Chapter Text
I wasn’t expecting it to rain. I mean, the sky was all sunny and happy yesterday. But I guess all good things come with an equally un-good price. Dark, angry rain clouds crept into our little town of Gravity Falls overnight like a panther. A dark, angry panther looking to pounce and kill the closest thing to him. I guess that was us. Ok, well. Maybe I’m being a bit over dramatic, but UGHHHHHHH. I’m so BORED. There’s nothing to do when it rains. I mean, well there is but I ran out of hot glue and no one wants to drive me to the store in this rain.
Dipper is so lucky to be a guy. Him and Soos can spent all day doing dumb boy things like blowing up hot dogs and farting or whatever. I can hear them right now, banging around in the attic building some kind of potato race track. I was into it for a bit until they started throwing the potatoes. I’m not looking to get a black eye. Wendy wasn’t even here. Grunkle Stan called her early this morning to tell her not to bother coming in.
“Wendy? Hey, yeah. It’s Stan. Look. It’s raining cats and dogs out there. No one in their right mind is going to come out here today….Yeah…..WHAT?! Are you getting PAID?! Are you HERE?!....Yeah, Soos is here but I’m not paying him. It’s more like a play-date…...Yeah. Yeah. Ok. I guess that’s fair. Half a day’s pay but I want something in return. Like those cookies you brought in last week. OH! And a gallon of milk. I ran out like, two minutes ago….Thanks, Wendy. Uhh, be safe if you go out today. Trees fallin’ down everywhere and stuff. And DON’T GO OUT TO GET MY MILK IN THIS WEATHER. Got it?... Good girl. Good-bye.”
I haven’t seen him since then. He wandered up into his room and I’m guessing he just fell back to sleep. I guess I could go bother Grunkle Ford, but he didn’t really let me do much. And him and Grunkle Fidds always acted really weird when we’re around. It’s like, we KNOW you’re kissing each other and gross romantic stuff so, like...what is your problem? I asked Grunkle Fidds once but he just mumbled something about my innocence or whatever. I like Grunkle Fidds. He dances with me. OH! Maybe I can get him to play his banjo for me!
I wish I was a little bit taller so I didn’t have to drag a chair to reach the vending machine buttons. It gets really annoying. It’s like they want to keep me out or something. If they really wanted that they would change the password. Silly boys. Sneaking, sneaking, sneaking down the stairs.
“I don’t know, darlin’. I ain’t too caught up on my bio-molecular science. I’ve been buildin’ doohickys and giant robots fer the last 30 years. I’m sorry I can’t be more help to ya on this one.”
“Hmmm.”
Grunkle Ford wasn’t wearing a sweater? That is kinda weird. I guess he must be hot. I’m going to stay here on the stairs, just to see how this plays out. Grunkle Fidds looks real sad. I know how he feels. Like he can’t help and just has to stand there awkwardly wishing you knew what the heck was going on.
“Hey, Fidds?” Grunkle Ford was using a dirty shop rag to wipe the sweat away from his face. Yup. He was hot. But he just wiped grease all over his forehead. Silly Fordsy.
“Whatcha need, hon?”
“I think we could use a break.”
Oh my gosh. Ok. Ew. Grunkle Ford, ew. UGH! Grunkle Fidds?! Licking his face?! Nope. No. Nope. I’m going back upstairs. Now I see what Grunkle Fidds meant about my innocence. It’s gone. Woosh. Out the window and blown away with the rain.
“Mmmm. Fidds. Yeah, just like that.”
UPSTAIRS NOW.
Ughh! Something warm and squishy collided with me as I very discreetly slammed the door to the basement.
“Woah, there! Where’s the fire, scamp?”
Ok. It was just Grunkle Stan. Nothing TOO scary. Just, you know. Face planted into my uncles underwear. This day wasn’t going to be very awesome at all. But Grunkle Stan was always great at making it better. He always had super cool taxidermy projects and sad romance movies and the best hugs in the world. Actually, a hug is probably just what I need after seeing...oh god, no don’t think about it. DO NOT think about it.
“Grunkle Stan, I’ve just had my child-like innocence pried from my soul in the form of Grunkle Ford’s tongue and Grunkle Fidds face. Please, hug me.”
I loved when he picked me up. He is super strong for an almost 60 year old man. He held me like I was a kid. Not the 13 year old young woman that I was. Ha! Who am I kidding. I’m a little kid.
“Ick. Yeah, I can see how that would do it. They’re pretty gross, aren't they. Love and all that jazz.”
Mmm. Stan must have just showered. He actually smelled really good. Like, that green guy soap. Spring something. He was really warm, too. Like, hot shower warm. Nuzzling his neck seems too good to resist. Plus I know that he secretly loves it. The poor guy really missed out on a lot of love. Good thing I’m here.
“I love you, Grunkle Stan.”
It’s kind of hard to hug him so nearly choking him with the best ‘I love you’ hug to the neck I could give was the next best thing.
“Oh..you’re killin’ me, kid! I love you, too. Just let go of my neck ya damned spider monkey.”
“Giggles. Oh Grunkle Stan. You know I wouldn’t kill you. At least not when you’re holding me. You could fall forwards!”
Aww. He nuzzled my cheek with his head! Just like a little kitten! His hair was wet. Yup. Clean Grunkle it is.
“You smell really nice, Grunkle Stan. What’s the big occasion?”
“What are you implying? That there has to be an occasion for me to use soap?”
Staring is all I can do. Judgmental staring. Actually, he looks kind of...nervous? Am I being crazy again? Oh yeah. Set me at the kitchen table. Not suspicious at all. Ok, well maybe it actually isn’t. Yeah. I’m crazy.
“What are you up to today, huh kid? You know. Since it’s raining and everything.”
“Ughhh, sigh. Nothing. Nothing at all. So BORED!”
My forehead makes a funny sound when it hits the table. WHAMP! Haha. Ow. Ok, not doing that anymore. Something banged on the kitchen counter. Ahh, Stan was making a pot of coffee. It always smelled so good but Grunkle Ford told me it will stunt my growth. Dipper said that’s just an old wives tale and that they just didn’t want me to have caffeine. Grunkle Fidds told me that he would get me some without caffeine one day. I’ll have to remind him.
“Well, what do you do when you’re bored? I’m sure there is something you can do. You live in a damn mystery museum with a inter-dimensional space hopping six fingered weirdo, an equally weird hillbilly who builds death rays for fun, a twin brother and whatever the hell Soos is, and most importantly, ME! The Man of Mystery!”
“Yeah, I don’t think I can face the two basement dwellers for at least a few more hours. Soos and Dipper are doing dumb boy things and you wouldn’t want to do any of the dumb girly stuff I like to do.”
“Oh yeah? Try me.”
Huh. Stan actually looked, kinda younger. Almost shy. What the heck was going on? I’m going to put on my most questioning look and see what exactly this old man was up to.
“Okaaaay, glitter parade?”
“Sure.”
Ok. Wasn’t expecting that. Time to up my game.
“Talk about cute boys over ice cream and shows about teenage life issues?”
“Ditch the teenage life shows for literally anything else, and done.”
Uhhhh Huuuuu. Ok. This was getting interesting.
“Total makeover INCLUDING nail painting.”
Stan wasn’t saying anything. HA! Got him. Oh, oh man. I think I screw up. He’s pushing his chair back.
“Wait, Grunkle Stan I…”
He didn’t leave. But he did pull off his slipper. Okaay….Whaaaaaaat…..
“Um, Gr..Grunkle Stan?”
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. His toes were painted purple. He was wiggling them at me and, oh my gosh. BLUSHING! This is SOOOOOO CUUUTTE!!!
“How about all three?”