to a lower numbered tile.
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Landing on a snake tile right after landing on a ladder tile… talk about two steps forward, one step back. If he was really unlucky, it might be 26 steps back, even.
[Figure out your cause of death.]
He was transported to a doorless morgue. Fluorescent lights lit everything up harshly, all the better to see the absolutely unhygienic state of the room, with mold and rot and unidentifiable substances everywhere.
He was pretty sure he knew this one.
[Living People Do Not Belong In Morgues], a wiki entry denied for being too similar to Qterw-C-402 - The Day I Died.
On the wall were three rows of fifteen cabinets, all tightly shut. In one of them should be a corpse sharing his face. And in the others…
Just opening the cabinets would be a mistake. He carefully knocked on the top left cabinet.
No response. He moved onto the next one, and the next, until he got a response from the fourth one he tried.
“Uuurrghhaaa…”
Zombies.
As if awakened by the first zombie, more groaning followed by banging came from the other cabinets. The banging sound had a somewhat squishy quality to it. This challenge did not require fighting zombies, so he searched the morgue for a marker to draw big Xs on the noisy cabinets.
He pushed his ear as close as he dared to the grime of each cabinet, marking them as he went. One of them was making zombie noises, but also… a faint human voice.
“Hello? Can you hear me? I’m trapped in here, please let me out. Hello? Can you hear me?”
Of course, it was a trick. If he were to pull the door open, a zombie with a recorder around its neck would attack him. He marked that cabinet with an additional X.
All zombie cabinets marked, he began pulling open the other cabinets. The bodies were put in head first, so he had to fully pull out the slides before he could check the face.
However, none of the faces were his. Soleum stepped back, puzzled. Had he marked the zombie cabinets wrong?
He knocked on the marked cabinets, the zombies growled obligingly.
No, they definitely all had zombies in them.
…Zombies were also corpses.
So the cause of death was zombification?
No, depending on the lore, some zombies died first before reviving as zombies, rather than dying because of the zombification itself.
After thinking for a while, Soleum reached for the clipboard on top of the autopsy table.
Under [Name:] he wrote ‘Kim Soleum’. He paused before he could write the cause of death. As soon as he finished writing, he would be transported back to board whether or not it was correct. Before that, he needed to get a certain item.
He pulled open the cabinet of one the more intact corpses and divested it of its body bag. He rolled it up and tucked it under his arm.
Then, under [Cause of Death:], he wrote ‘Zombification’.
Back on the board, he was relieved to find he still had the body bag. The marker he’d picked up, remembering how he’d thought a black marker would have been useful during [Bloody Mary], was also still in his pocket. It seemed to be true that while the instances would spit out any items you came into it with even if you were separated, it also would not take back any items originating from the instance if you decided to take them out.
He was further relieved that no snake came to swallow him up. ‘Zombification’ turned out to be the correct answer.
Assistant Manager Eun rolled a 1 and moved to tile 9.
[Play the xylophone on your ribcage.]
“I refuse, meow.”
Ding.
She’d finally completed the first task she was given. With a poof, cat ears appeared on top of her head. A long tail poked out from her back.
“Um…?”
She reached up to feel them. Her normal ears were still there, but now she had an additional pair of animals ears for a total of four ears. The cat ears worked too.
“…I should have just sung the national anthem.”
“What the fuck, were you a furry?” Seahorse heckled. “That’s kind gross.”
He reached across tile 10 to try and grab her tail. Eun Haje’s tail went straight up and floofed up as she glared at him, seriously contemplating whether she should use him to test the ‘Players must not step outside their assigned tile’ rule.
Sheep moved to tile 6. Seahorse moved to 15. Lee Jaheon moved to 11. Park Minseong rolled a 6 and moved to 13, a green tile.
[Placate Bridezilla.]
He found himself in a dressing room. Up against the wall was a rack of identical pink dresses and the adjacent wall was a floor to ceiling mirror. On the opposite side, a dressing table with all sorts of cosmetics. A floral folding screen sectioned off a corner of the room.
A mini Godzilla in a wedding dress stormed into the room. Foundation was plastered on her face, rouge roughly applied to her cheeks, and streaks of mascara ran down from her eyes.
She was followed by her bridesmaids, withered grey ghouls in the same pink dresses as the ones on the rack.
“Who’s the fucking idiot who put yellow roses in the table decorations?!” Bridezilla roared. “It’s my wedding! Everyone knows yellow roses mean friendship! Are you cursing me to a platonic marriage?!”
One of her bridesmaids shakily raised her hand. Bridezilla screamed.
“You’re! Fired!”
Bridezilla grabbed the offending bridesmaid and gobbled her up, dress and all. Then she whirled around and pointed a stubby finger at Minseong.
“You! What are you doing, not dressed up yet? I don’t need another useless bitch in my retinue! Do you want to be fired too?!”
Minseong hadn’t survived this long in Daydream Inc. for nothing. He quickly got with the program and adopted the mindset of a bridesmaid.
“No, ma’am! Sorry, ma’am!”
He couldn’t say he’d ever had to crossdress to clear a Darkness before, but there was a first time for everything.
He stripped behind the folding screen and put on the dress. As he twisted and turned trying to zip up the back, he came face to face with one of the ghoulish bridesmaids and nearly jumped out of his skin.
“I thought… you might… need help… with… the zipper…” she said in a quavering voice.
Surprisingly friendly. Or perhaps it was sabotage. Minseong gave her a big smile.
“Wow, you’re sharp! Yes, please help me!”
In the corner was a full length mirror. Minseong turned perpendicular to it so he could see what she was doing behind his back. Surprisingly, all she did was zip it up. Her cold, dry skin on his bare back gave him the heebie jeebies though.
“What’s taking so long!” screeched Bridezilla. “Hurry up, we still have so much to set up!”
“Sorry, ma’am! I’m out now!”
Minseong hurried over to her and gave his best approximation of a curtsey.
“Bridesmaid Badger, ready for service, ma’am!”
Bridezilla gave him a once-over.
“You look good,” she said, neutrally.
Uh oh. Alarms rang in his head.
Minseong sprinted to the dresser and grabbed the first thing he saw and smeared it on his face. Then he dabbed random powders on his eyelids and red stuff on his mouth.
He looked into the mirror. Wow. If he saw the person in the mirror walking the streets, he’d assume they’d escaped from a mental hospital.
Minseong returned to Bridezilla’s side and simpered.
“No matter how good I look, of course our lovely bride looks better!”
Bridezilla harrumphed, but the corners of her reptilian mouth were twitching.
For what felt like hours, Minseong followed Bridezilla around, using every ounce of skill he’d learned in his corporate life to flatter her.
Bridezilla was the most beautiful in the world, Bridezilla was always right, Bridezilla was the best bride to ever be a bride.
And if any issues absolutely couldn’t be pushed aside by pretty words, turn the blame on the other bridesmaids. Minseong did feel a little bad when the bridesmaid who’d helped zip him up was eaten, but needs must.
Finally, he stood to the side of the altar, watching Bridezilla with a bouquet walking up to her groom, Mothman in a suit with back cutouts for his wings.
“Do you, Bridezilla, take this moth as your lawfully wedded husband, to love and cherish forevermore?”
“I do.”
“Do you, Mothman, take this woman as your lawfully wife, to love and cherish forevermore?”
“Bzz, bzz.”
“I know pronounce you moth and wife! You may now kiss the bride.”
Mothman dipped Bridezilla in a kiss, nearly falling over.
It was so beautiful, Minseong nearly cried. Wait, no, that was just from the stress of dealing with Bridezilla for hours.
“What have you done to your face?” Assistant Manager Eun asked in horror, amidst the rude cackling of Seahorse.
“What I needed to do,” replied Minseong, with a thousand yard stare. He picked up his original clothes and climbed the ladder to 46.
Turn 4
Kim Soleum rolled while Supervisor Park twisted around on the tile trying to get at the zipper of his dress. He moved to 30, a yellow tile, and received <Loaded Die>.
Assistant Manager Eun went to 12, Sheep went to 9, and Seahorse climbed a ladder from 16 to 36.
Lee Jaheon used his <One Step Forward> and moved to 13.
[Placate Bridezilla.]
Supervisor Park looked at him helplessly. “Section Chief, you…”
Then he shook his head. “No, nevermind. You won’t be able to do it even if I tell you, so just… be yourself.”
“? Yes.”
Naturally, the leader of Squad D got cursed out by Bridezilla. After some lizard on lizard violence, he was expelled from the instance. The ladder did not drop for him. The bridesmaid dress was really stretched over his broad chest.
Park Minseong, who’d given up on changing back into his suit, rolled a 2 and moved to 48, where he was now scrubbing the makeup off his face with the skirt of his dress.
Turn 5
Kim Soleum moved to 33. Assistant Manager Eun moved to 18.
Sheep moved to 14, a green tile, and came back with 50% less of him.
“So much for that company asset, huh, Roe Deer?” sneered Seahorse before moving to 40.
Soleum looked away from Sheep’s legs, feeling sick.
Section Chief Lee moved to 19, a red tile.
[Watch the video.]
Lee Jaheon sat on a single person sofa in front of an old CRT TV. The flickering screen displayed an old well. With each flicker, the image changed. A girl with long black hair in a white dress crawled out of the well with twisted, broken, limbs.
He watched placidly as she got closer and closer to the screen with every flicker. Finally, she was pressed up against the screen and looked right at him.
She smiled.
Her head emerged from the screen first.
Lee Jaheon stood up. The girl in the video was leaving. Therefore, the video was over. Therefore, there was no longer any need to watch it.
The girl trying to leave the TV was strong, but Lee Jaheon was stronger. He grabbed her head and pushed her back in. Perhaps he’d pushed a little too hard. His hand went through the TV screen and out the back.
But it was fine. Darknesses didn’t need to be compensated for property damage. He returned to the board.
Supervisor Park moved to 54.
Turn 6
Kim Soleum moved to 39.
Eun Haje landed on the green tile 20.
[Ride the boat.]
She found herself in an underground cavern with a river flowing through it. It smelled damp. The only light came from the phosphorescent waters.
On the river floated a boat. The ferryman was a skeleton with a wide brimmed hat dressed in rags. It sketched a bow, gesturing for her to take a seat.
As soon as she sat down, the ferryman pushed off the shore with its barge pole. All was quiet save for the splashing.
Then the whispers started.
Ms Reporter, how could you?
You said you wanted to do the right thing.
You said you’d help us!
Betrayer.
You abandoned us.
Betrayer!
We died because of you.
BETRAYER!
With a steady hand, Eun Haje lit a cigarette and breathed in the smoke. She breathed out. Her cat ears twitched. As the boat floated down the river, ghostly hands rose out of the water to grab her.
But they were just the ghosts of the past. No matter how much they clawed at her arms, her hair, her new tail, she felt nothing but the cool damp air of the underground cavern.
“I’m working on it, guys.”
At the end of the ride, the ferryman bowed to her. She dropped her cigarette to the ground, putting it out with her shoe, and bowed back.
How unpleasant. Darknesses which brought up the past were always the worst.
She climbed to ladder to 58.
Seahorse moved to 43, Section Chief Lee moved to 23, and Badger moved one tile up to 55.
Turn 7
Kim Soleum rolled a 3 using <Loaded Die> and moved to 42. The meaning of life, to some. But to him, it was jackpot.
[Make the Writer write.]
He was transported to a studio apartment. It had a fridge next to a kitchenette, a small desk with an open laptop, and a narrow bed with grey sheets. Looking out the window revealed the sands of a red desert one moment, and the indigo waves of an alien sea the next.
On top of the bed sat a cascade of greasy black hair. Sobbing and sniffling noises came from it as it shuddered.
“Hello.”
The hair froze, then a few corpse pale fingers poked through and moved aside a few strands to reveal an empty eye socket, leaking copious amounts of oily black fluid.
“Who are you?” the Writer asked.
Soleum gave them his most reassuring smile. “I’m your temporary editor. I’ve been sent over to help you get over your writer’s block.”
The Writer blocked him back out with their hair.
“Don’t talk to me about writing! I don’t know anything about writing! I’m a fraud! I’m a hack! I might as well be illiterate!”
“Don’t say that, I’m such a fan of your work. I can honestly say that they’ve affected my life greatly.”
The Writer peeked at him. “You’re lying.”
“I promise I’m telling the truth. After all, weren’t you the one who wrote [Bloody Mary] and [Living People Do Not Belong In Morgues]? I read them very carefully.”
That’s right, the Writer was the author of [Snake and Ladders]’s self-insert. Everyone has to blow off steam somehow, and apparently self-inserting into their own work as a powerful anomalous entity that had to be catered to was theirs.
“R-really?”
“Yes, really. The twist of zombies being in the morgue cabinets was truly inspired.”
After some more empty flattery, Soleum moved over to the laptop. A cursor blinked on an empty word document.
“I see you’ve started a new work?”
“Noooo, don’t look at my shame! I’m all out of ideas, I’m a washed-up has-been! My brain is worth less than maggot shit!”
“No, your brain is golden, and you’re in the prime of your life!”
Some more coaxing later, the Writer had stopped sobbing again.
“As your editor, it’s my job to help you write, so cheer up.”
The Writer sniffled. “Okay. So you’ll help me gather inspiration?”
Yes— would be the wrong answer. As expected of a Darkness entity, all the ‘inspiration’ that could move the Writer was grotesque, bizarre, and almost certainly involved bodily harm. An overly detailed exploration log written by the [Snakes and Ladders] creator themselves could attest to this. Instead, Kim Soleum was going to use his privilege as a transmigrator who’d read the author’s comments.
“Honoured Writer, you don’t have a problem with inspiration.”
“H-huh?”
“What you have is a confidence problem. Your brain’s not frozen because you’ve got no ideas; you’re full of the stuff. You just think your ideas are bad.”
“I-Is that so?”
“But not to worry, as your editor, I have a solution.”
Soleum cracked open the fridge. Ignoring the items that made his head hurt just to look at them, he grabbed the bottle of vodka and a large can of V energy. He poured it all into a large glass and stirred it. A favoured recipe of the author. Alcohol to loosen them up, and the energy drink to keep them awake and for taste.
He presented the final concoction to the Writer.
“Here. It’s a confidence boosting potion.”
“You’ve just mixed alcohol and caffeine.”
“Would I, your editor and biggest fan, lie to you?”
“B-biggest fan? Well, I guess not…”
A pale hand with no nails reached for the glass. Gulping sounds came from beneath the hair.
“…It’s bitter.”
“Okay, now for the spell.”
“Wait what spell-”
“Repeat after me. I’m the greatest writer in the world!”
“What? I can’t say that, that’s so embarrassing-”
“Don’t you trust me? Say it! I’m the greatest writer in the world!”
“…I-I’m the greatest writer in the world!”
“No one has better ideas than me!”
“No one has better ideas than me!”
“All my critics are just haters and I will ignore them!”
“All my critics are just haters and I will ignore them!”
And on and on. Once the writer started slurring their words, Soleum knew it was time for the next stage.
“See, don’t you feel better now?”
“Yeah! I’m the greatest writer in the worldddd!”
The hair puffed up, then slumped. “Buuut, wha’ should I write first?”
This was his chance.
“Honoured writer, how about ‘Employee Roe Deer climbs the ladder to tile 100’?”
“Huh? Izzen that a little… sudden though? They’ll tear me apart in the comments for such an abpr-abrupt ending.”
“Who cares what the haters say? You’re the best writer in the world, whatever you write will still be gold.”
The Writer puffed up drunkenly. “You’re right! I’m the best writer in the world! Whoo cares what the haters thinkkk! I write what I want!”
The mass of hair migrated over to the chair in front of the desk. It engulfed the keyboard, and slowly, the tap tapping of keys formed words on the screen.
[Employee Roe Deer climbs the ladder to tile 100.]
“Say, why don’ you jussstt work for me permaninty- permint- per-ma-nent-ly instead? I’ll treat you soooooo well,” slurred the Writer.
“Sorry, you’ll have to contact my agency, I don’t have any say over where I go.”
“Oh… okay… wait, where did you say you worked for again-?”
But he was already gone.
A ladder dropped dark from above and he climbed it. He emerged from the ground at tile 100.
A victory sound played through the whole Darkness before everyone was expelled.
Kim Soleum checked the Dream Essence collector. It was B-class.
