Chapter Text
Ding.
Poob sighed, watching the players clomp out of the elevator in sync, their movements robotic and slow, as if they were being controlled by an otherworldly force that compelled them to complete the Regretavator’s inhumane tasks every day.
But of course, the existential theories were Bive’s thing, so Poob didn’t have to worry about it. They just had to stand there and party! And, they got to talk to other NPCS, so, it all worked out.
But when the elevator went dark, and they were all alone, in a cold subway, unable to get any sleep? That rattled Poob, down to their wits. The days were better. (Well, at least according to Poob. Pest thought the nights were better. He thrived in solitude, and loathed the Regretavator, the players, the other NPCS… Poob usually didn’t take Pest’s complaints seriously, as he complained about everything.)
The players filed back in, some covered in snow. Poob giggled. They must have done the sled floor. But their laughs were cut short when one, with wild dark hair, dizzy eyes, and a tag above its head labeling it as ‘chillyhiker123’, threw a snowball in their direction, melting instantly and drenching their party hat.
“daww,” Poob said, frowning at the player. “now my hats roo-ind…”
The player stared blankly back at him, unmoving. Suddenly, chunky white text appeared above its head. Poob squinted, reading aloud, “‘OH NONO IM SORRY POOB!!’ daww, das okie. we all make mistakes :3”
A voice beside him groaned. “Can you guyz pleaze ztop with all the muzhy stuff? It’z making Gnarpy queazy.” The green alien cat was standing, arms crossed, rocking back and forth. It’s tail and whisker blurbs glowed in the white elevator lights.
“why ru always so mean?” Poob said, blowing their party horn sadly.
Ding.
“Pardon the intrusion,” droned a voice from the elevator speakers. “But the elevator has reached maximum capacity. When your name is shown on the screen, please exit the elevator. Thank- you.” Static crackled through the speakers, and the voice cut off.
Poob squeezed their eyes shut and prayed that the player who was selected would actually exit. They had experienced the floor falling before, and the crunch of the giant jaws beneath was not something they were excited to feel anytime soon.
A screen dropped down from the top of the elevator, reading ‘chillyhiker123’. Aww, their friend! Friend-ish. They watched in relief as chillyhiker jumped out of the elevator, and flinched as a grinding and chomping sound reverberated from deep inside. Then the doors closed.
“so, my robot fren,” Poob said warmly, turning to the only other NPC in the elevator- Prototype. They didn’t feel like talking to Gnarpy right now, though they probably would later. “how are yu 2day?”
“I’m z-zt- good!” Prototype laughed as a player sprayed them with water. “Watch it there, friend, my circuits could shock you!”
It stared back blankly, like players always do.
“would u like 2 come 2 my party 2night?” Poob asked hopefully, knowing the answer would probably be no. “i-it’s at the happy home… there wont be any meteors dis time…”
“Aw, sorry friend, I can’t!” Prototype buzzed regretfully. “I promised Scag I’d watch a movie with her…”
“daww, okay.” Poob sighed.
Ding.
The players filed out of the elevator, again. But this time, Poob felt an urge in their legs to walk out. Oh no. It was “Slide 4 Admin”, a giant slide that slung players (and NPCS) through the air before smashing their bodies against a giant target. They looked back to see Gnarpy and Prototype meeting the same fate. Limbs controlled by an unseen force.
Falling, falling, falling, thud. Poob winced. They’d have to deal with the bruises later. Hopefully only a few more seconds of this…
Crashing into the target one last time, Poob saw from a distance the elevator doors close. The dark box, alien on the bright landscape, fizzled and disappeared. The slide did too. Poob fell, and fell, and fell, squeezing their eyes tightly shut, waiting for the familiar sensation of darkness…
Until they were teleported back, jerked away, as if someone pulled the air right out of their lungs. Gasping, they opened their eyes to the cold subway tile, scrambling to escape before the train whistled by. They escaped just in time.
“Where’d you come from?” drawled a voice. Poob looked up to see Pest. They brightened.
“heyo, pesty !!” Poob cheered, blowing their party horn.
“うわー、うざい...でもかわいい...” Pest grumbled.
“i came frum slide 4 admin,” Poob chatted, dusting themself off and returning to their little alcove behind the vending machine. They always had to hide it from the devs, or they’d dismantle it. Poob shivered to think of all the power they had. Manipulating whole worlds? Poob would just make everything a party, if they had that power.
“Hah, imagine. The last time I was in the elevator this server was…” Pest thought back. Poob watched warily as they dragged the vending machine to the side to reveal the door. “Came in at subway, duh, then did Jermpop factory, Floppy Shoppy (stupid TV was nagging me about random stuff), Mozelle’s castle, and then got off at the cardboard room.”
Poob peeked out of their hidey-hole and stuck their tongue out at the beetle. “wat an in depth way to one-up me. for ur informashun, i LIEK being in de elevator.”
Pest snorted. “Said no one ever…”
“i said it, so there,” Poob argued. “its certainly more fun dan listening 2 ur whining!!!”
The duo continued to spit barbs at each other, before-
Ding.
“ohh oops guess im not here!” Poob said quickly, scuttling back into their hideout and pulling the vending machine over them. They heard Pest curse in Japanese and the subway go by, crushing a random NPC, before hearing the hum of the elevator teleportation device activate and bring it away.
Sighing in relief, Poob slumped against the wall of their cove, picking at the peeling paper from their party horn. That snowball had really done a number on it. It didn’t matter anyway, the devs would just summon them a new one when the server shut down. It was a searing feeling, being shut down, like fire was coursing through every atom in their body. But then came the coolness, and the darkness, and then Poob didn’t have to feel anything again. There were other Poobs, too! What did they do all day? Did they feel the same way Poob did? Anyways, there were probably thousands of floors before the shutdown, and Poob could just look forward to being put into the elevator again.
“tank gudness i get a break… standing all da time is tiring…” Poob sighed. They looked up to the alcove where they kept their belongings. “ooh, what buk to read.. mabye heartstopper?”
Poob loved the Heartstopper series. It was so exhilarating to read about two guys defying everything against them- the bullying, the mixed feelings, the mental problems- for love. They wished they had a relationship like that.
Pulling out the third graphic novel, Poob thought about their friends’ relationships. Was anybody truly like Nick and Charlie?
Bive and Split, maybe. Those two were very happy together, and Split was definitely a Nick whereas Bive is more Charlie. Wallter and Mark… no, they weren’t very happy together, and they were both mixes of both.
Poob grunted, shifting their position. Flipping the green-gray pages, they swooned as Nick heroically caught Charlie as he fell. They reckoned they had around thirty minutes before the return of the elevator. So they immersed themself in their reading, and after a while they barely even noticed the ding of the elevator arriving on their floor, except for when the familiar tug in his legs pulled him toward the dank subway spawn point.
Quickly returning the book and pulling the vending machine closed, they grabbed the present that appeared and smiled widely, watching as the doors slid open. Bive hissed at Poob when she walked by, aiming for the subway tracks. Poob looked away as the train came by, earning a sickening crunch from the impact, before walking into the elevator.
“hhaii evry1 !” they sang, earning the typical blank looks from players. chillyhiker was gone, but there was a new batch of players rotating through. One looked like them! They always enjoyed the costumes players made. Once, he saw a Folly costume, but it was weirdly… blocky, like Poob themself. But this Poob doppelganger had furry tufts on the side of its head, a rainbow-y star aura, and a tank top and pants. It didn’t really look like them at all, only the colors.
DrRetro and Melanie were in the elevator. Two of Poob’s best friends! Sort of! Maybe they’d go to Poob’s party.
“Mrrow, mrr. (Good morning, PartyNoob. How are you today?)” DrRetro purred.
“pretty gud, thnx 4 asking!” Poob beamed. "say,, where did pest get off ??"
"Mrow mrr mow. (You just missed him! He got off last floor.)" DrRetro meowed cheerfully. Her round yellow head swayed from side to side, just like Melanie was doing.
"oh okai!" Poob felt a bit let down. They looked forward to the banter, to be honest. After all, Pest was one of Poob's best friends! He just didn't know it yet.
Ding.