Chapter Text
If you were to ask Yuu about his relationship with Mika, he'd almost immediately reply with, "he's my best friend!", but if you were to ask him on a deeper level, he'd say the blonde-haired boy is the love of his life, the one responsible for bringing smiles to his face, his world, his everything.
But he himself wouldn't dare to tell a single soul. The raven-haired boy was far too ashamed to admit how he loves the other boy more than just a friend.
Yuu was raised in a religious household, to the point where it was more toxic than holy. Yuu never really questioned it and just did whatever they told him to do. He thought that he himself didn't care much, but the teachings and "rules" had already been etched in his mind.
Everything was fine, until that day when he realized he liked, no—loved his best friend, Mika.
That day was when all hell broke loose for Yuu. Not only did he realize he was into a boy, but also the fact that he's committing the one sin he never intended to do.
And out of all things Yuu decided to worry about, it just so happens to be his sexuality. He thought of every possible reason, but nothing seemed to align. He still remembers the day when Mika confessed, unbeknownst to Yuu's own feelings towards him. And of course, as childhood friends, they hit it off almost immediately.
Over time, while his and Mika's relationship went deeper and more affectionate, Yuu tried to play it off and ignore the whispering in his ears.
Not until his world started to crumble.
"...an, yuu-chan.."
Yuu was gently shaken awake by Mika. He whined and rubbed his eyes. He had yet to open them, but was rewarded when he did so. He managed to capture a perfect view of the sun hitting the other boy's face, perfectly complimenting his soft features with the radiant glow. The soft expression on his lover's face was so tender and affectionate, it was as if he was still in a dream. And to make his boyfriend more dreamy than he was, Yuu could see faint sparkles that surrounded the other boy. Almost as if he was an angel that fe-
thwack!!
"Owww!! What was that for!?" Yuu groggily rubs the spot where he felt a brick possibly smash at his head, "You were zoning out and staring at me like a dork, that's why." Mika deadpanned, before laughing lightheartedly. Yuu takes it back, Mika is no angel, he's a demon that came from the deepest depths of he-
"Hey, it's lunch time now, we have to eat." Before Yuu further gets into his internal monologue of bashing Mika, only then did he take a look at his surroundings and noticed no one was in the classroom but them. He asks Mika with an embarrassed expression plastered all over his face, "Did I fall asleep during class?"
"You sure did, but hey! At least you weren't lectured this time, let's eat at the rooftop!"
Mika stuck his tongue out playfully before he took hold of Yuu's hand, he was surely going to drag the raven haired boy out of the classroom but Yuu immediately interrupted his attempt, "But Mika, I haven't packed a bento today, let alone money to buy lunch. Hehe.." Yuu nervously laughed, he'd totally forgotten! But no worries, Mika on the other hand, "That's fine. I know you too well and this would probably happen, sooo~ I packed another."
"Eh!? So that's why you have a new bento box, you're a genius! But jeez you're starting to creep me out with how much you know me.." Yuu felt his face heat up, it was just a simple gesture, yet Yuu still catches himself blushing like a school girl in love.
"I know.." Mika chuckled before adding, "Ah! You're blushing! I didn't know my charm could get you that riled up, Yuu-chan." Mika slyly smirked as Yuu got into a shade redder than before, "Why you..!" Mika laughed as Yuu decided to ditch packing his stuff and chased Mika down towards the rooftop where they were supposed to eat.
After chasing each other like some overly hyper elementary students, they finally reached the rooftop.
Though just while he and Mika were picking a spot to eat their lunch, Yuu's friends decided to appear with the worst possible timing ever.
"Oh look, it's Yuu!" Mitsuba was the first to notice him, and quickly called his other friends to approach the raven haired boy. "Ah there you are, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Yoichi sighed in relief as Yuu thought to himself, "Were they actually looking for me or were they just trying to find another way to piss me off.."
"You're trying to replace us, aren't you Yuu-san? Or you just enjoy Mika-san more than us!" Shinoa accusingly pointed her finger at Yuu, attempting to look hurt and shocked at the same time, "We're so hurt!"
"Oh right, he's with Shindou again." Kimizuki added, with the same monotoned tone he has when he usually doesn't give a damn.
Yuu on the other hand, was contemplating on what to tell his friends. But when he was just about to say something, Mika spoke before he could.
"Yuu-chan, I just remembered, I forgot that I have some unfinished documents with my club. So if you don't mind, I'll get going." Mika offered him an apologetic smile, but Yuu knew Mika was lying. He knew that Mika always finishes his work on time, and he was only bringing up excuses since his friends were here.
Yuu could tell Mika isn't really fond of his friends, so he gave up on the plan of bringing Mika in their squad (Mika is already in it, but the blonde just doesn't want to accept it), and decided to spend time with Mika and the squad separately.
"Yeah.. yeah, sure. Ok, bye." Yuu stammered out, he was sure Mika could see the look of disappointment with his expression when the other boy offered yet another smile and was about to leave, when he saw the blonde turn around again and face his direction, "Oh, I almost forgot!" Mika hands Yuu the bento before adding, "Don't forget to eat it all up, ok?" Mika lets out a breathy laugh before leaving the teens and exiting the rooftop.
"Well.. that was interesting. Are you sure you guys aren't, you know. One of the homos.." Shinoa whispered, and as expected of getting the reaction that she wants, Yuu quickly turned his head towards them and yelled out, "W-what?! Ofcourse were not, what makes you say that?!" At this point, Yuu was as red as a tomato.
"Shinoa, let's not pursue this any further.! Yuu-kun looks like he’s about to burst right now.." Yoichi nervously laughed as he scratched his nape. And by deciding to add salt to the wound, Shinoa replied with, "But don't you notice all the signs, Yoichi-san? He's ditching us for him, Plus Mika-san even packed a bento for our cherry boy! What doesn't scream 'happily in-love' more than that?!"
"Mikaela is basically Yuu's wife by now." Mitsuba joined in, followed by Kimizuki who claimed, "Nah, Yuu can't top anyone. It's better if he's the wife instead." the pink haired boy snickered.
Yuu on the other hand, was not getting any better. His friends decided to bicker and indulge in the situation by discussing his and Mika's relationship with eachother, even Yoichi who tried to break it up earlier decided to join in. Until Yuu catched their attention once again.
Even with the flustered state he was in, he irritatedly yelled out, "He's not my boyfriend! We're friends, erh. Best friends! Nothing more! There's nothing going on inbetween us, so just drop it already!!"
The words tasted wrong in his mouth.
Ah yes, how could he forget? The uneasy feeling of fear and shame was starting to creep up again. To others, him and Mika are JUST best friends. Nothing more, nothing less. But in reality, the blonde haired boy was the person Yuu would go to whenever he needed comfort, affection, hapiness, and most especially—love.
But the one thing he never felt was peace, something was holding him back. Whenever he's with Mika, he'd always feel what others describe as "true love", but each time he and Mika initiated something together, suddenly Yuu felt shame for what he's doing. He knows they like eachother more than the best friends label they established, but he also does know that loving another man is wrong, it's a mistake, an abomination, a sin.
"..Love isn't supposed to be like that, right? Why do I keep running away?"
His friends started to eat their lunches a while ago, yet they're currently bickering about some stupid shit Yuu wouldn't give a damn about. He hasn't even eaten much out of his "Best friend's" lunch, maybe a few bites or so. But his mind always wandered somewhere where Mika occupied his whole mind.
"I wonder what Mika's doing right now?" He thinks to himself as he pokes the rice his partner gave him, he was quite disappointed that his friends showed up, he had so much things to tell the blonde boy, yet before he could even do so, said boy left and now he doesn't know where he's at.
As much as Yuu loves spending time with his friends, he wants to spend more time with Mika too. Lately, he'd been noticing Mika run from the scene each time Yuu denies to others that he and Mika had something more than friendship. He wasn't even sure if the questions were genuine or the people around him just wanted to get a reaction from Yuu.
For Yuu, it hurts too. Limiting his lover as a friend while wishing, hoping, wanting to just finally let go of his fear and scream to the whole world that "Hey! This is the man that I love, and I'm proud of it!!"
Not that he was ashamed of it or anything, but the creeping feeling of guilt just sends Yuu back down to the ground. He doesn't know what to do, he just keeps running away, hiding, not even trying to fix the situation he and Mika had since he knows to himself that he's currently hurting the boy that he loves!
Frustration was starting to boil within him, he wanted to push Mika away, he wanted Mika to go and find someone else other than him since he knows that Mika cant even fulfill what he "truely" wants. But on the other hand, he wants to call that boy "his," and smother him with kisses for the whole universe to see.
"Yuu-kun, why aren't you eating? You barely touched your food."
Yoichi's voice rang in his ear, oh right. The bento Mika gave him and told him to finish the whole thing.
"Ah, I'm not.. hungry." Yuu gave a weak smile, and in return Yoichi gave him this sad look before leaving the situation. But it's true though, Yuu lost his appetite. Maybe it was guilt that consumed it, frustration, or his never ending wishes that would never be fulfilled.
Yuu makes a mental note to apologize to Mika and or maybe eat the leftovers with the other boy later, but how's he doing? He just hopes Mika would eat this time, he knows the blonde boy has a tendency to skip his meals.
"Are you sure you're not hungry Yuu? What would Mikaela think?" Mitsuba laughs as she takes in a spoonful of her food. His whole squad also laughs at her little accusation, but Yuu only lets himself release a forced chuckle as his thoughts start to cloud his mind again.
"Oh yeah, what would Mika think of me then?"
----
Mika quickly exited the rooftop before he could say anything he'd regret. He wasn't in the mood to engage with Yuu's friends right now, but somehow he managed to jinx himself at the same time. All he wanted was to hangout and spend some time with his "best friend," was that too hard to ask for?
The blonde boy lazily drags himself across the halls and entered some empty classroom he spotted while roaming around randomly. He was originally planning to crash in his and Yuu's room under the stairs, but decided against it.
He pulled back one of the seats, which unfortunately screeched loudly but luckily didn't attract attention. He quietly sits down and places his bag to the side while opening his other bento box, which... felt way too light.
Oh, that's right. He never even packed a second one in the first place.
He knew Yuu too well, he knew that his boyfriend wouldn't bring shit even if his life depended on it. So that's when Mika came up with the bright idea to snatch someone's forgotten bento box and pretended it was his, while he gave his own lunch to Yuu. It was a pretty stupid decision if you were to ask the blonde boy, but Mika felt that it was kind of worth it. Since his partner wouldn't be able to skip a meal today and he wouldn't have to buy the sloppy and probably expired lunches the school offered.
Mika was contemplating whether to go up there and ask Yuu if they could share, but he doesn't want to spend time with Yuu's friends. Come to think about it, he never understood himself why he disliked them so much,
Maybe because they were an example of noise pollution.
Maybe because they were too close to Yuu.
Or maybe because they labeled him as someone Yuu would never admit he'd be.
Throb.
Mika sank into his chair. His head was starting to hurt again, accompanied by the further screeching in the empty classroom. The boy hears his stomach growl loud and clear due to the silence of the area.
He sighs as he thinks to himself, "I wonder what Yuu-chan's doing now?"
Mika lets himself get lost in thought. He knows it's not easy on his lover's end. Strict parents, "straight" morals, high expectations, but most of all he just wishes Yuu could know how much it hurts on his end as well.
Throb.
Mika is fine with Yuu's decision to keep their relationship private, he respects the other boy's choices and wishes to fulfill them. But sometimes—no, lately he started to notice that it felt like daggers were poking at his heart each time he'd been degraded to "just a friend" by his Yuu-chan. And each poke started to press deeper, and deeper.
He knew that he was disappointing Yuu one way or another. Just by his actions like pushing Mika away when they're too close. Or the time when Yuu kept correcting others that they were anything but a couple.
Mika never felt that he was enough for his boyfriend, he knows that on the inside they could be as loving and touchy with eachother, but on the outside, they have to remain something Mika doesn't want to be.
Throb.
He knew his beloved wished that he was something else.
He knows both of them were happy even with their current situation of hiding, he knows that he and his boyfriend love eachother very much. But both boys have their own issue that doesn't fully leave them at peace. And Mika is afraid his own problem will be the cause of his and Yuu's relationship's downfall.
Throb.
Another hard pound in his head managed to pull him out of his trace like state. It was unbearable. It made him more annoyed than before. He angrily grumbles to himself as he stands up, deciding to eat something to atleast calm his headache. The noises of the chair intensified, then made his way to the closest vending machine to atleast fill whatever in his stomach.
"..Fuck no food."
"..Fuck this dirty classroom."
"..Fuck being inlove with a boy who makes everything so complicated.. He didn't even do anything wrong, yet I can't even fix anything myself."