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"I'm sorry," said the Angel of the Eastern Gate politely. He was feeling rather distracted. "What was it you were saying?"
"I said, that one went down like a lead balloon," said the Serpent of Eden, who wasn't exactly a serpent at the moment; if it weren't for the sleek black wings that sprouted from his back, you could easily have mistaken him for a human.
"Yes," said the angel, whose name was Aziraphale. That's putting it mildly.
Time passed. The two stood in uncertain silence, watching two small beings, off in the distance, trail their way through a faraway forest.
There wasn't much else for either the angel or the Serpent to do. Aziraphale was stuck here on guard duty for the foreseeable future; the Serpent, whose name was Crowley, had technically completed his assignment but wasn't at all eager to return to HQ.
The angel found he was glad of the company.
Suddenly Crowley's expression changed. He blinked, then leaned a little toward Aziraphale and breathed in.
The angel pretended not to notice.
Crowley breathed in a little deeper this time.
Aziraphale gave him a sidelong glance.
The next breath was unmistakably a sniff.
"Was there something you wanted?" Aziraphale asked sharply.
"No- no." Finally, Crowley withdrew.
"Right."
There was a pause. Aziraphale waited uneasily, hoping against hope that Crowley wouldn't bring up what he was sure he'd noticed.
Eventually Crowley said, "Didn't you have an unspeakable stench?"
Aziraphale winced.
"You did!" Crowley said. "I remember, it reeked like anything!"
"Er, well-"
"God gave it to you Herself, didn't she? S'pposed to keep them out, wasn't it?" Crowley jerked his chin in the direction of the retreating humans.
"Well-"
"-But now you-" Another sniff- "Don't stink at all. Y'smell nice, like fresh air, 'n, 'n... apples or something."
"Hmph," Aziraphale said.
“Got fed up with the smell already, have you? Scrubbed it away? Y'always were a fussy angel, I remember."
"No... not exactly..." The angel hid a thrill of delight that Crowley remembered him.
"Lost it?" Crowley grinned.
“Oh no! No, not exactly lost, more—”
“Well?”
Aziraphale looked wretched. “I gave it away!"
Crowley stared at him. "Y'mean- s'that why they haven't been eaten?"
"Don't be ridiculous. I don't know what on earth you're talking about. It has nothing to do with-"
"-It is! I've been wonderin' how they'd made it this long - There was one big lion that I thought for sure was gonna get 'em, but it got right up close to 'em and then suddenly ran away, whining and clawing its nose- y'know, that's a really clever idea, angel-"
The angel wasn't listening; he was too busy babbling nervously. “-They looked so frightened, poor things, and she’s expecting already, and I thought, well, where’s the harm, so- I just said, look, this stench will keep you safe from predators, so here it is, don’t bother to thank me, just do everyone a big favor and don’t let the sun go down on you here.” He gave Crowley a worried look. “That was the best course, wasn’t it?”
"Guess we're gonna find out," Crowley said, in a tone of voice that said it was too late to do anything about it either way.
"Mm," said Aziraphale, in a tone of voice that agreed with this assessment, and was very concerned about it.
They continued to watch the horizon for awhile.
The two small figures had long since disappeared into the distance. But if you breathed in deeply, and you had an ethereal or occult being's sense of smell, you could just catch a whiff of something reeking among the trees.
It was going to be a dark and smelly night.