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“How are you not sick?” Russia asked as America scarfed down his tenth Big Mac. “I dunno,” he replied. “It’s kinda like a superpower. That, and years of eating McDonald’s made me immune.” He moved onto his next victim and ate it in two bites. “Plus, these things are really good. You sure you don’t want one?” Russia shook his head. “No thank you. I do not want to eat your poison. I will be fine with my water… I hope.” He looked at it warily. It could be contaminated due to being made in the same area where all that other junk gets produced.
“If you’re fine with it, then drink it,” America urged. He ate another burger, his fifteenth. Russia didn’t even know where he got it from. When he still didn’t touch the drink, America reached over and patted his shoulder, trying to assure him. “Hey, you’ll be fine. I mean, look at me!” He gestured to himself. “I eat a lot of the food from here straight-up, and I’m a-okay!”
“Yes, but you are accustomed to that. Plus, I am not sure if you are ‘a-okay’… alive, maybe, but you do have crippling stupidity…”
“Wha- no I don’t! Look, just- it’s water.”
“McDonald’s water.”
America ignored that. “Drink it, you’ll be okay. I swear on my life- no, my boss’s life- never mind, my life… that you won’t die. You won’t get sick. You won’t be poisoned. Nothing bad will happen. I can’t believe I need to have this discussion with you…” he shook his head like a disappointed father as he reached over for his twenty-first burger.
Russia looked at his drink with uncertainty. It seemed to stare back at him, almost challenging him, as if to say, “What’re you, scared? Why don’t you take a sip? Are you too much of a chicken to do so?” He scowled. “I am not a chicken!” He shouted. Lots of heads turned towards him, including his seatmate. “Uh… okay dude, sure, but nobody called you that. Are you okay?”
Realizing that he just yelled like a maniac, seemingly unprompted, Russia’s cheeks flared up. He lifted his scarf to hide his embarrassment. “Um, yes, I am fine. I am going to drink this now.” He pointed at the water. He opened the straw, and stabbed it into his cup violently. He gripped the cup, and lifted it to his lips. “I am drinking it now,” he announced.
Smacking on his thirtieth burger, America gave him a thumbs up. “You got this, dude.”
“Yes, I do,” Russia said, staring at the drink. “I am going to drink this water from this fast food establishment, and I am going to be okay. My… my friend has said so. I am about to drink it right… about… now-”
“Quit stalling, man! Just drink it already, gosh!” Russia frowned. “I am getting to it!” He slammed the cup down. “Great, now I have lost my place, and it is all your fault…”
America glared at him incredulously. “‘Lost your place’? You aren’t reading a book, you can’t lose your place!” Russia pouted. “I was preparing myself, and you set back my progress. Now it is going to take me even longer to drink this.” America grumbled. “Are you kiddi- you know what?” He put down his thirty-sixth burger, and got up.
“I didn’t want to do this, but you’ve given me no choice.” He walked two steps and sat next to Russia. He picked up the cup, and sighed. “Bottoms up,” he told his unsuspecting friend. He then attempted to shove the straw into the other’s mouth, which didn’t go well due to the concept of reflexes. “Wha- what do you think you are doing?!” He shoved the cup away.
“Careful, you might spill it!” America cradled the cup mindfully. “I’m just trying to speed up the process, okay? Just trying to help you out, dude.” He held the cup up again. “If you’ll let me.”
“I do not need you feeding me like a baby,” Russia told him, growing frustrated with his adamant behavior. Couldn’t they send the drink back or something? America shook his head. “Apparently you do. Unless you take this from me right now and drink it immediately. If you grab this cup and don’t take a sip within three seconds, I’m taking the lid off and waterboarding you with it.”
“Are you serious?”
America gave him a stony glare. “Dead serious. You have five seconds to make a decision.” Russia looked at the drink, then at America, then back at the drink. He didn’t quite like the feeling of being rushed like this. “Um..”
“It’s been five seconds.”
“What? It could not have been-” Somehow, the straw managed to land itself into his mouth, and he sat there, unsure if he should just get it over with and sip, or stall for time and do nothing. Not like he could do anything right now, he was practically paralyzed with fear. “C’mon, drink,” America said with impatience dripping through his tone.
Russia’s lips closed around the plastic tube, but he made no effort to actually drink anything. “I’m wondering if I should’ve tried the, ‘here comes the choo-choo train!’ route…” America dragged his free hand across his face. “Please, just one tiny sip. Then you can go.”
Russia closed his eyes and prayed. Then, ever so cautiously and controlled, he sucked in a bit of air. The water went up slowly until it hit his tongue. He pulled back and gasped in fear at the sensation. He waited for any negative effects to take hold, dizziness, nausea, weight gain, broken bones, anything. But… nothing happened.
“Oh, um… have I overreacted?”
“Yes. Yes you have.”
“Okay. So…” he took the cup in his own hand, and sipped a larger amount. He was still fine. “I guess I will… drink this for real.”
America rolled his eyes and stood up. “You mean what you could’ve done, like, an hour ago?” He walked the two steps back to his own seat and plopped down. “I’m fifty Big Macs behind, thanks to you.”
“Fifty? England is right, you are going to die of a heart attack.”