Archive of Our Own

The air was soaked with a sharp odor of soju mixed with the smell of frying grease. The walls and floor were probably covered with it just like windows, which haven’t been washed for ages. The ceiling fan was spinning lazily, but it wasn’t needed since it was the end of February–it was still freezing. And this bar was devoid of any warmth. The only source of heat were grills, one heater in the corner, where they happily sat in, and some kind messages left on the cork board. 

But it didn’t matter. Everyone who was disgusted by this place left right away or they stopped caring when they drank the first glass of alcohol. Or maybe two in Soobin’s case. Perhaps he should stop caring about the details and focus on the more important things or people. Because at least it was the idea of going out with someone. 

And he agreed, because how could he say ‘no’ to his only hyung. Especially when he tried to act flirty by winking. Well, it ended with a muffled curse and laugh of their four. Beomgyu's one was merciless, still echoing in their ears. As if he knew something. To be more precise, a secret of one of them. Soobin regretted being fooled by the supportive side of his best friend and told him everything. No, Beomgyu was caring, just a little too much for not being discreet.

An English song was playing in the background trying to disturb customers, who were talking with each other. They might be talking about the Olympics or a new TV show, but Soobin didn’t really care. All of his attention was focused on the blonde, who was eating fries bought by the younger as a loss in that stupid basketball game in the arcade. He found it charming how Yeonjun’s thick lashes were caressing his lower eyelid with every bite of snack probably made from that awful grease, but for Soobin it was Yeonjun’s happiness that was important. If he would want to eat ramen after their ‘date’ then he’ll run to 7-Eleven and buy it. 

The thing was that Soobin didn’t know when he started to focus on the older man more. When he stopped to consider him just a friend. Last night he thought about it before falling asleep, trying to ignore Beomgyu’s screams towards his teammates in LOL. The only thing he knew was that he realized his feelings a month ago, when he visited his family and they asked about his love life. It was so poor that Beomgyu and Kai tried to coax him into going on blind date. Everytime Soobin agreed it was a nightmare. Instead of trying to get to know his dates, he would rather think about Yeonjun. If he ate, or if he took a nap after his training, or if he was wearing warm clothes since Soobin always scolded him about that or always gave him his jacket. It was natural to think about an older person in their little group, because it felt like they both were responsible for the other three. 

But then Soobin started wondering if it didn’t start on the very first day, when seven years old Beomgyu brought a two years older boy to their hideout in the playground. Even if eight years old Soobin wanted to be angry at his best friend, he couldn’t, because he was amazed by the friendly twinkle in Yeonjun’s eyes, so he approved his presence. And a year later Taehyun and Kai joined them. And they became five friends with one dream. 

Or maybe it started when he heard Yeonjun’s singing for the first time? He remembered it felt like a cupid appeared in front of him, aiming at Soobin’s heart with his arrow. His voice was like a siren song, dangerous, mesmerizing, but also breathtakingly beautiful. 

“Hi, hello. Are you here, Bin?” Yeonjun waved in front of his face, helping him come back to this repulsive place. But as long as Soobin had his love interest next to him, it didn’t matter. 

“Yeah,” he choked out. “But to be honest I would rather be somewhere nicer.” 

Yeonjun raised his eyebrow, but a slight smirk appeared on his face.

“Where?” 

“In my room for example,” Soobin said, making Yeonjun roll his eyes. “No, hyung, listen. Yesterday Beomgyu nearly chucked me out, because he saw my room. You know…” 

Yeonjun listened and nodded at every word. He didn’t have to imagine what a younger man’s room could look like. He was there so many times, but with every visit there were more and more books and clothes on the floor. He obviously wondered how Beomgyu could live with that mess. 

“Yeah, go on…” he muttered, looking directly into Soobin’s eyes, making him flutter. 

“Yeah, so, where was I? Ah! So I cleaned it and begged Beomgyu to let me stay there. And finally I discovered that I like to sit in my room, especially when it’s clean.”

Soobin ended his little story with a little grin. It was his proof of being proud of himself. Even Beomgyu clapped with tears in his eyes. Probably relieved, because he could open his friends room’s door wide. Or maybe it was, because Soobin finally accepted the fact that he was in love with Choi Yeonjun. 

“I thought you’ll start babbling about your stupid game.” Yeonjun didn’t hide his reluctance towards LOL. He preferred Overwatch and because of that Soobin lately started playing it more. 

“That’s the reason, too.” Soobin teased him, readjusting himself in an uncomfortable chair. 

“You punk,” Yeonjun muttered, accompanied by Soobin’s soft laugh. A little blush already appeared on his cheeks. “Treating your hyung like that? When I’m the one who invited you?” 

“You know you’re the best hyung I’ve had?” 

“I’d be surprised if I wasn’t.” 

Even if it was the most obvious thing to say, Yeonjun seemed touched by those words. Soobin didn’t know if it was an impact of alcohol, but his eyes became a little teary. Of course, if he would ask Yeonjun about it, he would swear that he’s not crying. He always tended to hide his emotions from the four of them. Likely due to his sudden decision to be that adult in their friendship. 

But Soobin has never wanted for Yeonjun to carry that burden of responsibility all alone. He wanted to share it with him. He wanted to allow the older to show his emotions when things were tough. And even if they both knew that it was their five, who made everything easier, they couldn’t help crying at night. Especially when Beomgyu broke his leg, Taehyun got into an accident when he was coming back home from school and Kai needed to move out for two years.

“You are,” Soobin repeated, a little lost in his thoughts. “And you’ll always be. But I need you to focus more on yourself, okay? Can you do it?”

“I’m the happiest person when I can see your happiness. All of you.”

Of course he said that. With that damn smile.

“I love your smile as much as I love your tears and that angry frown, and also when you’re scared as hell, well I’m scared with you too most of the time, but all of those, all of you, just true you.”

Alcohol really must have loosened his tongue, because on a normal day he wouldn’t say such risky words. He didn’t remember how many he had drank, but he reached for an almost empty glass. He felt naked after saying this aloud. Will Yeonjun react to it? Soobin hoped he was too busy listening to some catchy songs. Although a younger one wasn’t able to focus on anything else, since the only sound he heard was a loud ringing in his ears. As if his reason was warning him against a tricky game of his heart. He shouldn’t listen to it, especially when he was drunk as hell. 

If Beomgyu was there he probably would congratulate him, breaking free from pathetic Soobin. 

He expected Yeonjun to be in shock. But the only reaction from him was his soft laugh, which reminded Soobin of candies. 

“You better stop or I’ll think that you are seriously in love with me.” 

Oh.

Oh.

The next words were like a giant wave of water, strong enough to destroy them. But they will survive, right?

“What if it’s true?” Soobin slightly tilted his head. “Just hypothetically.”

Another snort of laughter escaped Yeonjun’s mouth. 

“Just hypothetically I'm Santa Claus.” 

Oh, okay. 

The only thing Soobin could think about at that moment was Yeonjun looking pretty in red outfits. He loved how this color contrasted with the older’s plump lips. When Soobin saw his new album concept for the first time, he was the first of their group to do so, he was mesmerized by this man look. For him Yeonjun could never be famous, and still Soobin would be his biggest fan. The fan of the way he squinted his eyes when he didn’t understand something, the fan of his cocky smile with his visible fang and the fan of his comfort hugs, which Soobin craved for.

Yeonjun would be handsome in a Santa Claus outfit. 

Soobin tried to ignore his thoughts about Yeonjun’s possible reaction to his confession. He was stupid saying those unnecessary things. What if he would hate him? Be disgusted by him since he fell in love with the most pretty man he had ever met. Suddenly he felt bile in the back of his throat. What if Yeonjun not only will dump him, but he’ll not accept it? Beomgyu was so cool about it, Taehyun probably knew too, but he didn’t show any concerning signals, which would stress Soobin out. Kai is so loveable he couldn’t hate any people alive. 

But Yeonjun? 

“Binnie, you’re not here again.” Yeonjun sighed, irritated. 

“Uh… sorry,” Soobin mumbled. “Where were we?”

“I asked if you want to go somewhere else.” 

Soobin looked around the bar, confused. Talks continued with the sound of clinking glasses. Some people were laughing when some of them were at the edge of buzzing anger. The greasy fan was still spinning as if it was one of those lazy Sundays, when Soobin was rotting in bed before Beomgyu or Kai jumped on it to make him eat dinner cooked by Taehyun with them. Yeonjun wasn’t present most of those days due to his work. And as much as Soobin was proud of him, he missed him with the same amount. 

“Wanna go?” he asked. 

Soobin didn't go to places like clubs or bars. Not alone. Because he knew that his alcohol tolerance was so low that if Beomgyu, Taehyun, Kai or Yeonjun weren’t with him, he would do a lot of stupid things. Starting from being too expressive and ending on kissing a stranger as it happened last month. It was so stupid, because he thought that it could stop him from loving his friend. In reality he felt even worse after Beomgyu’s disapproval after he came back. 

Yes, he wanted to go. 

But on the other hand doesn’t it mean that their evening date will end? And what then? Yeonjun won’t have any time for them for at least two weeks. He read their group chat last days less often, let alone texting. Soobin could already feel longing for this man, even if he still was at his fingertips. 

So yeah, he wanted to spend every free second with him. 

“You don’t like bars,” Yeonjun said with hidden sadness in his voice.

But I like you. 

“I like spending time with my hyung,” he said with a smile. “How about changing the place to somewhere… where can we sober up a bit?”

Yeonjun's face lightened at his words as if he was happy to spend another time with his younger friend. 

“I’m in. We should slow down a bit.” Yeonjun nodded. “We didn’t drink much, though.” 

They may not, but Soobin knew it wasn’t only alcohol, which made him drunk. 

✨️✨️✨️

The city lights almost dazzled them. The river was flowing, trying to avoid the hustle and bustle. Some people were walking with snacks in their hands, some were with children and others holding their hands. The smell of churros was floating in the air. Day like any other. 

But then there were them. Yeonjun wrapped up with Soobin’s scarf and with his beanie on his blonde hair. Soobin with his hoodie, infused with grease from the bar. A cold wind caressed their blushed cheeks. And they walked, no one of them knowing where. 

“I tried to find this bar, where we were for the first time,” Yeonjun said suddenly.

“Oh, wait. That place where I first drank?” 

It was the most embarrassing story ever. If he could go back in time, he would tell himself to not agree to Yeonjun’s proposition to mix all of those rainbow drinks. 

“Yeah,” Yeonjun chuckled, remembering something. “Remember when I needed to call Taehyun, because I couldn’t lift you up?” 

“Hyung, please…”

A shiver of embarrassment ran down his spine. It was years ago, but he still can recall the moment when he almost threw up on Yeonjun’s shoes and when they came back home, the older one stayed with him. He prepared water and some medicines and also helped Soobin change into more comfortable clothes. Yeonjun could sleep in Beomgyu’s empty room, since he was visiting his family, but still he chose to sleep with his friend in one bed. It was too small for Soobin alone, so both of them should have been a nightmare, but it wasn't. It was so lovely to hug Yeonjun, that the younger one fell asleep immediately. 

Sometimes when Soobin couldn’t sleep at night, too tired to collect his thoughts, Yeonjun came over and they were falling asleep together. In each other’s arms. Too close to be just friends and too far to be lovers. 

Nevertheless Soobin enjoyed it, because it was Yeonjun. Yeonjun, who was always telling him that it’s okay to cry. Yeonjun, who asked “where?” when Soobin wanted to run away from his problems. And Yeonjun, who waited in front of doors, when his friend didn’t want to talk with anyone. Because he was afraid that if Soobin suddenly wanted to talk with someone, no one would be there for him. 

“You were such a cutie then. You were telling us that you love us and you’re grateful to meet us.” Yeonjun smirked. “And also called us your four stars.” 

“I must have been really drunk, because no way that I called you that, when the only thing you guys do to me, is being such jerks,” Soobin retorted, sighing. 

“Not cute anymore, though.” Yeonjun shrugged, but his smile was even bigger. He found it funny that only he and Beomgyu knew how to annoy their friend. 

“That’s what I’m saying.” Soobin rolled his eyes. He was still walking, when out of sudden Yeonjun stopped. “Huh?”

The rainbow of lights was reflecting in Yeonjun’s dark eyes. He lifted his head towards something high. His lips parted a little, as a proof of his admiration. 

Soobin frowned, turning his head to see a giant viewing tower, illuminated as a Christmas Tree. Two glass elevators were moving slowly, trying to impress people in there with some good views of the city. To be honest, he had never understood the idea of this attraction. Beomgyu must have dragged him there every time, only to act silly and make Soobin anxious, when he jumped in the elevator. 

“I wanna go there.” Yeonjun pointed out the tower.

If he remembered clearly, Yeonjun was afraid of heights. 

“Are you out of your mind, hyung?” 

Yeonjun chuckled.

“Maybe. Or maybe I just want to try something new.” 

Soobin shook his head in disbelief. There was no way. If Yeonjun decided about something then he didn’t have anything to say. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, Soobin. Just let’s fucking go. We’ll have some fun.” 

With that Soobin just followed Yeonjun. When they were close to not that long queue, the blonde reached for Soobin’s hand. The younger one was confused at first, but after a few seconds he accepted it. A wind chill on their hands disappeared, replaced by comfy warmth. Soobin felt as if it slowly was transferring through veins to his heart. Yeonjun’s skin was so soft, it reminded him of the gentle touch of angel’s wings.

“I’m so fucking excited,” Yeonjun said with shining eyes. 

“Are you really sure about this, hyung? I’m asking for the last time.” 

“More than ever, Bin.”

Those words were enough for Soobin to wait fifteen minutes to go to the small cabin. Excited Yeonjun was dancing to the beat of some overdid remix of song Soobin for sure knew, but couldn’t remember the title. What mattered the most was the other man's happiness, even if it was caused by something small like a ride to the top of a viewing tower. 

“Let’s go!” Yeonjun hurried him, when the time came and Soobin was lost in thoughts again. Thoughts about the man, who has owned his heart for a long long time. “Stop being so slow!” 

“Sorry.” Soobin smiled apologetically, hoping his dimples will be enough to forgive him. 

“Okay, I forgive you, but only because you’re cute again,” The blonde said, touching the other’s dimple. Soobin allowed himself to close his eyes, enjoying this little intimacy. He could do anything to experience this everyday. 

When the elevator started to move, Soobin’s guts flipped. He wasn’t scared, he just hated this uncomfy feeling, while Yeonjun panicked at the very first moment and reached for his friend’s hand again. 

“I asked,” Soobin teased him. 

“I know, just…” Yeonjun tried to explain with his shaky, but a little amused voice. “Well, I’m still that kid, who was scared to climb up on that damn tree.”

When Yeonjun was eleven, Soobin ten, Beomgyu nine and Taehyun with Kai eight they started to compete about stupid things. For example Beomgyu once said that he could place a whole package of marshmallows in his mouth. He didn’t succeed, but his friends couldn’t help but start calling him their hamster. One day it was Yeonjun’s turn to impress them, so he decided to climb on the big, sprawling tree. He managed to, but the struggle started when he wanted to get down. Firstly all of their four were laughing, but when Yeonjun started crying and yelling for help, Beomgyu tried to search up for a ladder, Taehyun ran to call his parents and Kai tried to reassure his older friend with kind words. Only Soobin didn’t know what to do, but a few seconds later without any thought he just started climbing to Yeonjun, who was snuggling into the trunk, afraid to fall. 

Soobin sat on the branch next to him and tried to calm the other boy down. He even hugged him, trying to make Yeonjun not look at the ground. 

“Come here.” Soobin pulled him closer into a hug, just like then. 

“You better don’t laugh at me,” Yeonjun mumbled, burying his face in Soobin’s arm. 

“You’re cute, hyung.” A chuckle echoed in the small cabin. “Just don’t look, okay? You’re safe here.”

“Will you tell me when we’ll be on the ground?”

“Yeah, just hold on.” 

Even if he felt a little bad for his scaredy cat, he couldn’t help but be grateful for that moment, when he could hold the blonde in his arms. And for him it was enough, but he knew that when he would come back to his and Beomgyu’s apartment he’ll yearn for more. That every song on his playlist suddenly will be about that boy and Beomgyu will complain about loud love songs reaching their neighbours. 

“Thank you for being with me then and now. If it wasn’t for you, I would have passed out and fell from that damn tree before Kai’s dad came.” Soobin couldn’t help but smile again, because of Yeonjun’s words. “Why weren’t you afraid?” 

“I was, like hell,” Soobin confessed. He still remembers his thumping heart, when he tried to calm Yeonjun down. “This tree was like five meters? But with you guys I needed to be brave as a second oldest, right?” 

Yeonjun frowned in disbelief. 

“I remembered you didn’t hesitate.”

“No. I didn’t. Until I was on a branch with you, I was only thinking about you. No. I mean… about your safety.”

Oh god, did he blush? He could feel the heat on his cheeks. Why was he acting like a love-sick teenager? Even then he was more in his right mind. Probably because Soobin was certain that he couldn’t stand a chance against Yeonjun’s crushes. They were cool, artistic and also really expressive and he was just a nerd boy with his books and games against the world. But still Yeonjun reserved a little space in his heart for a boy, who was totally satisfied with it. He could be Yeonjun’s friend for the rest of their lives. 

“Are you blushing right now, Binnie?” Yeonjun laughed slightly, but he didn’t look at him. He still was snuggling into another man. 

“No. You don’t even look, how can you say…”

“I have known you for seventeen years, Soobin.”

Seventeen years with Yeonjun by his side. He hoped there would be next seventeen. 

“And still you’re just as clingy as then, hyung,” Soobin retorted, patting Yeonjun’s back. 

“You don’t like it?” 

I love it.

“It’s nice to hug you,” He whispered, hoping that this answer would satisfy Yeonjun. “By the way, hyung, did you hear that Kai has an ugly crush on Tyun? I was shocked when he told me this. But when I’m thinking about it right now, they always were meant to be.”

Yeonjun muttered something, but he also nodded. They remember when fifteen year old Taehyun was longing for their Kai, when he needed to move out to the US with his father. Taehyun didn’t want to get out of his room. Yeonjun tried to talk with him since he was eighteen. Beomgyu and Soobin tried to eavesdrop on every word, but they ended up jostling each other.

Finally it was Soobin, who managed to organize a video call with Kai and begged him to speak with Taehyun. It wasn’t easy because of their time zones, but they did it. Taehyun felt a little better, but he still counted every day until Kai kept promise to return to them. Because they have one dream about being together for the rest of their lives. 

“They are together now, Bin.”

Soobin jumped in the place. Sudden movement startled Yeonjun, who squeezed the material of Soobin’s hoodie. 

“What?! And none of them told me? Such jerks! And to think that they wanted me to be their leader for our group if we would become idols.”

“They told us two days ago, Soobin.”

“And what was I doing then?” Soobin frowned. 

“Complaining about Beomgyu’s gaming skills. And then you just started to play on Nintendo, when Kai was telling us about their date.”

“Oh, then okay.” He shrugged. “Someone from our group is finally taken.”

Yeonjun sighed. 

“I’m so happy for them, but I can’t help but feel like they were just kids yesterday. Time goes by really fast,” he said. “But I’m glad that I’m with you guys, and I’ll be for the rest of my life.”

“We’re like their big bros, right?” 

“Or second parents.” 

Soobin gagged on the saliva, starting coughing out of sudden. 

“Okay, maybe we’re not a good example of parents. Me with my workaholism and you with your hours spent in front of the computer or TV.”

“Hey! I’m working too. Just at home.”

Yeonjun laughed slightly and started to caress his friend’s back. 

“Now, now, my Binnie. I know you’re so cool with your webtoons and games reviews. You’re my favourite critic.”

Even if he was the only critic Yeonjun knew, he felt a warmth in his heart. 

“And you’re my favourite everything,” he said, before he thought about it. 

Soobin hoped that Yeonjun didn’t hear it, but when the blonde moved a little, he panicked. He looked around to find something, which could help him to change the subject. When they were engrossed in conversation, they hadn’t noticed that they were almost at the top. 

The stars were so bright tonight. 

“Hyung, I think you would like it.”

Yeonjun decided to trust Soobin and he lifted his head from another's arm. Firstly he opened his mouth as if he wanted to curse Soobin out, but soon he noticed what it was about. His eyes were tracing through a dark sky with bright points. He moved his head slightly as he tried to connect stars with a tip of his nose. The city lights were nothing compared to the sea of the stars they were seeing right then. 

“We’re over the stars, Bin.” He reached again for his friend's hand, trying to overcome his fear of heights and slowly came out from the glass elevator.

Soobin took it and squeezed softly, to assure Yeonjun that he was there, reminding himself of his promise. To be anywhere the boy he loved was. 

“I knew you would like it, my star,” he said, not looking at the sky. Because the brightest star was next to him. 

“Ha, you’re still doing it.” Yeonjun’s eyes lightened, causing Soobin's smile. “Cute. By the way, do you remember that one story? The one Beomgyu told us about?”

“Beomgyu’s story?” Soobin asked himself, trying to remember all the things Beomgyu said. To be honest, most of them were teasing anecdotes about living with someone like him. In their childhood Beomgyu said rubbish, too. 

Yeonjun nodded willingly, meeting Soobin’s eye. 

“Yeah, that one about a star and five boys.”

Soobin frowned, but that description was familiar. On Yeonjun’s birthday, when his parents made a bonfire for them, Beomgyu came up with an idea of telling stories. And when Taehyun was telling about how they adopted Hobak, their cat. Kai was telling some stupid ghost story, making Soobin and Yeonjun scared of sleeping at night. And then Beomgyu shared a story, which he dreamed about lately. 

It was about five boys, who met accidentally, because of the one Star, the brightest in the sky. They promised to always be together with themselves and it. Soon they started to mature aside from each other. They forgot about the promise and about themselves. It was such a heartbroken story, that Yeonjun cried and demanded a sequel with a happy ending. 

And then years later, when they became lost teenagers with anxieties and problems, Beomgyu came up with a continuation. He told them the universe made five boys meet again even if their promise was broken. Their name was erased, they needed to learn them again and work together to wake up a Star from its nap. And they experienced a lot: loves, heartbreaks, dilemmas, betrayals, anger, but they tried to be together. One of them trusted his instincts, which wasn’t a good idea, because he always broke their promise, and walked away when things were tough. And other boys left with anger, too.  And then there was another boy, whose real name was Tomorrow, always left behind, forgotten, ready to sacrifice himself for the sake of his friends. 

And if they always left him behind, they needed to start again. Soon they understood that. The universe gave them a lot of chances and in the end, they managed to awaken Star without sacrificing Tomorrow. 

There were also antagonists like a dragon and a cat, who tried to kill Promise, who always left his friends. 

“I always hated that guy, who broke their promise, but… after years I feel that he’s like me. I judged him easily, but I always tried to run away, when things weren't good,” Yeonjun said suddenly. “His name was Promise.”

“Yeah… but hey, it ended with a happy ending,” Soobin tried to cheer Yeonjun up. “They awaked this Star and that Tomorrow boy didn’t have to sacrifice himself, because those guys saved him.” 

“But…” Yeonjun’s eyes became teary again. “I can’t stop thinking that Tomorrow guy is you.”

“Why?” 

The blonde took a deep breath, before he started speaking. 

“You were always there, when we tried new things. You know when I fell out with Beomgyu, when he tried to make some new friends and he spent less time with us, when Taehyun was longing for Kai, Kai wasn’t here… You tried to unite us again. To make us remember that we should always be together, no matter what. And I… I’m sorry I was so selfish that I was mad at you then and told you that I want for you to fuck yourself, all of you…”

Soobin remembered those harsh words, but he forgave Yeonjun as soon as he started to collect thoughts in his bed that night, because he knew that Yeonjun was afraid to lose them all as well. To be honest, he recalled Five boys and Star story then. But he didn’t think he was Tomorrow. He was just heartbroken, because he loved his four stars and couldn’t believe that their light might disappear soon.

“Yeonjun, it was years ago,” he said calmly. “It’s okay, we are together again. You, Tyun, Kai, Gyu and me. I’m happy that I managed to reunite us again.”

“You are our home, Bin. Because you were always here, when we left you behind.” Yeonjun’s voice started to crack and a few seconds later tears started to stream down his cheeks. Soobin felt a knot in his throat. 

“Hey…” he whispered, moving closer to the other man. He reached his cheeks with his fingertips to dry his face. “Please don’t cry.”

“But…”

“I hate that Tomorrow guy, he’s so clumsy. “Oh god, everyone left me behind, what to do? What should I do?” I don’t know, maybe try to reunite them at all costs. No wonders why this Promise guy was always killed by that dragon and that ugly cat.” Soobin went on a talking spree, only to make Yeonjun laugh. “And those guys were really something, if they couldn’t awaken a little star. Universe gave them a lot of chances and they fucked up almost everytime.” 

“Soobin…”

“Hyung, don’t cry about that silly Beomgyu’s story, I’ll win you a plushie when we’ll be down, okay?”

He tried not to cry, since he remembered how hard being seventeen years old was. 

“Can you promise to talk with us when things are hard for you?” Yeonjun asked, sniffling. 

And he couldn’t say no. 

“Of course, my jjunie. Now, come here, my crybaby hyung.” Soobin pulled him into the most comfortable hug. 

He needed that too. 

✨️✨️✨️

The road down was harder, because Yeonjun not only was scared, but also cried. Soobin tried to cheer him up by telling silly things or offering ramen, with no use. He knew that if Yeonjun was tipsy, his emotions were more intense than when he was sober. 

On the other hand Soobin was glad that he didn’t hide his emotions or run away from them. Yeonjun’s tears were heartbreaking, but when he said he loved all of him, he meant it. So he was wiping the blonde’s tears away all the way down. A silence between them was fine then as long as they maintained eye contact. 

When they were down, they noticed a few people in the queue to the glazed elevator. All of them were excited as Yeonjun was earlier, but now he kept sniffling. He forgot all the joy. 

“Hey, this plush looks like Tori.” Soobin pointed towards the target throwing game. On the top of the shelves there was a Shiba Inu giant plushie, which indeed looked like Choi’s family dog. “Do you want Tori?”

“Bin…” Yeonjun uttered. His voice was so weak, making Soobin worried. 

“You like Tori, everyone likes Tori, so that’s the answer,” he said, leading them towards an illuminated stand. 

It quickly turned out that Soobin wasn’t luck’s favourite, especially while being drunk. Yeonjun tried to hold his laughter, seeing another man cursing every time the ball missed a can. 

“Damn it! It was so close!” Soobin yelled, when his round ended. He was at the edge of despair. Nothing was stopping him from lying down on the ground, trying to hide his shame. 

Yeonjun scoffed. “Bin, you missed the can several times. Not by millimeters, I would say it was kilometers.” 

“Ahh, my supportive hyung, I love it.” Soobin leaned slightly to Yeonjun to rest his head on the other's shoulder. “I would forget you in the first minute being famous.”

“You wish,” the blonde mocked him. “I would make you remember me well.”

He looked at him with that flirtatious stare, making Soobin go weak at the knees. Every time he saw this captivating sparkle in his eyes and smile, he wanted to beg Yeonjun for a kiss. But deep down he knew after tasting those soft lips, he’ll crave for more. For him longing for something he never experienced and never will, was enough. 

“Give me that,” Yeonjun said, claiming the ball. “One more round, please. This guy couldn’t even win a bobby prize.” 

For the next few minutes Soobin just watched how Yeonjun hit the target again and again, like he was totally sober. His moves were so confident and with each passing throw his muscles were defining under his black hoodie, making Soobin gaze focused on them. When Yeonjun one day said that he’s gonna do some workout, Soobin knew that it would be his end. And he wasn’t wrong. 

“Ha! I won!” Yeonjun shouted, throwing his hand in the air. He turned his head towards Soobin, who was weirdly silent. “Bin, I won!”

“Huh?” Soobin tilted his head slightly. “Ah! Wow, so you won? I always believed in you.” 

“Liar.” Yeonjun smirked. Then he showed a stand worker an award, which he chose. “Tori, come to Yeonjun.” He tapped Soobin’s pink fluffy cheeks. “I always knew she would choose me.” 

“You’re ugly liar, Jjunie,” Soobin retorted. “Tori loves me.” 

Yeonjun laughed. “No, but seriously who wouldn’t love you? You’re so Soobin.”

“Thanks, I guess? It’s the most weird compliment I’ve ever heard. Soobin? You said it like it could describe all of my character.”

“Because it does. The fact is, you’re our Soobin.”

“Okay, I don’t mind,” he said. He could be Yeonjun’s Soobin forever. 

Delighted, Yeonjun passed him a giant Shiba Inu plush. Soobin frowned, not willing to accept another Tori version. 

“Just take it. I planned to give you it anyway.” 

“I…” Soobin didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t used to receiving gifts, that’s why he asked his friend to not give him anything for Christmas or Birthdays. 

“Treat it like a present for being here for me. Thank you, Bin.” 

Soobin hugged a giant Tori plushie, thinking how its fur was as soft as real Tori. And then another picture comes to his mind. Yeonjun and him paying a visit to Soobin's family. He always wanted to take his friends with him, but only Beomgyu accepted his offer. It would be nice if Yeonjun could meet his nephews. 

“Hyung…” 

But he couldn’t finish, because someone disturbed them. 

“Yeonjun?” 

That sweet voice. 

They lifted their heads to see the biggest teen Soobin’s nightmare. A medium height girl with her long, brown and silky hair. Her brown eyes reminded him of warm autumn days, when nature was doing everything to prevent itself from destructive winter. Park Nari. The prettiest and the kindest girl in their high school. The one, who got Yeonjun mesmerized then and Soobin didn’t know why he felt like his soul was ripped apart. 

“Park Nari?” Yeonjun didn’t believe his eyes. “It’s been years, hasn't it?” 

He was peering at her as he wanted to pick up all the changes over the years. He was smiling that day, when Nari was brave enough to give him a Valentine gift. But it was only the beginning, they were together for like a month and they decided to break up. Soobin remembered how Yeonjun was miserable after it. 

Maybe that’s why he didn’t like Nari. She left his friend with a giant hollow in his heart, which even ramen couldn’t close. Their four tried everything and then they all fell out and Soobin had a lot of work to bring all of them back. 

“You’re only more handsome, and hello Soobin! You’re even taller!” Nari giggled, waving at other Choi. 

Beomgyu didn’t like her either. He thought that her sweetness was so awful, making him nauseous. For him Nari was a girl like others, who had crush on their Jjunie. But everyone else was convinced that Nari was an angel sent by God itself. Taking part in every volunteering, helping her parents in their restaurant, walking out with neighbours’ dogs and organizing charity fundraisers. Additionally she was clever, a science genius like their Tyun. School rankings always began with her name. There wasn’t any math problem, which she couldn’t solve. 

There was no way for Yeonjun not to fall in love with this girl.

Soobin couldn't help but die a little every time Yeonjun called her pretty and telling them how much he liked her. And then there was Taehyun, who said that he liked the way she made their Jjunie smile. 

Beomgyu must have known about Soobin’s feelings right then, because when Yeonjun started babbling about his future girlfriend, he always offered Soobin to listen to music. They were sitting in the corner with their earphones in, Kara’s songs on the loop, complaing Yeonjun about his ‘supportive’ friends in the background. Then they were coming back home together, since they lived nearby each other, and Beomgyu always offered him some ice cream. So, they sat on their bench in silence, eating Soobin’s favourite snack, his head on Beomgyu’s shoulder. 

In the past he thought he was just afraid to lose them all, them slowly departing from each other. He wasn’t aware that his heart tried to tell him one more fear it felt. 

“Ya! Choi Soobin!” Yeonjun snapped his fingers in front of his face. “Nari was talking to you.”

“Ah. Hi, noona, good to see you,” he choked out. 

Nari smiled again, tucking her hair behind ear. Soobin noticed her daisy earrings. Of course, she had flower jewelry. She was the synonym of those spring flowers. 

“It’s lovely that you’re still by Yeonjun’s side. You and him were such good friends then.” 

Still? 

“He always is,” Yeonjun broke in proudly. To be honest, he always was bursting with pride when he was telling someone about his four. It didn't matter whether they won in a Math competition or they managed to cage the ball on PE lessons. “We’re like lovebirds.”

Nari's eyes narrowed a little, when Soobin’s dimples showed up. 

“What can I say? I love my four,” Yeonjun announced loudly so that others could hear him. It was almost 9PM and strangely there were a lot of people still. “Always forever or shits like that.” 

They heard the toothsome laugh again. Soobin could have sworn that this sound gave him nightmares rather than lulled him to sleep. 

“What are you doing here, noona?” he asked, while Yeonjun frowned at his question. Soobin hoped he didn’t sound that harsh. That girl was totally innocent. 

“I’m out with my friend in the bar.” Nari pointed towards the building, where some people were smoking in front of it. “Wanna grab a drink with us?” 

Yeonjun blinked twice, absorbing information, while Soobin prayed, although he wasn’t into that, that the man would refuse. In imagination he saw Yeonjun who laughed his the cutest laugh at some Nari’s joke. He didn’t want Yeonjun to look at the girl as if she was the eighth wonder of the world, as if he loved her for those eight years. He didn’t want Yeonjun to love someone else. 

But he wanted him to be happy. 

He clenched his fists on Tori’s plushie, when Nari looked at the oldest pleadingly, fluttering her eyelashes innocently. 

“Bin?” Yeonjun asked, raising his eyebrow. “Want another drink?” 

Soobin pouted his lips. “Hyung, I don’t think it's a good idea.” 

Yeonjun turned to him, putting his hand on the younger's shoulders. 

“Are you not feeling well, Binnie?” A sparkle of concern appeared in his eyes. “Talk to me.” 

He wasn’t comfortable with Nari’s presence, so he nailed his eyes on the sidewalk. Unspoken desires, which he was afraid of, were loud in his head then. 

“I…” 

“I don’t know, Nari. If Binnie doesn’t feel well I want to take him home.” 

That sadness in his eyes. Soobin had enough of it.

“Oh, okay then…” Nari tried to say something. “Maybe you can come, when you’ll walk Soobin home.”

Yeonjun tilted his head, looking at Soobin, who tried to hold back harsh words. His mom always was saying that if he hadn’t had something nice to say, then better to stay quiet. He felt as anger melted into him, making him hot. His lips were probably trembling as always when he was mad. 

“We’ll go, hyung. Just give me a second.” 

“Soobin, I… you aren’t mad at me?” 

“No, of course not,” Soobin forced a smile. Tyun, Kai and Gyu were always telling that he was the worst liar in the world. But Nari was naive enough to catch the bait. Only Yeonjun wasn’t convinced, looking at the other man with a suspicious stare. “Just go. I’ll join in five minutes.”

“Are you sure?” 

“More than sure, Jjunie.”

Finally Yeonjun agreed to go with Nari. Soobin sat on the wall with a heavy sigh. He felt as if his heart was in pain again. Making him the same seventeen years old lost boy, who not only had to reunite their small group again, but also dealt with his unrequited feelings. 

He reached into his pocket for his phone and chose one of the chats. He wasn’t alone with that. Not anymore.

the dumbest tofu ever: ok so what should I do if Nari showed up? 

An answer came faster as he expected. 

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: wut?

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: are u srs?

the dumbest tofu ever: no, just kidding

the dumbest tofu ever: why would I ever mention her in the first place, use your brain.

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: geez

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: just show your dominance and kiss your boy first!!!

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: ah no, actually I forgot you said you like to be dragged down.

the dumbest tofu ever: stfu

the dumbest tofu ever: just forget I ever asked

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: tyun’s saying you are dumb as fuck, ‘cause jjunie doesn’t even love her.

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: and well I always think tyun is right. 

Soobin should have known that those sillies weren't the best option to ask for advice.

✨️✨️✨️

The bar chosen by Nari and her friends was a whole lot better than theirs earlier. Instead of a lazy fan there were low hanging lamps, which Soobin hit his head with. But luckily they weren’t covered with a greasy layer. They were sitting at a table for six people. Nari’s friends happened to be all ladies, so he and Yeonjun were the only men in their company.

Soobin felt uncomfy sitting between two women, who accidently or not, touched his arms. He tried to search for Yeonjun’s help, who was sitting in front of him with Tori plush on his knees, but he was busy talking with Nari and her cousin. They talked about Yeonjun's last performance, when he took off his shirt. Soobin remembered that he and Beomgyu were watching it on their TV, and his roommate yelled at him when he spilled a tteokbokki sauce on their coffee table, because Yeonjun’s move shocked him. 

They drank another bottle of soju and Soobin felt really drunk again. His emotions tried to find an outlet. Breaking free from all of this mess was tempting, but the consequences of that made Soobin sick. He wasn’t ready to risk their friendship for the sake of his stupid feelings. So he just let his sin get stuck in his throat, allowing it to suffocate him. 

He wanted to believe that Yeonjun wouldn’t be mad at him. They still could be friends, right? Soobin won’t cross boundaries, if the blonde will dump him. He’ll forget that they might be something more.

“Wow, Nari didn’t lie about you being so fine,” Nari’s cousin said suggestively, but it was a while for Nari to send her a resentful gaze. Reserved for those, who said a word too much. Soobin became knotted up inside at thought that Nari could still have feelings for him. “What? I thought you wanted to…”

Yeonjun chuckled. His cheeks were flushed and Soobin knew that if his friend would look in the mirror, he would start whinging about the fact that he showed up like this. Soobin could only think how cute he was. 

“I’m hearing it twice a day on average, but it’s nice to hear it from you,” he answered with a smirk. “But, let me say that, Nari is still as pretty as eight years ago.” 

A loud cheer pealed at their table. Soobin flinched a little, when a girl next to him laughed in his ear. Not only this, but also Yeonjun’s statement resonated in his head, like a giant bell ringing. He swallowed hard, when their eyes met. Yeonjun tried to ask if everything was okay, so Soobin nodded slightly and lifted the corner of his mouth for a proof. Another lie, but he hoped that he would forgive him.

He reached for his glass to get rid of the guilt trip.

“Okay, so I think we should play truth or dare!” One of the women said. Her voice was so slurred that Soobin did understand only two last words. But it was enough for him to be reminded of the past. 

That summer night, when Yeonjun came to Soobin, through the window, from a beach party. Soobin remembered his friend smelling like cheap alcohol, when he laid down in his bed. He was so cheerful that his eyes shone in the weak light of a street lamp placed in Choi's driveway. Yeonjun grabbed his hand with his warm hands and confessed that he kissed Park Nari. 

He was the first, who knew it and that awareness broke him more. He couldn’t stop thinking that if he would go to this party, would Yeonjun kiss her anyway? 

“Okay,” Yeonjun shrugged. “So, maybe we’ll use this bottle?” 

A few minutes passed while Nari was arguing with one of her friends about rules. Then Soobin was looking at an empty soju bottle, hoping that it wouldn't point at Yeonjun, because he knew that his friend would never say ‘no’ to the trill of dare. He sighed when it stopped at women on his left. She chose the truth, so she was asked some stupid question, which Soobin didn’t hear clearly. It was something according to her ex-situationship, not interesting enough. 

Soon he needed to draw his attention to the game, because he was chosen. He regretted that he was fate's favourite only when he didn’t want to. But the most important thing for him was that Yeonjun wasn’t chosen once. 

“So, dear Soobin, truth or dare?” Nari’s cousin, whose name he couldn’t remember, asked, resting her chin on her hand. From her cocky smile, he knew that she was prepared for anything he would pick. 

He looked at Yeonjun, who was narrowing his eyes. 

“Truth,” Soobin said without any hesitation, because if he could play it safe, he wanted it. In all his life he was too cowardly. He could do so many things: become a baker, go to university, go on a trip to Europe with his sister or confess to his best friend. 

“So there are any of us here, who caught your eye?” 

A girl next to him giggled as if she was the one, who asked him about that or if she was the answer. Nari smiled a little, probably to buck him up, since she remembered him as a shy nerdy boy. Yeonjun didn’t look away, he was waiting for a reply.

“Yes,” he choked out, looking at the kimchi leftovers on the plate. 

“Really? Who?” Nari’s cousin leaned towards him. 

“That’s another question,” Soobin shrugged. “I need to keep being a mystery guy, right?” 

Yeonjun bit his lip, still looking at Soobin. In his eyes there was something unspoken, being prevented from accidentally slipping out. Before he could take a guess, Yeonjun composed his features, waiting for another round. 

Which was Nari’s cousin and then Nari’s. Soobin supposed that her pick turned out to be the truth, because compared to her ex-boyfriend she wasn’t brave enough to face all the dares served by her friends. At least it was Yeonjun, who convinced her to share her writing with the world. 

He persuaded Soobin to try baking years ago too, but his fear of being not enough for anyone won. 

“Truth or dare?” The question came from her cousin.

Nari raised her eyes to heaven, looking for answers there. Soobin knew she'd choose the truth, but he didn’t know why his leg was trembling that much. Even their table was moving, because of it. His stare was focused on her index finger, which she placed on her pink cheek. 

Come on. 

“I… dammit,” she cursed under her breath. 

“It's a hard decision, you know,” Yeonjun murmured, tracing the rim of the glass with a finger. “Take your time.”

A twinge in Soobin’s heart was enough to make him pouting his lips. Because why was he so understanding towards her, but not with him? Why did he suddenly act like Soobin didn’t exist? Did it begin with this stupid question? Did he say something wrong? He tried to meet Yeonjun’s gaze, but he only stared at unfinished soju. 

“Just choose your safe truth, Nari,” Her friend hissed. 

Provoked girl lifted her head and spoke up. 

“Dare. Give me the most hardcore dare.” 

And then Soobin knew how it’ll end. But he hoped for the best until the end. In the end it was some stupid game, which they played in their teens. They were grown up right now, so what was the point in giving dare like kissing someone?

“Kiss anyone here.” 

Soobin rolled his eyes. But then he saw panic in Nari’s doe eyes. She could predict that, but he knew that her actions were dictated by desire to impress everyone, not to be left behind. And Soobin was grateful for his friends, who even if they were teasing, were also the most supportive people in his life. Yes, they were arguing, once they almost lost themselves, but in the end they promised to be for each other. They would never do something to anyone in their group to feel uncomfortable. 

He just felt sorry for that girl, who only wanted to fit in. 

“Just do it and we’re done. I’m fucking hungry,” Nari’s cousin announced, clapping her hands. 

Nari looked around to see someone, who was friendly enough to help her in completing her dare. Soobin supported her with that, but everyone left in the bar was men with rings on their fingers or someone who was drunk enough to rather not step in. The only options were girls or Yeonjun, or in the worst scenario Soobin. 

“Nari…” he started, being ready for sacrifice, because he couldn’t allow Yeonjun to kiss Nari again. 

“Yeonjun?” She turned her head towards the man, sitting next to her. He was playing with a napkin, trying to do origami. In fact, it was his next trial. 

Yeonjun smiled a little and Soobin felt as if he was drowning. He has been afraid of water since he was a kid. Every time he was in the sea or pool, he panicked. Once he almost passed out if it wasn’t Taehyun, who saved him. 

But now he didn’t have anyone who would save him from heartbreak. 

“I’m sorry, but me and Binnie have to go,” he said suddenly, pointing at his phone. “Beomgyu is vomiting and well, he forgot that his bathroom exists, so guess who needs to clean it up.”

“Is Beomgyu sick?” Soobin frowned, ignoring the fact that their apartment is probably in a mess. 

“Yeah, he texted me fifteen minutes ago and said he’s alright, but I don’t believe him,” Yeonjun explained with a worry in his voice. He stood up from his chair, looking at Soobin, who almost fell down from it after he tried to do the same. Younger one could notice an amusing laugh on the tip of his hyung’s lips. 

“I hope Beomgyu will be okay,” Nari muttered. Her stare was so vacant that Soobin felt really bad for her. Maybe she loved Yeonjun, but she didn’t deserve such pressure from her friends. 

“He sure will be,” Yeonjun shrugged. “But you Nari will be okay, too. Just change your friends.” When everyone sent him confused looks, he lifted his hands with a smirk. “No offense, but Nari is too quiet for all of your loud company. Let’s go, Bin.”

Yeonjun really had the guts to say that and just walk out like a casual customer. Soobin muttered apologies, bowed his head and waved to Nari, who was staring at the door with parted lips. Then he ran towards the exit, where Yeonjun was waiting for him, leaning on the brick wall covered with a moss here and there. He was carrying a giant Tori plushie.

His smile caused Soobin's heart to start to come together again. He still didn’t follow what truly happened, but it didn’t matter. Yeonjun didn’t fall for Nari’s spell again.

“I’m such a party pooper, no?” 

“You are,” Soobin admitted. “They have a place in hell for those like you.”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and gave him a nudge in the arm. “You’re coming with me.”

“Coming with you?” 

He would follow Yeonjun to the end of the world if he just said a word. 

“Yeah, you better don’t think that I’ll break our promise to be together.”

“Ugh, I have to deal with Beomgyu even after I die?” Soobin sighed, but then he reminded himself of something. “Hyung, didn’t you say that Beomgyu’s vomiting? How did this happen?”

A soft laugh reached his ear, tickling him a little.

“It was a little lie, Binnie. He’s okay, you don’t have to clean up. Not like you would do this anyway.” Yeonjun looked at him with pity. “Our Gyu is fine. He is out with Tyun and Kai, probably eating some junk food right now.” 

“Then why…” He ignored the comment about his laziness. 

“Because I wanted to spend more time with you all alone, Soobin.”

His heart jumped, pushing the ribs apart. A loud thud echoed in his chest and his lips slightly parted, when he broke down every syllable as if it might be proof that he wasn’t dreaming. That he won’t wake up, trying to reach for Yeonjun, who wasn’t next to him, because he never wasn’t his. He’ll probably never be, though. Cosy dreams turned out to be a prolonged suffering for Soobin. And reality, where he was yearning for this man everyday, was like a maze, from which he couldn’t escape. 

Did Yeonjun really say that? Soobin lost knowledge, what was his imagination and what was reality. 

“I know I’m lately absent in your lives, but I promise that after all this shit I’ll take all of you on a trip and for you… I bought you the best baking courses.” 

“For me? Why?”

“Because you love it and I’ve never forgotten your biggest wish.” Yeonjun said brightly, being proud of Soobin even if he tried to bury his dream and talent deep underground. Just in case he would come up with an idea of digging it out. 

Yeonjun would never let him forget that Soobin once had one more dream. 

“Yeonjun…” 

“Don’t Yeonjun me. You’re such a pain for wasting that talent.”

Soobin might have regretted telling him that he wanted to be bakery owner someday but he didn’t. He was like sixteen when this idea came to his mind. He thought Yeonjun would laugh him off, but he was thrilled and started to think about how he could promote his friend. He also volunteered to be the first, who Soobin would allow to taste his new desserts. 

He had never told anyone else about his plans. He just listened to every praise from his friends and family, when he baked something for them. Once he prepared a birthday cake for Kai’s birthday, when he came to them from the US for holiday break. All four said that he should think about opening a bakery. Soobin’s heart grew to see their supportive side. He promised to bake a cake for each of them for their birthdays and also for their anniversary when they met all for the first time in the playground. 4th March. 

But then everything crumbled and Soobin needed to focus on repairing their relationship more than developing his skills. After that he sometimes baked cookies when someone felt down, but nothing else. 

“So, will you return to baking and bake me the most yummy cake for my birthday?” Yeonjun’s eyes sparkled pleadingly as if none of the cakes he ate could be compared to those made by Soobin. 

Soobin sighed, but laughter crept onto it. “I will. But I don’t know if…”

“Let’s end with your “if”. There were too many of them.”

Maybe Yeonjun was right. Overthinking every action was Soobin’s comfort zone, dry land. He held on to it like a lifeline, afraid of drowning. But if he won’t try to let it go and trust himself, he would miss a lot of things. Soobin wanted to live, he wanted to breathe in with as much oxygen as he could hold in his lungs. He wanted to die without any regrets. But he always felt too cowardly to do it.

“And if you start to talk “if” once again I’ll shut you up.” Yeonjun’s threats when he was drunk always made them laugh. Probably because his words were so drawn and his face grimaced more than being spine-chilling. 

“Okay.” Soobin tittered. “Wanna take some silly photos?” He pointed his head towards a small glass building, where the photobooths were. Normally there were so many people passing by, browsing through silly accessories, but right then there was no soul. He was there once with Taehyun, when they went out to have some beer. Soobin still had those photos attached to the mirror frame in his room. Beomgyu was so jealous that he wasn’t there with them due to his date with a guy he met in PC Cafe. 

“Hell yeah,” Yeonjun said loudly, grinning. “It can be better than our ride to the stars. I hope Tori doesn't mind, though.”

“I was there with Tyun last year,” Soobin explained when they went in. “Wow, they still have those bunny ears. They were so itchy and Tyun made me wear them.”

For a while Yeonjun was thinking about something, because he was silent, looking in front of him. Soobin waited patiently for his reaction, which was a scoff. “Did you wear it?” 

“I had to. But I won’t today.”

“Not for me?” 

Good lord knew how many things he would do for this man. And maybe Soobin would agree to do it, but he remembered how itchy it was and how absurd he looked in those. If he wasn’t that drunk, he wouldn’t listen to Taehyun. 

He needed to close his eyes to not give in to the temptation in Yeonjun’s voice. “For your hyung?”  

“Don’t. Because I won’t go out with you anymore.” 

“Okay.” Yeonjun sighed. “But maybe someday.” 

“As if,” Soobin muttered, leading Yeonjun’s to one of those photobooths. “Which one?” 

Yeonjun frowned. “Does it matter?” 

“No, just asking. Taehyun had a problem choosing one of them.” 

“Let’s go there.” Yeonjun pointed to the last one, the most distant one. Soobin nodded, following the older’s steps. 

It wasn’t that small, but Soobin felt hot inside from being with Yeonjun that close. His eyelashes were touching his blush on cheeks, when he was looking at so many options. The lighting was blinding him, so he narrowed his eyes a little. And Soobin couldn’t help his heart thudding at this view. 

“Maybe you should use it, I’m too old.”

“Okay, grandpa,” Soobin teased him. “We’ll take some photos and then I’ll take you to bed.”

Yeonjun sent him a look full of disbelief but also offense. Soobin tilted his head towards him, trying to appease him. 

“Now, now, Jjunie,” he said, looking through the options. Soon their faces appeared on a screen making Yeonjun whining about how he looked. 

“I’m looking horrible, god,” he said, patting his cheeks to make the blush disappear. Soobin tickled it there slightly with his index finger. 

“More like horrible pretty,” Soobin’s whisper echoed in the small room. Yeonjun didn’t react in time, because Soobin quickly added some heart filters on their heads and clicked ‘start’. “On three we’ll make some silly poses, let’s go, hyung! One… two… Three!”

The screen flashed, but they only smiled. 

“Now, make a bunny pose and I’ll do a cat! One, two, three!” Yeonjun ordered fastly and then he giggled, when he saw a little referenced picture. “So cute!”

It was in fact better than their ride to the stars. They couldn’t stop laughing at the grimaces they did. Soobin noticed that they added new filters so he wanted to try everything, but stopped at that, looking like a rabbit. They had much less time and he wanted a picture, which they’re hugging onto. 

Soobin’s arm landed on Yeonjun’s shoulder, pulling him closer. He hoped that the other man wouldn't hear his heart beating so fast and loud. Badum. Badum. Badum. With every photo taken he felt like it pulsed in his chest more and more as if it could explode in a second. Suddenly he noticed that he wasn’t focused on the screen anymore, he was mesmerized by Yeonjun’s chuckling that much. Soobin could only look at his hyung’s face and be over the moon that he brought him joy. To be honest, it was one of the best days in his life, too. Every moment spent with this man was his favourite. 

He understood that loving Yeonjun was as natural for him as breathing, he couldn’t live without any of it. It wasn’t easy to feel something more for someone, who might not reciprocate those feelings, but he was ready to accept this. Even if Yeonjun will dump him, he’ll love him anyway and because of that he won’t let their relationship fall. They’ll talk about it, everything will be alright.

He just wanted to let him know that there was someone, who just loved him for who he really was, who was always rooting for him, who just wanted to be by his side today, tomorrow and forever. 

Because it was exactly how Soobin was yearning for Yeonjun. And he couldn’t help but fall in love more and more with him everyday. 

“Bin?” Yeonjun turned his head slightly toward his friend. His stare was worried, he must have seen that something was off. 

“Hyung,” he whispered, as if noise could destroy everything. The loud signals inside him like a thump heart, wheezing breath or knot in his stomach were enough. But he didn’t want to be afraid of them. He shifted his gaze to older’s pink plump lips, which he always wanted to savor. Before he did anything, he looked at another man with an unspoken question. It was the last second of his hesitation, because when Yeonjun nodded faintly Soobin leaned a little, just to touch other’s lips with his. 

He didn’t care about his heart, which tried to jump out of his chest. He didn’t care about ringing in his ears. He was where he always wanted to be. Here, kissing the boy he has loved for years. 

Yeonjun’s lips tasted like cheap soju and salt, but for Soobin it was the best taste he would ever experience. And they were so soft that he felt like he was touching an angel itself. 

No, it wasn’t just his favourite day today. It was better. He was over the stars tonight. 

And then they separated and Soobin was full of fear again. His body was trembling, because he listened to his heart finally. But waiting for Yeonjun’s answer was a torture. 

“I’m sorry, hyung. I think I like you… like a lot,” he gasped out, because he forgot how to breathe properly. He shared all of his oxygen with the other man. “And I understand if…”

“I told you that you should quit with your ‘if’,” Yeonjun muttered and pulled the other man closer to press lips against his. This kiss was bolder than first. There was more unspoken desire in it, which they felt towards each other. 

It was like their lips always matched. Their movements were slow enough to treasure every second, but also fast enough to make them crave for more. Soobin felt the ticklish touch of Yeonjun’s fingers on his ear, making him chuckle. Or maybe he was that joyful to just let it outburst a little. He didn’t know, all his thoughts were chaotic, scattered everywhere in his mind. It’ll be two days when he’ll collect them again for sure. 

And then Yeonjun stepped back and a wave of fear crashed on Soobin again, extinguishing his burning insides a little. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” the blonde rasped. “We can’t make out just here, let’s continue at my place, shall we?”

Soobin was relieved to hear that, it must have meant something, right? 

“Hyung…” He couldn’t get rid of the hesitance in his voice. Yeonjun hearing that just caressed other’s cheeks.

“I like you a lot, a lot, a lot,  for a long time, Binnie,” he whispered. “And I can tell you that you poor thing did too, but you were afraid to tell me, right?”

Soobin nodded and he asked right away. “When?”

When did it start? When did he develop such feelings? Was he afraid too?

Yeonjun smiled a little. “Seventeen.” 

No way. 

“But let’s talk later, okay? I’m craving ramen so fucking bad.” 

“Just wait, we need to choose pictures.” Soobin pointed at the screen. There were a lot of photos, which they had taken, but they could only choose four of them. “We need to choose only four, but when it will be printed, there will be a QR code with all of them.” 

“Oh, okay,” Yeonjun muttered. 

“Which ones?” 

“On all of those I look like I was feverish, but in all of them you look so cute.” 

Soobin rolled his eyes, bumping slightly his head to Yeonjun’s. 

“It is a picture of us kissing?” Yeonjun narrowed his eyes to take a closer look. 

In fact there was a photo of their first kiss. They seemed like teenagers, who just learned how to kiss. Soobin's shyness was radiating through the screen. “Damn,” he said. 

“They will be available with that code, yes?”

“Yeah, we just need to download it in time, but I’ll do it when we're on the bus.”

“Okay, so let’s choose that.” Yeonjun pointed to two pictures. One with a heart filter and another with a rabbit and cat pose. “Your turn.”

Soobin clicked on those, where they were wearing hoods and that one, where he pulled in the other man. “Done.”

“So we both agree that this kissing photo is too much.” 

“Yeah. I’m looking like a teen, who just learned how to kiss. Gross.” Soobin pulled a face. “And also if Gyu would see that I would have no life.” 

“He’s such a pain,” Yeonjun snorted. “He kept nagging me about my feelings for you.”

“No way,” Soobin sent him a shocked gaze. “Did he fucking know everything and didn’t tell me? Fuck. Choi Beomgyu, when I catch you…”

“Did he know about yours as well, I’m following, yeah?”

Soobin sighed. “Yeah, maybe Tyun knows too, since he is the smartest there. I just didn’t know what to do with all of it. I thought I'd die when I’ll admit that I love one of my best friends.”

“You don’t have to explain, it’s okay, Bin.” Yeonjun caressed his arms with palms. “We need to talk a lot about it, right?” 

“Ramen sounds good,” Soobin said, grinning. “Just let me print those.” 

And when it was done, Yeonjun hugged Soobin from behind, placing his chin on taller’s shoulder just to see a final outcome.

“Good,” he commented and kissed Soobin’s neck. 

And that was the best feeling ever.

✨️✨️✨️

“So when did it exactly start?”

Soobin was still finishing his ramen. He had a hard time eating it, since he felt like his stomach was so full of emotions. 

“When I started dating Nari,” Yeonjun said, tilting his head back. 

Soobin suddenly choked out with noodles. “What?”

“I mean… I might have had feelings for you earlier, but I didn’t know about them and I started dating Nari, because she liked me and I liked her, but after two weeks I understood that it was just like, not love. And that’s why I asked her to break up.” Yeonjun sighed, reaching for Soobin’s hand. “I’m so pathetic, right?”

“Yeah,” the other smirked. “But to be honest that makes us both. We can be pathetic together.” 

“You're the death of me, Choi Soobin,” Yeonjun groaned. “So you better tell me when did it start for you.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, receiving a meaningful look. “Like seriously, it’s as if I always loved that scaredy cat, who wanted to show off by climbing to the highest tree. But yeah, it hit me like a month ago. You should have told me earlier, hyung.”

“I wanted to, but I was scared as fuck. And then this shit with everyone happened and I only thought about how we could go back.”

Soobin nodded, because he understood him pretty well. He squeezed Yeonjun’s hand, caressing his soft skin with his thumb. He still couldn’t believe everything that happened this evening. That he was sitting next to the man from his dreams and only thought about how he wanted to kiss him right then. 

The only source of light was a strawberry scent candle, which Yeonjun got from Beomgyu on his last birthday. The little flame reflected in the blonde’s eyes as he stared onto it. 

“Beomgyu keeps spamming me,” he said, scoffing. “But I’m too tired to text with him, so I told him that I’m going to sleep.”

“You want to go to sleep already?” Soobin’s brow raised when he asked. An answer came quicker than he thought, Yeonjun yawned loudly, raising a laugh in Soobin. “You’re so sleepy.” 

Out of sudden Yeonjun looked at him resentfully. 

“Did you dare to laugh at someone older than you?” 

“No? You had to dream already, my Jjunie." 

“Come here, little liar.” Yeonjun pulled him in again by his drawstrings, shortening the distance between their lips. He laid them down on the most uncomfortable couch Soobin had ever sat on. The younger closed his eyes, delighting this moment as if it could be his last day on Earth. Yeonjun’s hair tickled him on his forehead, but it was so comfy for him. He could stay here forever, just to have this man next to him. 

They were tired, but still they spent most of the night hugging and kissing each other as if they tried to make up for the lost time. They were telling how many times they almost confessed to each other, how many Valentines Yeonjun wrote for Soobin and how many chocolates Soobin made for Yeonjun on those days just to end giving them to Beomgyu, Taehyun or Kai. 

“I almost wrote you a love song,” Yeonjun whispered, while Soobin was kissing all his knuckles on hand. 

“Really? Me too. I’m pretty bad at writing lyrics, though.” 

Yeonjun was the first to fall asleep. Soobin thought that he should carry him to the bedroom, but he didn’t realize when the strawberry scent from the blown-out candle and Yeonjun’s even breath put him to sleep. He felt every kiss in every place on his body, which Yeonjun touched with his lips. And when he thought that no kiss would beat their sloppy making out in the photobooth, he didn’t know that each subsequent one would send him over the stars. 

✨️✨️✨️

The mornings after the drinking session were the worst for Soobin. Dry throat, teary, red eyes and huge headache. Only what he wanted was to sleep all day, but when he decided to do so, Beomgyu always came in and forced him to get up from bed. He always gave him painkillers and cooked special soup for Soobin to get better. Then they played LOL if Beomgyu had a day off and after that Taehyun, Kai and Yeonjun visited them to eat something yummy together. 

That day was different. Firstly he smelled the scent of freshly brewed coffee combined with the scent of toast. Then he felt someone's breath on his cheek only for a second later to feel soft lips on a skin close to his nose. He squinted a little, but then he realized that someone kissed his distinctive mole. Not someone–but Yeonjun.

“You’re alive,” he said, smirking. He was on his knees, just to look at Soobin sleeping. 

“Feel like a zombie, to be honest,” he choked out. He grabbed his back, where the pain was pulsing. “Fuck, this couch is such a pain in the ass. I can’t even move.”

“Next time we need to make sure to be in bed,” Yeonjun suggested.

“Yeah, you should take care of it, then.” 

It was their first morning after what happened, but Soobin knew he could get used to waking up next to this man for the rest of his life. 

“I can’t believe you are trying to seduce me by your lame talking.” 

“Sorry, I’m not the best at that.” He chuckled in apologies. A second later he grabbed Yeonjun’s hand. “I’m just down for you bad.”

The other man smiled, ruffling black hair of his lover. 

“We have a problem, actually. A big big problem.”

“Define problem.” Soobin closed his eyes for a while. Just two minutes. He felt like he was in heaven. 

“Beomgyu.” 

That name made him open his eyes immediately. 

“What’s with that guy?”

“He knows about everything. You sent those pictures with a QR code on our chat.” 

“Damn.” Soobin pulled back his hair. “Sorry I must have done this half asleep.” 

He couldn’t even remember when he grabbed his phone. 

“Those sillies bet if we kissed or not,” Yeonjun explained. “And yeah…”

“Who won?” 

“Taehyun.”

“Knew it. I love him” Soobin nodded. “Can you please pass me my phone? I want to see that disaster.”

Beomgyu left a lot of messages, Soobin’s phone almost froze when he opened an app. 

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: CHOI SOOBIN I HATE YOUUUU

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: I HOPE YOU DEGRADE IN LOL

the one who should acknowledge that and apologize: YOU MADE ME LOST MY SAVINGS AND HONOUR!!!

“God, he’s so dramatic,” Yeonjun commented looking at the phone. 

“It’s a lesson to not underestimate me,” Soobin said beaming. “I know I’m a loser, but I kissed you first, right?” 

Scoff escaped Yeonjun’s throat. “I would do it anyway, just waited till we get here.” Then his finger tickled Soobin’s nose. “But yeah, I’m so proud of you, Binnie. You’re finally learning how to swim and I’ll be here to make sure you won’t drown.” 

Soobin didn't cry a lot, but when he heard those words his eyes became a little too teary. 

“Thanks, my love.” 

All the morning they spent on cuddling, knowing that those three sillies will come to them in the afternoon anyway. And that they’ll be over the stars every moment they’ll be together.