Chapter Text
Tears. Such an odd thing to think about. You feel strong emotions–so strong it physically hurts–and your eyes leak water. And where does this water come from? And why is it warm? And most importantly, why does any of that matter?
John asked himself these questions that day. That..𝘢𝘸𝘧𝘶𝘭 day...he clutched the letter. He wished it wasn't real. He wished it were all a dream. He wished that the world would cave in so he wouldn't have to bear it, this...this awful truth...
Loneliness. The ugliest word in the English language, he thought. He was leaving in two weeks and there was nothing he could do. He would be all alone. His knees buckled and eventually gave. He hit the floor hard.
The turn of a doorknob. The creak of a door. His gaze snapped up. Alexander had heard him stifling painful sobs.
"Dear? Are you alright?" Oh, Alexander. That perfect man. And he would have to leave him alone with Phillip until someone surrendered. Or maybe..no, not forever. He would be back, he was sure of it. Wasn't he..?
He didn't fight sobs anymore. Just let them com and go as they pleased. He looked up into Alexander's gorgeous violet-blue eyes. Pity, he saw in that soft gaze. Other feelings too but mostly pity at the crying, weak mess that was John Laurens.
He tried to speak. Found no words. Instead he just handed the letter over.
𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘑𝘰𝘩𝘯 𝘓𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘴,
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘜. 𝘚. 𝘈𝘳𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘮. 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘗𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴.
𝘚𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘜. 𝘚. 𝘎𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵
"Laurens? What is this?" All that followed were choked sobs.
And they were answered with a warm embrace. No words. Just pure unspoken and unconditional love.
"Pa..? Why is your face red?" Phillip's small voice came from the still open door.
"Phillip..meet me in the main room in a minute. Let's let Pa have some time alone."
"𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶... " The small, weak voice came from John. He felt so weak...
*****
"Phillip, Pa has to...go do some work somewhere else...I want you to know that whatever happens, I will be here." Hamilton's gaze never met Phillip's.
"He's going to war, isn't he..?"
Hamilton hesitated.
"....yes.."
*****
"John? Are you alright, dear?"
"Not really, I'm afraid."
"Ah. I know this isn't really the time but...would you like to go stargazing?....One last time..?"
"That would...be nice.."
Alexander put his coat on and reach his hand out to John, prompting him to take it and follow him.
He did not, as if to scared that he would get to attached. To be honest, he already was.
He followed a bit behind. His expression was solemn and unchanging the entire walk to their spot. Hamilton laid down in the grass, his red locks sprawled out the every side as he looked at the sky.
For a moment he was unsure if John would lay down next to him. Eventually he did though, his blond hair doing the same as Alex's. He felt so vulnerable and helpless.
There is suffering too terrible to name. Have pity on this poor man.