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“Are you ready?”
“Almost.”
Jedidiah perched on the edge of the small cot in the corner of his study, fumbling with shoelaces. He glanced once at his reflection on his dark desktop screen, pulled on his coat, and went to join Sydney in the main room of the nurse’s building.
“Give me two more seconds!”
Jedidiah couldn't help but smile as Sydney rushed past him in a giddy whirl, cane clicking on the ground as he disappeared into the bedroom.
“Okay.”
No response came from the bedroom, except for the sounds of a mess being created and the giggling that came with it.
It was going to be a great afternoon. It was just a date—they’d been on multiple before, though it had been a while. There was no need for Jedidiah to be shaking like a leaf, or for his stomach to twist with nerves. He was being overdramatic; it was just Sydney.
Speaking of, the shorter man walked out bundled up for Ohio Winter with layers of knit hanging off him—the same way moss hangs off of a tree. Cheeks were already colored rose from all his rushing around, and a laugh that felt like fresh summer rain poured out of his smile.
He was beautiful. So happy. So alive. A rare reminder of why Jedidiah would return to camp when the air bit with the same cold as a mother's stare. This was his favorite Sydney. The Sydney who didn't have to stress over kids, and rules, and judgment from peers. The Sydney that was only his.
They took their time as they made their way to the spot. Sydney loved to take it all in: The pines who cradled snow in their needles, proud of their green in a way that mocked the dead that surround them. It was poetic, he’d said. And he read the poem over and over as he grazed the season-sick bark with gloved fingers and breathed the words right off their page as the crisp air filled his throat.
Jedidiah, on the other hand, hated it. It was too cold to be outside for no reason. And both his nose and throat were filled with a thick, choking slime. And his head hurt. And his throat. And he was freezing despite his heavy coat. And he-
“Jeddie? You okay, hun?”
It took him a moment to process Sydney’s words. He nodded curtly, and they continued moving.
The pair continued along just inside the edge of the tree line until they found the narrow path. Down a short hill was their small clearing. Their spot.
Snow blanketed rocks that had once been tables for meals of mudpies. Logs that had served their time as balance beams and benches now sat much lower in the ground. Initials that had been immortalized by a pocketknife into wooden flesh had scarred over, new bark leaving barely a trace of what had once been. Though left untouched, the space had aged faster than they’d known it could.
Jedidiah carelessly swatted away snow before collapsing onto a too-long log. His aching body was already punishing him for the walk over. He pulled the coat tighter around his shivering frame while his lover came behind him, kissing him on the head and setting the bag between them. Jedidiah leaned back into him as the shorter man retrieved a book from his bag and began leafing through the pages.
“So, what are you looking for again?”
“Hiemsbane. It only grows from November to February, and it has to be near a body of water for moisture.” He shoved the book under Jedidiah’s nose. “It's this bright white, see? To blend in with the snow. And it smells kinda minty- like the toothpaste they give little kids, but medicinal.”
“Ah, so like normal toothpaste?”
“Shh, no. And it makes an absolutely disgusting tea. It's sweet, but sweet like rot. They say it’s supposed to help with focus, but I just want it in my collection.”
He had always found it difficult to look away from Sydney when he rambled on about things he loved. Legs stretched out in front of him as he glanced away. His eyes took the moment to re-survey the area.
“So… why are we here?”
The book was snatched back.
“Because. Last time we came here there were dozens just a bit further in, towards the lake. It won’t take long if we hurry.”
The darker haired man shoved his book back into his back and began in the direction of said Hiemsbane.
“Sydney.”
He stopped, looking back.
“Hm?”
“Why’d you bring us here?”
Sydney glanced away, looking at the trees behind them. He chuckled.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you could’ve told me about it back at the cabin. Why did you bring us here? I mean-” His eyes darted, now uncomfortable with the situation he’d put himself in. “I’m not saying it's weird or anything. I’m just curious, I guess.”
Sydney smiled a bit at his partner’s nervousness, and Jedidiah sat up straighter as soon as he knew that smirk.
“What? You don't like it here anymore?”
“No! Well, not like ‘no,’ I don't. ‘No’, I still like it. I just- why?”
“Oh, I’m not sure.” He stepped towards Jedidiah, his cane crunching soft snow under him as he moved. “I guess I just missed you. I know that's silly, you’ve been here all week. But we haven't been here since that year the lake had a siren infestation, and I remembered how that year I dragged you with me to look for new mushrooms, and we met here before. And you had constellations of freckles and an awful sunburn from being outside all of the time. And you used to do that weird little thing where you’d start making up rhymes about-”
“Okay! Okay, I get the image!”
Sydney stood right in front of him now, and Jedidiah could see the vapor from his breath, the way the cold chapped his lips and skin.
“But I’ve missed doing things with you, and this reminded me of you I suppose.”
He was coy, and it was adorable. Jedidiah took his hands, bringing them around his shoulders as he leaned in to kiss. Sydney hummed softly and stepped closer to straddle his lap as a soft hand lifted to the other’s cheek. An apprehensive touch found itself on Sydney’s waist. It was gone too quickly, though it lasted forever. Sydney pulled away slowly, his red face refocusing in Jedidiah’s starry eyes.
“Are you feeling okay?”
Jedidiah blinked, thinking.
“Huh?”
“You’re really warm, Jeddie.”
The hand brushed past his cheek to his forehead. He leaned over now, examining.
“I’m feeling fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Sweet sea glass eyes peered into him, trying to solve the puzzle. Jedidiah could only nod, swallowing back the thick phlegm that coated his throat. Sydney stood back up, raising a brow at his other.
Of course, at the worst moment, Jedidiah could feel an itch that creeped up through his trachea and made home in the back of his throat.
“We should probably head back. It’s too cold out anyways, and you look like you could-”
Sydney flinched back at the dry cough that exploded out of Jedidiah. He leaned over, heaving wind towards his knees for a few second before it passed.
“Oh, Jeddie…”
He peeked up to see his boyfriend offering his hand to help him up with that putrid look of concern in his eye, when he was the one who needed help. Jedidiah could feel the guilt sinking to a pit in his stomach. He ignored the hand, and pushed himself up.
“It’s nothing. I’m probably allergic to something out here.”
Sydney scoffed.
“To what? The snow?”
He grabbed Jedidiah by the arm, stopping him from walking away.
“Please just take me back, okay? It's too cold for me, anyway.”
He smiled gently. He was being cautious, playing the game. Jedidiah chose to ignore that.
“We can stay just a few more minutes. The Heimspain, remember?”
“Hiemsbane. It's not going anywhere. Please, Jeddie?”
Puppy eyes clawed into him, ruthlessly tearing apart his remaining will. This was ridiculous. He was fine. But with a huff, he allowed Sydney to lead him back through the snow to the nurses’ cabin.
Blankets wrapped around him in a tight hug, offering a comfort that Jedidiah's shivering body refused to accept. This was asinine. He felt stupid. Here he was, bundled up like something fragile while Sydney folded another compress for his head. He’d gone out in the first place for Sydney. That's who the date was for. It felt wrong to hijack the day just because of a little cough and headache, and the guilt of it all made him a bit sicker.
“Can you open your mouth for me?”
Jedidiah zoned back in.
“What?”
“Open your mouth.”
Jedidiah looked away, nose wrinkling in disgust at the idea of being looked after any more.
“I’m fine, leave it alone. You're not my mom.”
“No, but I could go get her.”
Jedidiah glared at the teasing smile, opening his mouth reluctantly. Sydney leaned closer to shine his flashlight into his other’s throat.
“When did this start? Today?”
“I don't know. I guess.”
“Okay. Headache, dry cough, fever. Anything I’m missing?”
“You tell me. I’m just the assistant.”
Sydney stood up, crossing his arms.
“You're being incredibly rude, y’know. When I’m trying to help you.”
“Sorry.”
Sydney stared him down for a second, before sighing.
“It’s okay.”
He sat next to the pathetic pile that lay on the bed.
“I’m just trying to help.”
“I don't need you to take care of me.”
Sydney laughed.
“What?!”
“What?”
“You’ve taken care of me before. How is this any different?”
“I don't know, it just is.”
It took an embarrassing amount of strength to resist leaning into the compress being pressed gently onto his forehead. Sydney laughed, and Jedidiah pushed away the caring hand.
“You’d feel a lot better if you would just relax.”
Jedidiah huffed in response. An action that caused him to choke on nothing and send him into another fit of painful dry coughing. Sydney didn't react with more than a flinch back before silently pushing a glass of water towards him. He took it cautiously, studying his nurse’s face for any sign of pity. He could find none, only a soft sigh as he leaned back on the headboard next to Jedidiah and pulled a book from his bag.
Jedidiah sat up, leaning back and peering over Sydney’s shoulder.
“What’s that?”
“My collection.”
He passed it over for Jedidiah to flip through. Each page held one or two plant pressings, carefully preserved and documented. Some had leaf patterns traced beside the pressing, and others had descriptions of where they were found.
“This is cool.”
Sydney cracked a smile, wrapping an arm around him.
“Thank you.”
He reached over Jedidiah, flipping to a certain page for him.
“See that purplish one? One of the Cabin Dung Beetle kids snuck some seeds in a care package two summers ago, created a nursery, and tried to start their own little ring. How cute is that? Of course, I had to confiscate it when Dylan Dimple came to me worried about the state of his eternal soul after he tried smoking some. But I was more worried about them growing plants out of their own special made compost marinated in unwashed socks. Can you imagine the paperwork it would take for Lucille to approve that?! Though, I have to applaud them for their entrepreneurship. I did feel bad for annihilating a small business.”
Jedidiah huffed a laugh from his nose, tracing over the pressing.
“Maybe they shouldn't have been getting high at camp?”
“Hah! Oh please, with all of the pills I’m on, I shouldn't be able to drive!”
“…You can't drive, Sydney.”
“Maybe there's a reason for that!”
He leaned in, booping Jedidiah on his flushed nose. Suddenly, he sat up.
“Ah, shit.”
“What? What's wrong?”
Jedidiah tried to sit up with him, but was gently pushed back down.
“It's 16:35. I have some chores I need to get done before dinner.”
He gave him a soft peck on the forehead before gathering his things. Jedidiah reached for the hem of his cardigan with a grip that could be described as desperate if you squinted.
“No, I- uh, I wanted to know more about your plants.”
Sydney smiled, reaching over to run loving fingers through the other’s hair.
“You can hang on to the book, if you like? I’ll only be an hour or so.”
Jedidiah simply shrugged. He took the book with a sigh and laid back.
“Try and get some sleep if you can, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The door shut with a sharp click, but Jedidiah's ears reached to hear the clacking of Sydney’s cane throughout the nurses’ building until it disappeared with the shutting of the front door, leaving the man to himself and his apparent sickness. Though, surely Sydney was exaggerating it. He was feeling better by the second, and he hadn't felt too bad in the first place.
His eyes traveled down to the book. He opened it, scanning through, taking in its elaborate detail. Sydney's own mind poured out onto the page in a beautiful mess that Jedidiah could perfectly understand. It was a shame they'd come back before Sydney could get his heimlich or whatever it was called, especially with him being the reason they'd left. The more he thought about it, the more it made his stomach twist. Sweet, patient Sydney, taking care of him in a way he could never deserve.
It hit him like a gust of cold wind. It was perfect, sure, to have Sydney swooning. Lord knows he owed him some sort of gesture for making Sydney take care of him, and it would stick with him until summer. He knew where to go now, and he'd be there and back long before Sydney could finish his chores.
With new determination, Jedidiah sat up and swung himself off the bed. Lightheadedness overwhelmed him the moment he stood, and it took him a moment to recollect himself. That was fine. No worries.
Slowly, he made his way out the door and outside. He was quickly reminded by the bite of Ohio Winter that he’d forgotten his coat. No big deal: he’d be quick.
After checking for Sydney, he carefully made his way behind the cabins to the treeline, watching the still-moving ground that shifted with every step. After an eternity, he reached the forest. It was muscle memory from here.
Remember, Jedidiah. Remember? Even if the last time he’d traveled there knowingly was years ago, this should be fresh. Sydney had pressed his palm to the bark of a thick tree with a large rock under it, which was… there. Right. And he’d coughed a little after that when they'd walked past the birdhouse. Then, they’d turned around that skinny tree right-
Jedidiah paused in his tracks. There was no skinny tree here. Only thick pines that doubled alongside his vision.
Right, okay. Fine. He’d retrace his steps. The birdhouse should just be a little way’s back.
Except it wasn't either. Though, it was hard to even see where it was supposed to be with the falling snow and a spinning head. And boy, did his throat hurt. And his legs grew heavier and heavier, like he was wading through jello.
If the snow would just stop, he could see where he was. He knew these woods, didn't he? He wasn't lost, just… disoriented. Slow down. Breathe. Reset. Head back to camp. He had time; he'd only been walking for—His head pounded, and the numbers on his watch were jumping defiantly. He squinted. 20ish minutes? That left him plenty of time to grab the plant and make it back before Sydney was finished.
Back to camp. One shaking foot in front of the other. He could tell from the sun in the sky which direction… no, he couldn't. Green clouds washed away his hope of finding North. Okay, he’d pick a direction. No matter where he went, there were only so many places he could end up: Lake, Camp, or maybe some sort of landmark he could use as a clue.
So, Jedidiah walked; forward, he’d decided. Towards somewhere. The snowy pines that towered above him mocked him, but he was too sick to care. His throat ached something awful, and a few times he had to lean against one of the condescending trucks in a coughing fit. His body trembled almost violently, and the cold felt like it was going to consume him at any second. The headblaine—no, heinrick? Whatever. He could find it for Sydney some other time. All he wanted now was the cabin, his bed, to be wrapped in a warm blanket with Sydney in his arms.
Vision wobbled, his own eyes betraying him as his foot snagged on a tree root and he was sent down into the snow with a slushing crash. His whole body ached, and the wind was knocked right out of him. He began to cough again, heaving out air on the white ground. Between coughs, he could hear something moving. Great. This was how he was going to die, coughing on the ground in the woods so loud that he attracted some creature that would eat him. Whoopee.
Something was yelling. A voice? Not Sydney's. Was it calling his name? He tried his hardest to keep his eyes open, to see what was happening. But his strength did not allow for that kind of feat.
“…Jedidiah?”
He could hear the soft crunching of snow, and his own labored breathing.
“Can you hear me?”
Jedidiah woke up slowly. It was warm, really warm. He could feel the dampness of his sweat clinging to his shirt. And something was wrapped around him tight, like a hug. It trapped him. He tried to kick it off gently but it would not budge.
And he could hear talking, soft but sharp. As little by little he became more aware, Jedidiah recognized a burning pain in the back of his throat and a pounding of his head. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes to find Soren and Sydney sitting at the small table in the corner of their room. They paid no mind to him yet, absorbed in their own conversation.
“He was just out in the woods?”
“Yes. A little way’s in from the lake.”
“How did he even get out there? You just found him laying down?”
“Well… no. He collapsed, I suppose?”
“What?! Collapsed?! What did you do, Soren?!”
“Wha- me? Nothing! You’re lucky I even brought him back, I could've left him for the Mother. To be covered by snow and absorbed back into-”
Jedidiah cringed at the thought. Sydney growled, stopping when he saw Jedidiah.
“Jeddie!”
Sydney was on top of him faster than what should've been possible, embracing him like he may never let go. The action crushed Jedidiah a bit, but his still-sleepy mind decided it best to wait until Sydney was ready. Soon enough, Sydney pulled away and took Jedidiah’s face between his hands.
“What happened?”
“…What?”
He recoiled as a bright light shone into his pupils, Sydney holding his chin steady. He pushed the light away, whining softly.
“Why were you in the woods? Did you see something? Why didn't you find me?!”
Jedidiah pulled away gently.
“No, nothing like that. I just was going for a walk.”
Sydney froze for a moment, studying him in disbelief.
“Huh?”
“I was feeling better, and I felt like going out.”
“Jeddie, what the hell? You didn't even have a coat on! You were out alone in the snow with a high fever. What were you thinking? What would've happened if Soren didn't find you? What would I have told Lucille? ‘Oh, sorry. Your son got sick so I took care of him, but he went out into the woods to get sicker?!’ Seriously, Jed. What the hell were you thinking?”
For some unexplainable reason, he broke. Silent tears began to run down hot cheeks, and the shaking seemed to stem from more than just illness. Sydney's demeanor immediately shifted, soft and careful.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn't mean it. It's okay…”
Jedidiah didn't respond. He couldn't. He could do nothing but stare at his lap and be embarrassed and cry. He had no reason to be crying; Sydney had every right to yell at him. He needed to calm down, but his weak body gave right into the sorrow that overcame his trembling frame.
“I’m going to go.”
Soren stood, pushing in his chair. Sydney turned to him briefly.
“Right, thank you. Bye, Soren.”
The door shut awkwardly behind him, but Jedidiah couldn't see it. Sydney wrapped himself around the other man, trying to help. It broke Jedidiah’s heart,
“It's okay, you're okay. No one is mad.”
“No, Sydney. It’s-” He sighed, wiping his face with his palm. “It’s not you.”
“What's wrong, hun?”
Jedidiah avoided his look. He didn’t want help. He didn’t feel good and he could get over it by himself. He could tell that Sydney was lost on how to handle this. How to handle him, like he was something unknown. He was sicker and sicker with each thought.
The bed whined as Sydney sat beside him. He reached out to rub Jedidiah’s back with a touch warm enough to burn. They sat together, silent minutes moving supernaturally slow until Jedidiah’s tears had dried.
“Why were you in the woods, love?”
Jedidiah wanted nothing more than to crawl under the quilt and hide until the whole day was long forgotten. Instead, he rolled over to face Sydney without looking at him.
“I was going to get that heimspain for you. I got lost.”
“Heimsbane?”
Jedidiah nodded.
“Hun… what?” His tone was still cautious. “Why did you go back for it? We could've gone together. I mean, you didn't even grab your coat!”
Jedidiah pulled the blanket a bit tighter around him, staring at it's pattern instead of Sydney.
“I felt bad you weren't able to get it earlier, and I was going to surprise you. I know that sounds stupid, and I’m sorry. But I was feeling fine when I left. I just got lost.”
Sydney shook his head, feeling Jedidiah's forehead.
“You were passed out in the woods. Soren found you and brought you back here.”
Jedidiah shrunk a bit at the thought. He supposed he was lucky to have been found rather than “Sacrificed to the mother.”
“Well in better news, your fever broke!”
“I still feel awful.”
Sydney's smile softened.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Another beat of silence, less awkward than before.
“It was very sweet of you to try and find me heimsbane, but in the future you should know I prefer a healthy Jedidiah.”
“I know.”
“Plants will always be here, I only get so much time with you.”
Jedidiah hummed in understanding. Sydney leaned in to plant a brief kiss on his cheek.
“You're going to get yourself sick.”
Sydney smirked.
“No I’m not. And besides, I think you’d be worth it.”
Jedidiah returned his smile softly.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Sydney reached a hand up to run his gingers through the brown hair.
“You still feeling bad?”
Jedidiah nodded. Yes, he was. His head had calmed, but his throat was burning unbearably and his stomach thundered like a coming storm.
“I could make you something to eat. Would that help?”
Jedidiah shrugged dismissively. He didn't need Sydney spending any more valuable time taking care of him.
But Sydney must have been able to read minds, because he saw right through Jedidiah and asked again.
“You sure? I’m going to make some toast for myself, anyways. It's really no work, I promise.”
Jedidiah hesitated. The last thing he needed was Sydney taking care of him. But, he was very hungry. And very tired. Sydney's words from before came forward in his mind, about how he had often taken care of Sydney. Not that he deserved the same care Sydney did. But if he was insisting.
“Okay.”
Sydney perked up instantly, grabbing the bedpost to stand.
“Okay! Good! Is soup okay?”
“Yeah, whatever is easy.”
Sydney nodded and made his way out of the room to retrieve said soup, hips swishing and cane clicking to the beat of whatever song it was he was humming. And Jedidiah thought maybe, even if it wasn't the date they had planned, it was nice to get to spend time with Sydney like this. Maybe it could turn out to be a good evening after all.