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"So please, do not make me the fool."
With those words, Anthony turned and started to walk out of the way. But before he could leave the room, Benedict spoke again.
"Do you not think it unfair?"
The words drew Anthony to a halt, and he turned back around to face his brother again. "Unfair?"
"Yes, unfair."
"Benedict-"
"Allow me to finish, brother. Please."
The note of desperation in Benedict's voice was enough to give Anthony pause. He then inclined his head, signaling Benedict to continue.
"You have always been the first born. The one bearing the brunt of the responsibility to care for this family. I know this. And I know that everything you have said and done is for the sake of our family. But-"
"But what, Benedict?"
"But I bear part of that responsibility too, you know. Yes, it may be a smaller portion than yours. But I took care of the estate while you were gone. I've looked after our sisters when you couldn't chaperone them. But no matter how much I do, no matter how much I attempt to model myself after you, I am still the spare. I don't carry the same value, and yet I carry the same burden."
For once, Anthony is unable to think of a response.
"I know that you, Mother, our entire family, have always viewed me as a free spirit, wandering around, getting lost in my art, doing whatever it is I please. But why do you think, Anthony, I came to be so? Well, it's because if I can't truly be free, I might as well live under the guise of it. I have no true freedom, no true purpose, because since Father died, I have had one use and one use only: to step in when needed. And only when needed. And most of the time, I am not. I am not always needed, but I must always prepare to be."
Benedict lowers his gaze to the floor, pausing, taking a shaky breath.
"I know how heavily the weight of responsibility weighs on you. But have you realized how much it weighs on me too, although differently? I have never known who I am outside of being the spare. And now you have a son, so I am not even that, anymore."
He looks back up at Anthony, who has an unnamable emotion swirling through his eyes.
"Sophie is the only person with whom I just feel like... Benedict. Even if I don't have a full definition of who I am... I do not need to. She doesn't see a Bridgerton. She doesn't see a spare. She doesn't see a lost, wandering soul. She just sees me. Whoever that may be."
Anthony's expression has changed, a mixture off regret and pity. "Benedict..."
"One more thing, brother," Benedict says. "You have the burden of leading this family, yes. But you are lucky, too. To be truthful, your marriage with Kate easily could have fallen into scandal, after all that happened with her sister. But it did not. Because you were lucky. You were lucky that Lady Sharma took Kate in as her own, making her nobility. You are lucky Lady Danbury was sponsoring her. You are lucky the Queen gave her blessing. Tell me, brother. How would you have lived, if you weren't so lucky? Could you have walked away from Kate, as easily as you are telling me to do now?"
"I do not know." Anthony responded softly.
Benedict smiled without it reaching his eyes.
"You love her." Anthony said softly. Not a question. But understanding.
"I do. Which is why I told you I've thought every inch of it through. I've imagined a life with her. I've imagined one without her. And I know, that no matter how difficult it may be, no matter how many trials we may face... if I do not try and fight for her, I will spend every waking moment regretting it. She is the only thing I have ever been certain of. Admittedly, I still do not know who I am, now I am not the spare. But I know that if I do not have her by my side... I will never know. And I know I may be the fool here. I know she may not be the correct choice. But for me, she its the only choice. So please, brother. I am not asking for your blessing. Merely your understanding."
Anthony wondered if he was truly seeing his brother for the first time. "Benedict... I must apologize. I realize my words were... harsh."
Benedict managed a laugh. "It is alright, brother. I know you meant well."
"No. It is not. Please accept my apology. For never understanding you, or how you felt. You supported me through the... difficulties of my marriage season, and somehow I have failed to do the same for you. Just as I have failed to support you all these years, it seems."
"You did try, in your own way. With the Royal Academy. I do know you care, Anthony."
"I shall try harder. And... I didn't realize. How deeply you felt about Sophie. Part of me wondered if it was another one of your whims. But on the contrary, I see she may be the one thing that has finally grounded you. It will not be easy, but... perhaps we can figure something out. Think of some solution. We could speak to Mother. Even Lady Danbury. I cannot promise that it will work out. It certainly will not be easy. But I am willing to try. For you, brother."
Benedict smiled, for real this time. "Thank you, Anthony."
Benedict started for the door.
"Benedict."
Benedict turned and looked at his brother again.
"One last thing. You are not just the spare. You never have been. You are, first and foremost, a valued member of this family. You are my brother. I sincerely hope you know that. And I apologize for not saying the sooner."
Anthony watched the light return to his brother's eyes, and he knew he was making the right choice. Yes, he did need to protect his family, but Benedict was a part of that family, too.