Work Text:
99
Charles Boyle: I need him to step on me. Seriously.
Gina: charles… may want to check the chat you sent this to, bud
You: LMFAOOO
Jake: @AmySantiago thought you gave him texting lessons, babe?
Amy Santiago: I thought so too.
Gina: he’s beyond help atp
Terry: Sharon saw my phone blowing up and laughed at your misfortune, Boyle
Rosa: ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa
Charles Boyle: I didn’t mean to send that here. Obviously.
Charles Boyle: and it DEFINITELY isn’t about anyone in this chat.
Charles Boyle: Definitely not.
Gina: riiiiiiight
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: How obvious was that
Jake: i meannnnn
Charles Boyle: Give it to me straight Jake
Jake: that’s crazy out of context btw
Charles Boyle: …?
Jake: i mean….
Jake: it’s kinda obvious BUT
Jake: you’ve been obvious before and he never notices, so you’re fine
Charles Boyle: What does his “LMFAOOOO” mean
Jake: great question
Charles Boyle: 😐
Charles Boyle: so much for being the ultimate detective/genius
Jake: HEY
Jake: UNCALLED FOR
Charles Boyle: My bad 😔 I’m in emotional turmoil.
Jake: riiiiiiightttt
99
Charles Boyle: Everyone, relax.
Amy Santiago: you’re the one freaking out
Charles Boyle: SHADDUP
You: oop
Gina: ^
A few days later…
99
You: if a single one of you makes fun of me when i walk off the elevator in roughly five minutes i will kick ur ass
You: actually, no. i won’t. but i’ll get rosa to do it
Rosa: i mean bet
You: lol
You: give him some grace, guys. and by him, i mean me.
Gina: no
You: :/
Terry: I’ll give you grace.
You: thx sarge <3
Terry loved a message.
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: DRENCHED FROM THE RAIN???????,???????,,
Jake: hey buddy
Charles Boyle: DRENCHED.
Charles Boyle: FROM> THE>>> RAIN>>>???
Jake: yup i saw him too. i was there. i’m right across from you rn
Charles Boyle: Yeah, and he’s right THERE. Can’t, won’t risk it.
Jake: right bc u were being so subtle w ur drooling earlier
Charles Boyle: I walked in on him changing shirts 😩 I’m just a man, Jake.
Jake: jesus 😭😭 we gotta get you laid bud
Charles Boyle: Do you think he likes me too
Jake: charles you ask me this every day and every day i tell you the same thing
Charles Boyle: Right. ‘how am i supposed to know, i don’t want that kind of responsibility’
Jake: there ya go
Charles Boyle: 😔
Charles Boyle: Look over here.
Jake: nope no puppy dog eyes that’s cheating
Charles Boyle: LOOK
Jake: …
Jake: …dammit
99 + Captain Holt
Raymond Holt: Squad,
The workshop scheduled for this Saturday has been cancelled.
Sincerely,
Raymond Holt
You, Terry Jeffords, Rosa, Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago liked this message.
Gina: i thought we said u didn’t have to sign texts like that
Raymond Holt: So you did.
Raymond Holt
Gina: whatever ig that’s better
99
You: GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD
Rosa: thought you were atheist
You: yeah i am
You: sorry i got excited
Rosa: 💀
Jake: no fr tho
Jake: was not looking forward to coming in on the weekend
Terry Jeffords: ^
Scully: What are we talking about
Amy Santiago: The workshop on Saturday got cancelled.
Hitchcock: Oh HELL yeah!
You: exactly
Scully: There was a workshop?
Jake: 🤦
Charles Boyle: Yeah didn’t want to see any of you losers
You: ok 🤨
Charles Boyle: Kidding.
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: Every time I see his name I panic
Jake: hmmmm
Jake: u could just tell him
Charles Boyle: Tell him what, exactly?
Jake: that u like him
Jake: that u “want to climb him like a tree”
Charles Boyle: Right because that will go swimmingly
Jake: i mean, at worst he’ll say no and it’ll just be awk after
Jake: he’s not the type to freak out abt those things
Charles Boyle: True…
Charles Boyle: Still. Sigh
October 30, 2:01 p.m.
99
Charles Boyle: HALLOWEEN IS TOMORROW
Charles Boyle: Wear a costume or I will murder you.
Gina: ya right
Charles Boyle: Wear a costume or I will be passive-aggressively nice to you.
Jake: there ya go
Amy Santiago: Seems like a lot of work.
You: yeah, not to mention embarrassing…
Charles Boyle: I will hear no excuses. I have extras. You are quite literally not getting out of this.
Rosa: oh i can and i will
Charles Boyle: Gulp…
Gina: u did not just type that…
Charles Boyle: i can and i did gina
Gina: see it doesn’t hit the same when u say it
Rosa: exactly
Terry: Can I wear the same costume as last year
Charles Boyle: No.
Terry: Please
Charles Boyle: N.O.
Charles: CONSECUTIVE REPEAT COSTUMES ARE NOT ALLOWED. REPEAT COSTUMES MUST BE AT LEAST ONE YEAR APART.
Terry: Damn, all right
Jake: yeah in case you hadn’t noticed the past four years, boyle takes this very seriously
Scully: What’s going on?
Hitchcock: Why am I not wearing pants?
Jake: charles is ordering all of us to wear costumes for halloween tomorrow.
Hitchcock: And my pants???
Jake: i have no idea why you’re not wearing pants, hitchcock. but you should find a pair.
You: lmao
October 31, 9:34 a.m.
99
Charles Boyle: You thought I wouldn’t take this seriously.
Charles Boyle sent gina.mp4.
[gina.mp4: A video of Charles walking up to Gina’s desk and jamming a headband with an angel halo on her head. Gina gives him a dark look.]
Terry: You taking this seriously was never the issue
Rosa: yeah literally no one said that
Gina: we been knew you go crazy for this bullshit
Amy Santiago: The real crime is that those aren’t devil horns.
Gina: …amy! are you insulting me???
Amy Santiago: …No.
Gina: oh. I was going to tell you good job.
Amy Santiago: Fine. I was insulting you.
Gina: ok fck u
Amy Santiago: What…?
Jake: lol
October 31, 9:37 a.m.
Halloween Normies
You: pls tell me charles was joking about the extra costumes
Gina: did my angel halo look like a joke to you
You: i mean…
You: no. it looked beautiful
Gina: exactly. you better come correct.
You: it’s exactly what beyonce would’ve wanted
Gina: THANK YOU.
Rosa: boyle is serious.
Jake: yeah rosa is currently wearing a cowboy hat
You: oh gawd it’s over for me then
Rosa: he begged me for thirty minutes straight. Thirty. Minutes. He almost followed me into the bathroom. And then clawed at the bathroom door like a distressed dog.
You: dayum
You: well it was nice knowing you guys :|
You: so long, dignity…! nice to know you, respect…! see you later, common decency…!
Gina: bold of you to assume you ever had those things
You: AYOOOO 😭
INTERIOR – 99th precinct. 10:00 a.m.
You try to sneak over to your desk the moment you emerge from the elevator. The precinct is decorated in festive fashion, with paper bats hanging from the ceiling with streamers and fake skeletal hands clawing at people’s desks.
It lasts for all of a few moments. Because by the time you sit down at your desk, there’s a hand landing on your shoulder. You jump about a mile in the air, only to relax when you realize it’s Charles.
You
Jesus, Charles. You scared me.
Charles
(in a mildly bad British accent)
I’m not Charles, you bloody wanker.
You
Oookay then.
You study his costume: blond wig, chef’s costume.
Gordon Ramsay?
Charles
You’re bloody right, lad.
Jake
(sighing from over at his desk)
He just keeps saying ‘bloody’.
Amy
And I thought ‘lad’ was Scottish, not British.
Charles
(putting his hands on your cheeks)
What are you?
You
…An idiot sandwich.
You decide not to tell him that he’s missing the pieces of bread to complete that reference.
Charles
(in his bad British accent)
Very fucking good!
He promptly reaches into his chef’s coat and jams something onto your head. You frown and bring a hand up to find what feels like a headband with ears. Did he just shove cat ears on you?
Keep those on, darling.
You laugh in complete disbelief, feeling the fake fur of the cat ears. This entire day is completely ridiculous. Halloween at the precinct is always a nightmare… but you’re starting pretty damn early this year. You sigh and take a sip of your coffee, resigning yourself to a chaotic day.
Later that day…
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: Jake
Jake: yeah, buddy?
Charles Boyle: …Is that proper punctuation?
Jake: argh, yeah, amy is on my ass abt it
Charles Boyle: …
Charles Boyle: That’s mildly disturbing
Charles Boyle: Anyway. I fear I miscalculated
Charles Boyle: I think the cat ears were a horrible idea.
Jake: weren’t they your idea???
Charles Boyle: Yeah
Jake: fine, i’ll bite. why
Charles Boyle: He’s SO CUTE
Jake: oh lord
Charles Boyle: You don’t think so???
Jake: no, ofc i do
Jake: i have eyes
Charles Boyle: Good
Charles Boyle: I can’t stop looking at him now
Jake: buddy…
Charles Boyle: Whattttt
Charles Boyle: God forbid I put a man in cat ears and then find him attractive
Charles Boyle:
Z / |
z (` 、 7
| ~ \
しし _)ノ
Jake: who taught you to use kaomoji
Charles Boyle: I taught myself
Jake: whoa re you and what have you done with the real charles boyle
Charles Boyle: How do I sneakily take pictures of him to preserve this moment forever
Jake: ur on ur own bud
Charles Boyle: NEOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO
Charles Boyle: plsplspslpslsplsplsplsssssss i need ur helppppp
Jake: no.
Charles Boyle: @Jake Help me or I’m telling Amy you haven’t even opened her binder on interpersonal communication in the workplace.
Jake: …fine i’ll get pics of him
Charles Boyle: That’s what I thought
Jake: god gina is a horrible influence on you
Charles Boyle: I know……
Charles Boyle: Now bring me pictures of Spiderman
Jake: lolll
Direct Message
Jake sent 18 photos.
Jake: yw
Charles Boyle: I LOVE YOU THANK YOU
Jake: ily2
Charles Boyle: Time to update my wallpapers
Jake: ur whipped
Charles Boyle: Hehehheheeeeeee
Charles Boyle: Just realizing you got one of him smiling too>???? I owe you my firstborn
Jake: yeah that was almost fckn impossible
Jake: felt like one of those baby photographers dangling something behind the camera
Charles Boyle loved 18 photos.
Jake: ok that was unnecessary
Jake: reacting to one or two would’ve been fine
Charles Boyle: It was very necessary
You
[halloween.jpgs: A series of photos from your day at the precinct. The first one just shows your eyes and above, giving a glimpse of the cat ears. The second photo is a selfie with you holding the camera and giving an awkward smile with a peace sign, while Rosa holds her cowboy hat and looks off into the distance sternly and Gina gives an innocent smile with her angel halo. The third photo is of you at your desk with the cat ears, focused on your work.
The caption reads: it’s ok. only six perps were naked. that’s a record low for us.]
Comments:
@alec20t8: KITTY
You: sht up
@alec20t8: <3
You: … <3
@tjwilliams3: ok catboy
You: in my catboy era ig
Jake: photo creds for the last one, you’re welcome
You: oop my b
Amy: “Give me photo credits for the third one. You’re welcome.”
Jake: i threw the comma in there, what else do u want from me
You: @Amy @Jake can y’all stop flirting in my comment section
Jake: no
Amy: I wasn’t flirting.
Jake: i was :(
Gina: we’re so sexy
Rosa: ikr
You: quite literally the best picture i’ve ever seen in my entire life
Gina: yeah if only we could crop out that one guy
Rosa: ^
You: you mean me?? 😭😭😭 ouchie
Charles: Nice cat ears
You: thx gordon ramsay forced me to wear them
Charles: Sounds about right
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: I played it soooooo cool
Jake: when was this
Jake: i wasn’t aware that was a thing you could do
Charles Boyle: Rude, Jake
Jake: jk
Jake: the ig post?
Charles Boyle: That’ll get it started
Jake: get what started? 💀
Charles Boyle: Alec won’t know what hit him
Jake: who’s alkec
Charles Boyle: Alec
Charles Boyle: The guy who left a heart in the comments
Jake: prob just his friend
Charles Boyle: That’s what they all say…
Charles Boyle: Sighs forlornly
Jake: we gotta get you to either confess to him or just get laid
Charles Boyle: I’m past saving
Jake: yeah u have been for a while
Charles Boyle: Wow thanks
Jake: just saying
Charles Boyle: 🙄
The next month…
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: Jake
Charles Boyle: Do you think I could take a guy if he’s 6’8 and 350 pounds
Jake: take him to dinner maybe
Jake: sorry i had to
Jake: i mean, if you get a gun and he gets nothing
Charles Boyle: No gun
Jake: then no, unfortunately
Jake: terry could. rosa too. captain holt maybe. rest of us probably couldn’t
Jake: is this about ur bf
Charles Boyle: Don’t play with me like that
Charles Boyle: He’s not my bf yet : (
Jake: i’m manifesting
Jake: gina told me abt it
Charles Boyle: In that case, manifest away
Charles Boyle: But yes it’s about him and the dirty criminal who dared to give him a concussion strong enough to put him in the hospital
Jake: ughhhh yeah
Jake: the guy was a beast, took like 5 of us to get him into the holding cell
Jake: honestly he’s lucky it was just a concussion
Charles Boyle: Not luck
Charles Boyle: Skill
Jake: if you say so
Charles Boyle: He had to tase him three times
Charles Boyle: Isn’t that crazy
Jake: yeah it is
The next day…
Jake created 99 + Captain Holt - Catboy.
Jake added Rosa, Captain Holt, Amy Santiago and others.
99 + Captain Holt - Catboy
Jake Peralta: there we go
Captain Holt: Who is ‘Catboy’?
Signed,
Raymond Holt
Gina: it has to get worse before it gets better
Jake Peralta: he’s the guy currently in the hospital w a concussion
Jake Peralta: aka our coworker
Charles Boyle: : (
Amy Santiago: @RaymondHolt Boyle forced him to wear cat ears on Halloween, sir.
Charles Boyle: I regret nothing
Gina: love or hate him, he’s got game
Charles Boyle: Don’t hate me
Gina: don’t tell me wht to do
Captain Holt: Ah, our esteemed colleague.
Signed,
Raymond Holt
Amy Santiago: Esteemed?
Amy Santiago: …Sir?
Gina: do u ever get tired of being such a kissass
Gina: like ik ur mouth dirty
Gina: from all that sucking up
Amy Santiago: Ew.
Gina: 🤷♀️
Rosa: haaaa ha amy’s not esteemed
Amy Santiago: Shut up
Jake: ur missing a period babe
Amy Santiago: You’re missing a period, BABE.
Jake: uh oh
Rosa: run
Jake: kk
Captain Holt: What was the purpose of creating this chat?
Regards,
Raymond Holt
Jake: oh yeahhh right
Jake: i was thinking we should visit him in the hospital today
Jake: he’s allowed visitors now, and he said he’s feeling better so :P seems like good timing
Rosa: ugh
Gina: we get it rosa ur better than sentimentality and feelings blah blah blah
Rosa: stfu
Gina: no.
Terry: I think that’s a great idea, Peralta
Jake: thank you
Amy Santiago: IT WAS MY IDEA????!?
Gina: oop not u taking credit during women’s history month jake
Jake: i mean
Jake: that is historically accurate
Gina: it’s herstory, Jake, get it right
Jake: my apologies miss girl
Gina: miss who?
Amy Santiago: Miss girl.
Gina: dammit amy you messed it up
Amy Santiago: Who else wants to visit him? Maybe at lunch?
Gina: nice subject change
Gina: but i’ll go
Gina: it’ll make for some good footage for my next commercial to the G-Hive.
Gina: caring for the isck and all that
Captain Holt: Sick.*
Signed,
R.H.
Gina: whatevr
Captain Holt: I will also visit.
R.H.
Jake: charles, buddy?
Charles Boyle: Oh, no question.
Jake: good
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: jake
Jake: yes buddy
Charles Boyle: : (
Jake: wassup
Charles Boyle: I feel so bad
Jake: y?
Charles Boyle: He looked tired
Jake: yeah
Jake: he’s tough tho, he’ll be fine
Charles Boyle: i hope so
INT. – 99th precinct bullpen. Monday morning.
You’re finally returning to work, after a week and a half of being trapped in the hospital and then at home. You were starting to go stir-crazy, so you’re eager to get back into the swing of things—even if you don’t necessarily feel like you’re at 100%.
You’ve been texting Captain Holt to keep him updated, and he’s been insisting that you take it relatively easy. As far as you know, you don’t even have many open cases at the moment, and the others have been chipping in to tie up any of the remaining paperwork you had before you left.
You pinch the bridge of your nose and squint as your sunglasses are momentarily slipping up, sending the bright sunlight searing into your eyes. You immediately nudge them back down and sigh, slinging your bag over your shoulder and shoving your hands in your pockets as you enter the precinct.
The moment the elevator doors slide open, you can tell something’s off. No one’s at their desks. Usually Amy’s the first one here, so at the very least you’d expect her and Captain Holt to be here. But there’s no one.
The Squad
(whispering)
Surpriseeeeee!
You look over to the conference room to find balloons and cake. You smile.
Welcome back!
Charles Boyle
We missed you.
Jake elbows him in the side harshly. Charles huffs.
You
Thanks, guys. And thanks for whispering.
Captain Holt
Welcome back, Detective.
You
Thanks.
You amble about and talk to everyone for a few minutes, enjoying some cake before Captain Holt is clearing his throat.
Captain Holt
Now, our scheduled merriment is over. Everyone, please resume work.
Most of the group heads back to their desks, while Jake, Charles, and you are left standing near the doorway of the conference room with Rosa. She shoulder-checks you lightly, before moving to sit down at her desk.
Jake
Glad you’re back.
You
Thanks. Me too.
Charles
Nice shades.
You
Ha, thanks. They’re the only ones I had. Almost forgot them too.
The lights in the bullpen feel brighter than normal, even through the darkened lenses of your sunglasses. You take a slow breath, frowning as the walls morph and spiral around you. Vertigo has been a pretty consistent companion over the past week or two, and it seems to be returning already. You rub your eyes behind the sunglasses, wavering on your feet a bit when the gesture only provokes more dizziness. You reach out and grasp at the doorframe for a moment.
Charles
Whoa, you good?
You
Yeah, fine. Just a bit dizzy.
You stand there with your eyes closed for a few seconds.
Jake
(with faux-innocence)
Why don’t you help him back to his desk, Boyle?
Charles shoots Jake a dark glare, before straightening up and offering you an arm. You huff in amusement but take it, your hand resting on his upper arm. When you make it back to your desk, you thank him and lean back in your chair, closing your eyes behind the sunglasses.
Charles looks over at Jake, mouthing the words ‘Thank you’ before pulling out his phone. Getting the unspoken message, Jake opens his texts.
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: Never washing my arm again
Jake: i don’t think that;’ll have the effect you want it to
Charles Boyle: Don’t CARE
Jake: …alr
Charles Boyle: i feel bad
Jake: yeah… i get it
Jake: but that’s the risk of the job. besides, he’s more than capable of handling himself. this may be the first time he’s been injured, now that i’m thinking abt it
Charles Boyle: Yeah, that sounds about right
Charles Boyle: idk what to dooooo
Charles Boyle: I want to throw blankets over him and cuddle him to death
Jake: W.W.R.D.
Charles Boyle: …?
Jake: What Would Rosa Do?
Charles Boyle: I don’t think that’s the best way to handle this
Charles Boyle: She’d key his car while screaming about the weakness of emotional vulnerability
Jake: pfffft tru tbh
Charles Boyle: Maybe I could bake him something
Jake: that’s
Jake: not a bad idea
Charles Boyle: I already know what he likes
Jake: ok that’s cute
Jake: i’m back on board
Jake: u do that buddy
Charles Boyle: thx jake
The next day…
Direct Message
Jake: sooo how’d it go
Charles Boyle: I chickened out and put them in the break room for everyone
Jake: CHARLES NOOOOOOOOOOO
Charles Boyle: I know 😔 I’m a failure and I don’t deserve to live
Jake: don’t go that far
Jake: but arghhh you should’ve given them to him!
Jake: he’s just as much of a people-pleaser as you are, he would’ve eaten what you made even if it was bad
Jake: which it wasn’t cause you made it
Charles Boyle: I know
Charles Boyle: I regret everything
Charles Boyle: And also nothing
INT. – 99th precinct bullpen. A few days after your first day back at work.
You’re not having a very great day. You thought you were on the mend with your concussion; you’ve been doing everything right: eating well and staying hydrated; keeping physical activity limited; not looking at screens for too long; just generally taking it easy. By all means, you should be fully recovered.
‘Should’ is the key word in that sentence, because you feel like shit. Your head is pounding, you feel queasy, your vision is fuzzy and blurry, and every time you tilt your head, you’re hit with intense dizziness.
After a few minutes of trying and failing to squint at the numbers on your computer screen, you give up and cross your arms on your desk, ducking your head and closing your eyes.
Charles Boyle
You should go home.
You
(mumbling into your arms)
It’s fine. Just a few more hours.
Charles frowns and looks over at Jake, who pointedly glances over at Captain Holt’s office. Charles nods in understanding, heading over to the captain’s office.
You don’t notice any of this, because your head is still buried in your arms on your desk. So when you hear footsteps and then a hand lands on your shoulder, you’re understandably surprised.
Captain Holt
Detective.
You
Yeah?
Captain Holt
You are free to go home for the evening.
You
What?
You get up far too quickly and the world swims around you. It takes several moments for your vision to sort itself out, and when it finally does, you see Captain Holt standing in front of Charles.
Captain Holt
Go home, Detective.
You
But I don’t need to—
Captain Holt
That is a direct order.
You
Captain, I’m fine.
Gina
I mean, I’ll go home. If he doesn’t want to.
Captain Holt shoots her a sharp look.
You
Sir—
Captain Holt
Go home and rest.
You
(reluctant)
…Okay…
You push yourself to your feet slowly, bracing yourself against your desk for several moments until your balance solidifies. Then you grab your keys off your desk and try to move for the door.
Captain Holt
Wait.
You freeze in your tracks.
Captain Holt
(eyeing the keys in your hand)
Did you drive here?
You
Uh… yeah.
Captain Holt
Boyle, drive him home.
Charles Boyle
Yes, sir!
He gives a bit of a mock salute, to which Captain Holt shakes his head in exasperation and returns to his office. Charles and you are left standing near your desks.
You
Sorry to get you dragged into this.
Charles Boyle
No, no, it’s fine.
Besides, you need some rest.
Not— Not that you look bad or anything. You never look bad. You look great, actually, concussion chic—
Charles shakes himself out of it.
Charles Boyle
Sorry, let’s just go. We can take my car.
The two of you head out to the parking lot at a somewhat leisurely pace, with your usual walking speed slowed significantly. By the time you get into the passenger seat, you’re weirdly exhausted. Charles is silent as he starts his car; you close your eyes and lean back against the seat.
Charles Boyle
What’s your address, again?
You
Oh, shit, right.
You recite your address and Charles pulls it up on his phone, humming. Then he pulls out of the parking lot, and you’re both quiet.
You
If you want to stop to get food or something, we can. I’ll pay for it.
Charles Boyle
No, no need.
I’m not hungry.
You
(murmuring, your words slurring together a bit)
Thought you said you were always hungry.
Charles Boyle
…True.
The rest of the drive is relatively quiet, as you struggle not to fall asleep. By the time he reaches your place, you’re about ready to seep into the car seat and just disappear.
Charles Boyle
(glancing over at you)
Sorry, you’re too tall for me to carry.
You
(mumbling)
You… don’t have to apologize.
Charles Boyle
Okay. Let’s get you inside.
He helps you inside and to your living room couch, which you collapse on immediately.
You
Thanks, Charles.
Charles Boyle
Any time.
He stares at you for a moment, lips parting as if he’s about to say something else. Then he just shakes his head and gives you a slight smile.
Take it easy, okay? And lock the door behind me.
He slips out the door and gets back into his car. You manage to lock the door before returning to the couch and practically falling into it, quickly slipping into sleep.
Direct Message
Charles Boyle: meeting in the bathroom when i get back
Jake: ugh does it have to be in the bathroom
Jake: … fine.
INT. – 99th precinct, men’s bathroom.
Jake enters the bathroom to find Charles standing in the middle of the restroom silently.
Jake
Boyle, you good?
Charles Boyle
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Jake
What’s the matter?
Charles Boyle
Nothing. I mean, not nothing, but… not something.
Jake
(squinting at him in complete confusion)
What?
Charles Boyle
Sorry, I just…
He breaks off and shakes his head.
Jake
(placing a hand on his shoulder)
Hey, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me, buddy.
Charles Boyle
Nothing’s wrong. Just… I almost told him I loved him.
Jake
Holy shit.
Charles Boyle
I know. I just— I wasn’t even thinking about confessing or anything.
Jake
It was just an in the moment thing?
Charles Boyle
I… don’t know.
Jake frowns and pulls his friend into a hug. It’s a testament to Charles’ distress that he doesn’t immediately reciprocate or cling onto him.
Jake
It’s okay, Charles.
Charles Boyle
I’ve never felt like this before. For anyone.
It was like… I don’t know. Seeing him vulnerable like that… I wanted to care for him. And I thought about doing that for the rest of my life… like, if that were ever even a remote possibility.
…And I thought… that would make me really happy.
Jake
Dude. You’re gonna make me cry.
Jake blinks hard, looking away and wiping at his eyes.
Damn. Wow. That’s… We gotta work this out for you.
Charles Boyle
Yeah, I think I need to tell him soon.
Before Jake can respond, one of the stall doors swings open and Hitchcock emerges, folding a newspaper under his arm.
Hitchcock
(with a nod)
Gentlemen.
He nods at them before heading over to the sink and washing his hands.
Charles Boyle
You heard all of that?!?
Hitchcock
Sure did.
So, who’s the lucky lady?
Jake facepalms, shaking his head in disbelief. He watches as Hitchcock leaves the room, then he turns to Charles.
Jake
(wryly)
Well, I think your secret’s safe, Boyle.
Charles Boyle
For now, anyway.
INT. – 99th precinct bullpen, a month or two later. You have since made a full recovery and returned to the force.
Captain Holt
(emerging from his office)
I have a new case for two of you.
Everyone looks up from their desks.
Boyle, I’d like you to work on this one.
Boyle nods.
And…
The camera zooms in on Captain Holt. He frowns and looks around the room. There’s a sudden shuffling noise and when the camera pans back out to the rest of the office, everyone’s desks are empty—with the exception of you and Charles.
You
(looking around disbelievingly)
What just happened?
Captain Holt stares at the empty desk chairs, a few of which are still spinning from their occupants’ quick exit. He sighs and turns back to you.
Captain Holt
Looks like you’ll be joining him, Detective.
Direct Message
Jake: sooo ?😏
Charles Boyle: We got the perps
Jake: no, not that
Jake: how’d it go w him
Charles Boyle: Oh yeah
Charles Boyle: We were watching them from around the corner
Charles Boyle: And I started talking cause I got nervous
Charles Boyle: He pushed me into the wall and put a hand over my mouth JKHSDULKGHLJKEWGpoJiOIJSEBTJEWHRW
Jake: oh?
Charles Boyle: i almost giggled like a little girl
Jake: grown men can giggle boyle
Charles Boyle: Taking those required readings from Amy very seriously, hm?
Jake: yeah
Jake: feminism is only the first one
Jake: i feel like i’m taking a college course except for no credits
Charles Boyle: i mean you get to bone
Jake: cHarles
Charles Boyle: Am I wrong
Jake: no
Charles Boyle: anyways i almost giggled like a grown man
Jake: better
Jake: and TEEHEEEE
Charles Boyle: Yep just like that
Charles Boyle: He wants me so baddddd
Jake: i think *you* want *him* so bad
Charles Boyle: It’s true
Charles Boyle: Godddd
Jake: i want you to know, every day i get closer and closer to just asking him out for you
Charles Boyle: Ughhh
Charles Boyle: I know, Gina keeps threatening me too
Charles Boyle: Rosa’s resorted to emotional blackmail
Jake: so her usual then
Charles Boyle: Pretty much
Charles Boyle: But even Sarge is giving me these weird looks, like he feels bad for me
Charles Boyle: When will my suffering end
Jake: self-inflicted
Charles Boyle: -_-
Charles Boyle: Good luck on those intersectionality modules
Jake: that was warranted
Charles Boyle: Damn right
99
Charles Boyle: He just rolled up his sleeves… red ALERT
Jake: oh lord
Jake: charles wrong gc again
Charles Boyle:
Charles Boyle:
Charles Boyle has left the group chat.
Gina: oh noooo
Gina: what a terrible occurrence
Gina: i sure hope this doesn’t last
You: …
Jake: uh oh
You: was that…
Gina: let him cook guys
You: …
You: …supposed to be abt me
Rosa: FINALLY
Gina: ^
You: wut
Amy Santiago: Charles has been obsessed with you for months.
Jake: ok obsessed isn’t the word i’d go with
Jake: he really likes you
Jake: and it’s been super obvious to literally everyone
You: HUHHH
You: everyone>!!??!?!
Terry: Yeah
Amy Santiago: Yes.
Gina: ye
Rosa: yeah
Hitchcock: Not sure what’s happening but yes
Scully: Yeah
You: WHAT THE FUCK
You: y’all have known for months ??????
Jake: well
You: omfgggg
You: ok i’m gonna text him
You: if this goes poorly it’s literally everyone else’s fault
Amy Santiago: Not sure that’s how it works…
You: TOO LATE
Direct Message
You: hey charles? ?
Charles Boyle: Hi
You: u good
Charles Boyle: Ah yeah
Charles Boyle: Nothing like some good old-fashioned self-inflicted public humiliation
You: lol
You: this may be conceited, but was that text abt me??? timing seemed too good haha
Charles Boyle: Not conceited
Charles Boyle: Yeah, it was
You: fr?
Charles Boyle: Yeah
You: omgggg
You: um,,, i mean, thanks, i think?
Charles Boyle: You’re welcome
Charles Boyle: Sorry if I made you uncomfortable
You: no, no
You: it’s flattering, honestly
You: esp since it’s coming from u
Charles Boyle: Why’s that?
You: well, i could tell u meant it
You: i think
Charles Boyle: Oh I definitely did 💀
You: LOLLL
You: but still! didn’t think you noticed me like that
Charles Boyle: Are you kidding
You: uh… no…?
Charles Boyle: I *always* notice you
Charles Boyle: Like way too muchhh
Charles Boyle: I can’t even think straight around you
Charles Boyle: Even now my hands are shaking
You: nooooo 😭 i’m no one worth being anxious over, pls
Charles Boyle: You are
Charles Boyle: Are you on lunch right now
You: yeah
You: just sitting outside if u wanna join me
You: usual spot
Charles Boyle: Ok I will
99 + Captain Holt
Charles Boyle sent a photo.
[hands.jpg: A photo of Boyle’s hand in yours.]
Charles Boyle: No one panic everything’s fine
Terry: Finally
Rosa: we weren’t panicking
Jake: not to brag but i saw the pic first
Amy Santiago: That is bragging, babe.
Jake: fine. TO BRAG i saw this first
Amy Santiago: Thank you.
Jake: i am better than everyone
Gina: stfu jake
Gina: congrats or whatever boyle
Charles Boyle: Thanks
Rosa: but congrats ig
Gina: lmao took you a whole 4 minutes to type that out huh
Rosa: stfu
Amy Santiago: Congrats, guys! Happy for you!!!!
Hitchcock: Oh, that’s what the bathroom meeting was for.
You: bathroom meeting?
Charles Boyle: @Hitchcock sHHHHHHHHSHSHSHHSHSHS
Scully: who won an oscar
Jake: …
Jake: we’re congratulating our two favorite dumbasses on finally getting their shit together and confessing their feelings @Scully
Scully: Ohh. Congratulations, guys
You: thx everyone ! 🖤
Jake: oh and good luck with captain holt’s 45 minute presentation on appropriate workplace dynamics and physical affection in a professional capacity
You: huh
Amy Santiago: It was really quite enlightening.
Jake: no it wasn’t
You: sigh
Charles Boyle: At least we’re suffering together
Gina: gag
Gina: barf
Gina: vomit
Gina: 🤢🤮
Gina: 🫵👉🗑️
You: thx love u too gina
Charles Boyle: @Gina Don’t get it twisted sis
Charles Boyle: He loves me way more
Gina: i really don’t care
Charles Boyle: 🤏
Gina: u can have him
You: fck u too then
Gina: fck u 3
You: 😭😭💀
Terry: So are you guys dating or
You: yup
Charles Boyle: <333333
Gina: being bisexual doesn’t make that any less cringey charles
Charles Boyle: Hater
Charles Boyle: Anyways as I was saying
Charles Boyle: 💚💚💚
You: 🖤
Captain Holt: Back to work, everyone.
R.H.
Jake: oop hey dad
Jake: i mean
Jake: yeah i meant dad
Raymond Holt: @You @CharlesBoyle The presentation is scheduled for next Tuesday at 9:30 a.m. Expect to take notes.
R.H.
Raymond Holt: And congratulations.
R.H.