Chapter Text
Lucy sits against the wall trying to control her breathing. He’s dead. I killed him. She can’t stop her mind replaying the life leaving his eyes.The sound of the knife going into his chest.
The feeling of putting it there. Her breath quickens and she fights to remain calm.
In. Out.
In. Out.
In. Out.
In. Out.
She hears footsteps and wonders briefly if there’s more coming. She knows that she should probably get up, she’s vulnerable just sitting on the floor, but she really can’t make herself care. Maybe she deserves whatever’s coming.
She only registers that it’s probably other officers looking for her when she hears Tim call her name.
Tim.
He was going to be so disappointed in her.
“Here…” Her voice shakes as she calls out softly. They were never going to hear her at that volume.
She was getting frustrated, both at herself and the circumstance. Tim was pretty much the last person she wanted to find her, he had seen her at he her lowest, but this was different. She just took someone’s life.
“I’m over here.” Annoyance crept into her tone.
Tim and Celina walked in and Lucy notices the worried looks on their faces. Tim rushes over and kneels next to her while Celina cuffs the other zombie.
“A-are you hurt.” It takes a minute for her to find her voice and even then she doesn’t know what to say. How do you describe the act of ripping someone’s life from them, on purpose or not she was the reason someone was dead.
In. Out. In. Out. In-
“Lucy.” The sound of Tim’s voice snapped her back into awareness. “N-no no I… he’s dead I-I couldn’t oh-” She sobs as the reality sets in. She hides her face as the realization crashes over the room. She didn’t want to see the way Tim looks at her changes.
Fuck.
He had been so focused on finding Lucy and making sure she was ok he hadn’t even noticed the dead body on front of her. So much for cop eyes.
He had hoped on that first day as her training officer that she would never have to kill someone in the line of duty. He saw the empathy and compassion in her and knew that taking a life would effect her deeply. He’s seen her go through so much since then but he wasn’t sure how she would handle this.
He’s seen cops come out unfazed, he’s seen cops let it break them.
Fighting the urge to gather her in his arms, he commands his expression and enters watch commander mode. “Officer Chen” He’s reminded of his days as her training officer, but she needs to remember that she’s an officer not a leader. He’s trying to get her to focus, and its effective as her gaze snaps back up to his eyes. He goes through the questions he has to ask, shots fired, deadly force, etc.
He advises her not to talk to anyone until she talks to her attorney and union rep.
The mention of her union rep seems to remind her why they responded here in the first place.
“Are Nolan and Harp- oh-” Her words dissolve into sobs once more as the realization that they might've gotten hurt because of her. Tim, quick to ease her worries fills her in on what happened outside letting her know that they are code four.
Tim walked Lucy out of the building with his hand on her lower back while Celina trailed behind. Once they got outside Celina went to go fill in Nolan, Harper and Penn.
Lucy suddenly stopped letting out a weak whimper. Tim stopped. "whats wrong?" He asked gently. "Dizzy…" She mumbled lowering her had even further.
"Do you want to sit while we wait for the RA." Despite the softness of his voice she still flinched slightly at the sound. She shook her head no before elaborating that she didn't feel good. Tim had to bite his tongue as to not comfort his clearly miserable girlfriend.
He turned to face her and frowned. Her words were beginning to get slurred, and bruises blossomed all over her face. She had said that she wasn't hurt when he asked at the scene, but he was pretty sure she at least had a concussion.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I… I thin m’ gonna be sick…" He had to strain to hear her above the chaos around, especially because her voice was barely above a whisper at this point. Her arm, which had previously been resting on her duty belt at her side, curled around her stomach. The other hand reached up to press a fist to her mouth.
His frown deepened, he wondered what else had happened during the struggle besides the obvious beating to the face. There had been two zombies down there with her after all.
She started coughing and he wondered if she was actually going to throw up or if she was just queasy. One part of him knew they were at work. That he was he boss and needed to act as such. Needed to maintain professionalism.
The other part was screaming to comfort her. To pull her close and reassure her that everything was going to be alright. To let her feel his heartbeat as he whispered sweet nothings. As they had done so many times before.
Lucy jerked forward with a gag as Tim was still internally debating what to do. She puked up a small stream of vomit but continued to heave dryly.
Tim wasn’t sure he’d ever felt this helpless. He was helpless to protect her when the fight happened and helpless with the struggle going forward. But most of all he felt helpless to her right now, as she continued gagging to no avail. He really wasn’t sure what the appropriate response was, what would or wouldn’t cross the line between watch commander and boyfriend. He settled for rubbing her back, a gentle presence that he wasn’t even sure she could feel, between the shock and pain, but hoped it would be a comfort if she could.
Once her stomach seemed to settle a bit he repeated his question about sitting. She was starting to sway a little and he wasn’t sure the extent of her injuries. She didn’t respond to the question but didn’t resist when he gently guided her to the ground. He kneeled in front of her, eyes glistening with worry.
Lucy shifted to pull her knees up to her chest, then buried her aching face within, attempting to get away from the light. Tim was glad when he saw the RA pull up, he was getting worried she was about to pass out. He looked back at her and wondered briefly if she was going to be able to walk. She seemed to understand and started getting up, she lost her a balance a bit and sat back down.
"Do you want me to cary you?" he asked in a soft tone. It wouldn't be the first time, he remembered fondly. Once when she had fallen asleep in the car after a rough shift. After Caleb into the helicopter when she refused to let go of him. Even once playfully after getting a bit too carried away the night before. She shook her head no, while seemingly trying to find her voice “we’re at work.”
After a bit more struggle she managed to get to her feet, though she definitely needed his help to walk. He slowly walked her over to the ambulance and got her onto the gurney, explaining what little he knew of the situation to the EMT.
As much as he wanted to stay with her while she was hurting, he knew he had to stay and get things under control. “I can’t come with you.” She nodded, though he wasn’t sure she heard him fully. “Do you want someone else to ride with you, Celina, or Nolan maybe.”
She opened her mouth then paused, trying to gather enough thoughts to form an answer.
“N-no…” Her voice cracked and he could tell how quickly she was loosing energy. His heart cleaved in two just thinking of leaving her alone in this state.
For a moment he thought about giving her a kiss on her forehead and forgoing professionalism, but he decided against it, she would already be scrutinized harder simply because she’s dating the watch commander, there will be time for comfort later if she wanted.
Tim didn’t realize how much he was wearing his emotions on his face until he walked back over to the others and saw their sympathetic faces. “How is she?” Celina asked almost cautiously.
He sobered his expression and replied curtly, “She’s in shock, physically a little banged up, but hopefully nothing too serious.”
“How are you doing with this?” Harper asked, the detective remembering how panicked he gets when Lucy’s in danger. Tim chose to ignore the question.
Lucy would call this compartmentalizing.
His therapist was trying to get him to be more open with his feelings.
But Tim felt so powerless in all of this, that he chose to control what he could, and right now he could control not talking about his feelings.
“How’s everything going here? You seemed to have the situation under control by the time I got here” Nyla noticed the change in topic but responded.
“Well the zombies,” She emphasized ‘zombies’ with air quotes. “Appear to have been drugged by some kind of neurotoxins that’s impairing the thought process, but…” she trailed off, there really wasn’t much more that they knew, the last few hours they had mostly been focused on surviving.
“Well if everything’s code four here, I’ll get transport out here to help with the zombies.” Everyone nods and Tim starts to walk off, getting his radio out.
“Hey Tim wait,” Nolan called after him. Tim was about to give him a lecture about respect and formality, for no reason other than wanting to yell, scream, shout, really anything take his frustration out. But when he turned around and face the older man his scowl faded.
Nolan had a solemn expression strewn across his face. “She’s going to get through this. She’s strong.”
Tim nodded trying to maintain his gruff demeanor as emotion settled throughout.“Once you finish up head to the station so you can represent her as union rep.”