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Adam was exhausted. Physically and emotionally.
The Olympics had been a huge roller coaster for him. From an almost perfect short program, to his initial miscommunication with Stephen. From finally sorting everything out to having a terrible long program.
Then he had had to separate from Stephen for some ice shows in Switzerland, while the Canadian had returned to Toronto to train for worlds.
Lying on top of the sheets of his unmade bed, the ceiling swirled before his eyes. He was finally home, able to rest for a couple days before resuming training, but despite his exhaustion, his body refused to let him sleep.
He missed Stephen more than he thought possible.
Just call him.
Yet Adam couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone, impose upon Stephen's day, where he was surely extremely busy with his own things. The time difference made it especially hard to coordinate.
Call him, his traitorous mind whispered.
It's not like they hadn't talked. They texted all the time, small snippets from their days. Often, they would send photos of whatever they were eating throughout the day. Adam suspected that was Stephen's not-so-secret way of making sure he was eating enough.
Recently, he'd spent a lot of time thinking about the canadian. He wished he could hear his voice, let the soothing sound of it wash over him and lull him to sleep. They had found that that worked well at the Olympics, Stephen murmuring soft words to him as they relaxed.
Call him.
He couldn't. Deep down, he was scared it might set him off. If he called, he would truly realize how much he missed Stephen. How much he just wanted to hold him, and be held in return.
Adam was so often praised for being brave on the ice. He sure didn't feel it right now.
It's not that hard, get on with it!
He glanced over at his phone, lying discarded on the bedside table. What if he called and Stephen didn't pick up? He would probably cry.
Turning back over, he threw a hand over his eyes and groaned. Why was this so difficult for him!?
Even under his socked feet, the hardwood floor was cold as he walked to the kitchen. If he got a quick snack, he could use it as an excuse to text Stephen. Then, when he got a response, he could call.
But what if he still didn't pick up?
This is pathetic, his mind berated him.
Of course Stephen would pick up. And if not, he would have a valid reason.
His eyes absentmindedly scanned over his options, nothing really jumping out at him as something he wanted.
He briefly considered lying to Stephen, sending something but then not really eating it, but the thought of the disappointment that would cross his face put Adam off. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he made Stephen unhappy.
He threw some raspberries and a handful of granola into a bowl of high-protein yogurt, taking a quick picture to send. Chewing on his lip anxiously, he waited for a message back.
Stephen ❤️: Looks good!
Stephen ❤️: Having a quick post-training snack
Stephen ❤️: [photo]
Adam nearly dropped his phone in shock at how quickly he'd received a response.
Come on Adam, call him.
Feeling brave, he clicked the call icon beside the profile picture of Stephen, smiling in front of the Olympic rings.
Stephen picked up right away. "Hi, Ads. How are you?"
"I'm good, but tired though." Adam could hear the lie in his own voice, there was no way Stephen hadn't picked up on it.
"Ads, what time is it over there?" Stephen asked, as if suddenly realizing.
He glanced guiltily at the clock. "2 o'clock." He let out a sheepish laugh.
Stephen shook his head, smiling slightly. "You need sleep, love. Is something on your mind?"
That was it for Adam. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he turns away quickly, hoping Stephen hadn't seen.
Luck was not on his side.
"Oh, something's really bothering you, isn't it?"
"I just–" he choked off, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, "I really–"
"Take your time. I'll be here for you when you're ready," Stephen reassured him.
Adam tried to take some shakey breaths, but only ended up sobbing harder. Why couldn't he just tell Stephen?
"Ok," the taller recognized that something was seriously wrong. "Can I see you? Come breathe with me."
He moved into frame, lower lip trembling. He bit it in a futile attempt to stop any more noise from escaping, but tears still streamed down his cheeks.
"Deep breaths for me, ok?" Stephen counted them out for him. In for four, out for four. "That's it, well done. Now, what's bothering you?"
"I really, really miss you," he choked out, voice cracking slightly. "And I'm absolutely exhausted from all the shows and now that I don't have the other skaters around me I feel lonely. But yeah, I just really miss you."
"Oh, Ads. I miss you so much too." Stephen smiled at him through the phone screen, but Adam thought he could see the faint lining of tears forming in the other's eyes. "Ten days until we travel to worlds. I promise we can facetime every day, ok? I was going to call you today, but by the time I got off the ice I thought you would be asleep."
"Ok. Facetime every day. That sounds good."
It wasn't quite what Adam wanted right now. In a perfect world, he would be able to take Stephen in his arms and hold him, but that wasn't realistic now, so he'll take what he can get.
"Tell me about your day?" he requested.
"Go to bed first, then I will." He told the frenchman. "I want you to be comfortable if you fall asleep."
Adam rinsed out his bowl, then padded into the bathroom where he could brush his teeth. He let Stephen ramble on about random things while he did that.
"Here's some of my medals," Stephen seemed to have started a small house tour. "Nothing as flashy as what you have, though."
"You put the one we made at the olympics up," he observed.
"Of course. These are only the ones that are really special to me."
Adam smiled fondly, absolutely delighted. He had made Stephen the silver medal a couple days after the free program, since the olympics didn't have small medals. It was only a circle of tinfoil-covered cardboard with the rings drawn on in sharpie, but the fact that he had it up made Adam's heart flutter. He wondered breifly if Piper had ever noticed he'd used her ribbons to made the neck loop.
As soon as he was settled, Stephen started telling him about his day in that soothing, gentle voice of his. Adam unconsciously found his eyes drifting shut, and he didn't try and fight it.
Predictably, he was asleep before Stephen had even started his story about Benoît, an unguarded look of calm crossing his face.