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All he hears is a low laughter coming from Khan's curled smile. Spock looks around but he can’t find the source of the sound. His skin crawls like Khan is breathing down his neck as if he’s still there with him. He quickly turns around again, he isn't worried about himself, he's safe.
Every time he's safe.
"Jim?" Spock's voice breaks the silence. "Captain?"
The laughter rings out again making Spock turn around looking uselessly for Khan. He’s sure he is on the Enterprise but it's pitch black. He can't see anything, it feels like a vast open space. A part of him just knows he is on the Enterprise though. It feels like home, but it feels broken.
"S-Spock" A tired voice calls out, too weak to really be heard.
"Jim?" Spock looks around again this time to see Jim on the ground.
He runs to his side but is stopped by an unseen force-field. He puts his hand up to try to feel what is keeping them apart.
"Captain, I will go find Mr. Scott he may know how to reverse-" Spock begins.
"No, it's too late." Jim coughs. It is always too late, every night it's too late.
Spock falls silent kneeling in front of his Captain. Jim's face battered from radiation poisoning. He looks at Spock with tired eyes doing his best to stay awake.
"I'm scared, Spock," Jim whispers.
Spock puts his hand against the force-field, while Jim puts his hand against his side, mirroring Spock's. They stay like this for what feels like forever and also like a second. Spock looks from their untouching hands to see Jim's blue eyes go blank, his hand falling with a thud.
Spock begins breathing heavily, wanting to hold Jim but unable to reach him. He tries to look away from Jim's lifeless face but it is like something is making him look at Jim.
Khan's laughter begins again.
***
Spock wakes up suddenly grabbing around him, searching for Jim. His breathing is ragged, his face flushed a light green.
"Jim?" He is still half asleep unaware that it had all been a bad dream.
One of his hands grabs Jim's shoulder tightly, stirring him from his sleep. "S-Spock?" He mumbles.
"Jim," His hand loosens but does not let go. "I apologize."
Jim's face scrunches as he tries to wake from his slumber. He takes the arm Spock was holding and wraps it around Spock as he sits up. "It's the dream again." He doesn’t have to ask, he knows.
"Affirmative." Spock nods, he leans into Jim. Jim leans back resting his chin on Spock's head.
"I'm here. He's gone." He kisses the top of Spock's head. "I'm here."
Spock nods. They lay back down but Jim knows Spock doesn't want to go right back to sleep.
They talk about mundane things like how Chekov and Sulu still don't have the guts to ask each other out. Or how Scotty keeps trying to find ways to confuse the food replicator.
Anything but Khan.
***
It's just a routine mission. Jim, Uhura and Sulu have all beamed down to Delta Theta III with orders to steer clear of the residents of the planet.
Spock is in the Captain's chair, not asking but constantly checking Jim's life signs. The crew performs admirably under Spock's commands with no sign of trouble.
It's always like this with routine missions, even peaceful missions. He’s on edge. Worried he will lose Jim again.
"Commander," McCoy stands by Spock's side.
"Doctor," Spock says, not turning his way to look at McCoy.
"Is it wise to have you as acting Captain right now?" McCoy asks, not to be cruel. He knows what Spock's going through and has recommended him volunteering himself as 'emotionally compromised' just for a little while.
"Doctor, it is my duty as first in command to run this ship when the Captain is off planet or unable to do so himself." Spock says, a breath of relief leaving him as Chekov informs him the landing crew have been beamed aboard safely.
"You know what I mean," McCoy growls trying to keep his voice low since this is a personal matter not really meant for the bridge.
"Thank you, Doctor for your consideration." Spock lifts an eyebrow looking at McCoy.
McCoy shakes his head, huffing a breath as he leaves the bridge.
"Captain on the bridge," someone announces as Jim enters the bridge from the turbo lift. He has a cocky smile on his face, because he knows he just did a good job. Spock gets up out of the captain's chair, Jim gives him a slap on the shoulder like he always does when he's excited.
He sits down in the chair, replacing Spock.
***
Spock eats his vegetarian soup slowly, his mind preoccupied. He sits in the mess hall with Jim’s arm around the back of his chair. Jim is in the middle of telling everyone what a great job he did on the away mission while Uhura rolls her eyes with a smile.
“Uhura also did an amazing job,” Jim shrugs noticing Uhura. Uhura takes a sip of her drink with satisfaction.
Spock eats a small spoonful of his soup barely listening to the story.
“I am sure Mr. Sulu was also very brave,” Chekov says as if he was obviously trying to gather the courage to speak about Hikaru. Sulu looks up at Chekov standing up straighter in his chair.
“Oh, yes! Sulu was very brave.” Jim laughs at Chekov’s obvious crush.
“Thank you, Captain.” Sulu nods at Jim.
McCoy glares at Sulu and Chekov for being so childish. Uhura muffles her laughter as she finishes her drink.
“I know you were also brave during the Khan incident, Pavel.” Sulu smiles.
Spock’s body goes stiff at the mention of Khan. He can feel Jim start to massage a circle with his thumb in his back.
“Damn, flirting in the mess hall...” McCoy grumbles.
“I-I was not!” Chekov’s face goes pink as he tries to defend himself.
“You were amazing, Chekov.” Uhura agrees.
“Jim was also pretty damn brave that day,” McCoy says.
Spock drops his spoon into his bowl with a clatter. His eyes wide as his body shakes. He begins to remember his dream last night. He can feel his friends staring at him.
“Spock, you okay?” Jim whispers gently. Spock startles at Jim’s voice.
“Y’alright, Spock?” McCoy asks already knowing what has set Spock off.
Spock looks up at Jim with scared eyes, and then at McCoy. Everyone looks worried.
“Thank you for your concern, Doctor...” Spock speaks softly. “I am fine.”
McCoy lifts an eyebrow wishing Spock would just accept his help.
“I would find it more favourable to spend the rest of the evening in private,” Spock says standing up.
“Sure, sure.” Jim rises off his chair as well looking at Spock with concern.
Everyone bids them a good night. Sulu looks as if he feels bad for bringing up Khan. Chekov’s wide eyes watch them leave and then he turns to the rest of the crew asking what just happened.
***
Jim kisses the tip of Spock's ear, Spock purrs into it. Jim nuzzles his nose against Spock's earlobe until he lightly nips at it with his teeth. "Spock, mm." He whispers into Spock's ear.
Spock has calmed down after his time in the mess hall after spending a couple hours alone with Jim in their quarters. Playing 3D chess has always been a good way to get Spock to concentrate on other things. After Spock’s victory at chess they move onto the bed which unintentionally leads to them touching and kissing.
Spock's already warm body is even more heated from all the attention Jim is giving him. Jim lightly moves Spock's chin so he can kiss Spock's mouth. They kiss slowly, and intimately. Spock brings a hand up to hold the hand Jim has on his chin. Jim smiles at that knowing how much Spock enjoys it when their hands touch. Jim licks into Spock's mouth while Spock intertwines their hands and places them on his chest.
Spock's soft pink lips pillow against Jim's as he kisses him passionately, Jim sighs into the kiss. Jim runs his spare hand through Spock's short neck hairs making Spock purr again. Spock lets go of Jim's hand to palm Jim's erection through his Starfleet regulation trousers.
Jim groans like he's been waiting all day for Spock to touch him there. Spock lowers his body as Jim parts his legs so Spock can kneel in between them. Spock begins to lick and suck Jim's clothed erection.
"S-Spock, c'mon already," Jim sighs putting a hand in Spock's perfect hair.
Spock complies unzipping Jim's pants springing his leaking cock free from his briefs. Jim's thigh twitches in anticipation as Spock eyes Jim's dick for a moment.
He wants Jim, to know him and feel him. Know he's there, here with Spock. Spock's heart beats even faster than its usual high speed Vulcan pace as he grows anxious to feel Jim.
His hand that's already holding Jim's cock begins to grip it tighter. Jim intakes a sharp breath as Spock begins to lick eagerly along the sides of his girth. The tips of Spock's ears are flushed green against his pale complexion. He wraps his mouth around Jim's dick hollowing his cheeks, bobbing his head up and down as he takes in his Captain.
"Spock!" Jim fists his hand tighter in Spock's hair. Not that it is too much, it's just that usually Spock is a more reserved lover and not quite as exuberant, surprising Jim.
Spock continues to bob his head unable to take all of Jim in his mouth because he does have a gag reflex unlike Captain Kirk. He does his best though to feel Jim with his lips wrapped around his cock and his tongue moving along the underside.
Spock looks up at his Captain with his big chocolate brown eyes that look much too innocent. Spock’s eyes on Jim brings Kirk closer to climaxing.
"Spock, I'm-" Jim warns knowing Spock never swallows and usually can't take it.
Spock doesn't move, his body locking in place. "Spock-!" Jim tries to warn him again but it's too late and he comes into Spock's mouth.
Spock pulls his mouth off of Jim's cock gagging, semen running down his chin.
"Spock, I'm- I'm sorry." Jim gets off the bed, zipping up his pants and kneeling in front of Spock. He uses his thumb to try to get the semen off Spock's chin.
"Not necessary, Captain." Spock coughs. Jim looks at him confused.
"What d'ya mean, Spock?" Jim questions.
"I had planned beforehand on me attempting to carry out that procedure until you had reached your sexual completion." Spock spoke.
Jim put a hand on Spock's shoulder, "But why? I don't expect you to do that Spock, you know that."
Spock quirked an eyebrow thinking for a second, "It seems as of lately I require further proof of your state of well being rather than just knowing you are alive and present."
Jim looked at Spock trying to process what he was saying. "I'm here, Spock." He squeezed Spock's shoulder in confirmation.
"That answer does not seem to be sufficient," Spock stated.
Jim smiled sadly at Spock as he gathered him into a hug. Spock rested his nose on Jim's shoulder breathing in Jim's scent. "I'm here, babe." Spock nods slightly leaning in heavily into Jim's body wanting to feel nothing but him.
"I'll tell McCoy we need to schedule in a few therapy appointments for you, and probably put you as emotionally compromised for a bit." Jim takes a hand and brushes it through the short hairs on the back of Spock's neck.
"Jim, my time will be better spent on the bridge rather than-" Spock begins.
"Spock," Jim coos making Spock fall silent. "I think you need a little time off."
"Affirmative, Jim," Spock agrees.
Jim kisses Spock's nose giving him a light smile. Knowing Spock's therapy would take time and all Jim could do was be there for him. Also to not make any stupid impulsive decisions that may make Spock even more anxious.
"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." Jim says feeling bad. "Then we'll get you a hot chocolate and go bug Sulu about Chekov not being legal yet and see how he reacts," Jim smiles with a glint in his eyes.
"Captain, I do not see the merits of harassing Mr. Sulu with such queries." Spock says furrowing his brows.
"It's fun, Spock!" Jim says clapping Spock on the shoulder and standing up off the ground. Spock stood up as well facing Jim.
"...I love you, Spock." Jim says softly kissing the corner of Spock's lips.
"I as well, love you, Jim." Spock lifts an eyebrow as he follows his captain, holding his hand for comfort.