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It’s dark…of course it was dark. Somebody would see me here otherwise, I thought, wouldn’t they? Shoeless feet loosely planted on the damp sand, I stood about a meter or so away from the tide, water pushing and pulling in a repetitive manner that I almost admired. A job, perhaps mine, was in a similar fashion: the same work over and over, aiming for something it didn’t quite understand. I didn’t mind the sense, to be honest, I was used to it after all. Beside my vision allowing clarity at night, my source of light was the rotund greyish space rock in the sky. I recall being told about it; the “moon”, as she called the thing. I also recall a vivid memory of knowing what it was beforehand, but not a quip about it. I wondered how it gave off that dim glimmer, that off-white aura I occasionally found nipping at my mind with its little claws. Nobody told me about it, and I wasn’t sure if it was going to happen.
But why was I thinking of that, anyway? That wasn’t what I came here for, I told myself with crossed arms. My fingers gently slid against the dried skin of my limbs. I needed this, I knew that, so what was the point of waiting?
My legs pulled me forward, step by step, preparing to collapse and let me tumble below the surface; a move I almost instantaneously let occur. As soon as the sea slinked past me, my form dipping beneath, I could feel that familiar clinging, that light clatter of scales flipping like sequins. The swishing of a long tail followed me as I swayed and swam, light currents brushing past webbed digits and fins. Arching my back slightly in preparation, I burst through the smooth, watery pane, a jump that brought me and droplets of sea salt soaring for a few moments before sinking once more. Even if these were mandatory – all of my movements, all of my leaps – every separate swerve was refreshing.
I’d thought, at the time, that the brisk nights were the perfect times to get these over with. Besides, tonight, she and I were rather drained after a tiring day around the Freezeria – what we called such a place, anyway – so we ended up falling asleep earlier than usual; I had only arrived at the shore minutes after my eyes returned to their consciousness. I never wanted her to learn of my status, to become educated on what I truly was. She wouldn’t like it one bit, I told myself, an akin fate to the ideals of any other person who would have become a witness. I don’t have a clue how this form came to be, unfortunately, so no explanation could be given to anyone anyway. If I were to stay too long out of the seafaring expanse, I was sure I’d dry up and dehydrate like a beached whale. Thinking about her own point of view, what she imagined went on in my head whenever my constant need for water would begin to show itself…frankly, it made me chuckle sometimes. She always grew worried about me, volunteering to help, rapidly scurrying around to find whatever she thought she needed. I felt bad, of course I did, watching her fervent attempts to relieve something she had not a single bit of context for.
Faceless mumbles grew scattered across the land, dotting my presence with nervous concern that I’d not expected. I’m no longer safe, that’s what I thought; soon enough, I’d be back on land, walking amongst the clueless. My body curved and pivoted, angling itself parallel with the edges of the isle in order to change my course. There was a small patch of unoccupied woods I typically used as a vantage point – despite the various dangers there – and so I began making my way in its direction. Nobody. A deep, muffled huff slid through my teeth as I approached the surface, safely clambering onto the shore once more. Gradually, the greenish scales overturned themselves one by one as I dried, retreating back into that tanned hue many expect from someone of my caliber. Aquatic features fading, I stumbled as I walked along; accustoming to the brief transformation was a feeling I knew I’d never overcome. I’d eventually come to admit I’ve fallen flat on my face more than once, certainly in the earlier times the others and I remained within the Hollow.
I didn’t get too far, though. Not because I lost my balance, no, but due to a much more…forceful reason, for a lack of better word.
“Ah- qué- qué estás- haciendo-?!” I frantically blurted out. My first instinct was to raise my hands in front of me as I felt two arms wrap around my torso, the push making me stagger backwards. For those first few seconds, the figure trying to embrace me was completely unknown, as enigmatic as I thought myself to be. The idea didn’t last long, however, because I heard a familiarly light, noticeably feminine voice chime mere inches away from me. The timbre (I thought that word fit), to me, was full and rounded, unique enough for me to instantly recognize it.
“Hello, ‘Berto!”
“...Hello, Penny.” I felt the side of her head rest against my chest, her posture leaned and relaxed; she was listening to the rapid beats of my heart. There was already fatigue gripping me from the startle, though she thankfully didn’t seem bothered by my exhaustion. She was simply happy to see me once more, and…I felt the same. I felt the love she did, the care she did, and that was why, silently, I wanted to protect her from me. I lifted a hand, gently prodding at the flower in her hair and hearing her quietly giggle in reply, an enticement to make myself smile back. “I didn’t know you would be…” A pause. “...here,” I murmured weakly through my own fleeting happiness.
The Fainthearted Flowerbed and Swamped Squander, I once read in the papers after Penny and I had escaped the danger of a pile of Chocomint vines. The...the writers aren't exactly keen on using real names sometimes; I once heard that it was for privacy, but I was never sure. I digress, however, because there was always a thought to my head that I never seemed to rid myself of. I never knew what a "Squander" was, and neither did the people I knew. It irked me, and I didn't know why.
Penny lifted her head and locked eyes with my own as she rapidly replied, “Well, I…you know how we tried going to bed early? Um, I- I woke up in the middle of the night, and I got worried when I saw you weren’t there!” She stepped back, fixing the floral-pattern bandana around her neck. “I looked everywhere!”
“Oh…I’m- I’m sorry…”
“Wait, no, it’s okay!” She was quick to return to my side, looking around my likely-distressed expression. “It’s okay. It really is. I’m not mad at you or anything!” Both of her hands cupped around one of my own and lifted it slightly. Maybe I'd made some sort of flustered expression, because she let off a briefly-entertained giggle before continuing. “I mean, I’m…” A pause briefly broke her words as she let off a shrill yawn. “...I’m not that tired anyway. We could stay out here for a little, if you- if you like it here.”
Huh? I blinked and stared, and much to my ignorance my mouth was slightly open. A part of me was in awe, I knew that, but I didn’t realize the mood of my guise until my companion’s look changed to one of concern. That didn’t last too long, thankfully, because her legs lowered to a sit, crossing over one another; soon enough, I realized I was being pulled down with her. “Here,” she insisted, “we can sit for a sec’, m'kay? C'mon.”
At that moment, I also comprehended the free rein I had, my face angling upwards to focus my gaze on the wide expanse of sky above our heads; Penny did the same, although we ended up looking in separate directions. I was focused on the milky circle, trying to obscure itself behind the thick clouds rolling in. It, too, didn’t seem to like showing itself, what it truly was. I looked at it, and it looked at me. Well, that's how it seemed, because I swore I could feel its numerous grayed divots piercing their gaze through me as if they were firing bullets in and out of my skull. As I kept my eyes catered towards the celestial body, a few words in the back of my mind ascended from their resting place and forced their way out of my mouth.
“Why does the moon glow?”
Penny perked up. “Huh?”
“Like…” I pointed my index finger up and towards the circular shape suspended above the horizon. “...that. Isn’t it made of…rock? I think it is, anyway... Why is it glowing so brightly?” I wanted, no, needed to know. I needed to know, unless I wanted my curiosity to overcome me. Whether that was to be something hurtful was unknown to me, but I couldn't care less.
“Oh!” The girl adjusted her sitting position slightly, shuffling her legs out straight. “Well…I’m not sure, but I remember someone telling me about it. Some- some hooded guy with a lantern.”
“What did they say?”
“Umm…it doesn’t actually glow by itself, I think? The sun shines on it from where we can’t see and makes it glow. I think it’s really cool, the more I think about it!”
It…doesn’t? It doesn’t cast that eerie aura I so foolishly believed in. It just makes itself seem like it does. That was what I had picked up, and…what was I supposed to think of that? A fake, an appearance not of its own, a look which it took on as a facade to make itself be loved. It…it…
…It felt just like I was. It was trying to fit in, trying to come off as something everyone can appreciate. I did that too. I knew, just knew my swamped appearance would scare people. It would make them scream, make them run away, perhaps even make them get rid of me. If I were to show myself, my true self, nobody would bother to care about me anymore, just like the moon; why would someone be so enthralled by nothing more than another rock floating around space? I was a monster, a horrific thing under what I believed to be a disguise. That is what I knew.
Ah, but I must have been getting ahead of myself, I thought. I’m overthinking things, like I always did. I sucked in a breath through my teeth, then put on a weak smile. “Oh. That’s…” What was that word? “...cool. Very cool.”
Penny tilted her head a little. “Why do you sound so…so…no, I think I’m-”
“Overthinking…?”
“Yeah. I was gonna ask why you sound so tired, but I think I know already.” A nervous giggle left her mouth, her palm softly rubbing against the back of my wrist. “Sorry…”
“It’s no worries, Pen,” I murmured in reply. Oddly, I felt a long chill prick my back after our hands made contact, like something was tapping me on the shoulder. Cold, I thought as I spoke up, maybe I should get us back to shelter. “Really, I mean it.” Yes, a part of me wondered who - or what - was trying to get my attention.
Penny nodded with her usual smile, though her vision leapt off to the cloudy skies (which by then had almost completely obscured the tiny whitish dots of glowing light) in an abrupt move. Her voice spoke up again; this time was for another reason, a reason that I would soon come to fear.
“Hey, by the way, is it raining?”
Wait-
"Raining?"
Instantly, my form froze up like a wintry lake, realization detaining my limbs and neck into a chokehold. Likely from my fear, my senses tapped in, and right then I could feel the tiny drops that would soon cause my despair. I could see each and every ripple in the water standing in front of us, each rain droplet dipping itself below the surface and becoming one with the entire body of blue. I wanted to immediately run, to get myself away, but…I couldn’t. I felt like an icy statue, a platform below me plastering my feet to the earth on which I stood. To my ears, Penny’s words shrank to mere sounds.
The rain was quick to strengthen, quick to drain from the clouds. I already knew what was going to happen to my appearance, and what was going to happen to her thoughts. Already could I feel those green sequin-like scales begin to flip themselves onto my skin, my form beginning to tear into my clothing as I grew taller. Already could I hear my breaths heave and trill like the growls of some rabid animal. I was barely able to focus, barely able to notice my companion’s face change before my eyes. This, all of this, this was exactly what I had feared. This was about as awry as it could go, it felt, how I’d been treated on this very morning. My own dismay, my dread, all of it kept me bound to my spot, contained and forced to stand alone.
…
Through the pouring rain, I could see a short silhouette distancing itself from me, its hands held in front of it from what seemed to be self-defense or a silent threat. The shape of a weapon, too, gleamed in my vision; I did not wish for it to extend the strain put on what I could think, so I desperately kept such a vulnerable part of me behind. My mind couldn’t immediately tell the being's name nor dare to try and say it with my mouth, but all it knew at that moment was one thing: I had to help. I had to move forward, and I had to speak up. With a heavy struggle – language was not something I had ever gotten used to keeping intact when my lungs became only half of my possible breathing – I opened my jaw and began to talk.
“Please…it’s not…what you think…” My tone was quiet, weakened by an inability to properly take in the air around me. “It’s…not…”
The figure stopped, its shoulderlength hair flipping and waving about in the wind. Its eyes, with its tears continuously masked by the rainwater surrounding it, were focused on my own. I blinked, a lightly innate hiss leaving through my sharpened teeth. It was trying to say something, I could tell that much; its voice was indiscernible, though. All I could hear were whimpers of perplexed terror, shrill sounds that I wanted to quell. As it let me approach, I continued my paltry speech. “Pen…I would…never…hurt you…” I murmured as I felt my own emotion flare; one of my arms was raised in front of me, my hand held out palm-up. From here I was only further reminded of what I'd become, what I seemed to be.
Penny…Penny…right, that was its name, that was the figure who appeared in front of me. Pen. Penny. Hah...why was I so stupid, how could I have not realized right away?
Through her tears, Penny began to make her way in my direction as well; hesitant, with her heels dragging across the earth she stood on. I could hear her short gasps, how she tried to breathe while the pain of her sadness kept dragging her away. It was trying to end her misery, trying to keep her away from me. I wanted to leave too, a part of me did. Yet, my footsteps printed firmly against the dampened ground, trudging their way forward. Soon enough, the distance between me and the tremorous teenager waned to mere centimeters. I felt a pair of trembling hands reach up and attempt to grip my scrunched shoulders, a move which suggested my posture to lower a small distance. As I moved in such a way – back hunching, head lowering – I closed my eyes…
…and opened them right back up as I felt the familiarly light thump of a little head rest against my chest. My mouth was agape with shock too, I had just realized that, so I shut my jaws and craned my vision downwards to look down at the sensation’s source: Penny herself. From the height of which I stood, I couldn’t exactly see the tears fall from her face, but I could infer it from her helpless wheezes and shivering breaths. Her left cheek was turned my way, an ear once more listening to the faint heartbeat that hid itself beneath my open vest and skin. The same rhythm, the same sound…everything was the same, everything was all she was used to. That was what I'd hoped.
“It’s…you,” she said as her voice cracked, “it’s…still you…just you…”
Still me, I thought. I wanted to speak up, to tell her everything was okay. But I didn’t. I knew that she knew. I could hear it in her voice, feel it in her trembles. With wicked, webbed claws, digits that I was sure had taken lives without my knowing, I crept my hands up and around Penny’s shoulders, returning the feeble hug she had so shyly handed to me. I knew of my own strength, I was sure of it, so I could only manage something frailly quaint.
“Please…please stop crying…stop crying…”
“I…I thought…we- we- fixed you…” she murmured from the tiny gaps within her grief, “but it’s…you. Y-you’re…here…you’re here, ‘Berto…”
I’m here. Right here.
“You’re- just- you’re you…”
I’m me.
“Right- in- front- of me…” Her voice, already weakened by pangs of agony, finally devolved into sobs once again. Arms wrapping, hands interlocking, I could tell she was trying her desperate best to get as comfortable as she could between each cry. The contact, the feeling pressing down on me, well, it felt foreign. It felt strange, even though I knew it shouldn’t have. I cared for Penny, and she cared for me. I knew that.
Why is it all distant to me? Why do I feel this way, I asked myself, with what I was experiencing? I was trying to search for it, trying to find my way through. I thought it was love, just love and care. I thought it was only that. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t.
But I felt like searching.
I'm searching.
Searching.
just searching.
…
The frilled slits on my face began to flare outwards; not out of hungering malice nor of feral, innate intimidation. No, it was that alien emotion again. It was that feeling I was so perplexed to experience, so confused. If this was love, I thought, then what was I missing before? Not in any way could I not have seen, and not in any way would I have truly known until now. Even with raindrops pattering against my scaled shoulders, pinpricks provoking my fears, I didn’t move from my spot; neither did Penny. I couldn’t see her, neither could she, but it was almost like we knew exactly what to do.
It’s okay, I thought, I’ve got you. I’ve got you, and you’re safe with me.
Or…was it the other way around? I’m safe with you. Yes, that seemed right. I was going to be okay.
We were going to be okay.
I didn’t even realize the embrace lasted until I opened my eyes to see the blindingly whitened orb of light above.