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It was a sobering thought, Lily reflected, to realise that you didn’t know your own daughter.
Things had been… tough lately, since the conclusion of the Triwizard Tournament. Since the game that Harry and Archie had been playing had been dragged out into the open, things had just felt… off. Like there was a hole in her heart where the family she thought she’d had used to be. And not just for her, she knew James was feeling it too, and try as she might to hide it Lily could tell that Harry did as well.
It was tough looking around the dinner table and seeing the hurt in each of her family’s eyes. It was tough feeling them all treading on eggshells around each other. It was tough seeing Archie and Sirius responding in exactly the opposite way to her own family – growing closer through the adversity. But mostly it was tough seeing her daughter around the house and feeling like she didn’t know who she was.
And the worst part was that she’d had no idea what to do about it. She hadn’t known what to do, so she’d just let it be – as they all had – as they all hoped that time would heal all wounds.
Then, last night, Harry had come to find her after Addy had been put down for the night. Lily couldn’t remember the last time Harry had come to her for anything – a realisation which only stung her further. She’d wrung her hands nervously as she’d asked Lily if she’d like to take a trip out the next morning. That she wanted to show her some things. That she wanted her to understand.
“Remus said… He thought it might help if… you know, if I showed you some things,” Harry had said quietly.
Lily hadn’t known what to say, or how to react. But, if she were honest, she knew that time wasn’t healing the hole in her heart. Ignoring the problem wasn’t helping, and here was as good a chance as any to spend some time with her daughter and maybe, just maybe, start to repair things. So she’d said yes, and they’d arranged to go straight after breakfast. She’d flooed Remus, asking him to look after Addy for the morning, and then gone to bed with the knowledge of the early morning ahead of her.
Her heart didn’t hurt any less, but the unexpected feeling of butterflies in her stomach made it weigh on her just a little bit less than of late.
It was a sobering thought, Lily reflected, to realise how different Harry was here than she was at home.
Harry had told her the night before that they wouldn’t be doing anything worth worrying about, and Remus had warned her when she’d flooed him last night that there might be some surprises in store, but nothing to panic about. It wasn’t easy not to worry though, as she’d walked down Knockturn Alley with her daughter chattering nervously to her as they went, with it being obvious as anything how normal an experience this was for Harry. She was 35 years old, and she wasn’t comfortable in Knockturn Alley, but Harry acted like she was at home here.
She’d watched as Harry had greeted several people, including a few children that looked to be orphans, by name. She’d observed the cheery smiles thrown at her daughter in return. She’d wondered why she never saw smiles like that on Harry’s face at home.
Their first stop had been a potions shop – The Serpent’s Storeroom – where Harry had nervously introduced her to Mr Krait, the proprietor. The proprietor, and also apparently her daughter’s boss for the last three years. That’s right, her daughter had been working what very much sounded like a full time job to her, however much Harry denied it, since she was eleven.
Lily wasn’t sure she knew how to feel about that, but it was hard to be mad as the gruff but kind shopkeeper pointed out – much to Harry’s chagrin, she’d noted – all of the potions ranges that Harry supplied for him. He’d told her how much he prized the quality of Harry’s potions, and how much attention they’d gotten from notable individuals like Horace Burke and Lucius Malfoy. Harry had scuffed her shoes in the corner as he’d told her that this had been the place where Harry had been scouted by Aldermaster Hurst, not Tate’s as Harry had previously told her.
She’d not known what to say when she’d commented on the Wolfsbane price, and Krait had informed her that Harry had insisted on it as a condition of supply – as well as the deal around Potter’s Protection Potion they offered. She’d not known what to say, but she’d been oh so proud. And she’d watched as Harry’s passion arose around the subject, and she’d jousted verbally with Krait in a comfortable, confident way that Lily would never attribute to Harry.
Her heart didn’t hurt any less as they left the shop, but seeing this side of her daughter warmed it in an indescribable way.
It was a sobering thought, Lily reflected, to realise how much danger your daughter had been in without you knowing about it.
She wasn’t sure how much more she could have been surprised, after learning about her daughter’s potions-supplying career. Setting foot in Lamia Lodge, however, had certainly surprised her… more.
When she’d realised exactly where they were, it had taken a lot of nervous reassurance for Harry to calm her down, and all the time a trio of vampires had looked amusedly on from across the lobby they’d entered. Harry spoke to them all with such familiarity that it left Lily in no doubt that this was far from their first meeting, and her stomach tightened at the knowledge that her daughter had been out befriending vampires and she’d had no idea.
Harry and a vampire named Kasten had taken her down to a small laboratory that Harry had wanted to show her, and she’d tried in vain to listen and be present for the conversation they’d had whilst down there. They’d talked about potions, and ended up in a very detailed discussion about essences – something that Lily had little familiarity with herself. Normally, the intellectual in her would have been keen to take part and learn, however today she found that part of herself suppressed by another.
Try to focus as she might, despite all Harry’s assurances, her eyes could not ignore the scorch marks scarring the walls of the little laboratory, and her mind could not escape the worry as to where they were. By the time they finally left, she’d been a ball of nerves – her stomach twisted with worry at the thought of what could have happened to Harry, even though the familiarity Harry and Kasten had shown clearly told the rational part of her mind that they were good friends, and it was unlikely they’d harm each other.
Her heart didn’t hurt any more despite the fear, yet seeing this side of her daughter had left her stomach feeling cold with worry.
It was a sobering thought, Lily reflected, to realise that her daughter had found her real, true home somewhere that neither she nor James had even heard of.
Not her physical home – for this was neither Godric’s Hollow nor Harry’s flat that James had told her about – but it would have been clear to anyone observing that this was where Harry felt at home.
Harry had brought her here for lunch. She’d told her that the shepherd’s pie was to die for, and Lily would openly admit after sampling it that she’d definitely not been lying. But the real joy for Harry didn’t come from the food, it came from the people.
How quickly they had descended on them after she and Harry entered the pub – The Dancing Phoenix, she thought it was called – and how much she’d noticed her daughter’s face light up just at the sight of them. Young and old, male and female, but it was as clear as day that Harry adored all of them and that they adored her in turn.
Harry had introduced her, and they’d all greeted her in turn, demeanour ranging from polite to friendly. It was only when Leo Hurst had turned up that any reservedness had vanished, and happy laughter, jibing and jokes permeated the room. It was almost as if they’d all taken some kind of cue from him, but Lily suspected that it was probably just down to his infectious personality. The boy was the life of the room, and whilst Lily wondered if Harry knew it herself, she saw in an instant how the two were drawn to each other.
She sat across the table and watched as they all enjoyed each others’ company, and as Harry’s face lit up like she’d never seen before in Leo’s presence. How her daughter relaxed in ways that she hadn’t seen for years – not since ‘school’ had started, she reflected. How much they all smiled.
Her own smile was rather more wistful, as she took in her daughter, knowing that she was all but a stranger to her in so many ways. How had it come to this? How had she not noticed?
Then Harry turned to her, laughing at something Leo had said, her eyes shining in hopeful delight. Just the sight of her daughter so happy drew out a heartfelt smile from Lily too, before Harry dragged her into the conversation, trying to include her, that she realised.
It was certainly a sobering thought to realise how little she knew her own daughter. But Harry knew that too. She was reaching out, she was trying, even as she worried that Lily wouldn’t approve. She was doing what she and James hadn’t – she was taking the first step.
The hole in her heart – in all of their hearts – couldn’t be fixed in a day. It was deep, and unnatural, and it was something that all needed to address, not just ignore.
But for the first time in months, as she threw a joking comment of her own at her daughter and joined in the laughter it engendered, Lily somehow knew that in the end, they were going to be okay.