Chapter Text
Saku rested his head against the pillow, still awestruck and dumbfounded.
The events of his evening were still too alien, too unreal, to settle into the rest of his reality.
He held the burgundy chocolate box above his head, its golden glossy lettering written in ornate calligraphy.
A small tag with his name dangled from the side, scribbled in her clean, stylized handwriting that he was quite familiar with.
He did not dare to open it, unable to desecrate its integrity.
It was the only physical evidence he had of his unexpected guest that evening.
Without it, he would convince himself it was just a fever dream, detached from reality.
Well, minus the fact that there was a witness who did not mind giving testimony about the incredible event, though her main purpose seemed to be driving him mad.
“So…” Mio mumbled, sitting on the floor close to him. “Do you have a girlfriend now?”
“Why are you in my room?”
“Because I need to know.”
“You don’t,” Saku interjected. “You need to go away and close the door on your way out.”
“Brother!” Mio only made herself more comfortable and put her elbow on his table. “So… is she your girlfriend?”
Saku sighed, gave up, and placed the box on his nightstand without looking away from it, afraid it would simply disappear.
“I don’t know… I think so?” he offered sincerely. He was still struggling to believe his luck. “We didn’t discuss that exactly, since you interrupted us.”
“Oh, so it’s my fault now?”
“Kinda, yeah.”
Mio laughed. Her accidental interruption earlier had allowed her to see
the way the shy silver-haired girl looked at her beloved brother with eyes full of affection,
her nervousness when saying goodbye,
the sudden kiss on his cheek,
the violent blush that followed,
the way she had sprinted away in a ball of nerves.
It was too endearing to miss.
It was fair to say Mio was not all that regretful.
“But… if you are going on a date, you need to dress better next time.” She made a gesture toward his current attire.
“I was not expecting a visit,” Saku exclaimed, annoyed and flushed, hiding his face with his palm, utterly embarrassed.
When Subaru had missed their hangout and then suddenly appeared at his doorstep, he had feared the worst.
Some kind of problem must have befallen her to make her resort to such an urgent measure, and he had responded in a hurry by reaching for an old spring jacket over his home clothes.
Her well-being had been his top priority, and worry his main drive.
A ping from his phone pulled him out of his muttering.
Mio excused herself with a playful smirk, glancing back at her dear brother, who was now focused on his phone.
Subaru: I’ve arrived home safely.
Saku's fingers hovered over the screen, pondering his answer for longer than usual.
The awaited reply arrived at last.
Saku: Glad to hear.
Saku: Looking forward to Saturday.
Subaru turned over, hiding her grin against the covers of her bed and kicking her legs in elation.
Unimpeded joy, embarrassment at her sudden and bold actions that evening, and a flicker of disbelief coursed through her like an electric charge.
Her recollections drifted back to his earlier confession, and a question surfaced in her mind. What did he mean by "for a while"?
She glanced at the screen. It looked like his last message was the end of their brief interaction.
She did not want to stop texting with him yet, and at the same time she did not want to appear clingy.
She checked the other chat she had forgotten about.
The girls had briefly discussed the afternoon.
Ayumi had opened up about her rejected confession.
About her crushed hopes.
And about her disheartened resignation.
All the feelings of guilt that Subaru had been momentarily pushed to the sidelines came back in full force.
Her friend was opening up her vulnerable and shattered heart to them, and here she was keeping her own feelings for the same boy close to her heart, hiding her own agenda.
Going behind her back.
The happiness she felt after her encounter with Saku that evening was tainted by the fact that she had done it in secret, as if she were ashamed.
However, she was not regretful at all.
Given the same conundrum again, she would repeat her actions.
She would sprint breathless to his doorstep, for the hope of seeing his dumbfounded expression a second time.
She would run all the way just to see the corner of his mouth tugged against his wishes when he heard her words of affection.
She would bask again in the way his eyes filled with uncertainty and hope when he asked for confirmation about their rendezvous on Saturday.
She put the phone aside with a heavy sigh and stared at the ceiling.
She would have to come clean.
She would talk to her friend, tell her what she had done, ask for understanding, or forgiveness.
And respect her decision to forgive or to resent.
No more hiding.
A notification ping from her phone startled her.
Saku: By the way, were you under the weather earlier?
Saku: Since you didn’t join us at the park.
Saku had been worried, yes. But part of the reason for his latest messages was that he wanted to keep talking to her.
He was waiting for a reply when his phone rang with an incoming call.
“I figured a call would be easier,” Subaru explained.
He hummed in agreement.
“I’m okay, by the way. I was not unwell or anything.”
“Okay, I’m glad to hear that,” he mumbled, finding it a little odd, since that short explanation could easily have been a text. Maybe she also wanted to talk?
After a brief silence, she spoke again.
“The truth is…” she sighed, pondering her words. “I knew about Ayu’s plan, and I didn’t want to be there. My heart could not take it.”
His throat suddenly felt dry.
The reason she had avoided them today was because of him.
Because of feelings he had not known she had, and the pain of seeing him with someone else.
Jealousy.
His chest tightened with a complicated feeling.
A surge of selfish pleasure at the fact that he could even elicit a response like that from her.
Joy, since it was another confirmation of her partiality toward him, a fact he was still trying to wrap his mind around.
And guilt for causing Subaru pain, even if it had not been intended at all.
“You had nothing to worry about,” he explained. “I turned her down immediately.”
He sighed heavily into the line.
“It would not have been any other way.”
Subaru felt a hint of relief at hearing it from him.
A comfortable pause stretched between them.
“It’s only been you,” Saku muttered, turning in bed and hiding half of his face against the pillow. “No one else but you.”
Subaru felt her heart do somersaults.
“It’s the same for me,” she confessed shyly.
“By the way, you mentioned you had liked me for a while. What did you mean by ‘for a while’?” she asked, curious.
“Oh, that,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean anything in particular…”
“Natsusawa…”
“What?”
“How long is a while?”
A brief pause followed, with Subaru curious and Saku deciding what to say.
“Almost a year, I suppose…”
“What!?” Her surprised voice echoed through the line.
She had sprung from lying down on the bed to sitting up.
She was definitely not expecting such an answer.
“Last year, on White Day is when I figured it out,” Saku blurted out, his heart pounding in his temples.
The words were uttered with effort, but the confession only brought him relief.
“And here I was thinking I was slow,” she joked.
“I was not planning on telling you,” he clarified seriously.
“Eh? But why?”
“Well… I couldn’t bring myself to. I thought it was one sided after all, and… well…”
A brief pause stretched across the line.
“I didn’t want to risk destroying what we had,” he muttered at last.
She smiled softly. Of course, he was being considerate.
“That is so you.”
“What does that even mean?”
His voice sounded a little annoyed at the tease, and she burst into a giggle.
“I should go to sleep soon,” she said, changing the topic, still a little reluctant to end their conversation. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you on Saturday.”
“Me too…”
The call ended shortly after that. Saku sighed, still looking at the now dark screen in front of him.
He then turned his attention back to the box of chocolates and tentatively picked it up again. After a moment of deliberation, he carefully removed the ribbon and set it aside before unwrapping the package.
He was still amazed at how his day had turned around, but he knew Subaru had that effect on him.
He bit into one of the small pieces of chocolate, the reality of what had transpired slowly dawning on him, mingling with the taste of sugary ganache, crispy praline, and hints of hazelnut.