Work Text:
The letter was in the worst handwriting imaginable in a bright blue pen:
“Dear Doctor,
I am going to be baking COOKIES! I only have one problem, I DON’T HAVE ANYONE TO BAKE THEM WITH!! Sylvie and Mimi are busy and nobody likes baking alone! I hope you can make it, I understand if you can’t! We’re going to have so much FUN!
Your friend, Calloway”
It was marked at the end with a smiley face.
This is my chance. My chance to finally get rid of that insuffererable wallop. After tonight, I won’t need to deal with him anymore kekekekekeke.
──・──・──・──・──・──・──・・🐟🍭🧪🎀 ・・──・──・──・──・──・──・──
I knock at the door, the bag of all my tools by my side. A tall blue house with tall blue doors. The house was surrounded by multiple types of colorful flowers: red, yellow, green, blue. . . well, mostly blue.
Before no time the door swings open, “WELL, HELLO DOCTOR!” His smile is wide. Too wide, “OOOH, I SEE YOU’VE BROUGHT THINGS TO BAKE WITH!”
“No, these are my- uh, yes, these are baking materials.” I lie, he won’t be able to tell anyway; he’s so much of a moron that he cannot tell toxic chemicals from fizzing soda.
“WHY DON’T YOU COME IN, COME IN, COME IN!!!” He’s so obnoxious.
He leads me to a room with wallpaper with stripes of every shade of blue you could imagine. Baking supplies already strewn all over the dark blue marble counters. Pink cabinets I could not reach, probably full of candy or something. Does he eat anything besides sweets? The cupboards were the same shade, probably also full of candy and sweets. There was even a singular portion of the kitchen dedicated to different colored cookie jars all filled with different types of cookies.
“IT’S SO DULL IN HERE! HERE, DOCTOR, LET ME OPEN A WINDOW!” he pushes it open and lets in the fresh spring air. The smell of the fresh flowers and the sould of birds chirping filled the fresh air that breezed into the room, “WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, LET’S GET STARTED!! HE HE!” The tall blue amalgamation of a thing lifts up a gigantic book of recipes and flips to a page of candy filled sugar cookies. “THESE LOOK LIKE THEY TASTE JUST SCRUMPSIOUS!” Will he ever shut up?
“Is it okay if I add some extra. . . ingredients?”
“YOU CAN ADD WHATEVER YOU WANT!”
I shrug, “alright,” out of my bag I pull out a vial of green liquid, the one I've learnt not to mix with the pink vial anymore, then mix it into the cookie dough which is mixed in with candy and whatnot.
Calloway blinks curiously, “WHAT’S THAT?”
“Oh, uh. . . just some. . . soda, yeah, soda!”
“AHHH, BAKING SODA, I LOVE BAKING SODA! YOU ARE SOOO HELPFUL, DOCTOR!” Calloway continues to mix it in, completely ignoring that the liquid was obviously not soda. I didn’t think I’d get him this easily. “DOCTOR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HELP SHAPE THE COOKIES?”
“Sure, I know they’ll taste just delectable when they come out, kekekeke”
“ME TOO, I’M SO EXCITED!”
He reaches his blue glove into the mixture and forms a tight, oily ball, repeating it again and again. I follow suit so I can seem like I’m actually baking with him, but I don’t think he’d be able to tell even if I wasn’t helping him with this.
Once the balls are formed, he puts on his pale yellow gloves and pops them into the oven. He doesn’t see it coming, my plan will finally be successful!
“SINCE THE COOKIES WILL TAKE AWHILE TO BAKE,” he goes on another ramble, “I THOUGHT WE COULD PLAY A GAME WHILE WE WAIT!”
If the game we’re playing is Kill Calloway then I’m excited.
“WE’RE PLAYING CANDYLAND!! HE HE!!”
God damn it.
“I LOST SOME OF THE PIECES TO IT, I’VE HAD IT SINCE I WAS. . . WAS. . .” he pauses, “SINCE AS LONG AS I REMEMBER!”
“So. . .? That just means we won’t be able to play.”
“HAHA, NONSENSE, DOCTOR! I HAVE CANDIES WE CAN PLAY IT WITH! AND AFTER WE’RE DONE WE CAN EAT THEM! A GAME AND CANDY! IT’S TWO TREATS IN ONE!”
“Okay?” I hate his energy.
“HERE,” he hands me a wrapped candy “YOU CAN BE PEPPERMINT!”
Peppermint? How does he know I like peppermint? Does he keep some crazy records on me or something?
He picks out a blue raspberry hard candy, “I CAN BE THIS ONE, HE HE!”
After a while of playing and daydreaming of how my plan will magnificantlly work, the timer finally beeps.
“THOSE MUST BE THE COOKIES!” he squeals with disgusting joy.
The air fills with the aroma of sweet, mouthwatering, fresh baked cookies with a hint of toxic chemicals when he opens the oven. Here it comes! The moment I’ve been waiting for!
“OH GOODIE, TIME FOR A TASTE TEST!!”
Yes. YES. YES!!!
“HMM, THIS TASTES A LITTLE WEIRD,” he shakes his head, “EH, IT’S PROBABLY NOTHING!” He finishes the cookie in one bite.
I wait for something to happen. And wait. And wait. And wait.
Why is nothing happening?
“HA HA, DOCTOR, I THINK YOU ADDED TOO MUCH SODA!” He chirps. It appears that I added too little.
Then I realized, I am an imbecel. Calloway has drunk chemicals from my lab before, and I didn’t even have to try and poison him. He’s drunk so much poison that he could rank at least ten times when he drank it. He’s pretty much immune to the stuff. How could I be so stupid. So stupid, so stupid.
“DOCTOR, WOULD YOU LIKE A COOKIE?” he blinks, towering over me.
“No. No thank you.”
“AW, ALL FOR ME I GUESS!” He chirps that annoying little chirp, “DOCTOR, WHAT KIND OF COOKIES DO YOU LIKE?”
“Uh. . . just plain sugar cookies I guess.”
“OH MY GOD I LOVE SUGAR COOKIES TOO THAT’S SUCH A COINCIDENCE I’VE GOT TO GET STARTED ON ANOTHER BATCH, MY OH MY! SHOULD WE PUT SODA IN THIS BATCH TOO?”
“No. . . I don’t think so.”
“ALRIGHT! NO SODA IT IS!”
We go through the same pattern of baking: mix, fold, shape, bake. By the time the cookie dough is on the baking sheet, the oven is already preheated again. I am so lucky I have this second chance.
When he puts the cookies into the oven I try to push him in, but due to how freakishly tall he is, and how embarassly short I am, he doesn’t budge. The most damage I am able to do is just burn one of his hair hands, which he easily puts the fire out on just by flapping it. I assume he doesn’t feel any pain since he has little of a reaction.
Damn it.
“DOCTOR, DID YOU BUMP INTO ME?”
“Yes. Yes I did.” I blaiantly lie.
“HE HE, YOU’VE GOTTA BE MORE CAREFUL, DOCTOR, I ALMOST BURNT MY HAIR OFF!!”
“Yeah. Yeah, I will.” I open a drawer while he isn’t looking only to find forks and spoons. Then another one, which has measuring cups arranged by size and colors. Too many colors. It makes me sick.
Finally, the third drawer I open has all his knives. Perfect, just perfect kekeke. I take out the sharpest and hide it in my hat, can’t miss the perfect time!
“DOCTOR! DOCTOR! WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN?”
“No, no thank you,”
“OH, OKAY! WHENEVER ME AND SYLVIE BAKE COOKIES TOGETHER WE ALWAYS PLAY GAMES DO YOU AND SYLVIE EVER PLAY GAMES TOGETHER?”
“I do not like to play games.”
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? WE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ELSE.” his smile flickers.
After a good half hour, I am able to catch him in the perfect position. Finally time. Finally, finally time, kekeke. I take the sharp, glittering, beautiful knife out of my hat. He’s admiring some candy in a glass jar, looking closely. I very silently pull a chair up to where he’s standing and climb onto it so I can be at his level. This is going to be quick and eas—
BEEP BEEP BEEP
“HAHA, THOSE MUST BE THE COOKIES!”
Why. Why did I have to fail again. Fail like I always do. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid st—
“HEY DOCTOR,”
I glare at him.
“YOU CAN TAKE ALL THESE HOME, I HAVE FAR TOO MANY COOKIES, HE HE”
“Oh. . . kay?”
“DOCTOR, I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO THANK YOU FOR COMING. YOU’RE AMAZING AND I AM SO SO SO GLAD THAT WE’RE FRIENDS. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND DOCTOR, YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME” His smile looks more genuine than it has before. He hands me a bag of liquorice amd mint, “SYLVIE TOLD ME WHAT YOUR FAVORITE CANDIES ARE, I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE THEM!”
I feel something I haven’t felt before this entire stay. Do I. . . really enjoy his company???
I get off of the chair and retrieve my bags, “. . . Thanks for inviting me over.”
“YOU’RE WELCOME!”
I leave the tall blue house feeling much different than I had entered. Maybe Mr. Calloway doesn’t need to die.